C16

Joss sat beside his mother's bedside silently, looking at her while Gawin sat beside him cheering him up. They stayed for a few hours there and set for the road with Gawin driving the car on their way back also.

"G."

"Hm?"

"Can we go to the beach?"

"Like right now?"

"Um, now. U don't want to?"

"No, I mean, it's fine with me. Let's go to the beach." Gawin turns the wheel on the road that leads to the sea. They reach the sea after driving for a while. Both of them come out of the car after parking it.

"I miss this." Joss closes his eyes and takes a long breath before walking towards the sea. Gawin just follows him quietly from behind. Joss gets near the shore and sits down where the water doesn't reach. Gawin also sits down quietly beside him. They start watching the view. The sun is about to set. The sky turns golden, the waves dancing with the wind, the birds flying in a flock back to their nest. Joss stares at the setting sun before breaking the silence.

"It's beautiful."

"It is." Gawin said, looking at Joss. Joss also turns his head towards Joss.

"Thank u. If u aren't here with me, then I don't know how I will be able to go through this alone."

"No need to thank me, I'm willing. I will always be there for u." Gawin smiles. Joss also smiles back before turning his head back to the view. Gawin stares at him for some seconds before also turning back his head.

"Why didn't u ask anything? Are u not curious?" Joss starts talking again with his head, still looking to the direction of the sea.

"I thought u might need some time. I don't want to force u to do things that u don't want to."

"Oh God! What good deeds did I have done in my past life to get an angel like u to be my lover?" Joss smiles, looking down at the sand. Gawin smiles, looking at Joss.

"Whatever it is, I'm sure it's a very good one."

"It must be for sure."

"Are u feeling a bit better now?"

"A little bit."

"It's good then."

"Can I crash at ur place tonight?" Joss looks at Gawin softly. Gawin smiles back and traces his hand against Joss's face gently.

"Why not?" Gawin replies with a wide smile. Joss smiles back and pulls in Gawin for a hug.

"Thank u." Joss whispers, hugging Gawin tight. Gawin smiles and nods his head, rubbing his hands against Joss's back.

They ride back home after watching the sunset. By the time they reached Gawin's home, his parents were already back from work, done making dinner and waiting for him. They get inside the house together. When his parents saw Joss, they immediately welcomed him with a warm hug.

"I missed u big J." Gawin's mom hugs Joss tightly, followed by Gawin's dad.

"Welcome back, son."

Gawin just stands there with a smile.

"Guess my parents like u more than me." Gawin said before being pulled into a tight hug by his mom.

"We like both of u."

"Son, I prepared ham for dinner today. Let's eat it together. Come." Gawin's dad pulls Joss toward the dining table. Gawin and his mom also follow them with a smile.

After having dinner, Joss's mood seems to lighten up a bit. Gawin has been observing his every expression, so he noticed the change. Knowing this, he feels a bit of relief as he doesn't want him to be sad.

Both of them lie on the bed after taking a shower. Joss pulls up the blanket over them. They lay side by side, looking up at the ceiling. No one talks, letting silence take over the room. Joss puts his hands under his head and sighs.

"Are u ok?" Gawin starts talking, breaking the silence.

"Am I ok? I don't know."

"..."

"Do u know what the doctor said today?"

"No."

"He told me that my mom is suffering right now, so he suggested doing euthanasia. I know my mom is suffering, but am I selfish not wanting to let her go?" Gawin holds Joss's hands tight without uttering a word. "She's suffering from many things right now, and it will keep on increasing from now on. Should I just let her go?" Joss shifts his gaze towards Gawin. His eyes filled with tears with a shaky voice. Gawin didn't say anything cause he also didn't know what to say anymore, so he just pulled in Joss towards his chest and hugged him. Joss wraps his arms around Gawin and burries his face against Gawin's chest.

"Do u know what hurts me the most? The fact that she's suffering......suffering a lot from pain and all other things, but..... she can't say it out loud. How hard it must be for my mom? This breaks my heart..." Joss said with his voice breaking into between words. Gawin hugs Joss tighter, tapping on his back gently silently.

Like this, both of them drift to sleep. The night also passes away in the blink of an eye, and morning comes. Joss is still fast asleep while Gawin opens his eyes. He blinks a few times before looking down at Joss, who is sleeping peacefully, all cuddled up against him. A smile forms on Gawin's face automatically. He lowers his face and places a kiss on Joss's forehead softly and carefully, not to wake him up. He stares at his lover's face with a smile always on his face.

"I love this peaceful expression of ur face, but sadly, it can only be seen during ur sleep now." Gawin whispers to himself. He lets out a sigh and traces his hand against Joss's face. Joss's eyes start moving, and he opens his eyes.

"Morning." Gawin greets him with a smile and a kiss on the lips.

"Morning." Joss also replies back with a smile.

"Let's wash up. Mom must have prepared breakfast already."

"Ok."

"Ok." Gawin smiles.

Both of them brush their teeth and shower together. After putting on fresh clothes, they went downstairs, where they were greeted by the couple with warm smiles.

"Good morning, my sons! Come come sit. I have finished preparing breakfast." Gawin's mom pulls both of them towards the empty chairs.

"Thanks, mom." Joss, smile.

"No need, son." Gracy also smiles back.

During breakfast :

"Is it not to ur liking big J?" Gracy asks as Joss was not eating much as he used to.

"No, it's not like that. It's just I got something on my mind, so...."

"What is it?"

"Can Gawin stay with me at my house for a few days?" Joss took up all the courage and speaks up. Gawin choke on his food.

"What are u saying?" Gawin asks with wide eyes.

"Of course. Why not?" Gawin's dad agreed instantly, but Gawin's mom seems a bit reluctant.

"U need not worry, mom. I'll take care of him."

"Make sure he eats and sleeps on time." Gracy puts her hand on top of Joss's.

"I will." Joss gives a reassuring smile. Gawin remains silent throughout the conversation, just listening to the conversation. To be honest, he also wanted to stay with Joss for two or three days at least as he doesn't want to leave him alone. So he feels a bit of relief when his parents agree to let him stay there, but he doesn't show any sign of it to others.

"Yes, son, how's ur parents doing? Are they fine?" Gawin's dad asks, putting a spoonful of scramble eggs inside his mouth. Joss stops what he is doing for a second before replying back.

"They... are fine." Joss replies a bit reluctantly. Gawin noticed the uncomfortableness and tried to change the topic.

"Right, dad, I signed up for the basketball team at my college."

"Really, son!?" Gracy exclaims.

"It's great, son. That's more like my son."

"How about big J? He's tall, so he will be good at it."

"He also signed up for it, mom."

"Then it's great. U can look out for each other."

"Um, we can. By the way, the notification had come, and practice will start from mid of this month."

"Great." Joss replies with a smile, but there's no life in his voice, and only Gawin notices this, making him lose appetite at once thinking about Joss. Gawin's parents start talking to each other. Joss looks down at the plate and zones out while Gawin keeps on staring at Joss with a worried expression. One is sad with what life has thrown his way while the other is sad with what his other half has to go through. Both are suffering but of different reasons and the remedy no one knows. They got no choice other then letting the time unfolds the future situations and heals as it pass by.

<see u on next chp>