INVITATION TO PAIN

Jimin's call somehow saved you from Rose's questions and you were more than thankful to him.

As the day ends you take a bus to your home. Rose left for her friend's birthday party direct from the cafe, meaning it was only you over the dinner. 

You weren't that hungry hence you decided to skip the dinner. Heading to your bedroom you changed your clothes and got freshen up. 

8:59

You sighed checking the time. You didn't have much work so you decided to complete your assignments. You are studying graphic design and as the summer holidays are up, you get extra time to work at the cafe. As you sit on your bed along with your tablet and stencil, you start with the assignment. 

Halfway to it, your eyes start getting heavy as you begin to doze off. You are this lazy whenever any assignment is allotted but that can't change the fact that you were sleep deprived and nutrition deprived. You hardly ate anything or slept. 

How could you sleep when everything haunted you? When your skin and brain is on alert for every damn minute, fearing… fearing that if you sleep that demon might come back.

How could you eat when all you wished was to die? You hated yourself. You hated how you are. You hated how you look. You hated how your skin looks. 

At least eat something now, please…

His voice makes you open your eyes instantly while your heart catches the fastest speed you know. He still haunts you… Jeon Jungkook still haunted you. He was still in you, by you… with you. 

You dip your head in your legs, hiding yourself while a faint glance of your face in the mirror makes you stare at yourself. What have you become? A girl who used to talk, fight back was now timid and scared. 

The scar Rose mentioned gets exposed a little as you get up and walk over to it. Your slender fingers slide over the wide scab you hiss a little in pain. Tears brim in your eyes as you glare at the skin from the mirror.

It deserves to be treated like this…

You slip your nail more inside the wound, making your lips shut tightly in a pin while tears roll down your eyes. It hurts but it was what you liked. Pain. You were born to feel pain and nothing else. People were meant to leave your life and nothing else. 

Don't hurt yourself, please…

His voice again buzzes in your ear making you whimper silently. It's been four years but his voice, his memories, everything was still new and fresh just like this wound. 

Why do you still haunt me? Why don't you leave me alone? Why can't I live just with your memories? Why can't I hate you? Why do your memories hurt? Why do I need you knowing how much you hurt me? Why is your dream not enough to spend my whole life? What have you done Jeon Jungkook!!?

Why? Just… why!!!

You slip down the mirror resting your head over it while tears stream down your blurry gaze. Everything is still hard. It's been three years of that horrendous incident but it still tears you and your skin every minute… it still haunts you. And you just wish you could hide somewhere… maybe in his arms where he would protect you, maybe in the coffin where no one would ask anything.

Funny of you to wish for a betrayer's arms!

"Jungkook, your mom called and asked for you?" Mina mutters, fiddling with her tender fingers while Jungkook removes his shoes. He nodded without glancing at her. 

"I'll talk to her. And I hope you didn't dare to talk to her about my health and all," his sharp glare lands on her form as she flinches at sudden eye contact. She gulps hard and nods slowly. She was appointed to take care of his health, and the house which was abandoned by Jungkook since you left but the man never allowed her to take care of him or his health. 

He loves her most… I wish someone could love me the same…

She wondered seeing Jungkook mourning for your presence and love. 

"Shall I serve the… dinner?" She asks while Jungkook mutters a small yes. It's been more than a day since he didn't eat and he knows if doesn't eat now, he'll probably get sick. He has a hope of meeting you again, a company behind him, a family who loves him a lot. He believed he was the worst and he didn't have the courage to die. It would be selfish of him to leave by hurting everyone. 

Mina smiled a little and proceeded to walk over to the kitchen.

As Jungkook entered the bedroom to freshen up and change into comfortable clothes, the soft gaze of his adored the beautiful frameworks of yours, wedding pictures. The room is still drizzled with your cologne every day reminding him of you, his love, his cruelty.  

I loved you and you gave me separation…

You gave me pain, Jeon… what else are you supposed to get?

I just want to give you everything, please come back… Just for once, let me love you… please.

I wish to give you my world, Jeon… you gave me nothing except betrayals, lies, and hurt… Stay away from me…

Shaking his head with your thoughts, he completes his task and reaches downstairs for dinner. 

Did you eat? Were you eating properly? Do you eat your favourite pastry on weekends? Do you still like to bake? 

Biting his inner cheek, he gulps down the lump.

He dug in his food mindlessly and chewed on his food. He didn't care to ask what was the food, what was the soup made of… he just wished to vanish from the area and hide in his room. 

He wished someone could tell him how to hide his love for you…

His phone buzzes loudly, catching his attention as he wipes his fingers before stretching his hand to grab the device. He picks it up and places it on his ear.

"Yes, dad?" He speaks up.

"How are you Jungkook? Your mom is so worried about you? Are you okay?" His dad's voice swells his heart with warmth but at the same time reminds him how terrible a person he is. He always thinks about his pain, his heart jutting everyone around him. 

"I'm good… please don't worry about me," he mutters, his fingers playing with the spoon. 

"Sure. You think we believe your lie than live in that world. But we know how messed up you are right now… Jungkook, try for once. Who knows she is near to us but is not coming because we aren't trying…" he gets cut off as Jungkook's scared yet stern voice pierces his phone.

"No. I won't and no one will search for her. Please, dad… I have already served her more pain than she deserves, not anymore. Let her be happy, please don't trouble her more," his voice was too close to breaking. He was pleading with his father to let you live in peace and happiness whereas only you knew how restless you were without him.

"Fine. Do what you want. By the way, Mr Choi called me. His son is getting married and he hopes that someone from our family will attend the wedding. Jungkook, I want you to go…" his dad insists, making him groan internally. 

Weddings remind me of you… you slender, trembling palm in mine while I kissed those soft knuckles… oh god! 

"Dad, I can't … you know work over here," he makes up excuses and work was the best reason. 

"I don't know anything. Your dad will see the company's work for a few days. You are going to Daegu by Monday. You get that?" His mom's stern voice echoes his eardrum as he sighs in frustration.

"But mom…"

"No mom, dad. Please… it's been more than four years. You haven't left the town in these years. It's always your dad to handle overseas business and work outside Seoul. I don't know anything… this time, you'll attend the wedding and take a break from work," she instructs him. 

"I'll talk to you later," he ends the call without hearing more and leaves the table without finishing the food. He didn't have the appetite to eat in the first place and now the wedding thing fcked him more. 

Pulling a cigarette stick from his sweatpants he holds it in between his lips while his hands work on lightening the lighter. As he lights it up, he blows the strike of the cancer stick, exhaling, inhaling rings of smoke. 

Jimin dials Jungkook's number as he walks inside his house. It was a pretty long day for him. He was tired but he had work to complete before going to bed.

"What do you want, man?" His annoyed tone frustrated Jimin.  

"Shut up, you a#shole. I called you to let you know that I booked your ticket to Daegu for the upcoming Monday. Don't…" he gets cut off.

"What the fck is wrong with everyone!! I said I DON'T WANT TO GO. Why can't you all understand?" He raises his voice, making Jimin pull the phone away. 

"Calm your a#s, Jungkook!! Your mom pleaded to me and I couldn't say no," he sighs. But somewhere he was also hoping for you two to see each other. 

His heart craved for you but more than himself he wished for you to be happy and he knows that you still love his best friend… 

'Mf took my love and now isn't willing to go to Daegu to bring her back!!' He grits his teeth. 

"You know what I will punch right in your rib when I come back," Jungkook warns him, making him chuckle sarcastically. 

"Sure. And yeah, don't forget to bring sweets for my mom and dad from there," he asks while the younger one agrees. 

They both end the call soon after talking about stocks, boxing, music, and everything they had to share. Jimin orders his dinner and eats his dinner.

He's coming to you… I hope you both sort out. I am sorry, y/n… but I can't see any of you in pain every day. 

'He didn't cheat on you, y/n!! He didn't… but he did lie, he did betray you. I am sorry. I don't hold a position to say anything otherwise I would have done that,' he mutters, caressing your picture while all he wishes for is your peace and safety.