Chapter 8

"She was staring out the window,

And the snow, it was fallin'

Seemed like everything I used to know,

Mmmm it was crumblin'

She cannot cope and it hurts inside her mind

Couldn't let it go, let it go

Couldn't bear to ever be alone

She wondered how this had happened..."

Siva sat down with his head tilted back and his eyes closed as he enjoyed Jay's angelic voice. It made him feel good in a way he couldn't really understand.

"Don't you seem to be enjoying the song," Tom said to Siva.

"It sounds good so far."

"Good enough to make you smile, lay your head back and close your eyes?"

"Exactly."

Tom chuckled. "It's meant to be a tear jerker, but it's good to know you're liking it."

"It would be nice if I had a part in a verse."

"You should've come sooner the other day to fight over one."

"I thinks it's better for me not to have one, anyway."

"Why not?"

"The songs a bit of a touchy subject. Don't ask why."

"Okay," Tom drawled awkwardly.

After Jay finished recording and perfecting his parts, he came out of the booth, Tom taking his previous place. He sat beside Siva while Nathan and Max conversed.

"How'd I do?" Jay asked.

"Wonderfully," Siva replied, trying to crack a smile.

"Alright, what's wrong?"

"Can we go to your place once we've finished up here?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Okay, we'll talk about it then."

•••

"Want some beer?" Jay offered as he looked through his fridge for beverages.

"Nah. I'm not thirsty, but thanks."

"Suit yourself." Jay got himself a bottle, removed the cap, and began drinking it as he walked to his couch. He sat beside Siva and looked to the TV screen to get a glimpse at what he was watching.

"I get that you want to watch Star Wars, but can we talk about what's bothering you now?"

Siva sighed and put the sound on mute. He turned his body towards Jay and took a moment to gather his words.

"I don't think I can do it," he hesitated to say.

"Do what?"

"Break up with Nareesha, at least not anytime soon."

Jay squinted his eyes as he tried to register what Siva was saying.

"It's just that, so much has been going on with her career lately. She's doing all of these new things that are working her to the bone. If I leave her right when things are starting to look up for her, all of her hard work and dedication will blow up in her face. I can't have that happen to her. I can't have our breakup ruin everything for her."

"Nareesha's always been a strong girl. I doubt a breakup would have her plummeting through the ground."

"We've been together for six years," Siva argued.

"So? Sure it'll make things tougher for a while, but she'll be fine; she won't put her career in jeopardy. Stop fishing for excuses not to end things with her, Seev."

"I just-"

"Don't think of her as a weak person. You know she's the exact opposite."

"I guess, but-"

"But nothing. You can't keep doing this, Seev. You wanted to be with me and now I'm yours, only yours. I need you to be strictly mine too."

"You're right. I hate to have to drag you through all of this. This is all very hard for me, though."

"I can see why."

Jay placed his hand on Siva's nearest leg and gave a smile. "Hey," he said, trying to regain Siva's attention. Siva looked at him, wondering what he'd say.

"Keep in mind that I love you, and that everything we're doing is worth this." He pointed his index finger back and forth between the two.

Siva smiled and pulled Jays arm towards him. Jay's warm body moved into Siva's. They wrapped their arms around each other - Siva's chin resting on Jay's head.

"I love you, too."

A feeling of joy spurted within Jay; he kissed Siva's neck. He loved hearing those words flow out of his mouth. Nothing sounded better.

•••

Nareesha's emotion were conflicted. She had numerous thoughts about Siva racing through her mind.

Did he kill someone?

Is he depressed over something?

Does he not love me anymore, but doesn't want to let me go?

What the bloody hell is going on inside that mind of his? I must find out. I need to!

She dialed up Kelsey, whom immediately picked up after the first ring. "Hi, Nunu! What's up, love?"

"Hey Kels. I need you to answer a question of mine honestly."

"Sure. What is it?"

"Remember when I last visited you? We were talking about Siva, and you had some thoughts about him when I explained to you that he was acting weird."

"I dismissed it, though."

"I know, but I need you to tell me what it was."

"Why?"

"I need to know."

"Why should it matter, though? Aren't you guys alright now?"

"That's what I want to believe." Nareesha closed her eyes tightly as the thought of Siva hiding away something horrid attacked her.

"This may upset you, but I'm sure what I thought is too impossible to ever happen... I thought he was cheating. That sounds completely ridiculous, right?" Kelsey gave an awkward laugh.

"Nothing's impossible," Nareesha replied. "He was supposed to be home hours ago. I called him and texted him, but I've yet to receive a response from him."

"Don't freak out, hon. Let me ask Tom if he knows where he might be."

"Okay, thank you." She waited a few for Tom's response.

"He's at Jay's."

"He always is nowadays, or at least that's what he claims. I'll call Jay to confirm it. Thanks Kels. B-bye."

"Bye, hon."

•••

"Nareesha's calling me," Jay told Siva.

"She's probably trying to find out where I am. I'll pick up."

Jay handed him his phone.

"Hey, Nareesha."

"Siva," she answered surprised. "Why didn't you pick up your phone? I called you like a thousand times."

"I forgot it at the studio," he lied.

"Oh, okay."

"Is that all?" Siva began to get annoyed, which was obvious to hear in his voice.

Her voice lowered. "You've been going over to Jay's a lot lately."

"Is that a problem?"

"Well, yeah. You haven't been making time for us lately."

"How am I supposed to when you're always working? I see you everyday anyway."

"I was off today. I was hoping we could do something fun and romantic after you got back from the studio, but you never came."

"Well, my whole life can't be all about you, Nareesha. I need sometime for myself and my friends."

"I know that."

"Then why are you riding me about this? Give me a break, will ya?"

They both fell silent for a few. "Fine. I'll give you a break, but when you get back home we'll be planning a trip off to somewhere tropical and relaxing. I'll take as many days off from work as you want."

Siva bit on his bottom lip and he tried to conjure up a response. All that came out of him was, "Mhm."

"Alright, good. I'll see you later."

Siva hang up on her and turned to Jay.

"What's the matter?" Jay asked.

"She wants to start planning a vacation."

"Are you gonna go through with it?"

"I'm afraid to."

"Why be afraid?"

"That way I'll never be able to get away from her."

"How so?"

"I still love her, Jay. That won't change for a long while."

"Well, you're not in love with her still... right?"

Siva gave a heavy exhale. "I annoyingly am so." He dropped his head and began massaging his temples.

Jay's phone began ringing, so Siva handed it back to him after having a quick glimpse at the caller. It was Daron, and it instantly made him more upset than he already was.

"I've go to take this call," Jay informed.

Siva gave a nod.

Jay tapped on answer and then went into his bedroom. "Hey, Daron. Now isn't exactly a great time."

"I need you," said Daron with a cracking voice.

"Are you crying?"

Daron took in a sharp inhale as he tried to respond. "I'm losing so much blood, Jay. Please, I need you."

Jay covered his mouth in absolute terror and shock. "I-I'll be right there. Don't move or anything. I'll be right there." He hung up and ran out of his room. Siva immediately looked up at Jay.

"What?"

"I think Daron just tried to kill himself. I'm gonna call for an ambulance. Could you drop me off at his place?"

"Yeah, yeah. Of course."

•••

"Daron!" Jay shouted as he ran into his flat. The paramedics were already there. They rushed him out on a gurney.

Jay's eyes followed them out. Anguish drilled him as tears started leaking from his blue eyes.

Siva appeared in front of the doorway. The sight of Jay crushed him more than anything had before. He walked up to him speedily and took him into his arms. "Let's go to the hospital," he said while combing his fingers through Jay's hair. "I can't," he mumbled.

"Why not?"

Jay cried harder. "I just can't do this. I-"

"You have to be there for him. He needs you, otherwise he wouldn't have called you."

"I, I can't."

Siva removed his arms from around him and held his head between his hands. "Look at me Jay."

Jay slowly raised his eyes and met Siva's. "You're going to be there for him, and you're going to stay strong. From the looks of it, you're all he really has right now. He won't make it without you. So, pull yourself together and hop in the car. Okay?"

Jay looked out the doorway. "Let's go," he ordered.

•••

Jay and Siva spent all night waiting on Daron to recover. When morning came, a doctor approached them.

"How's he doing?" asked Siva.

"He's doing very good, actually. He lost a lot of blood, but seems to be recuperating rather well. However, his mental health isn't very good obviously. We'll be sending him to another hospital that treats people in his situation."

"Can we see him?"

"I'm sorry, but no. Only family members may see him. Are you in contact with his parents, siblings, or any relative of his."

Siva turned to Jay, waiting for an answer. He shook his head no.

"Well, I'm sure we can find some family for him. But, we'll be admitting him to that hospital first. We'll contact you to keep you updated, if you'd like."

"Yeah, we'd appreciate that." Siva answered.

"Just leave your phone number and information with the nurse at that desk." He pointed to a desk behind him.

"Thank you, doctor."

"It's not a problem. You guys should go and head out. Go eat and get some rest. You must be exhausted."

"We'll do that."

"Good. Have a pleasant day, you two."

"You as well."

After the doctor walked away, Siva helped Jay up and out to the hospital. They then drove off to a diner.

They sat across from each other in silence.

"Have you decided what you want to eat?" Siva asked.

"I'm not hungry," Jay croaked. "I'll have water for my dry throat, though."

"I get that you're sad and all, but you can't torture yourself. Daron is fine now. He's recovering."

"I said I'm not hungry, now drop it."

"Fine, but tell me why you didn't want to go the to the hospital last night. Why'd you refuse?"

"I don't really want to talk about it."

"If you're not gonna eat, you mine as well."

Jay rolled his eyes. "It reminded of a time in my past."

"And what happened then?"

Jay gave a long sigh as his memories poured back into his head. "I was just a kid, a sad and lonely one. I was always picked on for being a nerd, having no athletic abilities, and being rather chubby. It all bothered me so much that I crumbled under the weight of all the pain. Soon after I began starving myself. I ate very little just to keep myself conscious.

I kept doing that for years until it got really bad. One day I finally did collapse and was rushed to a hospital. My organs had begun to shut down on me. It took hours for doctors to get my body working again. I was unconscious for a long time. Sad thing is, before I did collapse, I knew I was dying and I was glad that I was.

I finally had the opportunity to get away from this wretched world, and the thought felt like absolute bliss. A couple of days later, I found it extremely unfortunate to have woken up. From then on my life continued to be miserable, but it was my road to recovery.

I went to a ton of therapy sessions until my mind was back on the straight and narrow. By the time my uni days rolled around, I was back to normal. I made tons of friends who liked me for who I was, and I also discovered my sexuality in the process. Two years later I was accepted into The Wanted.

Anyway, the point is, seeing Daron on that gurney just made me lose all of my sense. It was like I was instantly brought back to that point of my life when I was anorexic and depressed. And, I just couldn't bear the feeling. It's still there, bothering me, nipping at the healthy heart I've built for myself."

"Well, tell it to leave you the fuck alone, because I'm here for you and I won't let you fall back into that dark place."

Jay looked down at his lap with a half smile.

"I love you, Jay. I'm not going to let anything ruin what we've got. So, your past can run along now before I give it a real nice punch in the face."

Jay chuckled, but then he stopped and his smile went away along with it. "What about Nareesha?"

"Who?" Siva joked, but he didn't get a response or reaction from Jay. "She won't ever get in the away of us. I wouldn't allow it. Disregard what I've said in the past. I'm not going to continue with my stupid plan, and I'm certainly not in love with her."

"Yes you are."

"No. I told myself I was, because I was too afraid to let her go. I simply love her, but our relationship is dead. There's nothing that can salvage it. If I stay with her, I'll just be torturing myself for as long as I live. Why would I want to do that when the person I'm in love with is sat right in front of me."

Jay looked up at Siva with a smile. "Do you really mean that?"

"Only if you'll eat."

Jay glowered at Siva.

"I'm only joking," he laughed. "I mean it with every fiber in my body when I say you're the one. Nareesha's lost that spot to you."

Jay reached over the table and pecked Siva on the lips. "I guess I could eat a little something." He smiled as he sat back down.

"Erm, are you two ready to order?" a waitress said appearing out of nowhere. Jay and Siva looked at each other with a laugh.

•••

What'd you guys think? This probabbly my favorite chapter so far. I'm a sucker for tradgedies :P