Smg4 Fanfiction: Crystal Splezter - Mario goes to college

Plot: Starting collage is already hard enough for Meggy and Melony, but when you throw a half Cyborg daughter and Mario into the mix? Prepare for Chaos...

(December 4th - 2021)

Just over 3 months passed since the events with Zero. Life went back to the standard of what is considered "normal".

Of course, it became clear that things with Melony had reached an all time high. Having started to really delve into her deity powers, she decided to sign up and join college alongside Meggy after nearly destroying the city in a deity infused rage.

Coupled with the fact that her Daughter was tapping into Tari's inhibited Cybernetic abilities, she was more then happy to help.

And now after getting through their exams with Mario and Luigi's help, they were driving up in a taxi and the three girls were more then ready to start collage. As they left the Taxi, they were seen in all new clothes.

Meggy wore a pair of white sneakers with long black socks, black shorts with a balck jacket, an orange shirt underneath and she'd bundled her hair onto her head, ditching her headphones and hat.

Melony had mostly kept her melon coloured clothing, but ditched her hoodie for a pair of green and pink overalls and jogging shoes.

Crystal didn't need to style her hair since she was just a minor, but she wore a pair of little sneakers and a jacket with the college logo on Tari's insistence, mostly because she thought she looked cute in it.

Melony: I can't believe we're finally here!

Crystal: Mommy, what's this place called again?

Meggy: Crystal, it's on your jacket. Welcome to...Omnia academy!

The collage was a vast open space, filled with Cherry blossoms and other separate buildings. Melony was super excited.

Meggy: Our first day as official College students is here!

Excited for whatever came, the two walked inside and were stunned by what they saw. People walked about and went to all sorts of classes, setting up to start or join clubs. One of those were just people wearing boxes on their heads and also worshiping boxes.

Melony: So cool!

Meggy: We'll find your classroom in a minute Melony, I just gotta drop Crystal off at daycare first.

Crystal: Aw, Mommy!

Going to the nearby daycare being run by the old man, Meggy dropped Crystal off with the other kids.

Crystal: But Mommy, why can't I come see your class?!

Meggy: Sorry Sunshine, you know your years away from ever being a student here. This is just so I can keep an eye on you.

Crystal: Aw...

Meggy: It's okay Crystal, I'll be back soon, okay?

Crystal (Grumpy): Okay...

Meggy kissed her on the head, leaving her as she crossed her arms. On the way out, Meggy sniffled.

Melony: What's wrong?

Meggy: (Sniff) Its just...so hard when you have to leave them alone...

Melony: Are you gonna be okay Meggy?

Meggy: Yeah, I...I'll be fine. Cmon, I think your class is just down this hall.

The two went walking down the hall, Meggy looking through a guide as Melony took in the scenery.

Meggy: So this says: Omnia academy is a college that teaches anything you can think of.

In a nearby classroom, people were being taught how to be ninja's and in another, you were taught how to play Smash bros. Obviously, that was one of the harder classes...

Meggy: Classes, better known as clubs can be started and taught by anyone. They however have a minimum student requirement...

In a nearby club, the Box club was creating a ritual...

Box club leader: Let us show our love to the almighty box!

Everyone in the club started hugging the box, but the big one took things...a bit too literally.

Box club leader: Dammit Jerry!

Back with the girls...

Meggy: Okay, I think we're here Melony, the power club.

This club was especially designed to help people train their godlike power, made just for Melony. Inside, Kermit challenged son Goku to a fight...but was defeated and chucked to the girl's feet.

Meggy: Yep, this looks like your alright.

Kermit said hello, then ran back into the classroom.

Meggy: Good luck! I'm gonna head to my class now. Time to go and fulfil my destiny!

But as if the universe hated her, around the corner came Boopkins, Bob, Desti and Luigi who stopped and saw her.

Meggy: Huh?

Boopkins: Oh, hey Meggy!

Meggy: What?! What are you guys doing here? None of you even took the exam!

Desti: Rude!

Luigi: Technically, I did-

Meggy was quick to shush Luigi. If anyone found out, she'd probably get expelled.

Boopkins: We're part of the special kids program!

Meggy stared dumbfounded, that made TOO much sense for 3 of them.

Desti: And I didn't exactly do any real school cause I was busy with-

Meggy: Training, same here. But...what classes are you even taking?

Desti: Guitar lessons, need I say more?

Boopkins: I'm doing a Human Resources course! I want to get better at helping people!

Boopkins: I'm taking customer service, so I can exploit-I mean help people at my hotel business.

Luigi: And I'm doing meditation!

Melony grabbed Boopkins and Desti, pulling them into a hug.

Melony: Yay! We have more friends!

Desti: Get off! Your making me claustrophobic!

Meggy: Yeah, your right. I should be happy. Say, did Mario enrol too?

...

On the other side of the campus, Mario had become part of the Cooking club, being taught by chef Ramensay.

The chef went on to critic everyone else's dishes before coming to Mario...who was just eating all his ingredients. His immediate response...

Chef Ramensay: You're out of the food club!!!

Mario was thrown out the the door before anyone could say "Pasta."

Mario: Fine then, screw you guys! I don't need you! I'll go join another club!

...

In Meggy's club for becoming sports coaches, people around her were doing pull ups, lifting weights or just generally getting buff.

Meggy was starting by trying to get a duffel bag to lift a weight, but it didn't do anything and Matt told her she was doing it wrong.

Knocking the bag off the bench, he encouraged the bag to "remember the accident". Whatever that meant, it encouraged the bag enough that it grew legs and arms and started doing all the weights.

Meggy looked on with awe, hoping she could coach that good one day...

...

Crystal...was bored out of her mind.

Daycare was not at all what she expected it to be. All the kids had been put down for "Nap time" and she wasn't even tired. Even the old man caretaker was asleep, a newspaper over his face.

Crystal: Hmm...I wish I could just be in Mommy's class, this is boring.

Her vision flashed again as she kept seeing he weird holograms.

Crystal: What...are these things?

As her vision started analysing things like a computer, she started seeing things that she couldn't see before. When she looked at one of the toy cars, she blinked and the headlights flashed on.

She laughed, getting up and being careful not to wake any of the others.

She climbed on top of a chair, pulling herself up onto the desk and sliding open the window. She fell through and into a bush as she found herself in a parking lot.

Looking at one of the nearby cars, she wondered...

Furrowing her brow and clearing her head, she focused...

And the cars headlights sprung to life, followed by a honk. Crystal cheerfully laughed.

Crystal: These holo-thing's are so cool! I wonder what else I can do...

...

In Melony's club, The class was being taught by Mr Kawaishiima, I giant floating head.

Mr Kawaishiima: So you want limitless power, Huh? You want to be...gods?

To do that, he presented them their first challenge.

Mr Kawaishiima: Take this Apple from my hand!

Taking the shot, Kermit leapt forward to grab it, but Kawaishiima slapped him down and crushed him into a chair with his floating hands. Goku leapt to do the same, but Kawaishiima smashed the frog chair in his back.

Goku: (Screams) What the hell is wrong with you?!

Mr Kawaishiima: Jeez, sorry, it's a pretty standard teaching method Goku.

Melody managed to get close to the Apple...but rather then take it, she patted it and started talking.

Melony: Hello Apple-chan! How are you doing? Oh really? That's so interesting! I'm going to collage now!

The teacher just looked with...dumbfounded confusion.

(CRASH!)

The class was interrupted as a car came crashing through the wall to everyone's shock. Car alarms blared and the headlights flashed as Crystal poked her head out from behind the car.

Crystal: Sorry!

Everyone looked shocked, but Mr Kawaishiima looked...intrigued.

Mr Kawaishiima: Interesting...

...

Off the other side of the building, Bob was working in Customer service.

Bob: Have you tried turning your WiFi router on and off again?

(Inaudible chatter)

Bob: What do you mean you can't go upstairs?

(Inaudible chatter)"

Bob: Being disabled isn't an excuse! Now get a move on!

(Inaudible chatter, then crash) Caller: Oh, my ass!

Bob: What's that, you've fallen over? LMAO, call me back when you get back up! (Hangs up) Damn Bob, your a natural!

...

Desti played her heart out as she played the simple strings of a banjo, playing a country toon that when finished, had everyone on their feet cheering for her.

Classmate 1: Wow, She's a natural!

Classmate 3: Number 1!

Classmate 2: Where'd you learn all that skill?!

Desti: Oh, just on the streets of Inkopalis.

Everyone clapped as Desti sighed to herself. She finally found her people...

...

For Boopkins, he had joined a Human Resources club.

Teacher: For this exercise, we want you to go up to the problematic clients and sort out their problems!

Everyone was put together with a partner client to talk to, Boopkins being "lucky" enough to get Ganondorf.

Boopkins: Y'know Ganon, committing Genocide isn't very nice...

He nodded in approval.

Boopkins: What are you gonna say to Zelda and the Hyrule kingdom when you go home?

Ganondorf: I'm sorry for killing everyone.

Boopkins: Good job! Whose earned a big hug?

Ganon actually smiled, bringing in Boopkins to have a hug. Turns out talking about your feelings is much easier then Genocide.

...

For Luigi, his expertise was in the Meditation club.

Before his very eyes, the leading heavy ascended and turned into a spirit.

HEAVY: It is one thing to ascend but it is another to morph into whatever you want.

He demonstrated by Turing into a SANDVITCH, a microwave and then a Boo.

Unfortunately, that last one was a trigger for Luigi, grabbing his vacuum and trying suck up the poor instructor.

Watching the chaos from the door, Mario looked sad. Looking down at the floor, he walked away.

Mario: Everyone's got their own class but me...Oh, isn't there any club that wants Mario?

To possibly answer his question, he heard chanting from a nearby room, the door labelled "Box club." Opening it, he was met with the strangest sight of people in Box hats standing in a ritual circle. In the circle, a random civilian was forced to lie down.

Box club leader: Oh mighty god box...please take this offering as a token of our appreciation for your holy box-ness-

Suddenly, Mario popped behind the Box club leader, making him panic and kick the sacrifice away.

Box club leader: Uh, hello there traveler! How may we be of help to you?

Mario: Oh uh...Mario was wondering if he could join your club?

The box club leader went silent, then clamoured as he and his disciples gathered into a discussion circle. And after 10 seconds of whispering, Mario got an answer.

Box club leader: You may join!

Mario cheered.

Box club leader: But on one condition! You need to help find us more members.

Mario: More members? For what?

Box club leader: FOR THE GLORY OF THE GOD BOX OF COURSE!!! No, but seriously, we need more members otherwise our club will be cancelled. Would you be able to help us in our quest for cardboard divinity?

And with one stupid look from Mario as he was handed a box hat, how could he say no?

...

Later in the lunch hall, the others had gathered around for food and to talk about their day.

Meggy: So then we were shown how a golf club could be used as a disciplinary tool!

Bob: Maybe I could use a golf club to discipline customers to my hotel!

Boopkins: Haha, that's great! I'm glad your getting noticed by your peers Meggy!

Meggy: Haha, thanks!

Suddenly, he phone rang as she went to check it. Her face lit up as she texted back, blushing.

Desti: That your girlfriend again?

Meggy: How about calling her my fiancé? But yeah, she's just asking how I'm doing with college and everything.

Bob: When are you two going to set a freaking date?! I have dinner reservations this week!

Meggy: Relax Bob, we've already decided we're going to find a place somewhere in late April.

Luigi: I'm so happy for you guys!

Meggy: Thanks, it hasn't been easy, what with still having Crystal to take care of, but hopefully that's water under the bridge by now. She hasn't caused any trouble lately.

Desti: You mean that Crystal?

Meggy's eyes went wide as she saw Mr Kawaishiima was carrying Crystal down the hall.

Meggy: Crystal?!

Melony: Oh...yeah. I meant to tell you earlier...

Meggy shot Melony a glare, then ran off to talk to Mr Kawaishiima.

Meggy: Hey buster, where are you going with my daughter!?

Mr Kawaishiima: Mrs Splezter, I'm merely taking her to my examination office after she rammed a car through my classroom wall.

Meggy: Huh? Crystal, did you really-?

Crystal: Hehe, uh...sorry?

With a scowl, Meggy snatched Crystal and took her hand, putting her on the floor as she looked down in sorrow.

Meggy: Im so sorry Mr Kawaishiima, I'll take her back to daycare and you'll never have to worry again. I'll punish her at home.

Crystal: But Mom-

Meggy: No buts missy, that's-

Mrs Splezter, you've misunderstood. I wasn't going to punish her!

Meggy: Huh?

Mr Kawaishiima: Your child obviously has extraordinary abilities! You said her other parent is a cyborg, yes?

Meggy: Well, technically...it's a long and confusing story...

Mr Kawaishiima: I took to the liberty of testing her IQ and it's an astounding 125! Even though5 it's above average intelligence, you never see it in someone so young. She also seems rather fascinated with her abilities, but it's clear she doesn't know how to properly use them...

Meggy: (Nervous) So?

Mr Kawaishiima: So, I think she'd be a great addition to my junior power club!

Crystal (Excited): Really?! Meggy (Horrified): Really?!

Away from all that...

Desti: So, since I'm actually curious Melony, How's your club thing doing?

Melony: It's okay so far! We...haven't done much yet-

Mario: Join the box club!

The gang turned around in confusion, seeing Mario with a box on his head and yelling through a Megaphone.

Mario: Join the box club today! (To passing Eggman) Hey you! Join the box club!

When he didn't listen, Mario angrily hit him with his megaphone.

Luigi: It's good to see Mario finally finding his class.

Desti: Well, I'm fine with it as long as no one knows we associate with him.

Desti leaned back in her chair, but was startled and fell back when Mario jump scared her, offering her a box.

Mario: Box club?

Desti: Of course not you red idiot! We have our own clubs and I'd rather die then put one of those on my head!

Luigi: Yeah, maybe next time bro?

Surprised and angered, Mario put the box on his head as his eyes stretched through the eye holes.

Mario: I'm going to make you guys join if it's the last thing I do...

Then a thud noise drew Everyone's attention, seeing Meggy passed out on the floor as Mr Kawaishiima and Crystal looked down at her. Clearly the news about Crystal hit her harder then realised...

Mr Kawaishiima: Mrs Splezter?

Crystal: Haha, Mommy sleepy.

...

Later, Melony was training in her club by punching at a duffel bag. To her surprise, Mario came out of the bag and tried to bring her into the box club. Shocking her, she punched the bag and him into the wall.

Boopkins was in the middle of a therapy session with Ganon when Mario came in disguised as Link. Getting triggered by his past losses, Ganon turned into his monster form and jumped through the roof. When Mario offered Boopkins a box hat, he just walked away saddened.

Luigi had just achieved ascension in mediation, when Mario grabbed his spirit by the leg and offered him a box hat. Angered, he kicked Mario spirit out of his his body and sucked him up with his poltergeist.

Later, Desti was fine tuning her guitar when Mario suddenly appeared from inside of it, causing her to panic and smash into the ground. Saddened, Mario's next attempt to get her to join the box club ended with him being kicked out a window.

Then Bob was at his Customer service when his next customer was on the phone.

Bob: Yo, what's up?

Mario: Hello!

Bob recognised the voice as Mario, immediately going angry eyes mode.

Bob: I SWEAR TO GOD IF THIS IS ABOUT YOUR STUPID CLUB AGAIN, I'M GOING TO COME TO YOUR HOME AND STRANGLE YOU WHILE YOU SLEEP!!!

Unsurprisingly, the next noise over the phone was the hang up phone dial.

In Meggy's club, she was encouraging a monkey trying to lift some weights.

Meggy: Come on, you can do it! Do it for Chunky Kong!

Inspired, the monkey went to lift with all his strength...

But Mario landed on him and made him drop the weight on his neck, crushing his windpipe.

Mario: Box club?

Meggy looked angrily. Within the next Minute, Mario was stuck upside-down in the trash can cursing.

Finally, Mario went to try and convince Crystal, but his constant badgering made her annoyed to the point where she controlled another Car and rammed it into him. She sighed, finally getting some quiet...

...

The bell rang as the school day came to an end. The gang walked down the hall, Crystal walking alongside Meggy as Desti adjusted her new guitar.

Desti: So Meggy, how's it going with the news that you might be in school with your own daughter?

Meggy: Can you stop saying it like that?! Agh, how could all this have slipped over my head?! I'm her mother for gods-sake! Did you guys realise she was intelligent?

Boopkins: Kinda.

Luigi: Day one.

Bob: I saw her solve a Rubik's cube once.

Melony: Yeah?

Desti: Almost immediately.

Meggy: It's just...I don't know what to think... 

Luigi: Are...you not happy for her?

Meggy: No, I am. The news just...hit me harder then expected. Meanwhile, I texted Tari and she was ecstatic.

Melony: Other then that, I'd say everyone had a good day!

Meggy: Well, apart from Mario bugging the living crap out of me and...other things, I had an amazing first day!

Boopkins: Yeah!

Luigi: Oh yeah!"

Bob: Bruh.

Desti: Yeah, I guess.

Crystal: It was so cool!

Meggy: Your still grounded when we get home young lady.

Crystal: Aww...

Meggy: Anyway, How was your first day Melony?

Before Melony had a chance to give a lacklustre answer, everyone stopped in their tracks as they saw what stood before the door.

Still wearing his stupid box helmet, Mario stared them down and he decided to use his final plan...

Meggy: Oh no...

And that plan was...a musical!

(Song begins as Mario plays a trumpet, then the box club leader grabbed a cane and top hat. This was gonna get weird)

Box club leader: 

Hey, why not come on down,

To the best club in this town,

The Box Club, your one stop,

For cardboard all around!

A structure made so perfectly,

Every side's at 90 degrees,

Join and worship the box for eternity!

There's zero price, just paradise,

And the odd sacrifice,

Our activities have all the spice,

We're sure they entice!

Box sledding, box building,

Box throw, steal, and worship!

We just want to spread the glory and happiness of boxes!

And ultimately...!

We crusade for the day the God Box is opened

And form its divine packaging,

Judgement Day will descend and finally

Take us to a new paradise!!!

(Everyone went quiet as they tried to understand that, Mario going quiet as the leader continued)

So hopefully you'll get our plight,

'Cause we're running low on stuff to write!

This academy needs us,

'Cause we're definitely in the top ten!

And we'll give everyone a free box, too!

(He threw a box at Desti, knocking her over)

And I guess what we're basically saying is,

Oh, please, oh, please, no, please, no, please, NO, PLEASE!!!

Please don't let us shut down!!! (Sobs, then smiles)

(End of song)

Crystal clapped as Everyone went silent, then finally...

Meggy: We'll join if you never do that again.

Mario: I'll take it!

The box club all cheered.

5 minutes later, everyone sat in a circle with boxes on their heads. Crystal just looked around curiously because hers was on backwards, and Bob...

Bob: Someone kill me...

Box club, a fate worse then expulsion.

To be continued...