20 "odd feeling"

I stared into the deep red dome of a fire pit that slept in the middle of the woods deep into my fathers property. I paced the ground in-front of it, thinking about the shame that I own. I stared down at the bloody knuckles along my hand. I could see fragments of skin and tissue along my own skin. My hands haven't stopped shaking since about two hours ago. I had made another mistake within my life once again. As I stared at the fire I watched the red hot brand boiling within the flame. I watched it get hotter and hotter within minutes. "Is this your normal hide out?" A voice broke out through the thickets.  I jumped as the voice broke out. "What are you doing all the way out here?" Walker questioned as he waltz out of the woodwork. "you following me?" I questioned with a bit of annoyance. "Making sure you're okay"

"I would believe you but I can't"

"What's that mean?"

"If you care about how I was you would have done what you were told today" I said with a lifeless tone. "I just got out of prison. I really don't wanna go back" "You will never go back as long as you're here"

"Oh yeah sure" he scoffed with sarcastic laughter. "A place to sleep. Hot meals everyday. A paying job. What better"

"If imma stay here it ain't it gonna be for that shit"

"What's it gonna be for then?" I glanced up at him as I picked at the fire. "Somthin pretty" he smirked as I watched him closely with lustful eyes for a man a hardly knew.

"What the hell do you have going on in that flame there little lady"

"Something... that will prove if youre staying. Something that can free you. A restart"

"Which is?"

"Do you stay? Or do you permanently go. Do you become free? " I shrugged.

"And what do plan to do with the brand now?"

"Embed it into my skin" I spoke. Walker cocked his brow. "What did you do to deserve that?" He questioned carefully.  "I would tell you. But you don't have one of these so I can't trust you" I spoke like a true cowboy. Like the true man who raised me. "Isn't rip supposed to choose?"

"This ranch is mine more than it is his. I can choose"

"I don't think the big man would like to hear his employees say that shit" Walker chuckled as he rubbed his boot into the ground along with his hands jammed into his pockets. "You don't know anything about this place do you?"

"I do. I know a good amount. I've worked with other ranchers that worked with this place on many occasions"

"What do you know"

"Heard that the men are tossed off cliffs if their brand is disobeyed"

"I would say dishonored. But go on"

"Whatever. I know about the sons. The daughter. I specifically seen the hot ass daughter" he cackled to himself. "Daughter? Not daughters?" I questioned. " Beth. The daughter. Their moms dead. That's all I know" Of course. I'm not surprised I'm not a thought. I'm never around anymore. Only when I was a kid I hung around. I had to. I don't even try to speak to any of them. "Well. There is one more daughter"

"You?" He questioned. I nodded my head. "Or at least I was"

"I ain't never heard of you"

"Purposely"

"So why would you want to be branded and stranded"

"I want the nightmares to stop. I want to sleep. I want to eat. I want to breathe!" I announced. "You think branding yourself will free you?" he sat down on a log beside me. "I do. I think it will" I responded. He looked down at his muddy boots as he nodded his head. I couldn't see his face over the bridge of his hat but I could tell he was picking up what I was putting down. "You got balls big enough for that brand baby doll?" He shifted his head to look in my eyes. "Bigger balls than most. Yeah"

"You think your old man will want you doin this?"

"Nope. I'm okay with that"

"And what about rip. You think he's okay with that?"

"Not a chance in hell" I leaned down to grab the hot iron. "Where you putting it?" He looked up at me as I stood with the glowing metal at the tips of my fingers. "Here" I stared at him as I seductively peeled my shirt off of my small yet beautifully built body. Walker watched closely as he was very intrigued with my stature. "Where do you think I should put it" I asked very softly and warm. Walker grasped my hands as he pulled me closer to him. His hands ran down my sides to my hips. His thumbs rubbed the skin of my torso. "Right here" he whispered close to my face. I stared up at his blue eyes as they pierced my soul. He gently took the heat from me then directed it towards me. "Deep Breathe sweetheart" he whispered in a tone that drove me wild. As I stared into his eyes he laid the hot iron on my frail skin. The pain was an awful feeling. The pain was so excruciating. I wanted to peel the rod away, but I couldn't. I reached out grasping walkers arm as I moaned out in pain. "Shit!" I yelped. He pulled the brand away dropping it to the ground. "Done" he spoke as he helped me adjust to my feet. For some reason in that moment I felt empowered. I felt heat radiating off of my trapped but now free soul. My hands gripped walkers neck as we pulled together to kiss so roughly and so passionately. God I wanted him badly. Without hesitation Walker pulled off his shirt and unbuckled his belt. Roughly he stumbled back with me as we never disconnected our lips. He was strong. Manly at best. He gripped me like no other man had ever done before. He lifted my body against a tree holding me as he kissed every inch of my reachable skin. God I wanted him so bad. Really bad. I never thought I would be fond of anything like this. I wasn't even acknowledging my fresh wound that glazed across my stomach. His hands grasped my thighs as he held me against a tree. His warmth filled my teeny tiny body like a tight puzzle piece. It was so painful but so good. I gasped loudly as I felt the pain. His breathing was heavy and his grip was tight. I could tell it's been awhile for him. I myself moaned loudly into his ear. I grasped his shoulders as he rammed harder. "Walker" I cried out as my toes clenched. "Shit" he grumbled under his breath as he suckled my skin. My body felt so good. It felt so good that it was unbearable. I was so small and wet as he was so big and hard. I couldn't feel my legs. The only thing I could do was moan to relieve my satisfaction. My hands clawed scratched into his neck as I held on for dear life. I've never felt more pleasure. I knew I needed more. For the next couple days I begged for more. More more and more. As I burned I rebelled against the girl I used to know. I threw  her away just likeMy father did. I became a new woman.

...

I stepped inside of the pens where today we were tasked with vaccinations. I stood along the cattle crush waiting for the boys to prepare themselves. I stared at the sunrise as it pulled itself up that morning. It was beautiful. The blue, pink and orange tones couldBring a tear to a grown mans eyes. I shut my eyes as I felt the heat shine upon the surface of my skin. I took in deep breaths as the fresh air cleaned me of my sins. I felt free... I opened my eyes as I heard loud hollering and whistling from behind me. "Where you from baby!?" They hollered. I looked next to me and around me to see who they were yelling at. Oh. It was me. "Hey! You can't  be in here! Ma'am. Hey miss you can't be here" My small body was spun around by my arm. I stared up at rip who had confusion and irritation glued upon his face. "Let go of me!" I pried his hands off as he looked at me with shock. "What did you do to your hair will?" His dirty meaty hands held a chunk of my no longer bleach blonde virgin hair. He held grip of my freshly dyed dark brown hair. "You like it?" I smirked. Rip shook his head. "No I don't" he replied. I frowned as I shrugged my shoulders. "I do" "What did you do that for?"

"Blonde is boring" I spoke as I put my hands in my pockets with a smirk. He watched my facial expressions with a face that bled concerned. "Go grab a horse... you're gonna be wrangling today" he spoke as he looked me up and down. "Alright" I stomped though the dust and dirt passing the boys. The cow pokes starred as I walked past. I couldn't help but smile at their reaction. "Hey!" Rip whistled. Quickly the men shook it off then looked away. As I entered the barn jimmy stood saddling horses. "You wanna use your new horse this time? You think he's ready?" Jimmy smiled up at me then quickly frowned. He stared at me with zero words. "Yeah let's try it" I smiled as I pulled open that horses stall door. "You look..."

"I look?"

"You look...really...really good" he replied.

"Only good?" I giggled softly. "Really..hot" he responded. I laughed aloud. "I could say the same for you" jimmy hung his head as he was glowing red. "Jimmy! What's taking so long!?"rip shouted from across the barn. Jimmy perked up then quickly finished what he was doing. "Sorry!" He grasped the reins guiding the horse to rip. "I need you out here. Now" he demanded. Jimmy nodded his head "yes sir" I sighed as I strapped up my own horse. As jimmy left I could feel his presence being filled with another You two timing me?" Walker smirked as he grazed himself in. I smirked. "No I ain't two timing you"

"Seems like you are" as I tightened the straps on the horses saddle I felt walkers hands tighten around my waist. "Man. I really like blondes" he mumbled in my ear as he kissed my neck very slow and seductively. I bit my lip as I closed my eyes "so you don't like me anymore?" Walkers hands pulled up my shirt then held his fingers in my waist band. "I didn't say that" he whisper as he suckled my skin. I shut my eyes as his fingers reached further down into my jeans. I turned my head with a small gasping moan. walkers lips grazed my cheek until his lips connected with mine. "C'mere" he growled in a husky tone. I turned to face him as I kissed him roughly   I could feel myself filling with urge. "Tell me what you need baby" he grumbled under his breath between my lips. I pulled his belt apart as we continued to smother. "You" I whimpered. "God. I need you" I moaned as I peeled his pants open. He cupped my cheeks as he pulled me closer with my hands in his pants. Pulling and prying at his soul. He kissed me so sloppy and so sexy. "What is this!!?" A feminine voice called beside us. Quickly I pulled away from him. Walker turned his back to the voice as he adjusted his clothing. I stared at Beth as she evilly stared at us. I shamefully bowed my head as we put our bodies back into place. "William Dutton! You fuckin dog! You know Walker. I would tell oh she has a dick but.. clearly by the smell of your fingers you already know that's not true"

"Go screw your self!" I yelled. "Rips got that covered" she smirked. "I wonder how he'd feel about this?"

"How about you keep your mouth shut!"

"Wow!! You dye your hair and you automatically think you're a new fuckin person? What did you dye it for anyways? Trying not to remind yourself that you look like my mom? Huh? Thinking maybe dad will come around to you now that you don't look like his dead wife that you killed!?"

"You killed somebody?" Walker questioned. I clenched my jaw. "It ain't true and you know it!" I shouted. "No but it is. Changing your hair color ain't gonna give you a new life. But killing yourself might. So why don't you do that?" She smiled. I reached down beside me where a pitch fork leaned against the wall. I clenched my hands around it ready to use it against her. "The fuck is going on in here!? Why aren't you outside workin! Both of you!" Rip yelled as he shove open the wooden barn doors. Walker cleaned his throat before swiftly moving outside to join the party. I stared at Beth without removing eyes contact. I wanted to kill her. I wanted to stab her. I was going to right then and there If rip didn't walk in. "Just some sisterly love is all" Beth smirked as she stepped past me. She shrugged her shoulders as if she was innocent. I lifted the farming tool in my hand as I turned to watch her leave. "The hell is going on with you Willie!?"

"Don't  worry about it!" I shouted. "Hold on" he shut the doors behind him "you're yellin, you're swearing like a sailor fighting like one too. What's happening with you?"

"Sorry I ain't some innocent kid anymore rip!"

"You weren't even here last night to study. What's with that? Where were you?"

"I quit school rip. I dropped out. I don't need that shit being a burden on me"

"Dropped out? That shits your dream willow!"

"Not anymore rip. I don't have dreams anymore" I walked passed him as I angrily tossed the pitch fork across the barn. "Willie. You need to sharpen up. I need you to grow up and move on from this place"

"Stop trying to run my life rip"

"I'm not willow. I'm just trying to help you"

"I don't need help rip. I'm fine. Honest!" I was different. I had changed for good...