~Chapter 12 - Sarah ~

Suddenly, the hair on the back of my neck stood on end, and it felt like we were being watched while we were eating. Just as I was about to put the fork in my mouth, I saw Ana appear out of thing air. I must have looked like a moron to Christian. He and I were making some progress. I just didn't want to deal with Ana at the moment, but I needed too. I had questions.

Ana looked serious, but there wasn't anything I could do but gape at her. It wasn't like I could say anything to her with Christian watching me. What must he think of me? Did he think I was crazy?

Shoving the fork into my mouth, I started chewing to avoid any conversation. I did not want him to know I could see his dead wife. I could totally see him throwing me off the catamaran if he knew what I knew. I was not looking forward to telling him at all. When the time came, Ana was going to have to show herself.

Christian glanced over at the hall and then back at me, asking "Is everything all right, Sarah?" I could tell he was worried. Was he worried I was going to bail?

What should I tell Christian?

Finally looking at him, I gave him a nervous smile. "Oh it's fine. I'm fine. I was just thinking about earlier." I suddenly felt shy with Ana in the room. I glanced up at her briefly and I could tell she knew that Christian and I had made love. I couldn't tell if she was upset or jealous. If it was me, a little of both.

To my relief, Christian bought that, but I could tell he was still worried. What was he worried about? What was he thinking? He asked me what we should do tomorrow. I know what I wanted to do and I could tell that he wanted the same thing, but with Ana watching, I really didn't feel comfortable. Had she been watching us the whole time? God, if she was...We were going to have a lot to talk about.

I told Christian we needed to get back, I had bills to pay. What a lame excuse. It wasn't to get away from him but he was probably worried about that. I wanted to be with him more than anything. I tried to distract myself with the chicken salad.

My distraction didn't last long because I kept thinking about last night. More specifically the conversation we had after. I wanted to know more about what he won't tell me. I wanted to know who or what made those horrible little marks on his chest. If I keep pushing, it might push him right out the door. I had to be careful.

Just ask him, take the risk, it is worth it to bring us closer. "Christian..." His damn phone rang.

Christian sighed annoyed as he picked it up from the table, snapping his greeting as he answered, "Grey!"

I could tell by the way Christian was tensing up and glancing at me, he didn't want me to know who he was talking too. Maybe this was my time to leave the room and speak with Ana.

"I'll just handle this quickly." Christian got up from the sofa and headed out on the deck, sliding the door closed.

"Ana..." I whispered conspiratorially as I made my way over to her, stumbling along the way. "Let's go to state room to talk."

We headed down the hall and into the room; I closed the door, and turned to face her.

"All right...what the hell is going on?" I say a little too forceful. "I see you looking worried and he was acting strange when he got the call. Is this have to do with his past?"

"Oh...So he told you?" Ana was surprised.

Well if you call 'You don't want that shit in your head', yeah, he told me.

"Truthfully, I don't think he wants me to know or he's too scared to tell me." I bit my lip worried. "Whatever this shit is I think he believes I'm going to run away if I know." I glanced up at Ana.

"That's how he felt; why he couldn't tell me what it was until he was forced to tell me."

Oh god, it was that bad. Would she tell me more if I asked her?

"What do I do?" I was so confused. "I don't know what to do. I've never been in a relationship like this and feel something so soon."

"Neither had I."

"How did you do it?" I felt so lost at the moment as I sat on the bed quietly, pondering, worried, and kneading my hands in my lap. "This is so complicated..." I finally spoke softly.

"Because it's complicated as hell." Ana was not reassuring.

It was quiet between us, but I had to know more. I knew Christian wasn't going to tell me. I had to be prepared for whatever it was.

"Ana, I'm so worried." I took a deep breath through my nose and let it out through my mouth. "He had a terrifying nightmare earlier."

Ana gasped surprised. "I thought that...It's back."

God, it was bad.

"I'm almost certain he had another one after that." I can't believe how wrapped up in this man I am, I hardly know him. I must really be in love. Was it love at first site? I never believed in that till I met him. "He tenses up when I try to touch him. I want to be able to touch him but I adjust to make him comfortable."

"I know."

And that call. What was that about?

"Who was that who called? He was way too nervous and I know he didn't want me to know about it."

Ana had begun to pace back and forth. I wondered if she was debating on telling me what Christian wasn't going to tell me. Would that be fair for her to tell me? As she turned towards me, I knew that she was not going to tell me.

"I think its better for me not to tell you what is going on." Ana said quietly. "You need to find out on your own and decide for yourself if you want to be with him."

I hate the cryptic shit. I need to know.

"Ana, you and I both love him." I knew deep down I wouldn't run because Ana didn't run. "You two handled it together." I stood up and we were face to face and I said as calmly as I could, but I was anything but calm, "Whatever it is, I know we will deal with it as you and Christian did."

Ana smiled warmly at me but I could see the sadness in her eyes. "When I found you, I had a feeling thing would happen between you quickly" She was quit a moment. "I didn't think it would happen as quickly as it had."

Ana didn't expect things to move quickly? I guess I hadn't expected that from her.

"Ana, he was bound to move on at some point, but you pushing us together just made it happen a lot sooner."

"I know..." Ana said quietly.

It grew quiet between us for several long moments but I knew I had to get things back on track, back to Christian, and why he was the way he was.

"Ana, I need to know what can I do to help him? I can't help him if I don't know what is causing his trepidation."

I knew Ana was not going to tell me anything more than she already had been.

"The only thing you can do; just be there for him."

That was not reassuring. What could I do for a man who did not like to be touched or had nightmares for that matter? Do I walk away? Could I do that? No, I couldn't do that. I won't do that. He needs me. I need him. But what can I really offer him if I can't help him, if I don't know what it is going on with him?

Ana jerked her head towards the door. "He's coming." She quieted her voice. Could Christian hear her or see her if she willed it? "Before I leave, I need to tell you about the call he received."

Yeah, I wanted to know who it was.

"Who was it?"

"A woman from his past – Elena – The woman who made him the way he is."

Made him? What the hell does that mean? Made him.

"Ana, you need to tell me right now what is going on."

"Do not, under any circumstances, let them back together."

"Ana, what is going on?"

Ana would not answer my question.

"She was a hard limit for me."

Hard limit, what?

"Ana, you're not making any sense."

"Be careful of her. She will do anything to get him back. Watch your back."

Ana had disappeared just as the door opened and Christian entered the room. All I could do was smile at him, but I knew he knew something was wrong. I wasn't going to give him a chance to find out. The way I was feeling I could easily tell him everything. I don't think that would be so good.

"Hope your call went okay."

"It was fine." The tone was a bit clipped.

I could feel the tension radiating off of him. The call must not have been as fine as he claimed it to be. What exactly did Elena say to him? Who was she? What did she look like? On second thought, I didn't need to know what she looked like. All I need to know is what she did to him to him.

"Is everything really fine?"

"I'd like to finish our dinner." Christian held out his hand to me, effectively ending the conversation.

"No!" I stood my ground firmly. I could tell that Christian was not happy that I defied him as he placed his hands were on his hips. "I don't want to eat with you when you're like this...talk to me. Tell me what's wrong?"

Christian closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and let it out through his nose. "I don't want to talk about it." He opened his eyes and I saw the pain in his eyes. It broke my heart that he was keeping this big chunk of himself to himself.

I moved closer to him, reaching for his hands, and holding onto them. "I don't expect you to tell me everything right away, but I want you to know that whatever it is, I'm not running. I'm here for as long as you want me to be here." I couldn't stress that enough, but I hope that he knew I meant that.

"Sarah...I..." Christian wrapped his arms around me, holding me tight. I wrapped my arms around his neck. "You mean so much to me in such a little time. I...I..."

I know, Christian, I know.