psychosis & aggression

"Harry?" Louis feels shivers going down his body as he sees Harry laying in the bathtub covered with his own blood. He's strongly holding on to a knife, making his palms bleed. Harry's not wearing anything except some shorts. Louis swallows and tries to take a deep breath so he won't panic completely.

"Louis! Lock the door." Harry whispers. His eyes looks furious.

"Wha-"

"The door, Louis!!" Harry starts yelling. Louis doesn't understand what's going on but confusedly locks the door behind him and sits down beside the bathtub. He looks at Harry with fear in his eyes. What hell happened? Harry wasn't like this before, he.. Louis just can't comprehend this. That this is Harry.

"What happened?" Louis asks and looks for a wound on Harry's body. His stomach is covered with blood, he just hopes his organs are okay.

"They got in. They attacked, I was only self-defending. I wasn't attacking them, I promise!" Harry nods, sounding serious. He's breathing rapidly and his eyes look red. Now that you look at him, he looks overall very tired. He has dark circles under his eyes, his hair is messy and his lips are completely dry.

"Who? Who got in?" Louis shakes his head asking.

"The mafia." Harry gets closer and whispers nodding his head. Louis opens his mouth to say something but,, this is just. Next level shit. This isn't what he thought this was, it's way worse. How did Harry get to this point, how did he, this, get that bad?

"Mafia?" Louis asks. "Harry, are you on drugs?" There can't be any other explanation than drugs. He can't be sober and making this shit up. But Harry denies it.

"No! Didn't you see them? They were outside."  Harry convinces and lifts his eyebrows. Louis looks at the door and back at Harry, who nods. For a second he really thought that Harry was for real. Louis sighs and gets up to open the door. "CLOSE THE DOOR!" Harry yells.

"THERE IS NO ONE!!!!" Louis yells back with all of the breath from his lungs. God it's fucking 3am, he's too tired for this. He puts his hand on his forehead and looks at the ceiling for a second. Harry finally lets go of the knife and looks around him. He starts to breathe normally, easier at least. "Where's your first-aid kit?" Louis asks as he gets back to staring at him and sighs. Harry points to the other side of the room. Louis gets it and inside he finds a big bandaid. Hopefully Harry isn't bleeding much.

"I-I swear-" Harry stutters but Louis stops him.

"I know." Louis says. Right now the most important thing is to make sure he's okay physically, then mentally. "Where are you bleeding?" Harry shows him his rib cage. There are couple wounds, nothing too deep. He's going to be fine without a hospital trip.

"They did it." Harry whispers.

"Who was holding the knife Harry? When you got stabbed?" Louis asks as he cleans his rib. He just knows that he did this to himself. Harry is unable to answer. He really tries to think but can't say it aloud. "Did you hold it?"

"Yeah, I think."

"Okay." Louis says. Harry's probably on drugs, got some kind of psychotic meltdown. Louis puts the bandaid on and helps Harry get up. "Can we go to sleep? I'll stay here, make sure everything is okay?" Harry nods.

Louis put Harry to sleep and goes to clean up the mess. Bathtub was pretty easy to wash since he just put the shower on, but the stairs were a little problem. Louis found a cloth and cleaning supplies from the kitchen. He curses to himself as scrubbing the floor. He just promised to never do this type of shit again. Of course he's going to be here for Harry, he loves him but this is just insane. He's too much in love with Harry to be selfish. What would've happened if Louis didn't come? He could've died. He could have been sent to hospital, jail even. Louis breaks down, it's about the time to, he has been putting up with this for too long. He feels his tears dropping on the floor and starts to scour the floor even harder. His hands, palms more like hurts from pressing the cloth so hard. Breathing seems harder than normally and he feels his heartbeat getting faster out of rage. This can't continue, he keeps telling himself. He's leaving in the morning, never coming back. He's going to cut Harry out of his life. He has to. His bloody hands are on his eyes, trying to stop his tears. He falls down on the floor to his side and his body curls up into a small roll. His breaths are getting heavier and his legs and hands feel weak. 'You can't break down,' Louis keeps telling himself. You have to be there for Harry. But right in that moment, it feels impossible to calm down.

1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9..10..

Louis counts in his head. He swiped his tears off his face and acted like nothing happened, getting back to cleaning. After checking that he got all of the blood, Louis passes out on the sofa.

**

"Louis?"

Louis pretends to be asleep.

"Loouuiiss."

Louis opens his eyes, finding Harry staring at him.

"I can't sleep." Harry smiles softly. His hair is a little bit wet and he's not bloody anymore.

"I can." Louis says and closes his eyes again.

"Can you come upstairs, so I can cuddle you?"

"Too tired to get up."

Louis hears Harry to get up and in seconds lifts Louis up over his shoulder.

"HARRY!! Let me down!!" He kicks Harry's stomach. God, this is a nice way to wake up.

"You told me you were too tired to get up, I'm helping you." He says and starts walking towards stairs. Louis gives up fighting and just deals with it.

"I'll fucking murder you." Louis murmurs as Harry puts him down on the bed.

"Can you do it later?" Harry jokes and Louis doesn't even bother to answer. Harry gets on the bed too, by Louis' side. Harry seemed to have calmed down.

Before Louis can fall asleep again, he gets back to over thinking. How can he leave this? Harry needs him, he really does. He doesn't seem to have anyone else there. Couple people fucking over him, but no one being really there. Louis knows that Liam and him are in good terms, they talk but not that good that he would come here in the middle of the night to calm Harry down before he kills someone, or himself.

"Louis?"

"What?!" He snaps and clenched his fists together.

"Are you mad at me?"

"Yes."

"Why? Cause I woke you up?" Harry keeps asking.

"No. Cause you keep doing me wrong and not apologizing until you need me to take care of you when you do something stupid again."

"Oh."

Louis turns to his other side and tries to sleep.

"How can I make it up to you?" Harry breaks the silence.

"Jesus Christ. Harry. Me, very tired. You, shut the fuck up. Can you do that?" Louis stares at the wall and tries to ignore Harry and his stupid smile.

"Will that make up for it?"

"No." Louis is about to get the knife and stab Harry himself so hard that he goes in the hospital. He needs peace.

"Then I won't shut up." Harry cuddles up closer to Louis. He can feel Harry's breath in the back of his neck. Somehow it feels comfortable. "How about I give you head, whenever you want to?" Harry tries.

"No."

"I'll buy you a new car?"

"No.

"A private plane?"

"No."

"New car AND a private plane?"

"No."

"I'll buy a statue of you and put it in the middle of the city?"

"What?? No?! Why would I want that?"

"I don't know?"

"Let me sleep."

"What if I make avocados illegal in Los angeles?"

"Yeah, okay I'll forgive you."

"Really?"

"No!"

Harry sighs and apparently gives up. Or at least he shuts up. To be honest, Louis doesn't know how he could forgive Harry. Maybe there isn't anything. Maybe he just needs to prove that he has changed. One thing is for sure, Harry needs to see a doctor.

**

Harry isn't laying by Louis' side anymore when he wakes up. He instantly panics and goes looking for him. Harry's downstairs painting.

"What the fuck?" He asks and starts yawning.

"Oh, good morning Louis." Harry says and goes to give a kiss on Louis' cheek before getting back to painting. "I couldn't sleep, started thinking how cool it must be to be a good artist. You can create whatever you want. Cool, right?"

"Yeah,, sure." Louis shakes his head. "Harry, do you remember what we talked about couple weeks ago?"

"What?"

"That you should see a doctor?"

"But I'm fine now! Can't you see?" Harry accidentally drops some paint on the floor.

"You had a psychotic episode last night because of drugs. Pretty sure that's not fine."

"I didn't take any drugs!" Harry protests, more aggressively. Paint drips on the floor again.

"Really? Did you see yourself?" Louis can't believe that Harry even tries to argue this.

"Take a drug test. For real, I'm not lying about this." Harry turns to Louis. "I promise." He says convincing. Louis scoffs as an answer.

"I'll do a drug test later." He says. Louis is not believing any shit from Harry. "If you didn't take anything, do you get why that is more worrying? You don't suddenly think that 'the mafia' is after you for no reason at all."

"I was tired, I barely have slept at all. Did you know if you haven't slept for 5 days straight, you start seeing things?" Harry gets back to painting.

"You promised me you'll go!"

"And what will I say to them? 'I was feeling depressed and saw things but I'm fine now!' Louis this is insane." Harry starts getting more tense. He's pressing hard on his paints and brushes, making his hands yellow, partly blue.

"It is fucking insane! That's why you're going to the doctor, before you do some type of crazy shit again."

"I'm not going!" Harry yells and turns to him.

"Then I'm leaving, and not coming back." Louis dares.

"I do not care! Louis I don't care, fucking move away, I'm not interested!" Harry throw the painting things on the ground, the paint all over his hands. "In fact, please, leave my house." He yells and points at the door.

"You know that next time something is wrong, you can't call me to save you. I'm not going to be here." Louis says calmly.

"I don't need a fucking babysitter!" Harry gets more aggressive and steps closer to Louis.

"You're fucking crazy Harry." Louis says shaking his head. He's so done. He needs to leave. Before he can get to his shoes, Harry pushes him roughly to the wall behind him. It made Louis winded. "What the-" He tries to say but can't get anything out. Harry's staring at him, eyebrows frowned, mouth open and breathing heavily. Fear takes control of Louis body.

"I'm not fucking crazy." He says whispering.

He can't believe that this is Harry. The guy he fell in love with. The same guy who is scared of fireworks, is now scaring the shit out of love of his life. Louis actually loved this man. If it is even the same guy anymore. He's not even sure is that something that can be fixed.

"Okay.." Louis whispers. "I'll leave now." He says calmly, hoping Harry doesn't get any more violent. Harry takes a step back, not looking all mad anymore. He look frightened, by himself. Louis picks his shoes of the ground and gets out.

Outside he finally breaths normally. He pull his shoes and heads to his car, which is still parked infront of Harry's house. Just when he's about to get in, some teenage girls stop him.

"Loou!" One of them yells as they run up to him.

"Heyy." He responds, smiling. "How you all doing?"

"Great!! Really great."

"Can we take a pic?" Another one asks. Louis approves, of course and they gather around for couple of minutes until the girls are done.

"What's that on your shirt?" Girl asks pointing to Louis' chest. He looks down and sees some blue and yellow paint. Must have came from Harry's hands. He swallows and hopes they don't ask too much questions.

"Oh, paint probably." He laughs it off.

"Did you came from Harry's house?" One of them asks boldy. Others turned around to her.

"Shh! Kaylee, that's disrespectful to his privacy!"

"Just asking, Emma. He doesn't have to answer." She shrugs.

"No, haha it's fine." Louis tries to come up with a lie. "I just dropped off a friend here, went inside to say hi. Haven't seen the lad in a while."

"Ohh." The girls say like a chorus.

"So is Larry real?"

"Kaylee that's enough!" Assumed Emma yells. Louis sighs.

"Look girls, I know how it seems, how it all seemed. But right know things are a little bit hectic. All I can say that I'm together with Eleanor, please respect that."

"Of course."

Louis says his goodbyes awkwardly and drives away.

**

Louis, and Harry too kept their promises. They didn't talk. Louis didn't break. He kept his pride and didn't delete Harry from his blocked list. He also unfollowed Harry on Instagram and Twitter. Harry didn't text him either. Louis expected a text or a call for couple of weeks but then realized. They weren't meant to be. It's over now.

Though Louis wasn't in Harry's life anymore, that didn't mean that he didn't know what was going on. Liam kept him pretty much updated, he wanted it or not. (He did want that, he was too stubborn to admit it.) Harry has missed couple of his interviews again, one concert even. Apparently they had a reason why but it's not something to tell in public. Or, whatever. On top of that, he was almost sent to jail because of speeding in the motorway, almost crashing couple of cars. He got away with it cause his alcohol and drug tests came back negative. But mostly Harry is more alive, like Liam keeps saying. He does and talks more. Maybe even too much since he was spotted golfing, swimming, driving around the town and clubbing in one night. It got big on social media.

But Louis has moved on with his life. He goes to work, occasionally sees Eleanor, goes out with Liam, Tommy and other mates. He even met a guy.

At first Louis was so not interested cause they met in a bar. Of course when someone sees Louis in a bar, they'll go talk to him, he's famous. But the longer they talked, Louis started liking him more. He was talking to Louis like he was a normal stranger in a bar. He complimented him, laughed at his jokes, asked about him. He made Louis feel special. So, later on Louis and Max started dating.

Max is, well tall. Much taller than Louis, like 6 feet, maybe even taller. Louis looks extra small with him but he doesn't really mind. He also has blond, short hair and blue eyes. He's not very muscular but not overweight either. So, completely different from Harry... Not that he's comparing them.

Of course Louis is not completely over Harry but sometimes goes days without him brushing through Louis' mind. And honestly, it's so much better for his mental health to be apart from him.

Today is one of those cover up days where Louis hangs out with Eleanor. Sometimes it's just a quick hi and bye, but now they're forced to go out on a dinner. It would be fine but lately it's been hard trying to keep up a conversation with her. Now they have to sit with each other for atleast an hour while people are watching them.

Louis takes a couple of sips from his flask in the car way there.

"You alright?" Eleanor asks. "You look stressed."

"A little bit. It's fine."

"Tell me." She insisted. Louis turns to look at her and sees her comforting smile.

"Max is just kind of jealous that I have to come here. He understands that I need to do this, but, you know how it is."

"Yeah. It's gonna be fine, we can leave early."

Louis nods and fakes a smile. This wasn't about Max. This was about Harry, of course. He was afraid that he would see him here. Afraid that something happened to him while he was in the restaurant cause Louis couldn't just leave whenever he wanted to. Afraid that he couldn't be the one to save him.

But nothing happened, and surprisingly the meal was pretty enjoyable. He was given a different ride home than Eleanor. Louis was a bit drunk, he wanted to drink since he doesn't have to drive. They planned with Max that he would come over to Louis' after he's done with the dinner.

There's a car outside of his house but he doesn't recognize it, Max's new car? Or old one? He owns some kind of car-business-company-thingy, Louis isn't quite sure. But could be his. Getting closer to the door, he hears yelling inside the house.

"And who the fuck you think you are? Huh?" Max yells. Louis jogs up to the living room where he hears them.

"It doesn't matter to you! I'm here to see Louis." Harry fights back. Louis isn't sure is he dreaming or is he too drunk to think this can't be real but as he enters the room, both of them turns to him. They're very confused.

"What the hell is going on?" Louis asks, looking at both of them.

"You tell me." Max asks angry. Louis doesn't know how to answer, he just stares at him blankly.

"You got a new guy?!" Harry finally break the silence.

"How's that any of your business?" Louis asks sassy. "You know what I said, I'm done with your bullshit."

"Wait, this is the Harry? You never mentioned that he's the Harry Styles." Max asks and points to him.

"Yeah, um but. Yeah." He doesn't really know what to say at this point.

"What? You've talked about me?"

"What did you expect? No, wait, what are you even doing here?"

"I was gonna talk to you, then this guy starts fucking with me!"

"Well I'm here now! What's up?" Louis tries to calm the situation. Max is clearly tense.

"Alone. Please." Harry says and gives a deadly look to Max.

"You can say it here." Max argues back.

"We'll go outside of a second Max, don't worry. I'll be right back." He assures and leads Harry out of the room before they start fighting.

"You got a new guy?" Harry repeats once they're outside.

"What did you expect? Really Harry! I don't appreciate that you come into my house to throw shit at my boyfriend." He tries to speak properly.

"Boyfriend? We were away for like two months."

"Two months? We weren't together two months ago. We broke up over three years ago, because you wanted to. Remember?" Harry just stares at him. Louis rolls his eyes. "So what you wanted to talk about? I just want to get this over with."

"I wanted to say that I'm going to see a doctor." He says calmly, like nothing happened seconds ago.

"Right.. And what did you expected me to do?"

"Well, last time you told me to go to a doctor, now I'm going there,, so.."

"So,,, what?"

"So, I thought that,, we could, you know.. Hangout again or whatever." Harry looks down and plays with his ring.

"No." Louis yelps. Harry raises his head back to him.

"No?"

"No. I told you when I last time left your place. I'm not coming back, and by the looks of it you didn't want me to come back either."

"I just said that because I was mad at you, Louis c'mon!"

"C'mon what?" Louis yells. He's so done.

"You know we're supposed to be together." Harry shrugs and stares at Louis straight in the eyes. Louis is unable to think, say anything. He just blanky shakes his head.

"Fuck!" He finally gets out. "I'm so sick and tired of fighting with you!" Louis runs his hand through his hair and closes his eyes trying to calm down. He opens his eyes to see Harry trying to kiss him. He immediately takes a step back and pushes him away.

"What has gotten into you?!" He yells with his voice breaking. "This is not you." Max comes rushing through the front door, looking furiously at Harry.

"Harry, I told you. I'm not coming back." Louis says and pushes Max back inside and follows him.

"That guy is a total asshole!" Max complaints and points to the front door.

"You don't know him like I do." Louis sighs. He wants to stand up for Harry, even if Max starts yelling. He knows it's the right thing to do.

"Really? Louis you can't be serious."

"No, I know. He did a shitty thing, that doesn't mean he's an asshole."

"From what you've told me, he's literally definition of the word asshole."

"Something has happened to him. He isn't like this, at all."

"Alright." He says calmly and breathes to calm down. "I didn't really like how he came at me."

"I know, I'm sorry."

"Sorry? Louis you got nothing to be sorry for." Max puts on a comforting smile and pulls Louis in for a hug. Louis just stands there, his tears falling down. It was hard to be cold to Harry.

"We'll be alright."

**