Vase with Red Poppies

"Cassy! Hey!"

I heard a voice as I was walking out of my building and turned to see who was speaking to me. My heart dropped when I saw Jessica's face smiling back at me. I smiled back at her and waved, waiting for her to catch up with me.

"Hey. Sorry, I haven't called you. I've been so busy. I got that museum job in Los Angeles so I'm planning a big move." I said to her.

"Oh, it's fine. Congrats on the job! Have you been looking at houses or anything yet? Justin and I have a great realtor in LA that found our house in the Hills. I think he does most high end areas in LA if you're not too keen on living close to Justin and I again," she said jokingly.

"You know, that would actually be really helpful. It would save me so much time."

"I'll tell Justin to text you the info. Are you busy right now?"

"I was gonna meet Reese for some dinner. Did you want to join us?" I asked her, secretly wishing she was going to say no.

"Actually, I would love to join you guys. Justin said he's working late tonight so I was probably just gonna order take out."

"Cool, let's catch a cab then."

We met Reese at the restaurant and I was annoyed that I spotted some paparazzi taking photos of us all together. I was surely going to hear about this from Justin. Reese gave me a look as we sat down at the table and I gave her one back indicating that this wasn't in my plans at all. Jessica seemed pretty oblivious to the whole thing.

"Can I get you ladies anything to drink this evening?"

"We'll have a bottle of your best Cabernet and waters with lemon. Also, can we have the flatbread appetizer? Thanks." I said, not even glancing at the menu. I needed a drink and I needed it now.

"Of course. I'll be right back, Mrs. Ford."

I winced when he called me Mrs. Ford. I always did. I hadn't changed my last name but for whatever reason that didn't stop people from assuming I had. I lifted the menu up and started browsing through the meals, my appetite not even really present.

"That's probably a really expensive bottle of wine," said Jessica, jokingly.

"Oh, it's fine. Jeremy's family knows the owner and he basically gives us a family discount." I said, waving Jessica off.

"That's why we always come here for girl's night. Good wine and meat for great prices!" said Reese, trying to lighten the mood.

"Well, what's good here? Justin and I have only walked past. We like to avoid paparazzi and this seems to be a hot spot."

"I like the steak, Reese likes the porkchops, both are delicious. But honestly, everything on the menu is immaculate." I said, trying not to cringe as she mentioned Justin's name. I tried not to think back to the other day when Justin was in my office, and we were kissing. My heart plummeted but I tried to play it off.

An hour later we were all laughing, buzzed off the wine and delicious food. Jessica was a perfectly nice woman, maybe a tad bland, but I could definitely see why Justin married her. She seemed to be good hearted. I watched her whenever she smiled, whenever she spoke...I just watched her. I wanted to see even the smallest indication of a reason Justin wouldn't really love her. Some type of indication that she wasn't the one. But I couldn't find it. Why wouldn't someone want to marry her? She was pretty, in good shape, sarcastic, bright, shiny, seems like she knows her way around a bottle of wine...she was compatible with Justin in every way. In ways that I was not.

Reese and her were laughing hysterically about something and I felt my phone vibrate from my purse. I pulled it out, watching "J" flash across my screen. Below it, "Mr. Ford" had sent a message 30 minutes ago (I was Mrs. Ford in his phone). I unlocked my phone and like a movie both messages, one after the other, I miss you. I locked my phone and put it back in my purse, lifting my glass of wine and taking a deep swig. We were through 2 bottles and it didn't seem like we would be slowing down. Reese ordered another bottle and I sighed within.

"So when are you leaving for LA, Cassy?" said Jessica.

"I'm officially moving in a couple of weeks, but I will be out there looking for apartments this weekend." I said.

"How are you two going to survive not being able to see each other?" she said, glancing at Reese.

"Oh, we'll figure it out. There's still facetime, and I'm sure she'll have plenty of trips to LA."

"Yeah, we seem to have a hard time getting rid of each other." said Reese, jokingly.

"I hope we'll all get to hang out more despite our busy schedules. I honestly don't have that many girlfriends and I'm sure Justin gets sick of me sometimes."

"We'll all make time for each other." I said, wondering if I had convinced her.

"So you stumble in drunk after not answering any of my texts all night?" I had stumbled in after the 3 hour dinner and Jeremy was sitting on the couch, staring at me with a look in his eyes.

"I'm not in the mood tonight." I said, dismissively.

"What the fuck is going on with you? You've been acting weird for the last few weeks." said Jeremy, walking towards me.

I glanced at him before I turned around and started walking towards our bedroom. I felt his hand grab my arm and swing me around. I fell into the wall trying to balance myself, and was immediately annoyed.

"I told you, I'm not in the mood." I said, more aggressively this time.

"Well you're going to be in the fucking mood, and you're going to talk to me," he grabbed my arm and dragged me into the kitchen, forcing me onto one of the chairs at the breakfast bar. He grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator and slammed it on the counter. "Drink it."

I grabbed the bottle and looked at him as I opened it and took a long drink. I slammed the bottle back on the counter, still looking at Jeremy. He placed both hands on the counter, looking at me with a furious look in his eyes.

"You're a fucking mess. Look at you," he said.

"Look at me," I said, mockingly.

"Tell me. What the fuck. Is going with you. You're drinking more, you're ignoring me, you're acting strange. This is a marriage. I'm not your boyfriend. You owe me answers. I don't want to keep having this discussion with you."

"I don't owe you shit." i said, my eyes narrowing. 

I saw white flash before my eyes as his hand connected with my face. I could taste the blood in my mouth as I looked back up at him.  I felt the alcohol leaving my system as my adrenaline kicked in. Then so did my fear. It was like a ripple effect. I focused my attention down at my hands, and tried not to cry.

"I don't know why we keep having to do this, Cassy. I give you enough freedom, don't I? I let you go out with your friends, I let you have a job, I get you that job, I let you go off to California, I even agree to finance our little move back to LA. Do you remember what you were like before me? You were a pitiful drug addict. Who would've wanted you besides me? I fixed you. I made you who you are. I paid for your rehab, your therapy, I pay for your fucking life. Your life, is mine. So yes, you do owe me. You owe me your life. Go take a shower, and get in bed."

I slowly got up, and walked to our bedroom, seeing tunnel vision the entire way to the bathroom.

The next morning I was sitting on the couch drinking coffee. Jeremy left early that morning, though I wasn't sure of where he went. The image of Jeremy hitting me kept flashing across my mind. When I looked in the mirror that morning there was still a red mark across my face. I was glad I already had my last day at work and I had the next two days to prepare myself for LA.

I sat there and I thought about running away. I knew there was nowhere I could run he wouldn't find me. The thought had crossed my mind times before this moment, and I knew there was no plan that would work. I packed for LA and decided I would leave a day early. Whenever I heard a noise I listened intently to see if it was Jeremy coming through the door. Around 3 I asked Reese if she wanted to get something to eat and she agreed. I walked back into the house at 6pm, and I could hear noises coming from the bedroom. I figured I wasn't going to be able to avoid Jeremy and decided that I would face the issue head on.

When I walked into the bedroom there were rose petals covering the bed, and candles lit all around the room. Sitting on my vanity was a large vase of red poppies. I walked over to the bed and noticed a black box sitting in the middle. I picked it up and opened it, seeing a beautiful pair of diamond studs. I closed the box and threw it back on the bed, rolling my eyes. I turned around and standing in the doorway was Jeremy.

"Cassy, I'm sorry. I've just been feeling so insecure about how you've been acting lately and it's making me irrational. You know you're the love of my life and I would never do anything to hurt you."

He reached out to me and I flinched before letting him kiss me. He led me to the dining room and showed me the beautiful seafood dinner he had prepared for us. Even though I wasn't hungry I made the effort to eat. I was figuring if I was nice to him he wouldn't be too upset about me changing my flight. The sooner I got to LA, the sooner I could figure out what I was going to do. After dinner, as much as it pained me, I slept with Jeremy. I did a damn good job at it too.

The next morning Jeremy helped me to the car taking me to the airport. When he said goodbye I kissed him so passionately I even knocked the wind out of myself. When I got to the airport I checked in and immediately beelined to the lounge, where I found myself downing a glass of bourbon. I looked down at the glass and contemplated how much I'd been drinking lately, wondering if it was clouding my judgement. I pushed the glass away and ordered some water instead.

When I got to Los Angeles, I watched the driver bring my bags in before tipping him and watching him leave. I dragged all my stuff into my bedroom and slowly unpacked. I sent Jeremy a text message telling him that I had landed and he told me he was in a meeting and would call me later. I rolled my eyes and wondered if this meeting was with a young, blonde haired woman or about actual business. The first time I discovered the other women I approached him about it, and he basically told me I would be hard pressed to ever find a man who didn't cheat. I let it go and chose to ignore it, never telling anyone about it. I was watching all these things from my seemingly perfect marriage unravelling in front of me and I felt lost.

I ordered myself some Chinese food and grabbed a bottle of water before I decided to go watch TV in the living room. I noticed the red poppies I had left on the table weeks ago, the dead petals surrounding the red vase. As I was watching The Mindy Project my eyes kept absentmindedly drifting to the dead flowers. The doorbell rang, and I paid the delivery guy, sitting back on the couch. I ate and watched the dead flowers. I don't know why, but I couldn't bring myself to clean them up and throw them away.

I remembered Jeremy throwing me against the wall, his hands around my neck. He had been angry with me for hanging out with Reese too late and we had gotten in the first of many terrible fights. I tried to break up with him, but he convinced me it was a one time thing. He sent me 3 vases of poppies for the first time. Suddenly I was afraid of Jeremy and how he was effecting me. I thought we were perfect. I thought he was the love of my life. How fucked up am I to allow this kind of treatment?

I decided to tear myself away from the vase and go lay in my bed. When I climbed into the sheets I noticed they still smelled like Justin. I closed my eyes and pulled the pillow close, hugging it against my body. And then I cried.