~Chapter 11 - Christian ~

Another nightmare seized me and I woke up with a start. I was in a panic. My breathing was so erratic. I needed to calm myself down. I took deep breaths and let them out through my nose. Dammit! Calm down, Grey. She's still here next to me.

I closed my eyes, letting the evening invade my mind, body, and soul. It had sooth the angry beast. We both drifted off to sleep thoroughly exhausted. I fucking wore us both out. I was gentle at first, but I hit my stride quickly and she loved every minute of it. As did I. I haven't been that exhausted since Ana and I and our mini marathon through  the penthouse. Eventually, we did hit ever surface.

Even though I was exhausted at the moment, I could go another round or two with Sarah. Sarah was insatiable. My gut says she'd be okay with the playroom. We joked being tied up earlier. She seemed interested. At least that was what I got of it.

But the most startling to me was I think maybe Ana found Sarah especially for me. Too many coincidences to be just an ordinary coincidence. There were so many similarities between the two. Ana didn't need to find a reminder of her, she was always with me and there is room for Sarah too. I never thought I would ever find anyone, let alone have room for another.

As I glanced down at Sarah, I saw that she was sleeping so quietly. She was an Angel. So sweet and so beautiful and mine and I was hers. I need to tell her how I feel.

Another thing that I've come to realize, sleeping next to Sarah was not so bad. She did chase away some of the nightmares. Some of the nightmares seemed to begin and when she moved closer to me, they disappeared completely. I think it will take time for them to completely be chased away. I know I can get passed it again. When Ana was alive, she chased away the nightmares.

I know I will have to eventually tell Sarah the truth, but I am petrified if I tell her now, she could run for the hills. Although, she proved she wanted to help me earlier. Could I tell her? Should I tell her? What if she can't handle the truth? What if she were to run away from me? What would I do? Go after her? Could I do that to her? Could I put her through all that shit?

No! Stop Grey! I can't let myself go down the what if's. I can't lose her. I need her. I-I love her. Yes, I love her. I know it was way too soon, but there was just something about her. It was like I know her soul. I've known her in a previous life. I felt the same way with Ana. How could it be? Did I go through something similar in a previous life? Not that I believe in that shit, but if I did, I think that would be the best way to explain it all.

Suddenly my stomach growled, reminding me I was hungry. Taylor will bring us food. I reached over to my nightstand, grabbed the phone, and hit speed dial. It rang a few times and I heard him pick up the phone.

"Sir!" Taylor said a bit groggily. "Is everything ok?

Taylor was worried. I better put him out of his misery.

"I'm fine, Taylor." As I pushed the blanket away from me, I swung my legs over to the side and stood up. I headed out of the room, closing the door softly. I made my way out to the cockpit. I could tell it was dark, though the moon was high in the sky, casting a gold glow over the water. "I'm out on the Catamaran in Snohomish. I need you to bring dinner for two."

"Dinner for two, Sir?"

"Yes. Is there a problem?"

"Oh no sir, I was just curious is all. I will get on it and be there as soon as I can."

"We are at the end of the dock."

"Got it. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"No. Thank you, Taylor." I ended the call.

No sooner had I ended the call, the phone rang. I looked at the screen. It was Elena. Shit. I did not want to talk to her. I never called her back from our previous meeting. I sighed deeply. Might as well. I clicked answer and put the phone up to my ear.

"Elena."

"Christian. I've been trying to get a hold of you. What's going on? Are you okay? Did you choose a submissive yet?"

Great, it's the Spanish Inquisition. It was a mistake to let Elena back in my life. Ana would skin my alive if she knew what I was doing. What I thought of going back to.

"Look..." I sighed loudly. I didn't want to hurt Elena, but I think it was the best way to get her out of my life for good. "I think it was a mistake for me to let you back into my life. We are done. I don't need you in my life any longer."

"What?" Elena was shocked. "Why? Why would you do this?"

"I thought I wanted a submissive. I wanted to forget the pain of losing Ana and my son."

"You just don't know what you want. Let me help you with that."

Hell no! We will not go down that path again. That was what this was about, what she really wanted from me. She wanted me as her submissive.

"Look Elena, I'm trying to tell you this is it. No more. You go your way and I will go my way. I don't want anything more to do with you."

"Don't be silly. I know what's best. Why don't you come over and we will discuss this."

"I'm not in town."

"Where are you? I will come to you."

"I met someone."

"You met someone."

"I met someone."

Is there a fucking echo here?

"You met someone?"

I couldn't help roll my eyes. Yes, Elena I rolled my eyes and I don't give a fuck if you know it. "Yes. I met someone." Elena was not that dense, but she sure was acting like it.

"What is she like?"

"She is a wonderful person. Bright, articulate, funny, beautiful...Kind of reminds me of Ana in away."

I heard Elena sigh. I thought I heard her mumble Ana's name. I always knew Elena was jealous of Ana. "Is she a submissive?"

Hell, I don't know, but it doesn't matter to me if Sarah was. That was something between her and me. If she wanted to do kinky fuckery, then we will, if not, I was okay with the vanilla.

"Elena, I'm not getting into that over the phone. I'm not going to get into that with you. If she is, she is. If we decided to get into the kinky shit, we will, but that is up to us, not your. "

"She won't last Christian. Once she knows what you're like, she will leave you. You need me. They will give you what you need and there's no messy entanglement. No love."

Ana accepted it and me and loved me despite all that. And we were happy. For awhile at least. I can see a future with Sarah. She will accept it too...I hope. And if she will, we will be happy.

"Look Elena. I'm done with this conversation. I'm done with you. You need to let me go. Let me be happy, because I am happy for the first time in along time. Go find another submissive and leave me out of it." I ended the call and blocked her number immediately.

I sent a quick text Taylor and Andrea, letting them know to block all communications and entrance to home and work from Elena. I got a return text from Taylor, alerting me that he would be here soon.

I headed back to the cabin, open the door softly. I padded over to the dresser, grabbing fresh clothes out of the drawers, and dressed quickly. Sarah was still quietly sleeping. I made my way over to her, leaned towards her, and kissed her gently on the lips. Her eyes fluttered open and she smiled at me.

"Hi!"

I kissed her again.

"Hello!" She seemed more alert now.

"Get dressed."

"Couldn't we stay in bed just a little while longer?" She smiled at me shyly. "I've recently just discovered what it was like to have multiple orgasms. I would like to test that again."

"Would you now?" I couldn't help but grin. Oh yeah, I think she would be okay with the kinky fuckery.

"Oh yes!"

"There will be plenty of time for that later. You need to eat."

"That's not what I was hungry for." She bit her lip pulled the sheet away from her, exposing her naked body.

I pulled her out of bed and into my arms. "As much as I want you now..." I kissed her softly, our kiss soon intensifying. Her arms slinked around my neck, my arms around her naked body, but I pulled back away regretfully. "We need to eat. Now get dressed. You know where the clothes."

"Are you sure?" Sarah said playfully, then kissed me.

As tempting as it was to take her here and now, I shook my head. Food was important and neither of us had eaten since lunch time. "Go!" I pointed towards the closet.

"We will pick that up later." Sarah kissed me again and then walked away me, into the closet naked.

I stood there smirking at her as I shook my head. I adjusted myself when my erection became painful.

"I'll be out in the saloon. Would you like a drink?"

Sarah called out from the closet. "Water is fine."

"I'll see you out there." I walked out of the room and down the hallway to the saloon just as Taylor was coming aboard. I noticed a couple of insulated bags with our food in it.

Gail must have put something together for us. She was always so good to me and Ana. I must show her that she is appreciated more often.

"Sir." Taylor tipped his head towards me.

I noticed that Taylor was dressed in jeans and a tee shirt. It was so out of character for him to dress comfortably, but it was night off.

"I hope I didn't interrupt anything tonight."

"No sir."

Thank you for saying but I know it did just by the look in your eyes. I take them for granted so much lately. I made my way to him and took the bags from his outstretched arms. "Thanks."

"Is there anything else I can do you for you, Mr. Grey?"

"No, not right now. If I need anything, I can call you."

"Very well sir." Taylor glanced up just as Sarah was walking into the Saloon.

Taylor was surprised to see a woman on the Catamaran. He must believe that I have a submissive again. "Ma'am."

"This is Taylor," I said by away of an introduction. "He was just leaving."

We were not going to get into that right now.

"Taylor, I'm Sarah." She made her way over to him, extended her hand to him, and he took it to shake it. "I'm Mr. Grey's...friend." Sarah was not sure what to call us. Was it to early to say we were together?

I don't know what was going on in Taylor's mind; he just stared at her for a moment and nodded. "It was nice to meet you too, ma'am." He glanced at me again, saying, "If you need anything, please let me know. I will see you later, sir...ma'am." He gave a quick nod before he disappeared off the catamaran.

"Who is he?" Sarah asked as we made our way to the sofa to sit down.

"You name it, he does it." I set the insulated bag on the table, opened it up, and removed the contents. I set the saran wrapped cover plates of chicken salad along with the forks in front of both of us.

"This looks good." Sarah removed the saran wrap off of the plate.

Finding two small plastic glasses in the bag, I placed them in front of us, and reached for the wine bottle, opened it up, and poured the liquid into each glass.

"It's been so long since I've had wine." Sarah smiled at me, reached for her glass, and brought it up to her lips to take a taste.

I watched her momentarily as I removed the saran wrapped on the plate, feeling a bit of jealous that I wasn't the one touching her lips.

"I love this," Sarah commented on the dinner. "Everything is so good." She stopped mid chew, looking at the other side of the saloon as if frozen.

Glancing in that direction, I wondered what Sarah was seeing, but I did not seeing anything.

"Is everything all right, Sarah?"

Sarah glanced at me, giving me a nervous smile. "Oh it's fine. I'm fine. I was just thinking about earlier." She shyly smiled back at me.

I hadn't stopped thinking about it but there was something about the way she looking at that part of the Saloon. It was as if something was there, something she really hadn't expected to see. What was it? Was it something she didn't want me to see? I put it out of my mind and enjoyed our dinner. A half hour later, we were finished and moved outside to the deck. There were slight waves lapping up against the Catamaran. We sat out there enjoying the evening and sipping our wine.

"What do you want to do tomorrow?" I wondered. "Do you want to go back to town? Or stay here?"

"I want more than anything to stay here with you and just enjoy this, but I got to pay the bills." Sarah gently laid her hand on my shoulder.

Sarah has been quick to understand my shit, but I don't know how I feel about that. I don't want her to feel as if she needed to confirm to my issues. I want her...I want us to feel comfortable in whatever she does, whether it's just touch, a kiss, or even her just laying her head on my shoulder. I want us to be spontaneous, couply even. Why can't I just move on from these fucking issues?