Chapter 11

I knock at Normani's door and try to process what I'll say to her. If I'm being completely honest this is the easy part. The hard part will be confronting Camila and trying to get on Dinah's good side again, though I think I know just the thing.

When I don't get an answer I knock again, louder this time.

"Wait a minute I'm coming!" I hear a familiar voice yelling and footsteps approaching the door.

"Lauren what are you doing here?" my best friend, well hopefully still my best friend, asks.

"I like Camila" I spit out before even thinking about it. Crap, that was not the way to go. I practiced for hours in my mirror on what I was going to say just to come here and blurt it out in a matter of seconds.

"Uh.. come in?" the darker girl opens the door and I step inside.

"I can't stay long I'm going over to Camila's house to try and get her to forgive me I messed up really bad I don't think she'll forgive me though I wouldn't forgive me either I mean I made her cry and she's way out of my league anyway and..."

"Breathe Lauren" my best friend chuckles and I just nod breathlessly.

"So you like Camila as more than a friend?" she questions.

"Yes.. don't hate me please you're my best friend I can't lose you." I plead.

"Lolo don't be crazy I'd never hate you, though I've come close to slapping you a few times, especially today." she admits and I just chuckle a little.

"I definitely would have deserved it after the way I acted. Mani I was so stupid and mean to you and Camila and a lot of others and I definitely owe my fair share of apologies but you deserve the first one. You've stuck by me through so much and I took that for granted multiple times. I won't anymore I swear. I'll make it up to you too. Actually I kind of have already." I smirk and pull out an envelope.

"What's this?" she questions as she takes the envelope. I motion for her to open it and her face is priceless.

"You got me Beyonce tickets? Lolo consider yourself forgiven!" she jumps into my arms and I laugh as I embrace the older girl.

"Under one condition though.. the other ticket has to be for Dinah. I've screwed up big time with her and I know she loves Beyonce just as much as you. I also know that you two have been getting along very well and I just want to fix things and hopefully we can all be friends.. if Camila ever forgives me." I smile and let go of Normani.

"Of course I'll take her and I'm sure she will appreciate it as well. How did you even get these? They were completely sold out and these are like front row seats!" Normani gapes at the tickets and I give myself an imaginary pat on the back for making her happy.

"I know I ended up buying them for triple what they're actually worth but it's worth it." I smile and hug the girl again. "I should get going to Camila's."

"Thank you! You are definitely the best but Lauren I have to warn you about something.." her smile disappears and leaves me nervous.

"Okay...?"

"Camila.. she isn't in the best place right now.. that's why I've been so defensive over her. She has some.. issues that you may not understand. I mean I don't even understand it and neither does Dinah but what she needs is support. When you go over there today... just don't do or say anything to push her over the edge please?" she looks serious which only causes me to grow more worried.

"Issues? Push her over the edge? What are you talking about Mani?" I hear my heart thumping in my chest.

"It's not my place to tell you babe. I only found out because Dinah broke down crying about it and she let it slip. Just... be careful. For her and for yourself.." she touches my arm but I can barely feel it.

"Yeah.. okay I will.. I'll see you later okay? Love you." I kiss her cheek quickly before heading out and into my car.

The only thought I have going on in my mind right now is Camila and is she okay. I speed to her house and I completely forget about the nervousness I felt. I pull up to her house and luckily she is alone.

I've only seen her father once and I've never seen her mother before. I get even more scared than I was previously and I get out of the car and knock on the door.

I know exactly what I'm going to say as soon as she opens the door. I'm gonna tell her I was stupid and I'm going to ask her what's going on with her and what issues is she not telling me about. Then I'm going to kiss her. Or maybe I should wait a while.

The door swings open and I see a red eyed Camila staring at me in full shock.

"H...Hi" I stutter at the girl in front of me wearing a white thin sweater and sweats.

She tries to slam the door in my face but I put my foot in the middle to block it.

"Look Camila please let me talk... to explain. Five minutes that's all I'm asking for and then you can kick me out. Please I'm begging I will literally get down on my knees and beg if you want me to." I look into the beautiful brown eyes.

"Five minutes and then I never want to see you again." she walks into the house but leaves the door open. I walk in after her and close the door. I follow her to her room and wipe my sweaty hands across my black high waisted jeans.

"Talk." she sits at the edge of the bed and I can't help but to admire her features. Her tan skin, her silky hair, her beautiful brown eyes. Everything about her is stunning.

"Uhm.. yeah okay sorry getting distracted by your beauty." I say in an attempt to smooth things over and break the ice. That didn't work..

"Four minutes left if I were you I would start talking." she crosses her arms and for the first time in a long time I find myself intimidated by someone.

"Okay, I am sorry for what I did and said. Honestly Camila.. I never wanted to hurt you and I hope you believe that. And you were never a charity case to me. I started off not liking you for the sole purpose that you were unpopular and kinda geeky.. and gay.. the thing is that was before I got to know the real you. You are not geeky and you have a huge heart. I like that about you. You see the best in me.. or saw... I guess I'm just trying to push you away because I'm scared. I have feelings for you Camila. What happened the other night meant something to me. You mean something to me. I just have this thing where I am so afraid of losing people and being judged that I pushed you away so I can hide who I really am... and that's someone who's crazy for you.." I study the look on her face to see if she's warming up to me but she isn't.

"Two more minutes and then you can get the fuck out." she wipes her eyes and bites her lip.

"We both know that isn't what you want Camila. Just give me one more chance? That's all I'm asking for. I know I messed up a lot but I won't again. I'll do anything for that one chance. I'll even read Harry Potter and watch all the movies and I'll take you out to dinner wherever you want and I'll tell the whole school that I like you. I learned that no one can accept me if I don't accept myself and I accept myself now. What do you say?" I flash my award winning smile but once again I'm met with no smile in return.

She stands up and holds the door open. "You know the way out.." she looks down.

I walk up to her. "Camila look at me." I plead but she is not looking up. I decide I have to take action, to let her know I'm serious.

I cup the tan chin and lift it up slowly, surprisingly Camila isn't fighting me off. I lean in slowly and push Camila against the now closed door.

I look Camila in the eyes for a split second before closing mine and pressing our lips together softly. I keep my lips lingering on hers for a few seconds before Camila decides to kiss back, wrapping her arms around my neck.

I smile into the kiss happy that Camila seemingly forgives me. At first I go to deepen the kiss but I happen to open my eyes briefly. When I do I notice that the arms of Camila's once white sweater now had tiny dots of red splattered across parts of it.

I break the kiss and step back enough to examine the stains. "Camila what the fuck is that?" I ask alarmed.

Camila looks down and then back up, tears now filling her eyes. She tries to step pass me to leave but I grab her arm. She yelps and I immediately regret it.

"Camila lift up your sleeve.." I demand but she won't listen to me.

"Camila please lift up your sleeve." I ask softly this time and take a step closer to the now crying younger girl. I gently grab her arm and when she doesn't pull away I lift up the sleeves slowly.

When I lift them up I see bleeding cuts of all sizes and depths. Some look a little old and some look like they were done minutes before I came. I hold back a cry because this isn't about me but I couldn't hold back the gasp of shock. My Camila would never do that to herself.

On top of the scars, there were black and blue bruises as well which made it worse.

"Baby what did you do?" I cup her face and pull her into me. She violently sobs and I just hold her close to me. I'm never letting her go ever again. I'm never letting her do this to herself ever again.

There is just one thing I don't understand.. I'm not an expert on self-harm or cutting but I am pretty sure they don't give you those bruisings. I decide to just handle one thing at a time for now though.

Once Camila stops crying she let's go. "You probably think I'm a freak. Don't worry you can walk away I won't blame you." she whispers the last part and my heart breaks bit by bit.

"I'm not leaving you beautiful. How about we go clean these so they don't get infected?" I ask and she just nods.

She directs me to the bathroom and I lift her up and sit her down on the counter. "Do you have any alcohol?" I ask and she points to the mirror. I open it up and grab a bottle with some cotton balls.

"You know.. Taylor and Chris used to get cuts all the time and I would clean them. I guess you can say I'm a nurse by now. Nurse Jauregui at your service." I smile and dab the cotton ball with alcohol on her cuts.

When Camila flinches at the pain I feel a tug at my heart and it is taking everything in me not to cry. I can't stand the thought of anyone hurting her, let alone herself.

"Camila can I ask you something?" I look up and she sighs.

"I do it to cope. I do it because I deserve it. It's the only pain that I can control and just for a few moments I forget about every other painful thing I'm going through. I do it because I hate who I am. I don't deserve to be here but I'm too much of a chicken to leave. I do it because I love the feeling. I do it because when I'm numb, it makes me feel something. I do it because I've been doing it for so long I don't know what else to do. I do it because it releases tension. I do it when I'm mad to release my anger. I do it when I'm sad to feel physical pain instead because I choose that over emotional pain any day. I do it when I'm happy because I don't deserve to be happy. I do it because I'm weak. I do it because one day I'll go too deep and it'll finally be over.." Camila answers the question that I never got to ask.

I'm left speechless. I don't know how to respond.. what do I say?

"Don't ever do that again Camila.. I'm serious. Come to me the next time you're having problems. Talk to me. And you do not deserve that no one deserves that. You are the sweetest person in the world and I will not have you hurting yourself. You are beautiful Camila. You are worth it. You are worth life. Nothing and no one hurting you is worth you hurting yourself, including me." I'll wipe her eyes and finish cleaning her scars.

I look in the cabinet and grab a bandage to wrap around her arm. She watches me intensely but I just focus on getting her cleaned up.

"I'm gonna wash your face okay?" I state more than ask but she let's me do it anyway. I grab a rag and run it under warm water.

"Close your eyes babe." I say and once she complies, I gently wash her face making sure to get the tear streaks clean.

"Uhm... you should probably change your shirt too. I'll close my eyes." I bite my lip feeling nervous.

The tan girl just lifts the shirt off of her and I habitually stare at her chest. I take in the decent sized boobs and the black lace bra. Her muscles are toned in all the right places and her abs are rock solid.

"If you're done staring I would love to go put on a shirt.." she winks and hops off the counter.

Unbelievable. How is it that this girl can make me blush no matter where we are or what is going on?

I follow her back into the room while she puts on a hoodie. I sit on the bed against the headboard.

"When did you start?" I ask the younger girl.

"When I was 12." she sits across from me and I look down at my fingers. I can't believe someone so beautiful, so happy and strong would do this to themselves for five years.

"Why?" I continue my questioning and hope that I don't go too far.

"Uhm... it's a long story." she moves further up the bed and lays her head on my lap. I play in her hair for a while before I speak up again.

"Did I make you do that?" I ask almost inaudible.

"What? No of course not." she looks up at me but I can't help but feel to blame. If I were nicer maybe she would've never done it. Maybe I could've stopped her.

"I'm exhausted. How about we sleep today... if you can stay and tomorrow I'll share my lame sob stories with you before school." she leans up and kisses me taking me by surprise.

I kiss back softly and then I take my phone out and text my mom that I will be staying over at a friends house. Camila gets up and goes through her draw. She pulls out shorts and a tank top.

"This should fit you." she has a sly smile and I laugh a little.

"This is a little underclothed don't you think?" I ask but inside i'm not complaining at all.

"Maybe just a little. You can change I'll close my eyes." she winks and I lift my shirt off and toss it to her before pulling off my pants.

I put on her clothes and turn the light off and the crawl into bed. Camila crawls on top of me and I wrap my arms firmly around her waist. No one is going to hurt her ever again I'll make sure of it.

I feel Camila lay her head in the crook of my neck before I hear low snores. She falls asleep. I kiss her head and soon fall asleep as well.