15 "stone heart"

2002Willie 7, rip 20, Beth 19

My small laughter filled the ears of many cowboys working feet away from me. I stared into a small horse trough watching goldfish swim in circles. My small heart was happy. So simple with so much joy. I reached my hand in as the goldfish nibbled at my fingers. I looked up at working men as they returned home from camp. The setting sun grazed over their heavily brimmed hats. I climbed the fence as I witnessed my father finally return home. "Daddy!! That's my daddy!!" I giggled with glee. My fathers eyes gazed at me but didn't react. I carried a pebble in my hand that resembled the shape of a heart. I was so ecstatic to show my old man. When my father  hopped down off his horse I clung to his leg.  My father sighed as he was forced to acknowledge his youngest child. "I missed you daddy!!" I giggled loudly. My father pulled me off of his leg then patted my head. "I get it willie" he stepped past me with a serious tone. I glanced up at lee who had returned with him. "Hey lee!! Look what I found!" I smiled bright. My brother was much much older than me. He gave zero cares for any child of any sort. He stepped past me also as he followed my father into the barn to put their horses away. I looked down at the pebble in my hand. "Daddy?" I spoke as I followed him out of the barn. "Yes Willie?" He sighed as he looked down at me "where is Casey? He's supposed to be watching you" "I no know" I spoke softly. " but look what I got you!" I held up the small rock once again. "Daddy" Beth spoke as she jogged over as she waved. "Yeah honey?" He spoke sweetly to her. I quickly hid behind my fathers leg as she got closer. "I need some cash. Im going out tonight" she placed her hand on her hips as she spoke. she glared down at me. Scared, I rubbed the hard heart in my fingers "How much is some?" He questioned she shrugged her shoulders. "Enough" she snickered. he hummed as he handed her some cash. "Don't be out too late sweetheart"

"I Wont daddy" Beth smirked at my very intimidated self. She quickly snatched the rock from my hand then snorted. "Fuck is this" she teased. I didn't respond I just laid my head down against my fathers hip. She looked down at her hand then giggled again. "You like this rock don't you. You and your premature brain"

I nodded my head. "It's for daddy""Oh really? Dad you want a rock!?" She teased loudly. My father didn't respond. He sighed as he rubbed his temple. Suddenly Beth laughed as she chucked the rock into the fields in front of us. My small heart shattered. My teeny lips pouted with tears. Beth laughed aloud as she saw my broken eyes. "Go fetch" she spoke as she skipped away from me. "Bethany!" My father sighed. "Daddy" I sobbed as I reached my hands up for him. "Oh stop crying Willie. It's a damn rock!" My father pried my hands off of his leg before he followed my sister by going inside. As a very sad child that I was I began to cry as I climbed between the fence to attempt to find my rock. My eyes filled with tears making it hard to see. I crawled on my hands and knees to find such an item. "Willie? What are you doing honey?" A sweet voice asked. "N...nuffin" I sniffed. Rip kneeled down beside me as he watched. "What are we looking for kiddo?" "My...my..I found it!! I found it!!" My teeny hands grasped the rock. My smile appeared once again as I stood up straight. "Rip! I got you this!" I smiled wide. He held his Palm open as I placed the rock from my hand. Rip looked at it closely. "Please! Please don't throw it rip! Please!" I grasped his wrist attempting I pull his arm down. "I'm not gonna throw it. It's for me isn't it?" "Yes....but.. but if you don't like it I'll take it back"

"But I love it!! Look at it! It's so cool! It's a heart!" My smile grew twice the size. "Yes it is!! It is a heart!! It is cool!!" I giggled. "Thank you Wills I love it honey!" Rip pulled me into a hug so tight and so warm. Loudly I laughed as he kissed my cheek before standing up. "It's getting dark. I think you should get inside. It's getting late" gently rip took my hand and led me to the direction of the house. He lifted me up and over the fence. "You're gonna keep my heart with you right rip?" I looked up at him as I squinted my eyes through the sunset. "Of course Willie. I'll keep it with me forever"

"Promise rip? You promise?"

Rip laughed as he nodded as he reassured me. "I give you my word kid"

"Awesome!" I climbed up my front steps then smiled at him. "Ill see you later!?" Rip tipped his hat "yes ma'am"

After some time I sat at the dinner table with my father and brothers. I chewed on my usual Mac n cheese as I played with a something in my lap. Casey began to giggle. "Can I see it?" Casey whispered as he held out his hand. I shook my head  as I shoved a spoonful of Mac n cheese in my mouth. My father cocked a brow at us two as we both giggled uncontrollably. His eyes squinted as he finished off one of his bottomless glass of whisky. Lee looked at my father then back at us. "What's going on down there?" He questioned towards the other end of the table. "Nothing!" Casey cleared his throat. My father still watched me as I ignored his question. I continued to laugh and giggle at my lap. I suddenly jump at the sound of my father pulling out his chair aggressively after slamming his empty glass down. Quickly I cleared my lap as I watched him walk over to me. "Let me see your hands" he spoke. I stared up at him with a large frown on my cheeks. "Now!!" He yelled angrily. Quickly I held out my filthy hands. Covered in dirt from playing outside. My fathers face shook in disgust. "What are we laughing about at the dinner table" I looked down at the floor as a single toad leaped out from underneath my chair. I suddenly burst out in laughter at it's teeny tiny hops. But Casey quickly stopped himself from laughing. Suddenly my father stomped on the toad with no shame at all. My eyes widened as fear filled my veins. I began to cry loudly. Uncontrollably. I stared down at the gore on the floor in front of me. My small heart was aching and begging for the creature to sill be alive. "What the hell!" Casey yelled aloud. "Grow up Casey " my father demanded. "Why would you do that to her!? She's a little girl!" Casey stood up quick grasping my hands. "Shh shh it's okay. It's okay don't cry" Casey begged.  Suddenly Casey was shoved over away from me. My  arms were yanked up to stand up on the chair. "You want me to give you something to cry about!? Huh Willie!?" My father screamed as my small eyes poured tears. he grabbed my arm extremely hard. So tight and strong. I didn't answer him. I just cried louder. With an open palm my father smacked me across my face. I fell down onto the floor from the tall dinning chair. My brothers stood still with shock as they watched such an episode come from my drunken father. Casey didn't even move. He was terrified of my father as I was too. "Get up! Now!" He screamed. Shaking with fear I pulled my tiny body up on the chair. "You know what. I can't even stand to look at you. Get upstairs. Go somewhere!" Again, I moved my small body off of the chair. I found myself much to scared to stay in the house. I held my palm on my red cheek as I quickly ran out of the house. I ran to the bunkhouse of sleeping cowboys. I yanked on the locked door. "Rip!" I cried. "Rip!" I whimpered. No one was there. No one answered the door. I sat on the ground outside of the bunkhouse. I sat and waited for rip to come out... it was very early in the morning when I saw him. I watched as he trampled through the fields on a horse in the middle of the night. I stood up and ran towards his limping body. "Rip!" I called out as I ran to him. Rip stood on my front porch as he pounded on the door. I hid behind the porch as I watched rip. He was soaked in blood he has blood splatter all around his body. My eyes widened at the sight. Rips bloody fist banged on the door over and over until my father opened it. My father watched rip with horror. "What did you do?"  Rip stuttered "I..I...I" my father held up his hand to silence him. "Did you get a medic?" Rip nodded. "And?" "D..Dead s...sir" My father groaned as his hands rubbed the stress on his face. "Alright. Meet me behind the barn in the woods. Make a fire. I will meet you there in ten minutes"

Rip followed my fathers demands and ran to the farthest part of the property. In curiosity I followed. I followed until rip picked a spot. He drew a fire and yanked his jacket off. Assuming he was sweating with anxiousness. I kneeled in the dirt and leafs watching him from afar. "Why are you up?" He questioned. I stayed frozen as I looked around me. "I ain't blind Willy. You're wearing hot pink pjs" rip turned his head to look at me. "You need to go home" he said. "I..I cant" I spoke. "Yes you can. You need to go"

"I can't.. I-" I ducked down in fear as I watched my father approach said fire. I watched my father toss a rod into the fire. "You need to promise me son that you ain't gonna tell a soul what you did tonight"

"I promise sir"

"Not a soul rip. Not a damn soul"

"Yes sir I give you my word!"

"Your word don't work like that. Not with this manner... take your shirt off son" I watched closely as rip peeled his bloody T-shirt off. My father lodged the piercing red hot brand from the pit straight into his young skin "With this mark there ain't going back. Either I kill your or you stay branded here forever. You'll belong to me. You'll always have a home here. Understand?"

"Y..yes sir. I understand every word sir. I won't let you down. Ever"

With my small eyes I watched my father torture a man. I watched him sink the brand deep into rips skin like he was just some dumb horse. I watched as rip cringed in pain. For the first time in my innocent life I realized no one around me are good people. We are all evil. We are all killers. We are all sick and twisted. And I was a victim of it. I slowly began to understand everything...