DEAD YET ALIVE

'You made me leave!'

'I didn't… I swear. I came but you were gone by that time,'

'You made me do that… you lied, lied, and lied to me. You gave your every ounce of love to them but not me… was I that unlovable?'

'No honey. I love you, only you… please forgive me,'

'Forgive? You? Never ever think of that… I'll always hate you from the bottom of my heart!!'

'Please, y/n!!'

'Please what? Don't ask me this. I can never forgive you… I despise you, Jeon Jungkook… I despise you,'

'I despise you!'

'You are the worst human!'

'You made me feel suffocated!'

'You will be hated by me for the rest of your life!'

"No!!" A loud scream scratched the walls as the man woke up with a trembling voice and body. Beads of sweat ran across his forehead while his half-closed eyes studied the room.

A nightmare again.

He sighed, pushing back his long hair. Stretching his hand he grabbed the glass of water. Chugging it down, he lits up the light and checks the time.

2:46

He leaned on the headboard as he stared at the ceiling mindlessly. 

'You'll be hated by me for the rest of your life,'

A lone tear escaped his caged eyes while his heart tightened in his ribs. His body ached. His heart ached, head ached… everything was hurting without you.

Four years. It's been four years. Four years since you left, since you took his heart, since you made him yours, since he named himself as yours, since he hates himself, since he whimpered for your every night.

He was addicted to you, your name, your cologne, your everything… that he, he spends nights watching the moon and stars wishing for your safety and happiness, and his death. 

Sighing to himself, he rose from the bed. His hand clutched on the drawer and by pulling it open he withdrew a cigarette. Finding a lightener, he walked up to the balcony. As he lights up the death stick, he puts it in between his lips. The rosy edges which craved for your lips once were now black, rotting. And he kinda liked it... that if it didn't get your touch, then no one else would. 

Crazy enough… he knew. You were his obsession. Not to the point where he would hurt you but to the point where he would kill himself. 

As he blows the strikes of smoke, he exhales it out slowly. His gaze scanned the sky as he saw it was full moon night. The moon glimmered the whole world by it's serene rays, mesmerizing every creature while the stars took care of adding more beauty to it.  

He was your star… while you were his moon. The only and only one. 

But as much as he liked this lightening and glowing sky, his longing heart for you said the sky looks incomplete. For him, you were his moon but as he knew the moon was lonely while stars are surrounded by other stars. 

'The moon looked lonely… it looked, it looked like it's crying brightly in the night sky… perfect, Jeon…' 

A painful smile chirped across his ebony lips while his gaze was blurred with new tears. The song which took years to complete is complete now. And as he said, it was his first gift for you but look at the irony, he didn't have you to give you. 

Another blow, another exhale, another cigarette. He doesn't know how much he blew the death sticks but he knew it was dangerous for him. And he liked it. Anything which harmed him was the best thing as he despised himself. 

He stood there watching the morning glow taking over the sky while the beautiful moon fled away from his gaze just like you. The soft and faint sun rays shone across his pretty long face while he blew the cigarette in between his lips. 

The alarm goes on and he rolls his tongue over his inner cheek. By cutting off the cigarette he enters his room. Getting freshen up, he takes a hot shower to relieve his dead eyes. As he got ready for work, his eyes didn't fail to recognize the tiredness his form held. He knew he was punishing himself too much and it was something he found peace in. He liked troubling himself.  He hurt you too much and it was nothing in front of that.

"Jungkook breakfast is ready," Mina murmured seeing him walking down the stairs.

"I'm getting late," he answered uninterestedly. 

"But you didn't even eat dinner. Please eat…" she gulps her words in our mug back, seeing his intense glare on herself. 

"Mind your business," he warned and left the house. 

"Can you please leave me alone for a moment?" You sighed, clutching on your aching head. 

"Sure, miss world. But please let me know if you are interested in joining or not," Rose winked at you and left the place. You groaned and by opening your eyes your hand started to search for the ibuprofen tablet. 

Your saviour for everyday headaches. 

Gulping down the tablet, you waited for the heated headache to cool down. And after a few minutes,  you found it getting light, making you sigh in relief. 

As you get back to the front desk of the cafe you are working at, Rose raises her brows in excitement. And as always she gets a clear rejection. You were like her best friend but as much as she loved you, she hated how you shut yourself. You hardly see the world, meet people outside the cafe. And never in these three years she saw or heard you talking about something you love, your interests.

I love him… and that's the tragedy, a curse to me. 

"Can I get Coffee Frappuccino Tall and a medium one please," a soft voice brings you out his thoughts as you smile with dead edges and nod.

"Sure. You need to pay 9500 won," you look at her as she digs in her purse, pulling the money. 

By completing her payment she goes and waits at one of the tables. While a strong hold on your forearm takes you to the corner of the counter. 

"Please… don't, please," you shut your eyes, arm wiggling in their hands while tears brimmed on the corner of your eyes. 

"What? Aish… y/n, it's me. Calm down," Rose's voice calms your racing inside, while you open your eyes slowly. 

I was this close to death…

You looked at her with pain oozing in your eyes. As she watched you suspiciously. 

Why did you get so scared? She didn't even cover your mouth? Were you alright? She didn't even wish to kidnap you!

"Are you okay? What happened? You look pale…" she ruffled your hair, adjusting them. While you shook your head answering her.

"I'm go… od. It's just… I got sc… ared," you stuttered and she grunted as she knew something was wrong.

It's been three years since she met you, since you took this job and since then she was met with the same fear whenever she tried to hold you.

But she doesn't know what horror that one year brought to you... Broke you completely, killed you yet kept you alive...

It was like you were scared to get touched by. And whenever she asked… She was met by this. It hurts her seeing you like that because you don't allow her to even get near to your past or your fears. And she tries everything to get you out, to take you out on blind dates, clubbing, parties but you never join her. And she doesn't force you, she somewhere understood the pain was more than she thought.

"Please say you are coming, please… It's a one week vacation and what will you do at home? Let's go and enjoy, please," she pouts, joining her hands while you shake your head.

"I'm sorry Rose. But please, I can't," you mumbled. 

"I won't talk to you. And this time I'm damn serious," she warns you just like every time, making you smile a little. You nod, assuring her that you'll make up for this. 

She was about to pass by you when her gaze landed on your little exposed collar bone. You always wore a neck fitted as well as full sleeves clothes mostly, not allowing anyone to see your milky skin but this time she gazed at it and it wasn't how she expected your skin to be.

"What's that? Did someone hurt you? God, it looks so fresh and deep! Who did this, y/n? Where were you last night? Can you please god dammit answer me! I am asking something?"

"Yes. Please send them in," he ordered, adjusting his coat. The Kang owner and his daughter entered the cabin with broad smiles, making Jungkook push his edges forcefully too.

"It's so nice to see you working so hard to carry your dad's name," Mr Kang uttered with joy.

It's a curse… curse that I got by losing her…

"Thank you but I guess he was the best," he muttered. He admired his dad and even if he was bringing Almost every deal to the company, making profits, landing in the top three companies of South Korea… His dad was the best CEO for him.

"As you think. By the way, my daughter is here to meet you. Jungkook… She is Yeji and Yeji, this is Jungkook," he  introduces the other two people in the room. Jungkook nodded with a straight face, his gaze never landing on her. While she passed a small smile. 

Hot and cold… Just like those in the books,

"I will be out of the country and will be gone for a month. Till then she will handle the business over here. So if there's anything regarding the current contract you can reach out to her," he informed him while Jungkook noted the point. 

"I will surely do that if there's any need," he agreed.

"Also, I just came back from California. And I am kinda new to this city. It would be great if we hang out and be friends," she suggested with her charming smile warming up the room while Jungkook sat unamazed. 

Never. I was born to be despised... And if I was to love... Only she'll be the one...

"I am sorry. But I guess that's difficult. I don't get free time to even step out of the house for a walk. Forgive me for that," he apologised without any emotion making her pout. 

We'll see how much you can ignore me…

Jungkook and Mr Kang kept on discussing their project while she sat listening to them. It was new to her but as a business graduate, she was ready to take on new challenges including Jungkook.

As they left, Jungkook groaned and stretched his sagging body in his chair. A tired sight escaped his edges as he searched for the coffee mug. Finding it empty, he asks his secretary to refill it.

You'll be hated by me for the rest of your life!

He brushes his tired face, pushing his eyes to stay open as he waits for his coffee. Just like the cigarette, your sharp words were haunting him. 

Will you ever forgive me? I mean I understand if you can't… 

"Just let me love… You, let me love… let me love," he cross-checks his voice as he mixes the voice over back vocals of his music. 

And as he imagined, the song sounded beautiful. Perfect. He would have been proud of himself for recording a whole song by himself but he wasn't because he needed to hide it from the world. He needs to hide his love from you, he needs to hide himself from you. 

Jimin needs to hide his real love from you…

As he finishes the sound checking, he grabs his phone immediately and dials your number and presses the cell on his ears. It's been two days since he talked to you. You were busy when he called yesterday in the morning while he was busy in the night.

"Hello," your buttery voice calms his inside as he leans back in his chair.

"How is my cupcake doing?" he asks, folding his legs over one another as he waits for your answer.

"Good as always. How about you minie?" You mumble and he smiles answering the same. 

It's his time. The best time of his day is when he gets to hear your voice. You were in Daegu… a little far from Seoul but at the same time close to his heart. And as much as he wishes to visit you every week you do not allow him. You permit him to visit you only thrice a year. He hated how you pushed him away but he understood that you wanted the best for him. 

____________________________________________________

Come on, people smile in the joy that this story is not ending and cry in pain because we are in an angsty phase now...If you are from my Instagram page then you must know that I am a fan of angst so keep tissues by your side while reading this book.

  Also, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE LOVE😭❤.

I didn't know you all love this book so much, tbh it's not one of my fav works but it's going on because you all like it. Thank you🥺.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::