Chapter 9

"Hi," Nareesha said to Jay after he opened his front door to her.

"Hey," Jay greeted back, puzzled. "What's up?"

"May I come in?"

Jay gave a nod and gestured her to come on in as he stood to the side to let her through.

She went inside and took a seat on the recliner. "Sit, we've got to talk."

"Okay," Jay drawled. He walked over to the couch and sat down. He then clasped his hands together tightly to try and calm his nerves.

"Siva's been coming here a lot lately."

"We've just been hanging out-"

"Every time he comes back home he has a different cologne on him," she said, cutting him off.

Jay opened his mouth, but nothing came out.

"Can you explain that to me?"

He shut his mouth again and shook his head no.

"I think you can."

"I really can't."

"Jay." Nareesha raised her brows, expecting him to give in and tell her what's going on with Siva.

"If you want to find out what's up with Seev, go home and talk to him."

"He isn't home and he wouldn't be honest with me."

"Well, too bad. I guess you'll have to carry on this way till you lose your nuts."

"Why can't you tell me?" She raised her voice, growing more frustrated by the second.

"Tell you what?"

"The truth! What's going on with Siva? What's he been doing? Who is he - if he is - cheating on me with? I can't go on like this! I need to know."

"So, you figured he was cheating on you all because of an unfamiliar cologne. Ask him yourself, Nareesha. Maybe he'll be honest with you this time."

"Then call him; tell him to come over to yours. It's the only way I'll be able to see him."

"Don't you guys sleep in the same bed? You'll see him when he returns home later."

"He hasn't been home for two days. He won't pick up when I ring him, and he won't respond to any of my texts."

"Alright, fine."

Jay pulled out his phone from his jean's pocket and called Siva. Within one ring Siva picked up.

"Hey, Jay."

"Hi. Listen, I need you to come over... now."

"Sure. Is everything okay?"

Jay sighed. "No."

"What's wrong?"

"Just come, please."

•••

"Nareesha," Siva said in surprise as he walked into the flat.

"Hello, Siva."

Siva looked to Jay in question, but he lowered his head sheepishly. He knew he put Siva in a bad position, but he had no choice. It was time that Siva fessed up anyway.

Nareesha got up from her seat and approached Siva. "So, do you want to tell me where you've been for the past couple of days?" she asked while crossing her arms.

"I've been staying at a hotel."

"Why would you do that?"

"To," he hesitated. "To avoid you."

Nareesha furrowed as confusion and fear wracked her. "What do you mean avoid me? Why would you want to do that? Is there something I did wrong? If so I'll fix it. I'll-"

"I don't want to be with you anymore." He turned his head away, too afraid to see the painful expression that would appear on her face. "I can't do this anymore. We're just not working out."

"I don't believe you," she replied fiercely. "That makes no sense. Don't you remember what you told me at that French cafe weeks ago? Because, I certainly do. I remember every word, and they prove that the words that just fell out of your mouth are a bunch of nonsense. There's no possible way you could want to leave me."

Siva turned his head back to face her. Her face was already red and she looked as if she were about to burst out crying. His heart sank to the bottom of his stomach. He couldn't bear to do what he was doing, but he had to do it.

"I'm in love with someone else now."

Nareesha shook her head. "That's not true." Her bottom lip began quivering.

"It is," Siva argued.

"Then who is she? I'll kick her arse if I have to, if that's the only way to keep her away from you." Tears gushed out from her eyes while she spoke.

"It's... not a girl."

Nareesha stopped crying; she was taken aback by his response and could not understand it nor fathom the thought. She suspected it, but prayed it wouldn't be true.

Jay rose from the couch. She turned around to him. "It's you isn't it? It's you who stole him away from me! I didn't want to believe it; I really didn't."

"I'm sorry, Nunu."

"Don't call me that! Don't call me anything you mother fucker!"

"Nareesha!" Siva scolded as he grabbed her by the arm. She pulled her arm away from his grasp. "Don't you touch me!" she yelled back. "You're nothing but a lying, cheating, disgusting fag! Why would you even be with me for six years if you were gay the whole time?"

Siva looked away shamefully. Her words cut him deep, deep enough that the wound might not ever heal. Everything that he feared was right before him. First it was breaking up with Nareesha, then seeing her upset, and being judged or called names for his sexual orientation. This couldn't be any worse, he thought to himself.

"I'm bi," Siva mumbled.

"What?" Nareesha yelled. "Speak up like the man you act like you are!"

Siva snapped his head towards her, his eyes blazing with fury. The fact that she lessened his manhood kindled a fire within him. It was one thing to call him a fag, but another to make him less than he was. It crossed a line that would forever sever his respect for her.

"I said I'm bisexual," he said with anger. " And, Idid love you. I've always loved you, and I'll never stop. But, hearing those words being spat out of your mouth makes me happy that I'm no longer in love with you."

"You have no right to turn this on me!"

"I have every right! I'm sorry that I cheated. It was completely wrong of me, and you have every right to be upset. But, to lessen my character and speak of homosexuality in such disrespect is just so incredibly low of you. So, we mine as well make this our goodbye. I'll pick up my things tomorrow whilst your at work."

"So, that's it. You're the one who makes the final decisions, and that's just it?"

"Did I not make myself clear?"

"You can rot in hell."

"I'd rather be there then with you."

Nareesha gave a slight gasp at his response. With the shake of her head, she walked away while trying to put a stop to her endless tears.

"Siva." Jay placed his hand on his shoulder. "Are you alright?" Right after he asked, tears started spilling from Siva's eyes and Jay instantly took him into his embrace.

Siva clawed at Jay's shirt as the pain within him intensified. "Is this what it'll be like with everyone?" He fought to say.

"Not everyone. Don't worry about that now, Seev. Everything will be alright." He wasn't confident in his words, but he had faith that they'd make it through anything.

They spent the rest of the day laid in Jay's bed, holding one another till they fell sound asleep.

Jay then decided that his bedroom was a sanctuary. Once you went in, all was well, but once you went out of it, the world attacked you. This was as close to heaven as he thought he'd ever get.

•••

Jay awoke with a yawn and stretched out his arms as he sat up. He looked beside him to find that Siva had left his spot.

He got up and walked into the living area. The flat was quiet, and so far Siva was nowhere to be found. He looked in the kitchen, guest bathroom, and then entered his room again to check in his own bathroom. Still, he did not find Siva.

He fetched his cellphone from his nightstand and called Siva up. It rang, and rang, and rang. No matter how many times he called Siva, he never picked up. This would be the perfect moment for him to freakout, but he decided not to. No, he didn't know what was going on, but he wouldn't let it torture him. He was tired of all the worrying and negative thoughts that would invade his mind ever since the day after his first night with Siva. Instead of letting them regain control, he groomed himself, had a cup of tea, and then set out to go visit Daron.

•••

"Hey," Jay said with a warm smile as he entered Daron's room. Daron turned his head to Jay with tired eyes. "You're here," he said almost as if it were a question.

Jay walked over to his bedside and smiled down at him. "How've you been?" he asked.

"Not so good," Daron answered.

"I'm sorry about what happened to you. I wish I could've been there to prevent you from doing what you did."

"There's noway you would've been aware of what I was plotting to do. At least you called the ambulance."

"So, you want to live now?"

"Yeah, I guess. I was just in a moment of weakness. I wasn't sure what to do with myself, so I thought 'Hey! Why not cut my wrist and bleed to death?'. But, anyway, how are you, especially after seeing me the way you did?" He sat up.

"I've been fine." He tried to sound convincing, but his voice cracked as he spoke.

Daron gave a sympathetic expression, which prompted Jay to be honest.

"I haven't been so good," he breathed.

"What's wrong?"

"You remember me telling you about a guy that used me."

"How could I not?"

"Well, recently he decided he wanted to be with me."

"You rejected him, right?"

"Actually, I didn't, because I love him. He was dating someone else and wasn't quite sure how to end things with that person. It was hard for him, especially since that person grew suspicious and kept bothering him.

He stayed away from his ex for a couple of days, but then the ex came over my place the other day and demanded that I invite him over. Once he came, the ex kept questioning him, and so he just told them the truth. A lot of horrid things were said and it left him feeling horrible.

I comforted him until we fell asleep, but this morning he disappeared and he won't pick up his phone no matter how many times I call.

Now I've lost and betrayed a good friend: his ex. And, I've got to deal with the rest of the world after he and I go public."

"You weren't being specific with the ex's gender." Daron thought for a moment. "Is it Siva? Is he the heartbreaker?"

"Don't call him that. He's new to all of this."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yeah."

"Then I'll take your word for it."

"Enough about me. What's been going on with you, and why are you still in your hospital gown?"

"It's quite comfy, and nothing much. My parents visited me a day after I was admitted here."

"Yeah? What was it like seeing them again? Did it go well?"

"Nope," he replied, popping the p.

"Tell me about it."

"They asked me why I did what I did. I told them they were the cause, which they were. I told them how they broke me, and that seeing their faces only made me want to try killing myself again."

"Wow."

"I know."

"What happened next?"

"My dad told me it wasn't their fault that there's something wrong with me. They didn't raise me to be gay."

"Do your parents even have hearts?"

Daron laughed. "My mum, maybe. She turned away after what he said and never spoke. My dad and I just kept going at it until he was forced to leave for upsetting me. Before they walked out, my mum waved goodbye to me."

"Maybe you can get through to your father by making amends with your mother."

"There's no getting through to him. He's hopeless."

"That can't be true."

"But it is. This world is cruel and stupid, and there's nothing we can do about it, Jay. Just roll with the punches."

"Well, what about your mother? Will you try and work things out with her?"

"Yeah, if she's willing to accept me for who I am."

"I have a feeling she will."

"Unless my dad interferes. He has her wrapped around his little fat finger.

Anyway, it's whatever. At least I've got you, Taylor, Lucy, and my cousin. You guys love me for me, and that's all I need. I just wish you were still single and ready to mingle."

They both laughed. "If things don't work out between me and Seev, you get first dibs on me."

"Sounds good!" Daron beamed. "Thank's for visiting."

"Why wouldn't I? I'll visit everyday if you want me to."

"Would you really?"

"Of course!"

"You're too good for this world, Jay; way too good."