Chapter 23

I fiddled nervously with my fingers as Seokjin soothingly rubbed my back.

"Why are you so nervous babe? It's just a class," Seokjin asked.

I ran my hands through my hair, "I know, it's not the class. It's just, it's becoming very real to me that I'm gonna give birth to a living human. It's a little too surreal for me."

Seokjin gingerly held my hand, offering me a delicate smile.

"I'm not sure what there is to be nervous about, but I promise you that you will do well. I'll be by your side every step of the way. There's no 'i' in pain."

I stifled a laugh, "Actually-"

He sneered at me, "I swear I will throw out all the pickles if you finish that sentence."

I held my tongue, internally laughing from his failed remark.

Just then there was a firm knock at the door.

I took a deep breath as Seokjin moved to open the door.

Today we were taking a birthing class together so we could know what to expect when the fateful day came.

I was planning to go to one of those group classes that you saw in TV, but Seokjin insisted on hiring the best in the field.

Honestly, I was pretty sure he was trying to butter me up by flaunting his money, but at this point I had no energy to argue with him.

"Hello!" A very high-pitched voice exclaimed.

A young woman around our age spritely stepped into the house with a golden grin on her face.

She seemed...enthusiastic.

She rushed over to me and squashed me in a big hug which I awkwardly reciprocated while giving Seokjin a very concerned look.

"You must be the new mommy! You can call me Sookyung! I'll be helping you out today so we can embark on a safe and happy journey of motherhood together," she smiled.

I nodded, unconsciously shifting closer to Seokjin and intertwining my fingers with his.

"So I'm not sure what you've heard, but this class isn't meant to act as a simulation. We're never ever gonna simulate birthing pain because that's unnecessary pain for everyone. Instead what we aim to do is talk you through the birthing process, get you comfortable with what's going to happen, and address and answer any general questions that have come up or that you might have. So I'm here as a friend right now. You don't need to feel nervous around me. I can tell you're a little bit tense which is actually the first point I want to address. CEO Kim, would you do me a favor and give Miss Kwon a back rub?"

Seokjin immediately began to rub and massage my back, no even hesitating to make me feel more relaxed.

It was one of the things I truly adored about him. He was always very considerate of other people even if it never seemed like it. I was able to learn from what he says and does to know that he often thinks of his family or friends or even future partners in mind when doing things.

His hands expertly worked out kinks I didn't even realize I had and I felt myself melting into his tender touch as if I was being hypnotized.

"Perfect. Miss Kwon, if you'll notice, you've become a lot more relaxed. During labor you'll be experiencing a lot of pain in a lot of different areas. You'll also be stressed because your mother's instinct of the safety of the baby will also kick in. A lot is going to be going on and it can easily eat away at your mental and physical well-being during birth. During birth, it is important to stay as relaxed as possible so that you don't accidentally hurt yourself. CEO Kim, a lot of the solution is actually going to come from you. See if you can help her relax by giving her a massage or just talking with her. Know that she'll be in a lot of pain and you're the first person she sees and knows, so it might be very difficult for you but you have to be there for her."

I felt Seokjin's warm hand slip into mine as if he was promising that he'd always be there by my side.

I leaned into Seokjin's embrace as Sookyung began to dive into the topics of labor and childcare that I was so curious yet so clueless of.

She explained to us about how exactly the doctors were going to handle the birth and what the procedures were in the hospital in terms of visitors and the length of time.

Seokjin comfortingly rubbed my back as she discussed postpartum depression and some other really scary things that could happen to a woman after birth.

To bring a life into this world, you had to compromise your own. That thought terrified me in so many ways. To have made it this far only not to be able to see her.

As Sookyung continued to talk, I felt myself learning and analyzing the parental routine. There were times as an adult where I was unsure of what to do. It wasn't like when I was a child and had the instructions set out right in front of me.

There were so many aspects of life that as an adult, you just had to learn as you go.

Part of me was terrified from it. Terrified that I'd be so clueless what to do as a mother that I'd let my child down. That when she needs me the most I wouldn't know what to do.

But part of me found this beautiful thrill in it. As a child, it's very easy to feel burdened by the weight of the world. It's easy to feel like there's an expectation you must live up to and that there's always someone watching your every moment.

But as an adult, there was this freeing feeling of being able to let go. As adults, everyone is trying to figure it out together. I wish it was something that I was told as a child. That I was in the same boat as everyone else, and that there was no harm in flounder for a bit.

So while Sookyung taught us about certain things, I tried to remember it. I tried to log it into a mental check of how to be a good parent.

But at the same time, I wanted to just leave it as a guideline. My baby and I would find our own rhythm. I'd stumble through motherhood, but I'd never let myself fall.

It felt like time flew by but before we knew it, a few hours had past and Sookyung was just about done.

"So...any questions? Or are you two set to be perfect parents?" She asked cheerily.

Seokjin shyly raised his hand, "What you've said has been very helpful and we both appreciate it so much, but I just have one question. It's kind of abstract I guess but I just want to know how to parent to the best of my ability. I want to be the best father that little girl will ever have. Especially in my position, I don't think I could ever bear the thought of her getting hurt. I want to protect her from my world. I want to be the best I can be and give her the life I always wanted."

I looked at Seokjin encouragingly, offering him a reassuring smile as he voiced his worries.

Sookyung wistfully smiled, "CEO Kim, I can assure you there's no such thing as a perfect parent. Your daughter will love you, then she'll hate you, then she'll love you again. Kids go through their own cycle, so there's no exact way to ensure that you parent them 'perfectly.' Your daughter is admittedly going to be placed in a rough spot. Being the child of someone who is in the eyes of the public is never easy. You'll find your groove. And you'll find what works best for you so that you can father her as you said, to the best of your abilities. But you mustn't try to give her what you 'never had.' That's a negative way of thinking and can often lead to very strained relationships. As a parent, and believe me I know, you'll watch your kids grow right before your eyes. Cherish each moment, and take the time to connect with them. Communicate with them. More often than not, I see kids with parents who just don't talk to them. Who don't let them voice what they're feeling. When she's old enough, encourage her to find her own path and then guide her. But never influence her."

We thanked Sookyung for her informative and kind words before showing her out of the mansion.

I had a lot weighing on my mind when Seokjin came and dropped himself beside me.

He draped his arm around me, pulling me into his chest while pressing a gentle kiss to my head.

I drew small circles on his chest, the silence speaking louder than I ever could.

"I'm nervous," Seokjin finally said.

I looked up at him, a slightly playful twinkle in my eyes, "Me too."

And quite frankly...

We were both okay with that.

____________________________________Oh wow this is not good 🙃 I'm sorry you guys, I've been swamped with school work. I'm working 15 hours a day on school and it's just never ending so my time and mental health are really making it hard for me to get updates out which sucks because writing is one of three things that helps me cope with stress. This chapter was kinda bad and kinda filler but I hope you all liked it nonetheless. I'll try to update sometime this week before the weekend but no promises. The next chapter will be more entertaining I promise so I hope you're all excited 💜