16 "mamas horse"

Gently I ran my hand over the horse jimmy was attempting to saddle up. I stroked the creatures head out of comfort for myself. I began to be very concerned and very weary of how people saw me. I was scared that the things I told Casey was going to lead to others finding out. So far no one has spoken to me about it. So far not even rip has batted an eye. I knew that the moment rip found out that I actually knew the men who hurt me he would have lost his mind. The quieter I could keep Casey and myself the better. I patted the Maine of the beautiful girl. I listened at jimmy mumble words under his breath as he struggled with the saddle. "The reigns are last" I spoke very softly. Jimmy glanced up as he was shocked I was listen to him. Let alone I spoke to him. "Yeah...thanks" jimmy spoke as soft as I did. I was also zoned out as I listened to him. I held the horse as he did his thing, but at the same time I watched my sister have a meltdown in front of not just me, but everyone. She stripped her clothes completely off, leaving herself as nude as she was born. She plopped herself in the singular horse trough that sat in front of our house. I watched as she used her teeth to pull the cork of a wine bottle. She spat the cork into the field with zero care. I glanced back at jimmy whom was eager to glance at the naked woman. I also glanced beside me at the other cowboys who new better than look at rips one and only female attraction. I sighed as I noticed jimmy getting uncomfortable. I handed the reins to jimmy "hold this" shuffling past him I met Beth from inside of the fence. "What are you doing?" I asked with an ignorant sigh. "Shut the fuck up" she jumbled as she suckled the glass bottle. "Beth. Them cowboys-"

"Them cowboys whhhat? Willie!? They what?! Don't wanna see my fuckin tits!? Bullllllshit!" Bethany slurred heavily. Good god she was drunk. I could smell it from over the fence. "Beth..it's cold..let's get you inside-"

"FUCK! you you dumb cunt. I would rather choke on glass than listen to you or even be seen with you!" she spat. I sighed as I looked up to see jamie rushing over to her with zero eye contact. "Listen beth. I know you want attention but this is not the way to do it! Get up get dressed! What is this about anyways?" Jamie questioned as hen rubbed his head. "Don't you know what today is!?" Beth mumbled. Jamie looked down at his wrist "it's fucking Thursday" he rolled his eyes. "Of course you forgot!! Of course neither of you know. Shows how little you guys ever cared. Today is the day our mother was killed Jamie!! By that cunt right there! It's all your fault!!"

I stepped back as I listened I glanced behind me as the men glanced over at her loud roaring voice. I hung my head like every year. Every year at this time I hide away. I keep my distance from everyone. I usually lock myself away or hide out at rips home. Parts of me wants to get used to this feeling. But in reality I'll never be used to it. "You need to get over yourself Beth. No one else acts the way you do on this day"

"Fuck away from me gay boy!" Beth shouted as she splashed at him. Jamie stood up. "Fine. Get drunk and drown. I hope you drown" Jamie wondered back inside. I personally I couldn't allow my sister to embarrass herself like this. I stepped around the fence then held out my hand "come on. You're gonna get sick" I spoke. Suddenly Beth chucked her heavy yet empty bottle at me, chucking it across the driveway casing it to shatter against a parked car behind me. "You're fucking nuts"  I spoke with no rise of my voice.

"Don't you fucking forget that!!"

"Alright..alright. Come on honey" rip spoke as he peeled his jacket off. He held the jacket open for her. She stared up at him with anger in her eyes. "You think you can just talk to me and I'll fucking listen? I don't give a fuck about you. Or her. Or that whore of a father I have!" Beth stood up not caring who is able to view her body. She stepped out of the tub moving past rip. I watched her as she past me. She stood still in front of me. Her teeth chattered as the cold wind blew. She watched me deep in my eyes. "You're a piece of shit. A mistake. An acccident. You're a fucking killer. I should've disposed you along time ago" she spit on my face before angrily entering back into our home. I shut my eyes to ease my anger and pain. I angrily wiped her slobber off of my cheek. Rip watched me with a large frown on his face. "Wills.." I held up my hand for him to not speak a word. Rip sighed when walking back to his work. "Hey willie!" A happy voice cheered behind me. Confused I turned around. I watched as the governor of Montana exited my home. She held her bag in her hand like she just got off business. When in reality she just hopped off my dad. I looked behind me as if she was speaking to someone beyond me. I looked back at her pointing to myself. "Me?" I spoke softly. Lynelle Perry smiled "yes you silly! That's your name isn't it!?" She chuckled. I stepped towards her. "Do...do you need something?" I asked quietly. "No! I was just saying hello honey. That's all. How are you?" Never have I ever had someone speak to me so proper and so nice before, specifically someone who has an association with my father. She held out her hand with a large smile. I took her hand a bit hesitantly then shook it. "I know we've never fully met. Your father tells me a lot about you" . I furrowed my brows "my father?" I questioned with great confusion. "Yes! Of course! He told me how you were the top of every class. You're a very bright young woman"

"I am?"

"Yes!" She laughed. "Is that truly so hard to believe?"

Uh yeah. Most definitely. No way in hell my father spoke good about me. "Thank you miss perry" I spoke very light to her. Her face softened. "You're such a gentle person. So kind. So smart. So frail. I like you Willie. You're one of a kind" she spoke before waving at me as she entered her vehicle. I stood a bit shocked. I bit taken aback. I watched as she left. I was still left surprised. "Uh Willie!? A little help!" Jimmy called out as my hours began to buck and go nuts under his control. "Relax! Jimmy! Relax! You're freaking her out. It's okay" I ran over quickly as I gently leaned  the horses head to my own. Almost instantly she relaxed. She took in a deep breath as I stroked her mane and snoot. "Good girl. Atta girl" I whispered to her. "you're real good with her" jimmy whispered. "She's all I've ever known" I spoke not looking at him. "She likes you" I nodded as I didn't want to reply to him. "So do I" he mumbled as he leaped onto my horse once again. As I looked at him with awe in my eyes rip confronted me. Jimmy gave me a sweet sly smirk as I kept my eyes on him. "I need a favor wills" rip spoke as he waved his hand to come closer. I step towards rip as my eye stayed on Jimmy as he trotted towards the other men. Rip rubbed his face is he sighed. " I need you to do me a favor."

" OK what's the favor" I questioned as I watch Jimmy glance his head back at me with a wink. "there is an auction going on tonight and I need you to take my place and go"

" but daddy usually goes to those so does lee"

" yes, of course but they are much too busy to even think about the auction"

" I don't think I can be trusted to do that" I said, with a slight worry in my voice. Rip chuckled slightly. As he rubbed his hands on my shoulders. " you've been there multiple times you know how it works. you know what good healthy cattle looks like. so when you see a nice bull that we can inseminate others with you raise your hand. Now I wouldn't go past triple digits for a fucking bull. you know better than that. So will you do me the favor?"

I groaned "but these auctions go on for hours. I'll be out till like 3 AM" I complained rip laughed loudly and shook his head before saying " what do you have better to do? Go home take a shower and go to bed? Will you don't even eat dinner you're so boring! just do me this favor and whatever you want I'll give it to you"

" I know that was the truth, but it was insulting" I laughed softly. Rips hand gripped my face before leaning his forehead on mine. " I haven't heard that laugh in such a long time. I haven't heard you speak so much in such a long time. Go to the auction and have some fun."

" There is no fun at stupid auctions rip. It's just a bunch of old farmers standing around a smelly cage. It's not fun."

" I get it, Willie I get it you're not gonna have much fun you'll be fine. You don't have to stay all night long but at least till 12am" that was very specific. It was odd that he wanted me to go somewhere by myself. But I did as I was told, I stood around an auction arena. While they brought out at least 400 cows to look at. They were all the same. some bulkier than others some younger, some older. But then I  got a glance of a massive built bull. He had muscles protruding out of his legs. He was known to create strong, Willful Meaty girls. His coat was magnificent as was his health. His sperm can range from hundreds to hundreds of thousands of dollars just for one fucking pump. So I did what any smart rancher would do I bid the highest bid. Luckily I took home that bull for $15,000. it may seem like a lot, but if you know anything about ranching, that was worth every penny. My only fear is that my father wouldn't understand my thoughts behind it.  my father wouldn't understand why I would spend an ungodly amount of money on a singular bull. But I knew deep down inside that rip would understand. He would've done the same thing buying this gigantic bull. He would know that this bull would lead to us having an amazing herd packed with meaty built bodies. When the auction ended it was around 3am. I was exhausted. My head hurt from the fast, loud pitch of peoples voices. Although I didn't speak a word to anybody, I still did a great bid. When returning home, it was pitch black. It was quiet for a Friday night. It was awfully quiet. I paste the grounds realizing that no one was here. No one was in the house. No one was even parked in the driveway. No one was parked at the bunkhouses, I looked through the bunkhouse windows and saw nobody. I even went into the barn to check on the horses, and there were no horses to be seen. What was going on? Where did everybody go? How come I was left out? Is this why rip wanted me away so they could go out and do something? I was confused. That until I heard yipping and yawing. I looked over the horizon to see multiple trucks, multiple trailers and multiple horses. Each car, each truck, and each horse was filled with a man from the ranch. Where the hell were they coming from? They were sweaty and filthy. Some of them were marked with scrapes and cuts along with bruises. They were smiling and laughing. I noticed the man on the horses were directing a huge herd of our own cattle. Where are they coming from? I leaned my back on my fence as I watch them. They held their places as they guided the cattle closer to home. I watched as rip galloped his horse close to me. I looked up at him with confusion in my eyes. " where the hell have you been?" I question as a crossed my arms. " It's a long story I'll explain later. Did you have any luck?" he asked as he got down office trusty steed. " I did and hopefully he will appreciate it" rip smiled as he nodded his head." of course he will appreciate it. I trust you to figure out the healthiest of health in an animal." he smiled softly at me before kissing my temple. " where did all these horses come from?" I questioned when I noticed unfamiliar faces riding unfamiliar faced horses. " they're ranch hands from a ranch couple miles away from here we needed help. we needed as many hands together to get our herd back from the Rez"

" how did our cattle get to the Rez?"

"you know their cattle they wander it's their duty"

" why did you have to do it in the middle of the night?"

Rip hesitated to answer. He kind of stayed silent.  "Rip?" " we were being threatened by the reservation. They wanted to claim that the cattle were theirs because they stepped onto their land and their property."

" All of our cattle are branded"

" and that's the only way we realize that they were our cattle. Now I don't need you repeating this to anybody else. There's a reason I had you leave."

" why did you make me leave? Do you not trust me?"

" no baby girl I trust you. It's just men don't fight fair when it comes to these things. The last thing I need, is you getting killed"

" why would someone be trying to kill anybody?" Rip once again, hesitated to respond to me. I knew that he didn't want me to know anything to do with the business. I knew he thought of me as a little girl, and nothing more. He wanted to keep me under his wing maybe until I die. " There's been threats from some people"

" who are some people" I questioned. Rip gave me a long, exaggerated sigh " why do you have to have so many questions" " well, if you'd stop beating around the bush, I can know sooner and I could shut the fuck up" rips eyes were puzzle because I swore at him. I didn't snap anybody nor swore at anybody, so he was a bit taken aback. " There was some drama between Lee and your sister-in-law's brother. There was some kind of drama the other day that caught some issues. But it doesn't matter now it's over with.  it's all over we got our cattle back, so why don't you go inside wash up and go to bed cause that's what I'm about to do" rip smiled. I began to feel nauseous. My stomach was turning. Where was Lee? Where was my father? Where was Casey? Where was Robert? I didn't like the feeling that they weren't here with everyone else. " where is everybody?" I asked as rip began to step away from me to attend his own business " your father should be home soon. He went up in the helicopter. Last time I saw Casey was about a day ago. As for Lee I don't know..." rips, face turned from soft to hard. He became just as confused as I was, he began to speak loudly at the men, asking if they've seen anybody they all shook their head. None of them knew but I myself knew. I had a deep gut feeling that wasn't good. my brother, not returning home with everyone else was very suspicious.  A lot of the men began to search. At that moment, my father returned home. He stepped out of the very loud vehicle. Innocently I ran to him like a lost girl in the woods. " daddy!" I yelled loudly towards him. " we can't find Lee have you seen him? Is he with you?" I shouted, as I attempted to look behind him inside of the flight vehicle. My father shook his head. " no I haven't. How long have they been gone?"

"They?" a question again. " I knew Casey was out there. I saw him out there, leading the herd. Where were people sent to look?" my father asked me. "everywhere daddy I sent them everywhere. to the Rez, to the border even through the woods around our area. There are plenty of people looking" my father side heavily as he pulled me aside. "All right send the chopper up. Put a spotlight out will find him" I nodded to my father as I followed his request. After a certain period of time my father requested that jamie contact the sheriff Donnie to tell the officers to look for his sons.  I myself pasted the ground as I watch the tree lines. I may have disliked my oldest brother, but in reality, I didn't trust Robert to be out there with a lot of threat coming from him. Although my father had given my horse to my nephew I took that horse on a mission. I galloped that horse as fast as I could though the trees. I was determined to help. I was determined to show I was capable of something. I was useful. I was intelligent, I could do something. But then I saw him. I saw lee. "Lee! Lee where have you been" I shouted. I noticed a body front of him. My knuckles tightened around the reigns with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. As I lept off my horse I found that man standing there was not lee standing in front of someone. That was someone standing over lees bleeding body. "Lee!?" I gasped as I saw his clothes soaked with gore. My legs became numb as I saw the monster who had torn my world to pieces. He smiled bright at me. "He's in hell darling. You will be too" he tilted the same weaponed used on lee on to me. I stared at him as I kept my hands on my eldest brothers body. Before I could say a word, Roberts brain matter splattered across the field. His gore plastered my face and body. I stumbled back in shock. I stared at his body falling to the floor. I stood with the breath taken from my body. "Willie! What the fuck you doing here!!" Casey screamed as he tearfully kneeled down to my brother. I stared as I stumbled back. Sickly I fell to my knees to release my nausea. I hurled onto the ground as I felt robs skull on my fair skin. "God damn it Willie!!" He screamed. Gasping through my vomit and tears I looked back at Casey. His eyes puffed up and crying. "Why Willie!? Why!?" He screamed at me. "I..it..it's not..m..my fault!" I shouted with fear. "God damn it!!" He screamed louder into his brothers body. "Please! I..I can fix this!" I kneeled down beside lee once again. I began to do compressions on his chest. "No Willie" "I got it Casey! Look!"

"No Willie!"

"No Casey wait! Just wait I got this! I'll help him"

"No Willie!! He's fucking dead!! Can't you see that! He's fucking head!" Casey shoved my small body to the ground away from lees body. As I tumbled I stared up at him "I just..I just wanted to help!" I cried. "Can't you fucking see you've done enough!! He's fucking gone!" I watched as Casey pulled up his heavy older brother attempting to put him on his horse. I quickly ran over to help him. No matter how hard I tried to help Casey, hi horse would stumble away. "Mother fucker!" "Here! Mine..mine will..will do the trick" I gently pulled my horse so she would gently bow down for our assistance. Casey stopped helping then stepped back to watch me struggle. I looked up at him. His face was red and his eyes were bloodshot. I watched him with confusion "Casey come on. Hurry" "The fuck are you doing with her horse?" He spoke with no emotion on his face. "Huh?" "What the FUCK are you doing with her fucking horse!!" He screamed angrily. "I..I.." I suddenly was shoved back away from lees body. "Fuck are you doing! Fuck is wrong with you!" He screamed at me as I stumbled backwards trying to avoid his wrath. His large hands belted my tent body tossing me to the ground. "You! It's been you all along!" He screamed with tearful eyes. "It's been you! Fuck out of here Willie! Fucking go!! You've done it all! You ruined our lives can't you see that!?"

"But..Casey I just-"

"I never want to see you! You hear me! You weren't fucking here! You hear me!!? You weren't here! You didn't see anything! Now get on my fucking horse and go home! Understand? Go! Home!!"

For the first time in my life Casey degraded me. He showed me his true self. I climbed up on his horse and darted towards home. I went around the woods so none could see me. I entered the barn from the back doors. I slammed the horse in before falling to my knees outside of the stable. I hugged my head in between my knees as I started to sob. I couldn't handle much more. Holding myself I continued to try to catch my breath. My collar on my shirt was getting tight. Tighter and tighter it got. I heaved over onto my knees as I began to hurl again. It felt as if an elephant sat on my chest. What have I done. What did I do. What the fuck have I done....

I thought I saw something red in the distance. After a moment of staring, I knew that the red was a crazy amount of blood soaking up Casey's close and skin. He wrote a horse, carrying my deceased older brother. " daddy! Daddy is Casey! Daddy!!" my father turned his head quickly. I could tell right away, my father was pale. He looks sick already. He jumped on his horse and quickly followed closer to Casey. And the distance I watch them speak to each other. Quickly they traded horses in case he came running towards us. Jamie ran beside me and started yelling at Casey " what happened to Casey what happened? Tell me everything tell me every detail" Jamie demanded from him. Casey got off his horse with his zero words forming at his lips he handed me the bloody rains for his bloody hands. Casey stared down at my feet. Casey leading to whisper into my face. " he's gone. The bad one is gone" I didn't know what that meant. What does that mean? Case you didn't even stop walking he didn't stop to talk. He just walked straight towards the helicopter to take him home. Jamie looked at me and demanded that I tell him what he said. I didn't I knew better.  My knees began to feel weak, but I had no tears coming out of my eyes. He's dead the bad one is gone. Lee wasn't bad. He wasn't great but he wasn't bad. But that I knew I knew after thinking for a long time. The monsters gone. I don't need to hide myself anymore. A huge, massive weight has been lifted. I would never be tormented again. The thought of the Badman never rape my mind anymore. My inner 15-year-old self can finally heal. My 15-year-old mind and innocence can finally regain its own innocence. A part of me felt free as the other part felt guilty. It was my fault Lee was dead. I had killed another person. I was responsible for another death....