Chapter 12 (Fuck it- literally)

Mitchel

Mitchel laid awake at night. At around two in the morning, he went to bed after he and his best friend stayed in their home studio and continued to listen to random songs as they kissed. 

"Go to bed Mitchel," He recalled Christian say as he stared up at his ceiling in the pitch-black darkness. "No, I just wanna stay up. With you," He'd replied. Christian smiled at that and pulled him in for one last kiss. Mitchel hadn't kissed anyone like he had that day in over a year. His lips were already slightly numb from the feeling. 

After a few moments of casual arguing, Mitchel caved in and said goodnight. Christian followed him up the stairs and the two of them went to their respective rooms to retire for the night. That was the last time Mitchel talked to Christian, yet the blond man never left his mind. He thought about the feel of his lips and how he'd done his best to make him feel better. Christian was special. He was caring and kind, and he could say anything to make Mitchel laugh. He needed him. He no longer thought of him as a person he wanted; Mitchel had become an addict, and Christian was his drug.

He rescued him from his misery, and that as all he needed even if it were only for a brief moment at a time. Mitchel longed to feel Christian against his lips once more, and the fact that he'd do just about anything for it scared him a little bit. 

Before he knew what his hand was up to, it lifted up from under his sheets and brushed against his mouth. He shivered. He could still faintly feel the pressure of him on his lips. He could still feel his tongue in his mouth. Mitchel sat up and slid out of his bed. 

Was he crazy? Maybe. It was 4:00 in the morning. Christian would surely be asleep. But that was fine. All he wanted was to see him. He made his way out of his room and walked down the hallway, his fingertips trailing on the house's walls. His feet silently traveled on the cold wooden floors. The cool house air nipped at his exposed skin, sending more shivers through his body. 

As he approached his room, he felt his heartrate speed up. He didn't know what he'd get out of his little visit and most definitely didn't know what to expect. Still, he pushed open the door to Christian's room, remembering the high-pitched squeak the hardware made every time it opened. 

And there he was. He couldn't see him, but he could feel him. As he stepped closer, he was dully aware of his body which started to warm. He knew it was impossible, but as he got closer, it was almost as if Christian's body heat radiated through the room. Was it impossible? Maybe not. Mitchel stood in the doorway for a brief moment, wondering what he'd do next. He debated on going back to his room because he knew it would be rude to interrupt his sleep. 

"Fuck it," Mitchel whispered to himself. He made his way around Christian's bed towards the side he imagined that he wouldn't be on. He lifted the comforter and then slid in between his sheets, laying his head on the extra pillow. When Christian didn't stir, he exhaled the breath that he wasn't even aware that he was holding. 

When he was sure that he hadn't bothered him, Mitchel cozied up to his blond friend and wrapped his cold and shivering arms around him. He relaxed and happily listened to the sound of Christian's heavy breathing and his beating heart. He could hear it through his back. 

It was like the old days when they used to have sleepovers. There would always be a sleeping bag on the floor, but they always ended up sleeping together until the morning. Mitchel used to wrap his arms around the younger boy and rest his head on his back so that he could listen to his heart. Christian never knew about it because he was asleep. And if he did, he obviously didn't mind because he always laid on his side and faced the edge of the mattress as if he awaited Mitchel's embrace. 

When Mitchel started to dose off, He felt his best friend shift. Instantly, he snapped out of his sleepy state and looked at him with wide eyes. Christian had turned to face him. He could feel his breath on his face. "Mitty," Christian said lowly. His voice sent shivers up his spine. It was low and smooth as honey, blessing his ears and melting his icy arms. Christian pulled him closer. "You haven't done that in forever," He breathed. Mitchel's face heated up. His voice shook as he said, "I didn't mean to wake you up."

Christian only patted his head and pulled him in so that his face was against his chest. Mitchel hesitantly wrapped his arms around his torso once more. "Don't worry," Christian replied. "I don't mind." 

They laid there together in that position while Christian slowly rubbed circles into Mitchel's back. He placed light kisses on the top of his head. "How do you feel?" He asked after a while. "Tired," Mitchel replied. He was so tired, but sleep wouldn't fix it. He was restless all the time and nothing settled him down. Nothing but Christian. "I know," Christian said quietly. He stopped his rubbing and Mitchel could feel his eyes on him. "But I'll do my best," Christian said calmly. "I'll make you feel better." He paused and pawed under the sheets until he found Mitchel's hand. 

He took the hand lightly and brought it to his lips. He kissed his knuckles and palm. Mitchel didn't know what to say. Instead of replying, he lifted his hand and placed it on Christian's cheek. "Can I stay here?" "Of course you can," Christian told him. Mitchel chewed on his bottom lip for a few moments. His eyes had adjusted to the darkness and he could faintly see the man that he laid next to. 

If Christian was willing to let him stay, then maybe he'd let him do more. "Can I kiss you?" Mitchel asked after a while. Hesitation and bashfulness enveloped his tone and he could hear the muffled sound of rustling sheets moving as Christian nodded and shifted. Mitchel took a breath before he pushed his head forward and tried to find his lips. 

His best friend beat him to it, pulling his face forward and smashing his lips against his. Mitchel thought it would be slow and passionate like before, but despite Christian's drowsiness, he kissed Mitchel as if he were a starving man searching for whatever form of nourishment he could find. He knew that he shouldn't have been doing it with him, he shouldn't have even went to his room. But as Christian's hands found his hips and he pulled him on top of him, he couldn't help but think he wanted more than just his friendship. 

Maybe all of the kisses were his way of confessing his love for him. Maybe Christian was conflicted and at least wanted Mitchel to be aware of his feelings. 

Mitchel sat straddling his hips and bent down to reach his lips. Christian breathed hard and ran his hands all over Mitchel's body before letting them settle on his thighs. They kissed each other in an aggressive frenzy, Christian moving his lips against Mitchel's his cheeks and jaw and then moving down to his neck. 

It was perfect in every way until the thought of Christian doing the same thing to Molly put a thorn though his chest and he jerked away quickly. His heart beat wildly and he was sure that the blond man underneath him could hear it. "Fuck. I'm sorry, Kras, Molly wouldn't..." He trailed off and tried to collect his thoughts. "Hey," Christian said. "No, don't think about her. You're my best friend. You're the one that's here. I told you I'd make u feel better, Mitty. Let me," he assured him. Christian gently held the sides of his face while Mitchel nodded. "Thank you," He said and smiled weakly. He could feel tears welling in his eyes as he leaned down and reunited his lips with Christian's. 

He couldn't believe how happy he was. He'd thought right. Christian really did love him. He cared for him so much that he'd reach any length to make sure he was okay. To make him feel better. For a long while, Mitchel forgot about all of his issues and thoughts. He focused on how full his heart felt, and the surge of euphoria that filled his chest. 

"I love you, Christian," Mitchel said ferociously in between kisses before he really thought about it. Christian didn't seem to dislike it; his lips never faltered. His hands ran up his thighs and gripped Mitchel's waist underneath his t-shirt while he repeated the sentiment.

Then Christian pulled away quickly. "Is this my t-shirt?" He asked. Mitchel sat back on Christian's hips and rubbed his eyes. "Y-yeah," He stuttered. His breathing was uneven and focusing was one of the things Mitchel was unable to do at the moment. "Do you want it back? Sorry, I forgot-""Keep it," Christian practically groaned, rolling Mitchel's hips on himself with a surprising amount of aggression. His fingers dug into his skin in a way that the average person would have found painful- they were bound to leave a mark- but Mitchel didn't seem to mind. 

The both of them were much too into the moment to find a reason to stop, so they didn't. They went forward and pushed on as if they were running a marathon. In the end, they finished their race in a breathless finale, falling asleep deep into the early morning.