Chapter 7 - Anastasia

This fucking beeping.

I've been listening to it since I started coming out of sleep. I don't remember putting an alarm on. Actually, I don't remember falling asleep. I don't even remember how I got back to my hotel. But I'm exhausted enough to not care.

It smells like a fucking hospital in here. Wait-- In a sudden movement, I force my eyes. Indeed, I am in a hospital.

"Good morning, sunshine" Harvey says.

I turn my head to my left to see him. He is sitting comfortably in a chair besides me. His legs are crossed and he is reading some file where the cover reads Pearson Hardman. In that moment, I realize that the last thing I remember is crying my eyes out in front of him over my mom's grave.

Harvey closes the file and puts it aside. "How are you feeling?" he asks with a comforting smile across his face.

I feel like I've been hit by a bus.

"What happened?" I question

"You passed out in the cemetery, you were unresponsive so I brought you in. The doctor said you were extremely dehydrated, and exhausted. They gave you a mild sedative and I've lost count of how many IVs. You've been sleeping for almost 13 hours. It's actually getting dark again in a couple of hours so feel free to continue your nap" he suggests

"No, I'm fin--"

His threatening glare cuts me off.

"I'm feeling better" I correct myself, "Thank you"

"No problem, sugar" he smiles wider.

My heart flutters at the sound of the old pet name leaving his lips.

"But don't do it again. My heart almost stopped when I realized you were unconscious" he admits

"Well, at least you were at the right place to pass away..." I mention

"Wow" he laughs

And I can't not laugh with him.

As the laughter dies, he keeps his stare on me with a soft smile across his lips. I don't think he's taken his eyes off me at all since I woke up, like he's scares I'll disappear again.

I wish Matthew looked at me like that, instead of avoiding me when we're at work like everyone in that hospital doesn't know about our engagement. When did I decide to drop my standards so low?

•••

Email notification (1)

Subject: I want you From: hrspecter@gordon.schmidt.vandyke.comTo: alhardman@nyu.bio.com

Yesterday we got interrupted during a... moment, and then I had to run to the DA and didn't get to see you again. So, I hope to make it up to you by picking up where we left off. You asked me why I like you and why you should give me a chance. Fair enough. I like a challenge.

To be honest, you make my life harder. And I mean that in every way possible. Keeping my hands to myself is so difficult. Focusing when you're around is nearly impossible. Not thinking about you IS impossible.

There is not a moment in my day that I don't think about you. Your unique hazel eyes are haunting my dreams. Every time I see you, everything gets magically better and more beautiful. A single glance from you can derail my entire train of thought. And don't even get me started on that smirk you do when you know you're right.

I can't not want you. I know it's wrong and I've tried not to but I failed, miserably. And you know I don't admit defeat EVER.

You are gorgeous, smart, and absolutely fearless. Your determination to follow your dreams despite the obstacles is inspirational. And you're also amazing in the field you want so hard to avoid. You are going to be a great doctor one day, and I feel so lucky to have witnessed your greatness even if it was for a short time.

I really liked working and hanging out with you. You make me want more. More time, more conversations, more excuses to be near you. And that's not something I've felt ever. So, I would love to start seeing you after work hours as well, before I start running out of excuses. If you'd like that too, of course.

You can have all the time in the world to think about it before answering. No pressure... But I will jump out of the 50th floor if you take too long.

PS. I can be at your place within 10 minutes of your reply*wink*

Harvey Specter,Associate, Gordon Schmidt VanDyke

•••

What made me drop my standards?

I drop my gaze, "Harvey..." I breathe out

"Don't worry about it" he says, almost like he's read my mind. "Whatever we said or argued about these last couple of days has already been forgotten" he reassures me.

I nod. "Thank you. Thank you for everything. And thank you for staying..." I tear up

"I said it was no problem. I want to be here" his hand is so close to mine.

I am so tempted, but also scared. The heart rate monitor betrays my racing heart. I am going back to Seattle and I'm getting married in two months. That's my life is now. It's too late to start anything here. And most of all, I don't want to fall for another version of my dad.

I pull my hand away. Harvey notices it immediately. He reaches in his pocket and pulls something out.

It's my engagement ring. "They took it off while examining you" he tells me. "I hope he realizes how much you deserve" he says as he gives it back to me.

I can see his heart breaking all over again and I hate myself for putting him in the this position for the second time. Why does life keeps putting us in this situation?

"Harv--"

"Stas!" Matt's voice almost makes me flinch.

I blink a couple of times before realizing that he came all the way here. Harvey straightens his back, like his walls have gone back up.

"Matt... What are you doing here?" I try to keep my tone mutual

"They called me as your next of kin. What happened?" he runs to my side

"It's nothing" I answer

"She passed out of exhaustion" Harvey tells him as he stands from his seat and gets ready to leave.

"And who are you?" Matt asks

"Harvey" he gives only his name to not cause trouble, "I'm an old friend. I found Anastasia passed out at the cemetery when I went to pay my respects" he lies to keep me out of trouble again

"Well, thanks, man. I'm Dr. Dickson"

"The fiance. It's good to finally meet you" and that's the most obvious lie he's ever said. "I have to go back to work, so I'm going to leave you two to it. Have a good day" Harvey says politely and leaves without waiting for a response.

I look away and stay silent for a few seconds, trying not to start crying.

"What was that?" Matt asks immediately

"Nothing" I insist. "By the way, I'm feeling better. Thanks for asking" I add, ironically.

Matt wasn't always like this. Two years ago, he was sweet, kind, and he made me feel special. I wasn't asking for too much, anyway. Because the truth is that I was tired. I was tired of taking care of myself. I was tired of being the single one of the group. I was tired of being on my own. And Matt turned up at that exact time.

Lately, it's like he's gotten too comfortable. Maybe I can shake him up a bit and bring him back on the right track, remind him that he shouldn't take me for granted.

However, before I start anything, I also need to see my therapist. I need to see if I'm overreacting. I'm dealing with a lot of things right now; My mom's passing, my dad's betrayals, and the resurrection of an old flame. It's not a good time for me to make life decisions. But, I guess, timing has never been on my side...