impulse

"He bought a new house!?!"

"Yep. Dunno why, it isn't even that far away from his old one." Liam explains, sounding just as confused as Louis is.

"Oh. Where is it?" Louis asks. Liam doesn't answer, well the silence tells him enough. "It's here, isn't it?" Louis sighs.

"Yeah. Are you gonna tell Max? And when I'm going to meet this dude?" Liam keeps asking.

"Ehhh, I guess. Why do you wanna meet him? He's cool, he's with me, you don't need to see him." Louis is still being a little defensive over Max.

"You afraid I'm gonna steal your man?" Louis rolls his eyes.

"Fine, I'll arrange something. I gotta go to work now."

"Alright, have fun darling!" Liam jokes and Louis stops the call. He gets out of the car to walk into the scary building, which is also called his "work." Scary, right? He wobbles in, his head low, trying not to make anyone acknowledge the fact that he's 30 minutes late. Their chit-chat with Liam was a little longer than he thought.

"Tomlinson!" Fuck. Louis turns around to Creig. "I am really proud."

"Huh?" He raises his eyebrows.

"I don't know what has happened but you have been working good lately, been nice in the public too. Keep it up." Craig pats him on the shoulder and disappears into his office. Louis starts thinking about it. I guess it's true. He as been feeling better lately. More active. Must be the break up. It was really a good decision for the both of them, Eleanor and Louis didn't have to hide to the media, to themselves.

Louis lured at work for longer than he had to cause Max was busy tonight, he didn't want to spend the night alone. Finally when the cleaning lady had to tell Louis to leave, he wobbled back to his car.

*3 missed calls from Liam Payno*

"Oh fuck off." He says and decides to ignore him. He throws the phone on the passenger seat and starts the car. Halfway through home, Louis pulls over. 'But what if it's important?' Fine I'll call him, he decides.

"What took you so long?!"

"I was at work you idiot."

"This late?? Whatever, Harry's at your place."

"What?!!? Why?" Louis starts the car again and gets to driving.

"Jeez, I don't fucking know. He called me earlier asking if you're home and if Max is there. He never confirmed it but I think he's there right know." Louis' heart starts beating faster.

"Yeah? I know what this is about. He's all jealous about Max. Literally mad jealous." He explains and speeds, over the limits.

"Oh shit. You want me to come there with you?"

"I'll be alright. Thanks, mate."

"It's nothing, really. Is Max home by the way?"

"...No.." Louis takes a hard turn to left.

"Louis! Can you atleast tell him? Harry's gonna ruin your relationship, Louis I know he will."

"He won't."

"..Unless you want him to?" Liam questions, too fucking many questions.

"Look I'm curving into my driveway right now, we'll talk later?"

"Don't you dare-"

The call cuts off and Louis speeds to park his car. Inside, there's lights on. Louis didn't leave them, he's sure of it. If it's Harry, how the fuck did he get in? Louis takes a deep breath before going in. He needs to be ready for another fight. But the hallway is empty, quiet too. Louis quietly kicks his shoes off and sneaks into the living room.

"You're finally here." Louis jumps as he hears Harry behind him.

"Harry, what the hell?" He turns around. Harry has a cut on his forehead, it's fixed with stiches. Louis feels worried, protective. He can't stop staring at it, Harry notices that too apparently since he scratches his forehead before answering.

"Look, before you throw me out. I just wanted you to know that you can come over now."

"Jesus-" Louis is about to lose his mind.

"You told me you wouldn't come back there, so I bought a new house." Harry shrugs.

"You bought a new house just because of that?" Louis' jaw drops. He hates to admit it but he's kind of impressed.

"Yes... But I just wanted to say that I don't give a shit about your boyfriend. No, I mean that I respect your relationship. I just don't wanna be on bad terms with you." Harry seems nervous. He plays with his rings as he talks and stares down.

"Oh..?"

"And I would really, really appreciate if you would come to the doctor with me." He lifts his head. He looks and sounds very anxious.

"Harry-"

"I understand if you don't want to. I get it." He explains and bites his lip.

"Thanks for asking." Louis smiles as he finally gets a statement to say something. "I'd love to come with you." Harry's face brightens too. He gets all awkward and blushes. Louis knows it's the right decision, Harry needs Louis' support.

"That's nice Lou."

"Can I ask,, what happened to your forehead?" Louis changes the subject. He has to know if this is one of Harry's crazy things.

"Umm.." Harry gets quiet. "Well I was in a bar, probably too drunk that I'd like to admit. I think I fell over or something, cause I woke up in a hospital."

"Jesus Christ. You alright now?"

"Mmh." He nods. "But I'll go now. Thanks for giving me another chance." Harry says walking towards the door.

"Wait, um Harry? Do you wanna spend the night?" He asks. Louis just really doesn't want to be alone. It's not personal against Harry, he would would to spend the night with anyone, Harry's just already here.

"What about Max?"

"He's working today." Louis says realizing how suspicious that sounds. "You don't have to." Harry doesn't answer, he just smiles and walks back to the living room. "I'll be right there, choose a movie,,, or something." Louis says before locking himself in the bathroom. He has to text Max. Liam is right, he can't let Harry ruin this.

Max<3

"Hey, please don't freak out but Harry's here."

"What? U alright? Do I need to come down there?"

"No, no it's fine. We made up. He apologized. He said that he respects you n our relationship."

"Oh, good for him ig."

"Please don't be mad."

"Lou, I'm not mad. Thanks for being honest." At this point Louis sighs out of relief. He can't really lie that Harry's staying over, and keeping information to himself is practically lying..

"Do you mind if he stays over?"

"He's gonna sleep on the couch."

"I just don't want to be alone."

"I can make him leave."

Louis panics and spams him. Max read the messages but doesn't reply immediately.

"It's your house, not mine. You can have anyone over, I can't control that."

"But are you gonna be mad?"

"Nah. Jealous maybe. But I really have to stay at work today." Louis smiles. Max really trusts him, it makes Louis happy. He just isn't sure can he trust himself.

"Thank u. I'm gonna miss you tho :("

"I'm already missing you. <3 We'll see tomorrow."

Louis now confidently walks out of the bathroom to the living room where Harry is scrolling through Netflix.

"What we watching?" Louis asks as he sits suspiciously far away from Harry. Just in case.

"I haven't decided yet." Harry looks at the space between them and then to Louis. "Got any suggestions?" Louis shrugs.

"Mamma mia?" Harry asks.

"No."

"Forrest Gump?"

"Njeehh.."

"Dirty dancing?"

"God no!"

"Okay you have to help me here!" Harry complaints.

"Fiiiiine." Louis stares at the screen as Harry browses. "Holding the man." Louis says accidentally out loud. He regrets it immediately as he recognized the movie.

"Sure."

"Nonononono." Louis' eyes brushes through the screen. "Pride and prejudice." He fixes it. It would be extremely awkward to watch a romantic gay movie with him, so Pride and prejudice is a better option for today.

"You made up your mind?" Harry laughs. Louis gives him a deadly look and nods. "What you've been up to, these couple of months?"

"Nothing big really. Music, Liam, Max, clubbing. Paparazzis have been on my ass like crazy."

"Yeah." Harry laughs a little. "Me too." It gets quiet for a moment. It feels very awkward, Louis starts playing with his fingers.

"Louis I'm sorry." Harry suddenly blurts out.

"What? Why?" Louis turns to look at him.

"You know why. I didn't back then realize how horrible it was what I did to you. I'm so, so sorry." Harry explains regretfully. He sounds very serious, like he's about to cry. Louis isn't quite sure what he's supposed to answer.

"I-I guess it's um- It's good that you knowledge it now." Louis gets anxious as Harry gets closer to him.

"I don't want to lose you." Harry whispers. "You're very important to me."

"You're very important to me too. But Harry, I have a-" Harry once again tries to go on for a kiss. Louis dodges it and gets up from the couch. "You told me you respect my relationship!" He almost yells. He can't believe that Harry would do this!

"Uhh, I do. You're the one who told me to stay over cause your boyfriend is working." Harry says sassy, defending himself. Louis shakes his head.

"That didn't mean that I'm gonna cheat on Max! God why is it always like this with you?!"

"Oh, so this is all my fault then?"

"I'm not saying that. I just-" Louis sighs and runs his hand through his hair. The atmosphere is a little bit hectic right now and he doesn't want to make it worse. "I'll come to the doctor with you. When is it?"

"Tomorrow, 2pm I think." Harry murmurs looking down.

"Alright. You're gonna pick me up or do I come to get you?"

"You. I don't have my license right now." Harry's still looking down, sounding embarrassed.

"Seriously? I don't even wanna know. We'll just meet up tomorrow? Let this night rest, forget it."

"Okay."

Then Harry left, and Louis was left there all alone. He was bored. There's nothing to do. Liam's with Maya, Tommy's out of town. He feels so alone. Thank God for the liquor cabinet, atleast he can get drunk.

**

Maybe drinking wasn't that good option. Hungovers are the only reason why he should stop drinking. But, not yet. The drinking isn't a real problem. He just wants to drink sometimes when he's bored. Makes him feel better.

Max is laying next to Louis. He can't really remember when he came here.

"Heyyyy." Louis whispers as he fondles Max's shoulders and collarbones. "You awake?"

"Mmmhhmm.." He groans. "Am now."

"When did you come here?" Louis admires Max and his body, looking all over it. His head hurts so much but having Max beside him makes him feel better.

"After you drunk called me."

"What?? Why, what did I say?" Louis is anxious. He usually says his thoughts aloud when drunk, he's wondering what the hell he had to say now. Hopefully nothing that pushed Max away. Max opens his eyes and turns his head to Louis.

"You begged me to come home cause you didn't want to be alone. I actually got pretty scared, you were crying."

"Oh. Well I was already on a bad mood, that's why I drank in the first place."

"...That's not a wise way to feel better."

"I know. It's not often though, don't worry." Louis explains but Max looks suspicious. "Did I tell you about Harry?"

"Yep. You were crying on my lap, begging that I believe you when you said you didn't kiss him." Max sounds angry, he has a reason to. But he didn't do anything with Harry.

"Do you? Believe I mean?" Louis swallows.

"Yeah. I told you that the first time, you just kept going."

"Shit. I'm so sorry." Louis hides his face behind his hands. He feels his cheeks getting warmer as he gets more embarrassed. "I'm so annoying when drunk."

"It's not that. I was just much worried. You didn't feel like yourself." Max kisses Louis' forehead after pulling his hands off.

"Shit! What time is it?" Louis panics. He gets his phone from the night stand. 1.37 pm. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck."

* 2 unread messages from Harry Styles *

"What's wrong?"

"I promised to go to that doctor thingy with Harry today."

"After that?" Now Max sounds mad again.

"I'm so sorry. I have to make sure he goes. I promise I'll make it up to you." Louis kisses Max and tries to find clean clothes. Then he runs to bathroom to put on some deodorant and perfume.

Harry Styles

"Sorry I fell asleep, didn't get a chance to answer your texts."

"Are you still gonna pick me up?"

Louis reads the messages in the car. "Didn't get a chance to answer your texts?" What texts? Louis scrolls up. Ah, these texts. Yep. He drunk texted him again.

"I can't be alone. I hate thid."

"Youhad to leasve, i cant trusht myselff aroumd you."

"I really, ressly like Macx. I dpnt wanns ruion it."

"Biut i dont wannh be alonde. I havr to be all alonr withe my thoiughts."

Well, it could be worse. Louis is just wondering what Harry is thinking about this. Louis himself is wondering also how he was in that bad condition yesterday. He didn't even drink any straight vodka or anything. Just beer. Louis curves as fast as he can to Harry's driveway, where he is sitting down, waiting. But he has,, dyed his hair? It's black.

"I am so, so sorry." Louis apologizes as Harry gets in.

"About?" Harry asks and puts his seatbelt on.

"The drunk texts, me being late."

"Nah, it's alright. Let's just go." Louis does as said and starts driving. They sit uncomfortable in the silence. Harry's looking out of the window and Louis is concentrating on the driving.

"I like your hair." Louis finally says.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." He assures.

"I wanted to change something. I think they look pretty good too." Harry says proudly.

"Yeah, next time let someone else dye them. You got some on your forehead." Louis laughs, awkwardly.

The doctor's lobby was empty when Harry and Louis entered. It didn't take long for the doctor to call out.

"Please, sit." The female doctor says. Harry sits directly in front of her and Louis beside Harry. "I'm doctor Lebens. You must be Harry." She says looking at him. Harry nods.

"And this is your..?"

"Friend. Close friend." Harry answers. "Louis."

"Right. So you called about the depression you had? and-" She goes through some papers. "Some psychotic episode?" She lifts her head up to look at Harry.

"Yeah."

"Does the depression come in waves? Sometimes it feels like nothing has ever been wrong, and when the depression hits you feel like that's how all your life has been?" Harry seems shocked by the question as he blinks and lifts his eyebrows. Guess it fitted him pretty good.

"Ye-yeah."

"Right. What about the psychosis? Was anyone there with you?"

"I was." Louis finally opens his mouth. Lebens turns his head to Louis.

"Can you tell me about it?" Louis nods and thinks about where he should start.

"Well around 3 am, I noticed that Harry has texted me, he sounded hysterical. He were saying that he was scared and 'they' where here. I drove over and found him in his bathtub holding on to a knife.-"

"Was he bleeding?"

"Yeah, from his rib cage, palms also from holding that knife." The doctor nods and writes something down. "He kept telling me that the mafia was here and yelled me to lock the door. The whole time he was breathing heavily and shaking."

"And how did it end?"

"Um, I showed him that there was no one, cleaned him up from all the blood and put him to sleep." Louis swallows nervously. He's sure that Harry hates when Louis talks about this. "He also told that 'they' stabbed him, but I asked if he was holding the knife when that happened, he nod."

"That is very worrying." Lebens turns to look at Harry. "Do you understand that Harry?" Harry nods and looks down. "Do you time to time have a while when you barely sleep, do things out of impulsiveness? High sex drive,-" Louis turns to look at Harry. "Feel like nothing really matters so you can just throw everything away?"

"Yeah, I feel like that often. It's the worst right before I get depressed."

"Are you in a relationship?"

"Not at the moment."

"Okay. But when you were, did you cheat or thought about cheating cause you felt like your partner didn't give you enough sex?"

"Um yes, I guess." Harry admits embarrassed.

"Do you buy stuff that you don't really need? Sometimes do stuff and later realize how unnecessary that was?"

"Mmh." Harry gets more embarrassed the more he answers the questions.

"Okay. I can't give a diagnosis yet, but all this sounds a lot like bipolar disorder with psychotic symptoms."

"Bipolar?" Louis looks at Harry and back to the doctor.

"Yeah. It sounds a lot like he has mania episodes, like the impulsiveness, staying up late, high sex drive. And clearly he has depression episodes too." She tries to explain carefully.

"I'm not crazy." Harry murmurs still looking down.

"That is not what it means. It means that in your brain, the chemicals are imbalanced. That's not your fault, it can happen to anyone. Sometimes it can be heritable, sometimes it can be caused by childhood trauma. For example." Lebens tell him, you can notice that she really knows how to talk to patients.

"So what can we do?" Louis asks.

"I could describe some medications for Harry. It would help for now. I also need to see him weekly, to know what's going on. The more we see, the faster I can give him the diagnosis."

"What medicine?" Harry lifts his head finally.

"Usually bipolar people start with lithium but I'd lead towards valproate, since it helps a lot with psychotics too. They will take a while before they start working."

"How long?"

"Two months, maximum. And after that two months, we can start lifting the amount." She sighs before continuing. "But, of course, there are side effects. They won't last long, but some of them are pretty serious. Common side effects are nauseous, dry or sore mouth, feeling tired, gaining weight and headaches. They are mostly normal."

Harry nods. It must be a lot to take in for him.

"Harry, I need to ask something personal,,,, do you think you can answer it while your friend is in the room?" She looks directly at Harry, trying to make eye contact. Harry nods. "Have you had any suicidal thoughts, been self-destructive or harmed yourself in any way?" Louis' hearts skips a beat. He can't be suicidal, can he? Is it because of Louis left? It takes a while to Harry to answer.

"Sometimes." Louis feels like he forgot how to breathe. His eyes are getting watery and he can't get a word out of his mouth. "But it's not like I've tried to kill myself. And sometimes it's just like when I'm tired being dead feels better option than getting up."

"I know Harry. It's not uncommon with bipolar." Louis tries to hide his tears behind his hands. "Have you self harmed? For example cut, burned or started hitting yourself?" Harry shakes his head. It's not getting any better but Louis gets a bit easier.

"Okay." She starts to write something down. Harry finally glances at Louis. He seems shocked as he sees that Louis is crying. Before he gets a chance to say something, Lebens opens her mouth. "We'll start at 500mg, and bring it up to 1500mg by the end of the year." She gives the paper to Harry.

"Are you two close? Do you see each other atleast once a week?" Lebens asks and looks at both of them.

"Well-"

"Yeah, we do." Harry interrupts Louis.

"I would recommend that you..."

"Louis."

"Right, Louis would keep Harry's medicine with you. If you two see once a week, Harry can get the next weeks pills from you. That way we can prevent that something we don't want won't happen." Louis looks at Harry. "But since Harry is an adult, he can choose himself."

"Can you keep them?" Harry asks looking so vulnerable again.

"Yeah, yeah. Of course."

Louis and Harry walks out of the building in the silence. They don't say a word, maybe better that way.

"Are you alright?" Louis asks in the car.

"Yeah. It's a lot to take in. Are you?"

"I'm all good." Louis lies. Harry probably lied too. Before he starts driving, he checks his phone.

* 10 missed calls from craig the fcking jerk *

"What the hell-"

-a/n-This chapter probably feels boring to read since it's so lengthy. But I just wanted to include as much information about bipolar as I can to this one. I also decided to keep this one short so we can get back to the "story line."