Chapter 11 (Nostalgia and sleepless nights)

Mitchel 

The band was starting to pick up the pace. They had busy schedules consisting of music video filming, practices, and performances. Clinton and Christian also had to balance their time with their significant others before they had to go on tour after the album release. 

Though Mitchel was so busy, he was never able to focus on his distractions. Unpleasant thoughts still screamed in the back of his mind and he couldn't silence them. He couldn't sleep. He couldn't bring himself to eat. Mitchel felt like he was a zombie, living life but not feeling alive. 

His problems reached further than just Christian. His heart ached for the beautiful man, but that wasn't all of it. He wanted to escape, to get away from reality. When the band finished their tour, he figured he'd go out and travel for a while. He just wanted to get away. But even if he left, he knew that he'd never truly escape his mind, at least not until the day he'd die. Only then would he be free. 

Clinton took a trip with Sydney. They said they'd be back in a few days. Molly invited Christian to stay with her for a while as they took a few days off, but he declined. 

"I don't wanna leave Mitch alone," He said, glancing at him with a small smile. Mitchel looked up in surprise. "You don't have to stay," He said. His heart fluttered at Christian's words. Of course Christian wanted to be around him. He said it himself at Molly's party. "I want to," Christian replied. "And maybe we could do something together," He said. Mitchel nodded with the first genuine smile he'd had on his face in a very long time. 

He watched the couple as they cleaned their dirty dishes and put them away. "Well, I'm gonna head out," Molly said and grabbed her purse. She swung it over her shoulder and grabbed her keys. "Want me to drive you home?" Christian asked, but Molly only waved him off. "Don't be silly," She said and pecked him on the jaw (she could only reach that high, even on her toes) before waving a goodbye to Mitchel and then turning around and slipping out of the front door. 

Christian leaned on his elbows on the counter. He could feel his eyes on him as he fiddled around on his phone. "Mitty?" Christian asked after a few silent moments. All that could be heard was the dull hum of the circling air conditioning and small drops of water falling from the sink's faucet. He looked up, his breath hitching after seeing the grim expression on his best friend's face. "What's up?" He asked, a hint of caution watering down his tone. Whenever Christian looked at him with half-lidded eyes and his lips drawn in a tight line, a sense of anxiety loomed over him. He could never tell what Christian was thinking. 

"Are you all right?" He finally asked. "You look like... I just-" He stopped short and sighed, his expression melting to reveal the deep sadness that seemed to be engraved into his face. It was obvious that he'd been thinking for a very long time about whatever it was that worried him. "I just want you to be okay," He said finally. Mitchel shrugged one shoulder and watched as Christian cracked his knuckles and intertwined his fingers, only to pull them apart and repeat the action."What's this, all of a sudden?" He asked, but he knew exactly what he meant. He didn't feel good, and he certainly didn't look good. 

When Christian didn't reply, he exhaled heavily and stared at his own hands. Molly had painted his nails black a few days ago, and they were starting to chip. "I'm just tired," He said after a while. "And... I don't know. Stressed, I guess. I just need a break." And you, he thought to himself. He peeked up at Christian who had pushed up off of the counter. He watched as he walked over to him, stopping directly in front of him. 

Christian stood in between Mitchel's legs. He placed both hands on the sides of his face and tilted it upwards so that their eyes met. "Look at me," He said quietly. "Why don't you look at me anymore?" He asked. Mitchel only shook his head. Christian was like a watch. An expensive watch that Mitchel looked at in the window of a store. The more he looked at him, the more he wanted him. So he stopped looking at him. You don't go window shopping if you're broke. 

His hands were smooth and gentle on his face. They were warm and held him with care. It reminded him of how his mother used to hold him. She'd smile down at him with fond eyes. But his weren't fond. They were full of sorrow and worry. His best friend brought his thumb up to his cheek and rubbed it tenderly. It was enough to make Mitchel's heart race as if it was running for it's life. If this kept up, he'd surely have a heart attack one of these days! 

"Tell me what I need to do," He said quietly. He ran the tips of his fingers over the lines in his face that were created from stress and ageing. "Nothing," Mitchel whispered hoarsely. To this, Christian shook his head. "Bullshit," He said calmly. "Just tell me. I'll make you food, I'll fill a bath, I'll-" His breath hitched and Mitchel thought he was going to cry. It unsettled him and hurt him more than anything  to see his best friend so sad because of him.   

"I just want you to feel better," He said."You can't," Mitchel replied. "You can't do anything, Kras, I'm just tired, and..." He trailed off and watched as Christian nodded. He bent down at the waist and kissed his lips lightly. Then, he pulled away just as quickly as he kissed him, his hand finding it's way to Mitchel's. He took it, letting Christian lead him into the studio. "Stay here," He said. 

+ + +

Moments later, Christian came back with some snacks and soda. The two of them spent the rest of the day together, messing around with some songs and sharing music. It reminded Mitchel of their high school days when they would lay on each other's bed together and share a pair of earbuds. They'd listen to music for hours and stare up at the ceiling or talk about the songs they played. 

A wave of nostalgia washed over Mitchel, the sensation overflowing with tenderness and longing. He remembered the day that Christian rejected him. He wondered what would happen if he tried again. If he told Christian how he really felt. Maybe then he'd dump Molly and they'd be together forever. 

Mitchel glanced at Christian as he fiddled on their laptop. "Ah," He said, and pulled up a new song. "Remember this?" He asked, turning to look at him with a crooked smile. Mitchel's eyes widened as the song started, the sound of a few guitar notes filling the room. "Yeah," Mitchel replied. "Stairway to Heaven," He said. And then all of the emotion hit him like a truck. He tried to suppress it, but it was no use. The memory ushered tears that pricked his eyes. His chest heaved as he recalled the immense sadness he felt on that day. The rejection and hurt. The feeling that never really went away and resurfaced every time he looked at his best friend. 

The song still played, and about a minute in, Christian noticed Mitchel's small snivels. "Hey, hey," he rushed to his hide, his hand falling to hold Mitchel's knee while he leaned over, his arms clutching his torso as he choked on his sobs. He couldn't imagine how lame he must have looked as he cried to the nearly ten minute song. 

"I'm sorry," Mitchel apologized between sobs as he scrubbed at his tears. Christian looked like he was about to burst into tears at any moment as he pulled Mitchel in for a tight hug. They were standing and Christian let him cry into his shoulder while he braced the back of his head. "No, don't apologize," the blond man whispered and rubbed circles into his back. 

"Come on," he said gently, and began swaying slightly to the music. The song hadn't yet reached it's climax. Mitchel began swaying along with Christian, and the both of them continued to hold each other. 

Unpleasant memories were permanently attached to the song for Mitchel and they'd never go away. But at least he had this moment. This moment would stick with Mitchel until the day he'd die, and Stairway to Heaven now brought up this memory aswell. 

"You're okay," Christian gently whispered to Mitchel a few times until his breathing steadied. He pulled away as the song picked up speed and wiped away the tears from Mitchel's flushed face. He stood there and searched Christian's eyes. He didn't know what he was looking for, but he knew it was there as soon as he saw it. 

"Kiss me," Mitchel pleaded softly. Tenderness and affection was written all over his best friend's face. Sure, he loved Molly, but Mitchel could tell there was something else- a reserve- that was meant for only him. 

Christian pulled him closer and pushed his lips against his. It was slow and passionate. Before long, their lips spread apart and it deepened, stirring Mitchel's heart aflutter. 

It lasted much longer than the two of them thought it would, but they were much too lost in the feel of each other to stop. All concepts of time and relationship morality faded away, and it was just the two of them. It was everything Mitchel wanted and needed, and for a moment- just a moment, it was enough.