Chapter 85 - You Should Be Here

A/N: The song You Should Be Here by Kehlani is SO fitting for this chapter. It's a must-listen-to while you read. 🥺

Marshall's POV:

— December 04, 2022

Regardless of today being Sunday, I was in the studio. I don't mean the home studio either, I mean Effigy Studios. I felt like Sadé didn't want me around her for some odd reason so I left. I tried to hang out with her yesterday, but she rejected me. I tried again today, and it was the same thing along with the same bullshit ass excuse - Work. I felt annoyed by that so I left.

I was kind of at my wit's end with her currently. These past few days she's been distancing herself from me and pulling away. I didn't notice it at first because I was working in the studio all night and day, but when I finally did, I was noticing so many other little things she was doing too. Like how she was talking to her girlfriends more, how she was drowning herself in work, how she would leave my side in the middle of the night like I ain't notice that shit - Well guess what Sae, I peeped that shit - or how about how she barely spoke to me! How are you not able to have a conversation with your boyfriend that you sleep next to every night? It made no sense to me at all. Zero.

It just pissed me off in all honesty. Mainly because I didn't know why. I tried to get her to open up to me about whatever was bothering her, but she refused. I tried having conversations with her, but all I got was the bare minimum. I could barely get small talk out of her if I was lucky. She didn't want to communicate. I understand she's a girl who isn't one to show her emotions often and is shy, but this was ridiculous. I wasn't going to force her to do anything she didn't want to do. She was a grown woman at the end of the day so it is what is.

If she wants to detach herself from me, then she has every right to do so. I didn't like it, but I felt like there was nothing I could do about it. And if I'm being serious, it was starting to make me have second thoughts about her. I love this girl with all my heart. I genuinely do, but when someone is pushing me away without any context I have no choice but to feel some type of way about it. It made me question if she simply wasn't as into me as I was her; That maybe she lost interest. I mean, I'm fifty years old. She might want some more excitement in her life that I can't give her, or is getting bored with my old age, or she simply just wants something new or someone better. I don't know because she won't communicate with me.

I don't want to think this way or think the worst, but it's all my brain could muster up. I don't know. I just didn't feel good about the situation, and I didn't appreciate how she was treating me lately at all.

—

Of course, since I was already in the studio and needed to get the album out by yesterday, I decided to do what I do best and rap. I poured my feelings into some lyrics, writing shit down. Ya' know I had to keep it player though. I couldn't write no sappy-ass love song... So I made it where Sadé was made out to be the bad guy: A gold digger. I know she ain't like that forreal, not at all, but it was just for the sake of the song.

"She loves me, she loves my knotNot for who I am, but what I got, yeah" - I do think that Sadé loves me. I know she does, but the way she's been acting lately... Man, I don't know. Maybe she hates my guts for something I don't even know about.

"And I don't wanna blow up her spotBut da-na-na, na-na, da-naa (Woo)" - Also, I don't wanna put her on blast like that. I ain't gonna air out our dirty laundry in a song for the whole world to hear. I also ain't gonna let them find out that this is about here, which is why I started to describe some random woman to throw people off.

"Lady, I been watchin' you from the back every time that you walk pastHate to put you on blast but you got a bomb ass (Yeah)Been checkin' you out ever since the second youStepped in through Naunie's dressing room, girl, you're stunning" - Man, I been starin' at Sae's ass the second I saw it! She has a nice butt, what can I say. It's so soft and fits in my hands perfectly - It wasn't too big or overpowering, but it sure as hell wasn't small. And that day at Lollapalooza when she walked in the dressing room, that's when I really started having all types of dirty thoughts about her. It was wrong, but I didn't wanna be right. She's stunning, what more can I say?

"Sorry I missed your call again, I be in the studio usuallyBut tomorrow afternoon for me'd work beautifully" - I've been busy as hell lately, and haven't had any time to spend with my lady. Maybe that's why she was mad at me? Because I didn't have time for her. I did miss a few of her calls and texts throughout the week...

"She pulls me close and whispers to me, oh-ohLies in my ear, but that's all I wanna hearThat's okay, long as we both know this is all it is, WoahShe can have my love for as long as we both are here" - Sadé be whispering all kinds of shit to me when she's in the mood, I ain't even gonna front. She ain't as innocent as everyone thinks she is. Not at all. And I'll be honest, she has used that to her advantage a few times when she really wanted something, but she knows she can get all of me. Even when she isn't in the mood, when she tells me things it's almost like a whisper because she's so soft-spoken. Her voice just does something to me that I can't explain. But I'm gonna spin it to where it seems like it's all she does and is using the hell out of me.

"I put the moves on you like a U-HaulBend you over the foosball table, your shoes fallTo the floor, but canoodlin', I'm not in the mood forGotta get me out of these drawers if you wanna (want a) spoon, doll (Yeah)But before we get to droppin' these drawers, there's options to exploreWe can fuck in the closet (Yeah) or on my elevator (Uh)And maybe when it stops and the door opensWe fall out and we just get off on this floor" - Listen: ... Me and Sadé are some surprisingly very freaky and sexual people on the low. We may or may not have already had sex in a few different spots in the house like in my elevator, or my closet, or on the floor, or in the pool. However, we haven't had sex on a foosball table yet, and that's only because I don't have one. I did order one the other day though, and it should be here soon. Can't wait to break it in.

"You say you're falling for me, but not 'cause I'm famousGirl, your game is an A-plus, but you think I don't noticeWho the screensaver on your damn phone isIt ain't 'cause who I am, bullshit, I like youJust don't take me for no stupid ass, no disrespect'Cause even though you're like my truest fan, know it'sClear you only love me 'cause I'm Superman, Lois, but fuck it'Cause she loves me (She loves me), she loves me notFor who I am (She loves me), but what I gotBut she loves me, she loves me notShe loves me notFor who I am, but what I gotBut she loves me, she loves me not (Haha)She loves me" - I really was making Sadé out to be this gold-digging ass bitch, but she isn't. Honestly, this is more of a love tap if anything. I don't think she'd be mad at it because it's not like I'm mentioning her by name or anything. I'm just mad at her right now like she is me and we're both being petty. That's how I see it. It's not that deep.

Before I knew it, I had practically written an entire song from start to finish. I wasn't even paying attention to anything around me until I heard someone call my name. I thought I was here all alone, but I guess not anymore.

"Yo." I looked up, seeing Naunie in front of me.

He took his jacket off, taking a seat at the soundboard. We dabbed up, greeting each other before he sat back down.

"What are you doing here on a Sunday, man? Shouldn't you be home with your lady?" He suspiciously asked me as he started setting up shop.

"Yea, but I'm hiding out today. She doesn't seem to want me around." I openly admitted.

Denaun and I are like brothers. I could tell him anything, and so could he. We had each other's back like it was our own. He's the second person to ever be this close to me followed by Dre then 50. The first closest person was Doody, DeShaun. I knew that whatever I told him wouldn't leave this room. I trusted him with my life. So when I started having doubts and problems about Sadé, I didn't even bother trying to hide it from him. It was just us two in the studio anyway, and I did need someone to talk to about it. My obsessive thoughts could drive me crazy sometimes, and even I needed out of my head.

"What? She loves having you around. What are you talking about? Y'all semi-live together." He smacked his lips, not believing me.

He gave me an unconvincing look. I let out a deep sigh, setting my pen down and closing my notebook. I ran my hand over my face, suddenly feeling overwhelmed.

"Bro, she doesn't want me around her. Like she keeps pushing me further away from her. She's there physically, for the most part, but like mentally and emotionally I think she's checked out. She's just been real distant with me." I confide in him.

I was feeling the effects of Sae feeling some type of way around me. It's like she felt uncomfortable in a sense. I couldn't exactly explain it because she was acting normal but wasn't at the same time. Naunie was quiet for a few moments before he spoke once more.

"Maybe she's just upset that you've been at the studio every day and haven't had any time to spend with her. You did say she doesn't show her emotions before right?"

"Yea, because she doesn't. She keeps everything buried inside and that's the issue. I don't know what the hell her problem is... Do you think she's this mad at me for working? She said she was cool with it!" I exclaim in confusion.

Why are women so hard to read, I thought to myself. Why must they make everything so complicated? I leaned back in my seat, facepalming myself.

"Yea. Of course, she's gonna tell you it's cool if you work. She doesn't want to disturb your peace even if it bothers hers." He shrugged as if it were so obvious.

I didn't think it was that obvious though. I felt like it was something deeper. She would've just told me this if this were true. But then again, she's a sweetheart and doesn't like to be in people's way or step on their toes; So if she can keep the peace, she will. I was just having a hard time believing that this was her only issue, but maybe Naunie was right. Maybe it was that simple: She probably doesn't want to distract me from my work or something.

"So you're telling me that the reason Sadé has been avoiding me is because she's mad that we ain't been together? It's only been one week. I have to keep working like this for the rest of the month, dawg."

"Yes!" He laughed in amusement, "Why do you keep thinking it's something else?" He wonders, digging deeper into my thoughts.

"Because the way she's been acting is... Making me have some second thoughts." I reply bleakly.

"As in you're second-guessing the relationship? Seriously?" He gave me a blank expression.

"Look, I love he-" I began to talk, but he interrupted me.

"YOU LOVE HER?!" He said in bewilderment with widened eyes.

"SHHH, MAN." I quieted him down as if I was afraid someone would out me if they found out, "Yes... I love Sadé." I reply sheepishly, feeling the tips of my ears get hot and my face starts to flush.

I already knew he was about to start clowning me. I've never been this down bad for any chick since Kim. I never felt love for any woman since Kim. All those past relationships and situations were honestly just a game to me. I ain't take none of them seriously at all. I cheated in every single one. I was a player. What can I say? This is the first relationship since that I've actually been loyal and faithful to only one woman.

"Woah." He let out a breath of air, "So this is what it's about." He smirked.

"What?" I ask dumbfounded.

"You don't think Sadé loves you back." He continues to give me that shit-eating grin.

"I never said that." I tried playing it cool even though the reality of the truth was bothering me.

"Marshall, it's Ight to be a little whipped. I get it. But I think you're overthinking it." He said.

"Then what? Tell me what I need to do then, Naunie." I involuntarily snapped.

"Plan a date. I think she does love you. It's so obvious. That girl wears her heart on her sleeve like it's a glove. Plan a date, get her to open up to you, and see where her head is at. And that'll be a good way to spend some quality time with her since you've been in the studio like crazy." He gave me some sincere advice.

"That doesn't sound too bad. We haven't been out in a while because we've both been working - especially her now since she's getting back into social media. As a girl who likes to be treated like a princess, and who enjoys quality moments, I could see how she might be mad at me for that. She values consistency and little things in life." I noticed.

"See, man. Just spice it up a little bit. I suggest you get moving though because it's about to be 6 in the evening. Ain't too many places gonna let you rent out a spot last minute." He informed me.

Shit. I didn't even realize it was this late already. I got here at 11 this morning! Where did the time go? I knew no restaurant would just up and move all their reservations around on such short notice. And I didn't want to risk being caught if I just booked a regular table for my sake and hers. The media has been doing any and everything to catch us together or catch one of us lacking.

I remained silent for a few minutes thinking over all of my options. I thought about making her a nice steak dinner, taking her out somewhere fancy, planning a picnic, or even taking the jet to her city for the night. However, I decided on doing something more mute and simplistic that I remembered she'd been begging me to do for the longest time: Sip & Paint. She's mentioned to me many times how it's something she always wanted to do because it "looks cool and fun" and she thinks we'll both enjoy it, but she kind of put it off because of the obvious reason here, I'm sober.

I don't drink at all, not even wine. Not one sip, and not even a lick. I told her many times that it's fine, but she's so prim and proper about respecting my boundaries that she won't take yes for an answer when I tell her it's fine to drink around me unless I keep repeating myself. I appreciated her for that, but she needs to understand that it's okay to indulge around me and that I'll be fine. So tonight, we're doing Sip & Paint, and she will tell me what's bothering her.

I figured it might be a good way to get her to open up to me too. Since she might want to paint how she's feeling inside or something. Plus, it is a pretty intimate experience so I think it'll be great. That combined with the wine just might lead me to victory in figuring out what the issue is. Or at least I hope so.

Once I wrote down a shopping list of everything I needed from the grocery store, I texted Sadé to ask her what she wanted to eat for dinner since I might as well pick that up too.

She told me she wanted pasta, which I should've known. That is her absolute favorite food of all time. Pasta it is then. I made sure to put that on the list too.

I bid Denaun a good night and good luck on whatever it was he was working on, and left. I walked to my car, starting it as I reversed out of the parking lot. I made my way back to my private neighborhood where I could shop in peace.

— 30 Minutes Later

My first stop was at a local grocery store to get some things. First and foremost, I had to buy Sadé some wine otherwise it wouldn't be a Sip & Paint. It'd just be a paint, which sounds kind of depressing and very unromantic for a date night. However, because I was 14 years sober, I had no fucking clue what to get. I literally hadn't been to a liquor store, to a liquor section of a store, or seen so many selections of bottles since my drunken days. I didn't even know there were this many options to choose from when it came to alcohol these days! Back in my day I would've just grabbed a bottle of Jack Daniels, some Hennessy, a 40 oz, maybe some Blue Hypnotic, and called it a day. Now they got fucking Casamigos - Not a clue what that is, but alright. Standing there stunned, scratching my head as I just stared at everything, I did what I knew best and called Alaina. She should know what to get, right? She goes out to these wineries and stuff.

"Hi, Dad! What's up?" She cheerfully greeted me, putting a smile on my bearded face.

"Hey, honey. Look, I got a bit of a dilemma that I need you to help me with." I said, getting straight to the point.

"Okay, go on." She told me to continue.

"Uhhh, what wine do I buy Sadé?" I asked full of confusion.

"Well does she like sweet wine or dry wine?" She posed the question.

Sweet or dry? What the fuck? I didn't even drink wine back in the day so it's not like I even had the slightest clue of what she was talking about. I only ever drank hard liquor. At this point, I was about to grab a bottle of Jack and call it a night.

"Ummmmm. White." I chuckled nervously, saying something completely random that I hoped would help.

"Oh my gosh, dad. Accept the FaceTime." She sighed, laughing at my ignorance.

I looked down at my phone, seeing an incoming FaceTime call from her. I squinted my eyes as I hit the accept button, shoving my face into the camera.

"Okay, now what?" I blankly asked.

"Flip the camera so I can see all the options." She giggled.

Oh. That would probably be helpful. I did as I was told by my daughter, and I flipped the camera, showing her all the options that the store had to offer.

"Hey, your old man's tryin' his best here." I let out a small laugh.

We were on FaceTime for about five minutes until I finally picked something. I told her that she normally drinks white wine, which apparently is usually on the sweeter side according to Lanie. She also said that because she's on the younger side, she might not like dry wine, which I also learned is another term for bitter. Why not just say that? Why all the fancy lingo? Anyway, she gave me a few options to choose from, but I ultimately settled on a brand called Stella Rosa because it seemed girly and she might like that - I don't know. The next problem was the flavor. Who knew picking out a wine for your girl would be such a tedious task? Alaina suggested Stella Pink and Strawberry Rosé so I put both in the cart. I trusted her word. I thanked her for her helping hand before ending the call.

Once that was done, I grabbed some wine glasses since I didn't own any and put that in the cart too. I grabbed myself some sparkling water in substitute for the wine and of course some Red Bull. As I was walking to the checkout area, I spotted some red roses. I grabbed a bouquet of those too, knowing she adores flowers.

Once I finally checked out and paid for everything, I headed to an art supplies store called Michaels. From there I got all the stuff for us to paint with: Brushes, a bunch of paint, easels, canvases of all sizes, and some other random stuff that I thought we might need.

Then last, but not least, I picked up the food that I ordered from her favorite restaurant nearby that she discovered she loves out here in Detroit. I love how she was quickly finding personal favorites from the city since being out here. It's like she made herself a home away from home, which made me happy. After all of those tasks were completed I finally made my way back to the house. It was a little past seven-thirty, but I figured it should be fine. We'll just be having a late night tonight.

— At Home

I had gotten home a little while ago and was currently setting everything up. I was gonna have everything settled in the lounge room on the second floor by the fireplace. Sae was in her office working, something she's been doing a lot recently, so she didn't even know that I was home.

I had already put out the spread of paints, easels, canvases, and brushes on the table. I set a wineglass next to each of our designated sides, putting the wines on her side and sparking water and RedBull on mine. I then put the roses in a vase with water in the center of the table and set the food out, which was still warm.

I had finished setting up not long after and needed to find my lady. I made my way to her self-named Babe Cave and knocked on the door lightly.

"Come in." She answered.

I opened the door, peaking my head in before coming in full view. She was sat at her desk, signing off on papers with her glasses on. She didn't even acknowledge me.

"So I have a surprise for you. I'd appreciate it if you actually took the time out of your day to see what it is." I bitterly told her.

She stopped what she was doing and turned around to face me. I made direct eye contact with her, silently telling her that it wasn't up for debate. She caught my drift and got up from her desk, walking over to me.

"Alright. I'm nervous though." She inhaled and exhaled as she took my hand in hers.

"Don't be. Just relax. I think this is something we both need." I quietly told her.

I lead her out of the room and up the stairs. We made our way into the lounge room, and I uncovered her eyes. I took notice of how quiet she had gotten as she looked around, but I didn't say anything about it. There she goes again with that silence. It was like she was here with me yet wasn't at the same time. I hated it.

She just stood there in utter shock before turning to me with raised brows. Her face held this guilty look on it like she felt bad all of a sudden for how she had been avoiding me these past few days. I didn't mean to make her feel like that on purpose by trying to do something nice for her. She did that to herself. I just gave her a blank stare, waiting for her to say something. Anything. But she didn't so I did.

"How you feelin'? Why the sad face, pretty girl?" I asked her, wanting to know what was on her mind.

"I feel bad... Because I pushed you away and you planned this whole thing for me and put in all this effort. I feel like I don't deserve any of it." She remorselessly admitted, finally opening up to me.

Wow. I was genuinely shocked that she owned up to that. I wasn't expecting her to at all unless I brought it up.

"I ain't gonna sugarcoat anything to you, baby, and you know it. You should feel bad for how you have been treating me, but Ima let you have it for now. Let's just enjoy our date night, shall we?" I said, putting the sour feelings aside and turning over a new leaf.

"Okay. Thank you, by the way, love." She gave me a small smile with a hug.

She pulled away shortly after, taking a seat at the table as I followed behind her. God, give me strength. I want to be mad at her, but I can't. I want to fuck some sense into her, but I won't. Not yet anyways...

A/N: Hehehe, a cliffhanger 🤭. How is everyone feeling? What do you think will happen next on this little date night combined with everyone's feelings and mixed emotions? 😬👀- 🤎