Bonus: Cheating

Four Years Ago

I laid in bed, eyes wide open. I was in immense pain. I suddenly thought that maybe I should have waited at the hospital for the miscarriage to fully finish. I didn't want to be there anymore, so Steve had brought me home. Then he yelled at me and left. So now I was laying on our bed, on top of a towel. The bed was wet-I don't know who had cleaned the blood-or maybe it was even more blood.

I cried out in pain, holding onto my stomach. It shot through the numbness and I gripped the towel.

Steve should be here-someone should be here.

-

"Well maybe if you listened to me when I told you that you working and still doing missions was a bad idea, this wouldn't be happening." Steve tells me suddenly as he picks up the bloody towel from the bed. I had just walked out of the bathroom, a fresh pair of pajamas on me. I didn't know how to respond, so I didn't. Tears fill my eyes again. He just glances at me and carries the bloody towel out of the room.

I don't lay on the bed. Instead, I make my way to Benny's room. I carefully shut the door behind me and walk over to the rocking chair. I just needed to be alone and obviously Steve doesn't want me around him. So here I was going to stay until he leaves again.

-

"No, Rogers. Obviously you can't take care of her." I could hear my brother's hushed voice outside of the the little room I was sitting in. Tony was worried that I wasn't doing good and that I wasn't eating so he had insisted that I be taken for a psych evaluation at a psych ward. Steve wasn't at home and Tony didn't think I could watch and take care of Benny. Not when I was like this.

"Peyton, do you feel like you need to be here?" The doctor in front of me asks. I know Tony wants me to be here, wants me to get better.

"I just want to feel better. I-I am afraid that I won't be able to take of my son due to the-the-" I trail off, my voice very soft. The doctor nods as she jots down a few notes. I blink and a tear rolls down my cheek.

"Do you feel like you're going to hurt yourself?" She asks and I glance out the door window. I can hear her put down the pen. She calls out, "Peyton, do you feel like you're going to hurt yourself?"

"I-I don't know. I don't feel anything." I respond, the words feeling foreign on my tongue.

-

Two weeks had passed and I was waiting for someone to pick me up at the hospital I was in. Steve was supposed to get me, a nurse had informed me, he is probably just running late. I had just smiled and nodded, waiting for my husband. An hour went by. Then two. Two turned into five, five into eight. By that time, I told the nurses to contact Tony, since Steve obviously wasn't going to show up. My brother had arrived an hour later.

"He never fucking called to say that he wasn't available? Unbelievable." Tony grumbles in the car, driving me back to his house upstate. I just picked at the hospital bracelet around my wrist. Tony glances at me.

"I'm sorry, Pey. I'm so sorry."

-

Steve had started coming home later. He would silently open and shut the door. Every time he wound walk in, the scent of some perfume that smelled familiar would practically waft off of him. I didn't want to believe that all of the thoughts that filled my mind, so I would just lay there. He'd immediately go shower. Sometimes I would have to get up to soothe a crying Benny, feeding him, changing his diaper, soothe him back to sleep. When I'd come back, Steve wouldn't say a word to me. He wouldn't roll over, wouldn't wrap his arms around me anymore.

The next morning, he'd be gone.

I wasn't able to turn to my husband to mourn our lost baby and I couldn't turn to Tony because Pepper was heavily pregnant and I couldn't bear being around all of the new baby things. Natasha was always busy, so was Bruce. So it was just me.

Me and Benny.

I busy myself with preparations for Benny's baptism. Taking the needed classes, picking out my son's godparents. I meet with the priest and everything. I don't know where Steve is. I text him every time there's a meeting, but he doesn't respond. I didn't understand why he was so angry with me losing our son. Of course I knew why he wasn't around, why he kept coming home late. I just pushed it out of my mind, not wanting to think that Steve could be doing that to me. Until I couldn't ignore it anymore.

And that's how I found myself hacking my way into Steve's phone. He knew nothing about covering his own tracks, knew nothing about what someone could see. I, on the other hand, knew that someone could see everything unless you took the necessary precautions. Steve hadn't.  I just needed to see-needed to make sure that he wasn't doing what I thought he was.

Steve wasn't too dumb. He had tried to hide the messages under a fake name- Todd (from Group Therapy). It sure as hell wasn't a Todd. There was multiple messages-tons of messages. 

I can't wait to see you tonight.

I'm sorry I had to leave early. Wish we had more time.

She's still in the hospital, we are okay.

I was breathing hard, my heart aching and racing as I read message after message. I needed to know who the fuck he was talking to, but then I saw it. A picture the woman sent of herself, the head cut off. On her left hip, I saw a way too familiar wound. It was from a Soviet slug and I've seen it countless times.

Natasha.

I covered my mouth and I sobbed loudly. Tears rolled down my cheeks as my heart shattered in my chest. Oh God. Oh God. I was so sick to my stomach that I got up from my bed and ran to the bathroom. I vomited into the toilet, emptying my stomach.

My husband and my best friend. The two people I thought I could trust most in the world had turned on me.

And I didn't know what to do.

Days later, Steve's standing next to me the day of Benny's baptism. Playing the part of the doting husband and great father everyone thought he was as Natasha, Pepper, Tony, and Rhodey go through their roles as godparents. I wished I could switch Natasha out for anyone else, but it's too late.

Steve stands beside me as the holy water is poured over Benny, making our child cry due to the temperature. I quickly wrap my son in a white towel, rocking him in my arms. Steve smiles at me for the first time in weeks, his arm wrapped around my waist. I want to vomit.

Later on, at our house in Brooklyn, our guests arrive, bringing presents for Benny. Of course Steve and I were playing the roles of the happy and gracious hosts/parents. Smiles are plastered on our faces as we hug every single person that walks in. The child of honor is fast asleep upstairs. It was exhausting, playing this role.

"You okay? You don't look so good." Natasha tells me, finding me staring at the various bottles of wine on the counter. I blink, looking up at her. She can read me like a book and I hate it so much.

"I just didn't sleep well and I feel sick. I probably just need to eat." I respond, with a slight smile on my face. I do feel sick. I feel like I need to vomit. Natasha walks over to me, guiding me to the kitchen table. I hate it when she touches me, wanting to rip her hands off of me. My guests were outside and some were in the front living room. I pretend like I can hear something upstairs.

"Hold on, I think I can hear Benny. I'm going to go check on him. I'll be right back, okay?" I kindly tell Natasha, who just nods in response. I walk away from her, my heels noisily tapping against my hardwood floors. I'm trying not to cry, not wanting anyone to see me upset. I make my way upstairs and I don't walk into Benny's room. Instead I walk into my bedroom, carefully shutting the door. I shakily sit down on the bed, covering my mouth so no one can hear my sobs.

-

"You-You're cheating on me, aren't you?" I ask as I shut the door to Ben's room, not bothering to even look at him, at my husband. I could practically hear his heart beating fast.

"Pey-Peyton-" He struggles to come up with an excuse as I walk into our bedroom. I use my powers to slam the door shut behind him. I pinch the bridge of my nose, trying to control my emotions. Those dark whispers urge me to take my anger out on my husband.

"Don't try to come up with an excuse. You're shitty at lying. You're lucky Tony doesn't know. He'd fucking kill you and I don't think I'd stop him. Hell, I want to fucking kill you." I tell him honestly, glaring at him. Steve looks worried as he sits down on the bed. There's tears in my eyes.

"I'm sorry." Steve tries, looking down at his hands. He won't even look at me as he fiddles with his wedding ring. Mine feel heavy around my finger, weighing my arm down. Did he take his ring off when he'd fuck Nat? Or did he leave it on as a reminder that what he was doing was wrong.

"No you aren't. If you were sorry you would've stopped. You made me stop going on missions because you told me my work made me lose the baby. So I did that because I felt bad, Steve. And while I was here, taking care of our son, you were off fucking my best friend! My fucking best friend! And don't give me that "I was hurting too" bullshit.  I felt our child die inside of me and I can't escape that, but you sure as hell can." I lay into him, running a hand though my hair. He just stays silent, because he has nothing to say. I grab some random porcelain knick knack and I throw it against the wall. Small white shards go everywhere.

"Jesus, Pey calm down." He mutters under his breath and God, I want to kill him. I hate this feeling of betrayal, especially since I didn't expect this from Steve. America's Golden Boy having a fucking affair. I didn't expect Natasha to do this me. People would expect of me, not him. I feel like I'm going insane.

"Do not tell me to calm down! She's my best friend! What the fuck is wrong with you!" I shout at him, tears rolling down my cheeks. He doesn't move, doesn't do anything at all. My heart hurts and I grab a picture frame, inside a picture of Steve and I, and launch it at the wall. Glass flies everywhere.

"I don't understand how you can sit there and see I'm crying and not do anything at all." I tell him softly. He still doesn't look at me so I start grabbing my shit, shoving it some random bag. If I stayed any longer, I'd do something I regret.

"Where are you going?" Steve asks as he stands up, finally showing some God damn emotion. His eyebrows are furrowed as he looks at me. I grab my bag and throw it down the stairs before going to Benjamin's room and packing up a bag for him. Steve is following me as I throw Ben's bag over railing. I carefully pick up my sleeping son, cooing to him in order to keep him sleeping.

"Hey, hey we can talk about this! Pey, please." He begs, trying to stop me from leaving. I hold Ben close and walk down the stairs, using my powers to make the bags follow the two of us. I grab my keys and walk outside, leaving my husband standing in the doorway. I put him in his seat and pack our things away.

-

I bounced an uneasy Benjamin on my knee, wearing a Chanel dress that's currently being hidden by a large black coat. I'm waiting in an empty waiting room, humming softly to my son. The door to the office opens and the two owners of the office step uneasily inside. Matt and Foggy look uneasy.

"Pey? Why are you here?" Foggy asks, obviously confused at to why I am here, sitting in their waiting room with my one year old son.

"I'm your eight a.m appointment. I came for legal counsel. Not pro bono, of course." I say as I stand, Benny swinging a blue stacking cup. The boys walk further into the office, Foggy holding the door open to the little conference room for me. I pick up my large purse and walk into the room.

"No offense, but don't you have access two different very expensive teams of lawyers?" Matt questions, not saying in mean way at all. I take a seat, Benjamin still playing with his little toy. Matt sits down and then Foggy sits.

"Yes, however I know those lawyers will talk to my brother and sister-in-law or they'll talk to the media. I don't want either of those things to happen." I respond, kissing the top of my son's head.

"Well...what do you need out help with?" Foggy asks, his eyes glancing from me to Benjamin and back to me.

"I need your honest opinion, boys. Honest legal opinion." I announce, looking at both of them.

"On what?" Matt responds, leaning forward slightly and clasping his hands together.

"A divorce. A possible divorce. My possible divorce. I know you two aren't divorce lawyers but I didn't know who to turn to." I say honestly and truthfully. They are both clearly shocked and I look down at Benny, trying to keep him happy.

"Well...what is the reason for the divorce, Pey?" Matt inquires and I look back up at them.

"Well, two months ago I had a miscarriage and during this time of-I suppose sadness-he started having an affair. From what I could piece together, it started when I was staying in a psych ward." I inform them. Foggy's eyes widen and Matt swallows hard. I wonder if he thinks of our child-the one we lost.

"I am so sorry, Pey." Matt tells me honestly and I continue to bounce my son on my leg.

"Do you-Do you know who he is having this affair with?" Foggy asks, carefully saying his words. I nod.

"My best friend. Isn't that great?"

-

I sit in the living room of Natasha's apartment, waiting for her to come home. I hummed softly, lounging on her couch in the dark, flames dancing on my fingers. Ten minutes had passed before her key unlocked the front door. The door opener, the light pouring in from the hallway. She stepped in before closing and locking the door.

"Did he let you know I knew?" I ask, looking at her dark form as she paused in front of the door. I used my powers to flick on the lights. Natasha's heart was beating fast as she turned around to look at me.. Was the Black Widow...nervous?

"Pey, I'm so sorry-" Nat starts and I hold my hand up to silence her. I sit up and shake my head.

"No, you're sorry you got caught. You didn't care that you were fucking my husband. How did it start? Did he come to you and say "I'm sad that I can't fuck my wife because she had to push out our dead baby. Can I fuck you instead?"." I tell her, my eyes keeping her glued to her spot. Nat doesn't respond. I chuckle.

"Oh I want to smash your fucking face in." I say calmly and sweetly, "Grab you by your fucking head and slam your head against that marble countertop."

"Pey, please-" Nat tries again and I shake my head.

"I want to know what you two thought what was going to happen? Did you think I was going to off myself due to grief and you were going to move in? Or were you guys going to try and hide it from me forever?" I question, emotion trying to fill my voice.

"It wasn't like that-" Natasha tells me as she steps forward. I look up at her.

"Then what was it like, Nat? You fucked my husband when I needed you two. I was asking you two for help, but you two were much more focused on something else." I snap at her, tears filling my eyes, "You are my best friend and you betrayed me-you fucking betrayed me!"

"Pey, please-" She trues again, but I'm tired of hearing her talk. I lift up my hand and she gets slammed into the nearest wall. My invisible fingers wrap around her pale, slender neck. Natasha sputters as she struggles to breathe. Her eyes are wide and filled with tears.

"The affair is over with. If I catch either of you even communicating in an inappropriate way, I'll kill you both and that's a fucking promise. I'll make it look like someone else came in and took you two out. God knows we have enough enemies. Maybe I'll just turn you into nothing but ashes and throw you into the harbor. Everyone will just think you two are on the run again and it'll never come back to me." I practically growl at her, lifting her up so her feet kick. I smirk.

"Now are you going to be a good little girl or do I have to make you do what I want? I can crawl into your head far easier than Wanda ever could. So which one do you want?" I purr as I stand. She mouths out "I'll listen.", so I let her fall to the floor, the fingers unwrapping from her neck.

"Great. Now, pack your bags. You have a six month mission in Vienna. Your jet takes off at six. Don't be late." I tell her, walking past her gasping body to the door. I open it with my powers before slamming it shut.

-

"Do-Do you want a divorce?" I ask him, voice thickened with emotion. Steve put his head in hands. The house was extremely quiet. I didn't care to wipe the tears that rolled down my face. He doesn't answer my question. I wasn't supposed to be this emotional. I was a bad bitch-not a sad bitch.

"If you don't want to be married to me anymore, that's fine Steve. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone that doesn't love me anymore." I tell him, my eyes only on my husband.

"I love you, Pey-I do." He finally says and I'm not convinced, not fully. I run a hand through my hair.

"If we stay together and I find out you even try to start another relationship or do anything else inappropriate with Nat-that's it. We are finished. This is your second and last chance. We will go to marriage therapy and all that but if you don't want to be married anymore, just fucking tell me. If you want to be with Nat that's fine. We can get a divorce. There's no need for alimony or child support." I inform him, still watching his movements. Steve sighs.

"Is that what you want?" He questions me and I shake my head.

"Of course not. I want my husband back. I want to mourn with you, work through our loss, take care of our son. But shit, Steve you fucking left me at the hospital for hours so you could go and fuck her! You fucked her right after I left with our son! You didn't care about what I was going through you. You were just so fucking focused on yourself and I tried-I tried to find comfort in you but you told me it was my fault! Who does that?" My voice breaks and I wipe away my tears. Steve looks up and stares at me, his eyes all red and puffy.

"I'm so sorry, doll. I'm so sorry." He responds and I put my head in my hands. I start crying, sobbing at our dinner table. The one we had picked out with enough room to expand our family. I was supposed to get a happily ever after. I deserved one.

And instead I got this.

That only made me cry even harder.