suicide attempt

-a/n- Like you can see from the name, this chapter will strongly include talking about suicide, self harm and self-destructive thoughts. Please stop reading if it triggers you or makes you uncomfortable. Otherwise, thank you for reading until here. <3

"You can't sleep all day!" Harry protests. Louis doesn't answer, he just pulls his blanket over his head. "Louis!" Harry is about to lose his temper.

"I miss her.." Louis finally mumbles. Harry sighs and gets on the bed.

"I know you do, I miss her too. And I know she was your sister, I know how much she meant to you. But you have to at least come to eat something." Harry explains. Today marks one year from Fizzy's death. Of course Louis is sad about it, but,, well. He isn't that sad that he couldn't get out of bed. He's just in bad shape, for no reason at all, again, or more like still. He hasn't gone outside for almost a week. Louis doesn't answer to him. Suddenly the blanket over him gets pulled away.

"Hey!" Louis yells and curves his body into a roll."Give it back!"

"Not until you get up." Harry threatens. He's serious about it. Louis just rolls his eyes and gets back to sleeping. "Louis what the fuck wrong with you?!" Harry swears. Ouch.

"I just wanna sleep.." Louis mumbles. He hears how Harry gets on the bed, and feels his breath on his face.

"I don't mean just today, you don't really do anything anymore." Harry sounds now more worried than angry. He has noticed. I mean, Louis figured out that he'll notice at some point. Louis presses his eyes harder close, hoping he won't start crying again.

"I don't know why.." He answer after a couple minutes of silence. Harry puts his hands on Louis' cheeks so he opens his eyes to find Harry smiling at him.

"Good that you acknowledge it." Harry kisses Louis on his forehead.

There has been couple of days when Louis was sure that he was gonna kill himself at that same second. But Harry always came home. He went on a little longer for him. It lead to this, he can't get out of bed, he's mad all the time, he's tired and barely eats. Harry doesn't deserve this, taking care of Louis all the time. And Louis hates it.

"Now, breakfast." Harry states. Louis gives up at this point. He has bullied Harry enough. He has to be strong.

"Can you carry me?" Louis asks whispering. He doesn't want to bother Harry, but walking downstairs feels impossible, let alone walking back up. Harry doesn't say anything, and it's not like Louis doesn't know what he'd answer, he just gets up and lifts Louis up by his knees and back, Louis wraps his arms around Harry's neck. He rests his head on his shoulder and closes his eyes. Harry walks them downstairs, not saying a word.

Louis ate eggs and a toast. He wasn't hungry and felt like he would throw up, but he did it anyhow to please Harry. They stayed downstairs to watch a movie but Louis passed out middle of it. He has to get himself together, or Harry will suspect something.

It's not like Louis hasn't thought about it. It's not something impulsive. But it's- it's hard. How could he leave Harry? It would be easier if they weren't together, or engaged in the matter of fact. If Harry just would just break up with him,, if they never got back together,, if they never met.. Maybe he wouldn't even be here. Harry is the one making this so hard. Or maybe he won't even care, Louis is nothing but a burden to him, at least right now. It would just help him. Harry would get over it and start living a normal life, Harry wouldn't have to go on with this.

Besides, he doesn't know how, hanging sounds,, wrong. It would probably leave a mark, he doesn't want people to find him like that. Drugs,, not a good idea, it will take a while, doesn't probably even do the job. He feels like he would betray Fizzy, all of his family if he goes the same way that she died, but intentionally. Drowning isn't good either, maybe they won't even find the body. He wants them to burry him. That will help them move on. If they never find the body, that will probably bother them.

So,, cutting. That's the best idea he has gotten this far. But the problem is again, he can't cut somewhere people will see it. Like for example, his neck. Then, when he's buried, there would be an ugly wound. So maybe his arms? He isn't quite sure yet.

Louis finally wakes up, Harry gone from his side. He opens his eyes to find a sticky note on his hand.

"I went to an interview, will be back at night. Please don't stay up waiting for me if you're tired. Love you lots xx

Harry"

Shit. Well this happened at the worst time. Louis would probably do it at this same second, but.. he hasn't wrote any letters. He wants to do that. So Louis gets up, and walks upstairs to find some papers and a pen.

He has no idea what to write.

He knows immediately to left Harry's note to last one to write, maybe he starts with Zayn. It sounds better, easier. He writes how he shouldn't never blame himself, how much he misses him, how much he's going to miss him. He wrote about their experiences in the band, how he was his best friend. How Louis was never angry at him, he was just too childish and stubborn.

Niall's note was left short. Louis was sure that Niall already knew exactly what he wanted to say. Louis missed their moments on stage, so much. Their night when they got drunk in the hotel rooms secretly, hoping the management won't notice. He missed his laugh, he missed his jokes, he missed him.

Freddy's and Liam's notes were gonna be tough ones too. For Freddy, he wrote life advices, how much he'll miss him, how proud he is, how daddy will look over for him in the sky. He wrote how he should be himself, not letting anyone bring him down. He's gonna write on top on the note that he should open it when he's 16 years old.

Liam's note,,, well Louis thought that would be hard. But he knew exactly what to write. Liam was one the reasons he is still here. He told Liam to take care of Harry. To take care of himself, Freddy too. He reminded how much Liam meant to him, how much he loves him. He wrote how sorry he was for the thing he did, or didn't do.

The notes for his family members were the same type of cliché shit. He tried to make them unique, trying to write something special in each one. Maybe he succeeded, maybe he didn't. At least he wrote something, they won't be left without an answer.

All this writing makes Louis' hand hurt, he checks the clock.

Fuck.

It's almost 8pm? How is it that much already? I mean, he got out of bed somewhere at 2 pm,, but,, what? How long he was passed out?

Shit. He doesn't know if he can go through with it tonight. So he gets back to the writing, the pain in his wrist won't stay for long anyway.

For some reason, he felt like he wanted to write a letter to Max too. He told him how sorry Louis was, but how he hoped that Max was sorry too. How he hopes that Max learns from his mistakes and gets on with his life. How he should never contact Harry or any of his family or friends. Louis just hopes that he won't blame himself even though what he did was wrong and scarred him badly.

After done, Louis hid them all in their dresser, inside this one Louis' jacket's pocket. Louis or Harry never use it, Harry won't find them.

What he'll do now? Louis checks the clock,, almost 10 pm. He sighs and gets downstairs. Harry's not coming yet home. 10 pm isn't night, right? He could take a risk. But if he isn't fast enough,, he doesn't want to get thrown in a hospital.

Louis had to text Harry something, but his mind was empty. He kept writing and deleting, nothing sounded right. Maybe just something simple.

Husband<33

"I love you."

That was it. This was going to end now. Louis took a deep breath as he felt he was going to panic, his hands were shaking. Upstairs it is. The stairs suddenly felt so much longer, Louis felt like he walked them in 10 minutes. He has to do it in the bathroom so he can lock the door. He chose the last one, hoping it would take longer to find him.

Louis locked the door, for the last time. He walked over to the sink and found a razor blade in the cabinet. Louis kept spinning it around in his hand, accidentally cutting his finger. He swallowed. This was it. Louis closed his eyes to breathe for a second. The blade would be the end of him. Louis wouldn't have to suffer anymore. Louis could be free, he wouldn't have to be strong anymore. Louis' eyes closed, hands shaking, he was finally sitting in the bath tub.

That's when he heard it. The was a car outside. How.. How Harry had the worst time to come home? Louis panicked and got up, hid the blade away and went back downstairs where Harry was smiling and waiting for him. His hands were shaking but Harry just looked at him clueless.

"Hey there,, you're feeling better?" Harry asks and takes Louis in for a hug. Louis feels like his heart just dropped. He was just seconds away of losing Harry. His Harry. He was seconds away from this hug.

Harry came home at the perfect time.

"Much better."

**

"Louis? Are you there?" Liam asks over the phone. Louis stopped the car suddenly when he saw Max walking down the street. His heartbeat was rising, he felt it. Max didn't even notice him, he was just walking, no care in his mind. "Louis?"

"Ye-yeah."

"Mate you alright?"

"I am, just.. I saw Max."

"Max? Get the fuck out of there!" Liam insisted, but Louis couldn't move, he just froze. "Is this the first time you see him after..?"

"Yeah." Louis was able to answer. His hands were grabbing the wheel tighter. Max took a look at the car, staring at it for a while before he noticed Louis. "Shit, he saw me."

"Drive the fuck away Louis." Liam kept getting angrier, but only cause he was worried.

"He's walking over here, I can't just drive away now!" Louis panics.

"Uhhh, you can and you will?" Liam gets sassy, it doesn't really help at all. "I know you won't listen to a word I say but for the sake of pete, please lock the doors." Now Liam is being reasonable.

"I will." He promises and does it right away. "Will you call me in 5 minutes?"

"Of course." Liam hangs up as Max gets to the car. He knocks on the window, Louis just looks straight ahead. Fucking hell. Now he really can't drive away. Slowly, Louis turns his head on Max, who is for some fucking reason smiling, and opens the car window.

"Hey." Max greets. Louis is unable to make eye contact with him.

"Hey." He says back.

"Uhh, how are you?" Max tries to small talk, probably wondering why Louis won't let him inside the car. That mother fucker really don't know that what he did was wrong.

"I'm great, really." Louis answers and nods his head. Max nods back and spots Louis' wedding, or engage ring on his finger.

"You're married?" Max asks, rather mad than surprised.

"Engaged." Louis moves his eyes to look at the road, he has to be ready to drive away.

"Oh? To who?" He continues questioning but Louis can't answer. He swallows, trying to get that annoying feeling out of his throat and tries to think what to say. Finally he sighs and turns to look at Max.

"Harry." As Louis answered, he could see Max face to turn from surprised to disappointed, to angry. Louis was ready to drive away the same second, he wasn't sure how Max would take this.

"Really?"

"Really."

"After all he did-"

"You have no right to say anything." Louis stood to himself. "Expect if it's congratulating." He added.

"Lou, that's not healthy. You know how he treated you.." Now Louis was getting mad too. "I wouldn't be saying that it's not a good idea if I didn't mean it."

"I didn't ask for your opinion." Louis strikes back. It feels pretty good, showing that he is his own person. Not anyone's toy.

"..You have changed." He states after a silence. "Not sure if that's a good thing."

"Look, I'm happy, much happier without you. Accept it."

"Are you though?" Max asks and raises his eyebrows. Louis felt shivers down on his body. He really isn't, but it isn't about Harry. It wasn't about Max leaving. He should be happy.

"I don't know how you have the audacity to come to talk to me like nothing happened." Louis avoids the question.

"Lou, look, I'm sure we have a lot to catch up, why don't we go for a drive or for a coffee? It's dumb talking like this." Max tries to lure himself back to Louis' life..

"No." ..But it's not happening again.

"No?"

"No. Have a good day Max." Louis nods and starts the car again. He closes the window and drives away, seeing Max standing and staring at him from the car's side mirror. Shit. He's so fucking proud of himself. Next thing, he calls Liam again.

"So??!" Liam asks inpatient.

"So, he saw my ring, asked who I was engaged to, told me that it's a bad idea and still tried to get me to get coffee with him."

"What? Is he out of his mind?"

"I guess. But I stood up against him. Told him to fuck off and shit."

"You didn't say that."

"..No but I told him I didn't ask for his opinion and said no and shit." Louis explains and he can barely see how proud Liam is.

"That's great, now go home and tell Harry before this turns into a bigger thing."

"I was about to."

"Great, I'm glad you handled it this well."

The drive home Louis still talked to Liam, until curving into his yard. He wasn't really scared to talk to Harry about this but it's not like he isn't totally freaking out. So,, he gets in, Harry is cooking in the kitchen.

"Hey! How was work?" Harry greets smiling. Louis takes of his shoes without answering and sits down at the table.

"Can you sit down?" He asks trying to not sound rude or nervous. Harry though looks worried but puts his spatula down and gets the chair from the other side of the table. "So,, please don't freak out-"

"You know I'm going to freak out if you start your sentence like that." Harry doesn't let Louis finish.

"I know.." He looks at Harry straight in the eyes and then down at his hands. "I saw Max." Harry doesn't answer. Louis doesn't want to look at him, he's too scared. "Nothing really happened, I was in my car and he walked over."

"And?"

"And,, we talked. He asked about my ring." Louis finally looks up.

"And??" Harry keeps asking.

"And,, he asked who I was engaged to, I told you, he didn't obviously take it well. He kept saying how it's a bad idea, blah blah blah. I told him I am happy without him.." Louis sighs. "And he just straight ass replies with 'are you though?' I-I don't know what to say."

"You're not happy with me?" Louis hears how Harry's heart breaks.

"No! No! No, I mean, no, I mean, yes! Yes, I am happy with you. Yes, I am better without him. But,, I am not,,, happy. You know?" Harry bites his bottom lip but nods.

"I know." He whispers. They sit in the silence for a while, Louis is staring down at his lap, trying to think what to say. "You know, Louis, we don't have to get married straight away."

"That's not what I want! I wanna be married to you, I wanna tell everyone you're my husband, my real husband. I want to have the wedding we always dreamed of." Louis panics. "I love you Harry."

"But you aren't feeling well, this type of thing would be rough for you."

"I can make through it." Louis convinces, not sure if he's lying.

"Are you strong enough for that?" Harry asks. Somehow Harry knows Louis too well. He just, he knows always the right things to say. Louis' eyes starts watering, he tries to not let the tears out.

"I can be." Harry nods.

"Come here." He suddenly says and gets up. Louis gets immediately into his arms. "My little baby. We need to do something about this." Harry states.

"No, it's fine. It's just something everyone goes through." Louis tries to explain knowing that Harry won't give up.

"This is the same situation I was in a while ago, right? Now I'm the one making you go to the doctor. And you know what?" Harry stops, until Louis nods to make him continue. "You can't do the same shit that I did. You can't push me away, I won't let you. We're going to go through with this together."

And for a while Louis wanted to believe that was true.

**

"20th of May. Your tour starts then." Craig announced. Louis raises his eyebrows and stares at him.

"So early?" He then questions.

"Yeah, I'm pretty convinced that it will be sold out in a week." Craig nods as Louis scoffs. "Anyways,, I noticed your ring." He states and looks down at Louis' hand. Louis shakes his head.

"And?"

"And, well.. Is it,, are you engaged?" Craig finally asks. Somehow Louis started to feel more comfortable around him, somehow Craig feels more relaxed and chill now. He isn't sure what has happened but it better stay like this.

"Yeah." Louis nods smiling.

"To Harry, I assume?" Louis nods again. "Congratulations. I mean, finally. You two have been waiting for that." Craig smiles too. Oh, yes, Craig has started smiling too. It doesn't even scare Louis anymore.

"Yeah, for a while." Louis looks down and plays with his finger. Suddenly he feels the need to asks Craig about himself. "You seem more,, happy nowadays. Has-, I mean, you know it's good. Just wondering if anything happened." He tries to sound friendly.

"Yeah." Craig smiles and looks at the frame on his work table. "I finally got my custody back for my daughter." Louis' face lighted up.

"Really? That's great!" He exclaims, even though he didn't even know that Craig had a daughter. Craig seems so excited that he doesn't want to ruin the mood by saying that. "But,, Um- I should probably get going?" Louis finally says, trying to not make the situation awkward.

"Yeah, yeah." Craig nods and looks at his desk. "Oh right, forgot to tell you. Eleanor is not home, he's at his new boyfriend or something, I'll text the address." Craig reminds.

"She got a boyfriend?" Louis asked surprised. Not in a bad way, he just didn't know.

"Yeah, yeah I can't remember his name though." Craig thinks as Louis stands up to leave. "Have fun with your girlfriend!" Craig says half sarcastically. Louis smiles at him before leaving the office.

Eleanor's new boyfriend was called Max. Of course it made Louis panic at first but he found out it's not the same Max.. apparently. At least he lives in a different address, Louis hasn't seen him yet, or doesn't even know his last name.

Eleanor is smiling widely when she gets in the car.

"What's up with you? A new boyfriend?" Louis plays with her.

"Yeah!" She exclaims and puts in her seatbelt. Louis just smiles at her as backing out of the yard. "What's up with you? An engagement?" Eleanor bullies.

"What? Where did you find out?" Louis asks, trying to focus on the road, hoping that the media isn't already on it.

"Your hand?" She laughs.

"Ooh." Louis forgot about that. "You should probably wear a ring too, when out in public." Louis shrugs. "Just in case."

"I got couple of them in my purse." Eleanor says and looks through the black Guess' handbag. She takes out three rings and shows them to Louis. "Which one?" Louis first looks at her and then the rings.

"The silver one." He says, turning his head back to the road. Eleanor hymns and puts the other rings away.

"Knew you'd say that." She guessed and looks at the ring in her finger. "This type of ring Harry had." Louis tries to not smirk but is unable.

"Yeah,, he had one like that." He states.

"What's up though?" Eleanor asks, just like that she turned serious. Louis takes a curve to the right with the car before turning to take a look at her.

"What do you mean?" He then asks.

"You cancelled all of our plans, I mean the management's plans, didn't answer texts, you know. Everything alright?" She asks, worried. How is it possible that she can read people this easily? Louis sighs loudly, thinking if he should speak the truth or not.

"Yeah, had a couple of bad days. Don't worry about it." Louis finally replies and smiles,, tries to smile. Eleanor just keeps staring at him, making Louis uncomfortable. "I'm fine now."

"Yeah,, but it wasn't couple of days. More like months. You know, Craig started calling me too, he got mad when I said that I didn't know where you were." Eleanor explains, she still doesn't take her eyes off Louis.

"I'm sorry about that." Louis apologizes after clearing his throat.

"It's not about that, I don't care about Craig yelling, I know what he's like." Eleanor shrugs and finally turns her head away. "I was just worried, I know Craig was too."

"Eleanor, everyone has bad days, you know that. It's just something-" Louis tries to explain but Eleanor stops him.

"When will you cut the bullshit and tell me what's wrong or how long should I go on with this?" She snaps. Louis tries to avoid Eleanor's eyes with all of his mind. He doesn't know why is it so hard to tell her. "What's going on?" She asks quietly.

"I don't know, to be honest." Louis sighs and grabs the wheel tighter. "I really, really don't know and it's frustrating. And Harry noticed it too." Louis tries to keep this short so they can talk about something else, but Eleanor keeps questioning him.

"I bet he did. Did something happen?"

"No, that's why it's so confusing. I feel like shit every single day-" Louis noticed that his voice started breaking even though he wasn't feeling bad five minutes ago. "-and I don't know what to do. I can't get out of bed, I can't eat, drink, I can't talk to anyone, most of the days it feels rough to even talk to Harry. I feel pressured all the time, I don't even have a reason why, that's why it's so annoying! So when I don't talk to anyone for a while, it feels impossible to catch up with them. I mean, at least Liam hasn't noticed anything yet, I try to keep up with him so he doesn't have to worry. And it breaks my heart that Harry has to go through with this, he doesn't deserve looking after me all day." All these words just left Louis' mouth. Once he started talking, he couldn't stop. Eleanor didn't answer anything, and Louis was too scared to look at her, so he just focused on driving forward, tears flowing on his cheeks.

"You're not a burden to Harry." Eleanor started. "Not at all, I know him, and I know you. You don't think straight right now, you're too selfless to think about it this way. Harry loves you too much and that means through thick and thin." She continued. Louis just nods, biting his bottom lip. Somehow something that Eleanor said hit him. He really had to hold in his breaths so he won't start crying aloud. "Besides, didn't you take care of him for more than a while? When he had those episodes?" She asked. Louis just keeps nodding.

"But I don't have a reason to be like this, Harry is bipolar." Louis states. They're almost at the restaurant so he tries to calm down. The place is going to be full of paparazzis. "I just,, just hope that he doesn't leave."

**

Louis thought about what Eleanor said, a lot. He understood that he had taken care of Harry at his worst, so Harry would do the same to him,, but somehow it didn't feel right.

Harry had a reason to be like this.

Couple of weeks passed by, Louis and Harry argued almost very day, the days they didn't, was because they didn't see each other. It was exhausting. Today's fight was the worst they ever had, worse than the break up fight. Louis was again, in bed laying down.

"Louis." Harry surprised him from the door. Louis turned around to him, tried to smile. "I was wondering-" He continued while walking towards the bed. "-We could have a little date night?" Harry asked carefully, biting his lip as he sat down.

"Today?" Louis questioned as his eyes wandered through out Harry's body.

"Yes, tonight." Louis smiled but sighed.

"Look, Haz, I would love to, but-"

"But what?" Harry went from zero to hundred in second. "We never do anything anymore. I mean, you don't do anything." His voice was angry, he was almost already shouting.

"We don't have to always do something!" Louis defended himself and sat up. "You get so angry all the time." Louis struck back, which wasn't really a good idea.

"And for a reason! Louis you put no effort into this relationship. It's always me making the first move, always me who apologises after a fight. I feel like you don't even want to be in this relationship!" Harry's words cut deep into Louis' heart.

"You feel like that?" Louis left his mouth open after the question. His eyebrows were frowned, he felt like he was going to pass out. All this fighting left him really tired.

"Well?" Harry tried to argue, but he seemed like he didn't know what to say. "Think about it."

"I'm trying to think about it but I can't since you always yell at me!" Louis argues too. He starts feeling how that tiredness turns into anger, but he can't stop. He hasn't been able to let out these feelings, so it's all coming out like this now.

"Oh so I'm the problem? Should I just let you lay in bed doing nothing every single day?" Louis hates how Harry always pulls the victim card out in their arguments.

"Don't say that, I'm really exhausted all the time. It's not my fault." He tries to calm down a bit by taking breaths.

"Do you want to die, Louis? Are you suicidal?" Harry's voice is still angry, but there's a small bit of worry there. Louis doesn't answer. He knows lying doesn't work at situations like these, maybe he couldn't even lie if he tried. Harry gasps, leaving his mouth open and at the very same second tears starts flowing down on his cheeks. "Let's go." He whispers and tries to grab Louis' hand. But Louis snatches himself out of Harry's grip.

"No, what? Where?"

"To the doctor, ER, where ever you can get help." Harry panics and tries to take Louis' hand again.

"No! I'm not going anywhere!" Louis starts protesting back. But that just made Harry more angry, so he gets a tight hold of Louis and lifts him up from the bed.

"I am letting you die here!" Harry yells, and Louis gets enough of it. He gets himself out of Harry's hands, accidentally hitting Harry in the face. With terror and fear in his eyes, he turns around to him. Harry's holding his eye, breathing rapidly.

"Harry,, I'm so-" Louis tries to get closer to Harry, but he takes steps back. "So sorry.." He keeps trying, whispering how sorry he is.

"Don't touch me." Harry states as his back hits the wall behind him. Louis still gets closer. "DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!" Harry snaps and starts yelling. "Whatever, I fucking give up. You wanna ruin your life or kill yourself? Then do it, I'm not going to deal with this anymore. I'm so fucking sick and tired of this. Fuck the wedding, fuck this and fuck you." Harry yells and takes out his ring. That broke Louis' heart. Fucking shattered it. The ring flies to the other side of the room, and not soon after when their door slams close, followed by the front door getting closed too.

This is it. Louis ruined it.

He know how much he hurt Harry, he knows how this is going to hurt both of them, but he feels relieved. He can't lie, relieved, like someone just took out a weight out of his shoulders.

And he knows why.

**

Five hours. Louis decided that he'll wait 5 hours for Harry. If he didn't text or come back home, he would do it. It was just an excuse for being a pussy. He know he would do it anyway, someday or another.

But Harry didn't. Didn't call, didn't text, didn't come back.

And Louis doesn't even blame him, Harry had every right to do that. Louis went upstairs to find his letters, he left them in bedroom number 1, on top of the bed.

Downstairs looked peaceful. Like just a normal day. It was clean, Harry has probably vacuumed the place since there is no dirt in sight. Louis was looking around when he spotted the painting. His painting. Even though it's as ugly as it can get, Louis smiled. It was all good when he painted it. They had fun. He walked across the room to the painting and touched it lightly. A smile appeared on his face, as well as tears. Something came across his mind. He wanted to text Liam, before.

Liam Payno

"Hey, remember that I love you, I appreciate everything you've done to me."

Liam didn't answer, but that was fine, Louis texted Harry too.

Husband<3

"I love you, and I'm sorry for everything."

But that's it. Enough with this dumb shit. He got to stop being a pussy and do it. Before leaving upstairs, he deleted everything from his phone. It took a while to load but Louis wasn't in a hurry. Harry wouldn't come back.

For some strange reason, Louis was smiling as he was walking back upstairs. It felt really soothing, to let all of this go. He once again chose the last bathroom and locked the door. As longer he was in there, more his breaths were getting deeper.

Louis played with the razor in his hand. He was really going to do this. It was going to hurt, he know it will. But after this one particular pain, he wouldn't have to feel it ever again anymore. So, he cut his wrist all open with his left hand. The bathtub was turning red in seconds. He did the same with his other hand, but he was unable to cut as deep as he did with the other one. Louis' clothes were getting soaked with blood, it was flowing on the floor too.

And fuck how it hurt.

But even that didn't hurt as much as what he heard next.

"Louis!?" Shouting was coming from downstairs. Fucking Harry, he cares too much. Too much. He could've just waited for ten minutes longer. But no, he comes as fast as he can. Should've not sent that text. But it's okay. His arms are bleeding, the bathtub is getting fuller, he's feeling dizzy. He just hoped that Harry wouldn't have to see this. "Louis?! Are you there?"

Louis didn't answer so the knob started turning. Harry banged the door when he realised it's locked.

"Louis? Open the door please, please. Let me in." Louis kept his quiet. He isn't sure how it happened but the door was open in couple of seconds, and his heart broke as he saw Harry's face. His mouth was left open, he froze for couple of seconds but immediately started helping him. He found towels and tape and wrapped them around Louis' arms. "Why would you do this?" Harry kept whispering with his breaking voice.

"I love you." Louis whispered and closed his eyes. He heard how Harry spoke, probably called the ambulance.

"My fiancé cut his arms."

My fiancé. He called Louis his fiancé. Louis thought it was over.

"Louis?? Louis? Stay with me!" Harry forcefully opened Louis' eyes. It started to get harder to breathe at this point. The pain was going away.

"I'm sorry." Louis whispered once again. Harry bit his lip and shook his head.

"No, no. You're going to be alright. You're strong, you'll be okay. Okay? Just stay with me." Harry tried to assure Louis, but probably just assured himself. Louis closed his eyes again and smiled. "Yes, he's conscious." Harry kept talking to his phone.

"Harry.." Louis whispered. He was having a hard time breathing, but managed to whisper and open his eyes. Harry was sitting beside the bathtub and staring at him. The white towels around Louis' arms were turning red. They couldn't stop bleeding. "You're so important to me." He continued.

"Then why would you do this?" Harry got mad. "Louis, why? I love you, the fight didn't mean anything. I was just mad, I want to marry you. Louis, please." Harry was babbling, yelling. Louis felt his fingers getting cold, they were turning purple. But Louis managed to lift his left arm up and reach to Harry's cheek. It left blood there, but he wanted to touch him for the last time.

"This isn't your fault." Louis continued explaining. His sight was getting blurry at some points, sometimes he even had to close his eyes. When he could keep his eyes open, he saw how Harry cried, his nose were runny and eyes were all red.

"You can't leave me." Harry shook his head and took Louis' hand. He saw how the blood were getting through the towel. He gasped but went to get more towels. Louis closed his eyes and rest his head on the wall behind him.

"Louis??" Harry slapped Louis on his cheek slightly. "Wake up!" Louis had to open his eyes. He must've blacked out for a little while since another layer of towels were around his arms. "Louis, I'm so sorry. I never wanted to leave."

"I feel so,," Louis had to take a deep breath before continuing. "So,, much better.. Already." He whispered. Louis just couldn't keep his eyes open anymore. His eyelids felt too heavy. He couldn't feel his fingers at this point, his legs were all numb, and his heart beat was getting slower. At some point he had to gasp for air.

"Hurry the fuck up! My fiancé is Louis Tomlinson and I am fucking Harry Styles. If he dies, I am suing the fuck out of you!" Louis heard Harry yelling. It made him smirk a little.

"I'm so.." Louis had to stop. He passed out again for a second since he felt Harry slapping him on the face again. "This isn't your fault." Louis got his eyes open to look at the man, his man in front of him. He was crying, louder.

"But what about us?" Harry's voice was breaking. "What about our wedding? What about coming out together? What about getting rid of the toxic management? What about One direction? What about me?" He kept babbling. "I need you."

"You,, deserve better." Louis smiled softly, as he know he would be gone soon. He was feeling so dizzy, he knew it was seconds away. He thought he was closing his eyes for the last time, but he flinched, as, once again, his plan got disturbed.

"ER here! Is anyone home?!" Louis and Harry heard from downstairs. Harry immediately ran to them. He was yelling, he sounded angry. But Louis couldn't hear it well enough to make sense of the words.

"Louis?" He heard an unfamiliar voice say close to him. He managed to open his eyes to see a woman with red clothes staring at him. "I'm Anne, try to keep your eyes open for me, can you do that?" Her voice was soothing. Louis nodded but stared at Harry, not at the woman. In the room was a man too. He asked for Louis' blood type. He couldn't answer fast enough so Harry stepped in.

"O plus. It's O plus." He remembered?

That man thanked him, and took a bag of red liquid. It made Louis gag. Jesus. Someone's blood is in there. Disgusting. Like that was the biggest problem here..

Anne was wrapping something around Louis' arm, above the elbow. No matter who much it hurt, this next one hurt the most. The ER guys lifted him up. Louis yelled from pain. Something got put on his face, and as he opened his eyes, he saw an oxygen mask. The wheeled cot which Louis was laying on, was going down the stairs, Harry behind them.

It was all coming to Louis now. He would die. He would leave Harry. Regret. He was feeling regretfully. Of course he was, everyone would be after seeing Harry's breaking face. He looked like he was going to pass out, throw up, like his heart was breaking. Which was probably true.

The time was going slow. Louis felt like this was all slow motion. His hands were so cold that he couldn't even move them. He couldn't feel his heart beat, he was wondering if it was even there anymore. His throat was hurting, like someone was strangling him.

The cot hit the floor hard, Louis jumped on it. Harry yelled something again. God, please. He wanted to talk to Harry. He needed to. Couple words even,, anything.

Before he could try, he looked around him carefully. Harry's jacket was laying on the couch. The kitchen was a mess, but his painting was hanging. Hanging on that wall, still. Louis smiled a little, and turned his head back to Harry.

When they got outside, Anne went to open the ambulance door, so Harry could get beside Louis. He took his hand, but didn't say anything. Now was Louis' time. He knew that it wouldn't take long for him to pass. He had to say something. Something meaningful.

"There's nothing wrong with you, Harry." He gets out quietly. Louis remembers how many times he has yelled at Harry, asking what the fuck is wrong with him. But there is nothing wrong with him.

Louis feels like something got stuck in his throat, he couldn't breathe. Everything got blurry, he could only see outline of Harry's figure. He heard yelling. His eyes close as he took his final breath.

It didn't hurt anymore.

-a/n-Hey, and thank you all who have read until here. This last chapter took ages since I had a writer's block and was working on another story. (cigarettes after sex, check it out, my writing has improved:,D)

But anyways, thanks for reading once again<3