Chapter 10

During my lunch period I go straight to Mrs. H and cross my fingers that Camila isn't there. Luckily, when I step into the class Mrs. Hernandez is sitting alone at her desk grading some papers.

I knock shyly at the door as my teacher looks up from her work. As soon as she see's me a huge smile appears across her face and it makes me feel a lot better knowing that not everyone hates me.

"Lauren sweetie it's so good to see you, come in and take a seat." she motioned towards the desk directly in front of her desk. I agree without reluctance.

"Hey Mrs. H, I just wanted to ask if there was any way I can switch partners. You wouldn't have to rearrange the whole class either. If you pair me up with Normani, Camila can be paired up with Dinah they're best friends anyway." I ask desperately.

"I'm sorry Lauren I can't do that. If I let you change seats I'll have the whole class wanting to sit with their friends as well and I can't play favorites." she apologetically answered and I sigh.

Part of me doesn't want to switch partners because I enjoy Camila and her company but I can't be partners with her especially after I end whatever we had. I can't face her knowing that once again, I wronged her.

It would be so much easier if we never met.

"Why do you not want to work with Camila? She's a great and intelligent girl. You two work well together. Your science project was amazing." she continues and I can't tell her the truth.

How do I just come out and say because I like her as more than a friend but I'm afraid of what people will think about me if they find out I'm gay and I'm scared that she will break my heart one day?

"We had a bit of a falling out and I think it will affect our work." Technically it's not a complete lie.

"What was the fight about? I know it's not about boys considering Camila's position." the teacher asks.

I can't think of a good lie to tell her so I just sit there quiet with my head down. I'm so ashamed of the way I'm acting right now. I need to grow a pair.

"Lauren, do you know why I like you and Camila paired together?" Mrs. H asks me and I just shake my head in response.

"It's because you two actually have chemistry. I can see it clear as day. I strongly believe that you were meant to pick the same number as Camila and become partners. You two are so opposite that it fits so perfectly and I think you both have what the other is missing. You both need someone and you can be that someone for each other. Stop being so afraid of other people and their opinions Lauren. What matters is what you feel on the inside. I may be completely wrong here but that's just my opinion." she smiles and I feel my emotions boiling. She pretty much just admitted to thinking I'm gay. As much as her words hit me and made me think, I still can't have anyone knowing the truth about me and hating me.

"I'm not gay and I didn't ask for your opinion." I push myself up from the desk and storm out before I can catch a glimpse of her face.

Way to go Lauren you did it again! You snapped on someone that didn't deserve it. This is why I shouldn't have stopped seeing my therapist. When I was there I felt more calm. Now, I'm snapping and my anger is getting the better of me.

I walk aimlessly around the school until it's time to go to chemistry class.

When I walk into class I'm greeted by an angry looking Dinah, a worried Normani, a quiet Camila and a disappointing look from Mrs. Hernandez.

I just sit at my desk and keep my head down trying desperately to avoid the eyes that are gazing into me.

"Okay class today we will be working on a lab. Everyone get in groups of 4 I will explain once we're all settled." I hear the teacher giving orders and chairs scraping against the floor as students get up and get into groups.

Camila and I stay sitting where we are, both of us too afraid to move and have to look at each other.

"Lauren, Camila, get into a group please." our teacher asks and I get up. I look around and the only group left is no other than Normani and Dinah. Great this won't be awkward at all.

Camila gets up and walks over to the group and I follow behind her. After mumbling a hi I sit down and wait for instructions.

I can't get the scent of Camila out of my mind. She smells like vanilla and roses but also like bananas. I smile to myself thinking that's probably what she had for breakfast.

I can't shake the feeling of Camila's soft lips against my own. The way her lips fit perfectly on mine. The way she holds me when we kiss. The way my stomach explodes with fireworks and butterflies at her touch.

I can't stop thinking about Camila telling me that I was beautiful. Her voice so soft and sincere. It was the first time someone told me that and I actually believed it. I knew she didn't say it because she wanted something from me.

I feel a hand on my lap.

"Are you okay?" I hear a familiar voice ask me and that's when I realize I must've completely snapped out of it. The rest of the class was already working on the lab so I know I missed the instructions as well.

I look down at the tan hand and up at the brown eyes. I look around again and see a few people staring with their eyebrows raised. I know they must be thinking "eww look at those faggots. I can't believe Lauren is one of them. She's disgusting."

"Don't fucking touch me!" I push Camila's hand off of me which got the attention of the rest of the class.

"Lauren..." Camila tries to speak but I cut her off.

"Touch me again and I will end you. I don't want to catch your gayness!" I pull away from the younger girl and I can see tears welling up in her eyes but I can't care. I can't let people see me care.

"Woah calm the fuck down Lauren. You aren't going to do a damn thing to her. I dare you to try it and the only thing you'll be catching is your breath when I choke the life out of you." Dinah steps in front of Camila defensively like a mother taking care of her kid.

"Whatever." I push past the crowd gathered around and run out the class, hearing footsteps behind me. I run into the bathroom and slam the door behind me.

"Lauren seriously what the fuck was that?" I hear Normani yell as she opens the door. Great, just what I need, another person to tell me I'm a bad person as if I don't feel it enough!

"Not right now Normani.." I try to breathe deeply in an attempt to calm myself down.

"It's never right now with you anymore Lauren. Seriously you're not the same person I thought you were how could you say that to Camila after you became friends? She trusted you Lauren!"

"We aren't friends Normani. Camila and I never were friends and we never will be. The only reason I talked to her was because I pitied her. She's a loser the only friend she has is Dinah. I just wanted to pass my class and get in some charity work. She means nothing to me." I stare at my reflection in the mirror until something else catches my eye.

I turn and see a broken looking Camila biting her lip in what looks like an attempt to fight off tears and my heart immediately breaks.

"Damn... good to know." she whispers before slamming the door and walking out.

Before thinking about it I chase after her. "Camila wait!" I call out but she's walking way too fast. I grab her arm and turn her to me. She flinches and grabs her arm in pain. I didn't know I grabbed it that hard. Add that to the list of things to apologize for.

"I didn't mean to hurt you. In any way please believe me. That was never my intention." I take a step closer only to have her take a step back.

"Right I believe you." she sniffles and wipes her eyes as more tears threaten to spill out. "Your intentions were just to use me as a charity case so you can feel better about yourself right? Or was it to hurt me? I mean you've always done it. Rather it's you pushing me to the floor if I get in your way or you calling me names. All you've ever done in the past was hurt me and I am so unbelievably stupid for thinking anything would be different. Well Lauren Jauregui I hope you're glad. You officially broke me." the younger girls lips tremble.

"I didn't mean it.. I like you Camila.. I do."

"Prove it then Lauren." she takes a step closer to me and tries to kiss me but I turn my head.

"Camila.. I.." I don't know how to respond.

"Lauren either you want me or you don't. I need to know." she pleads with me and I desperately want to say 'Of course I want you! I would be crazy not to. You're beautiful and I'm a jerk." But all I do is stay quiet looking at the ground until she walks away.

I stand there for what feels like an eternity. I feel too broken to move. Too broken to cry. Too broken to feel.

I hurt Camila and I made her cry. That's all I'm good for. I've never made anyone happy not even my own family. I was stupid to think I could even stand a chance.

I spend the rest of the day avoiding any and everyone. I kept my head down and as soon as school was over I sped home in my car.

"Hey sissy how are you?" I spot my sister in the kitchen and I just give her a thumbs up. I feel like if I let any words out, I'll break down.

You know when you have that lump in your throat and your eyes sting and you're trying so hard to hold it back but you know if you open your mouth to just say one word you're going to explode and break down? That's me.

"Lo what's wrong?" Taylor comes up to me and wraps her arms tightly around me and that's when I hit my breaking point.

I sob violently into my sister's chest and if it were anyone else I would have been embarrassed but my sister has seen me in the darkest of times and I trust her with my life.

I feel her small hand rubbing my back gently as I cry until there is nothing left in my eyes.

I just feel so much pent up depression and emotions that I'm glad I was able to break down and have someone to catch me.

I feel the tiny hands leading me to my room and I sit on the bed and sniffle.

"Damn Lolo I haven't seen you cry that hard since the time mom threw out Mr. Snuggles" My sister jokes and I can't help but laugh.

"I still can't believe she threw the poor guy out" I wipe my tears and pray that my mascara didn't run.

"Lauren you were 15 with a stuffed animal I think it was the right time for Mr. Snuggles to go bye bye." she teases and sits on the side of my bed.

"Hey a lot of teenagers have teddy bears!" I try to defend with a pout on my face.

"Not ones that they still sleep with despite missing an eyeball and having been sewed up numerous times." she punches my arm playfully and I push her back gently.

"So talk to me please? What's wrong? I can't stand seeing you in so much pain." my sister faces me and I just look down. I don't want to talk about this but at the same time I desperately need to talk about it.

"I just.. I hate who I am." I sigh and don't dare to meet her gaze.

"Why? You're amazing Lauren."

"I'm not. All I do is hurt people. You should've seen Camila today.. She looked like a wounded puppy." I whisper.

"Camila? Is that what this is about?" my sister asks shocked and I just nod. Surely she won't think I'm gay right? I can cry over hurting a friend that's perfectly normal.

"What did you do to hurt her so bad?" Taylor kinks her eyebrow up at me but I just shake my head.

"Lauren why don't you trust me? You can talk to me about anything. I'm your sister and I love you." she rubs my back again and I just sigh.

"I may have said she was a charity case and meant nothing to me.." I look up at Taylor who has a look of disappointment on her face and that only makes me feel worse.

"Well why'd you say it?" she continues her questioning. I don't know how to say it without just coming out.

"I just.. I've hurt her a lot in the past and I think she should keep her distance. I don't want to hurt her again." I reply.

"You don't want to hurt her or you don't want her to hurt you?" she questions and my head shoots up.

"What do you mean?" I ask and move away from my sister slightly.

"Lauren don't do that. Don't pull away from me I'm your family. I just... I don't see what the big deal is if you have feelings for Camila. I saw you two when she was over here and you didn't look like just friends. I saw the way you looked at her and the way she talks about you. She likes you Lauren. A lot. And you like her too and I think that you two can have something beautiful if you would just give it a chance and stop being so afraid of what people will think. There's this quote that I love. 'Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.' If someone cares that you're into a girl, fuck them. The people that care, we'll love you just as much if not more. Lauren you are a beautiful and amazing girl and Camila cares about you. Don't ruin it because she has the same body parts as you do." my sister finished with a smile and a hug.

I would hug back but I think I'm too shocked to get my body to move.

"So you don't hate me?" I question just to be sure.

"Why would I hate you? I completely love and accept you just the way you are. I always have and I always will."

"I guess I just thought no one will accept me.. I still do a little.." I admit.

"Lauren you can't expect people to accept you when you haven't even accepted yourself."

"What if it doesn't work out between us?" I wonder aloud.

"What it if does?" Taylor counters my doubts.

"When the hell did you get so smart?" I question my younger sister.

"Lolo we're Jauregui's we've always been smart. Now go get your girl. I have to get ready though I have a movie date with this foreign exchange student. He is the hottest guy I have ever seen. Well maybe after Harry Styles." she pats my leg and gets up to leave. I can't help but laugh that my sister also likes One Direction. No wonder her and Camila get along so well.

"Oh and I happen to really like Camila so don't fuck it up. And also don't let Chris near her he likes her a lot more." I laugh as my sister walks out of my room.

I lay in bed for hours waiting for Camila to be home from her volunteer work. I just lay back and think of what to say. I know exactly what I have to do.

I have to go and get my girl.

I just want to thank all of you for voting and commenting. I don't think you understand how much it means to me. I'm really insecure with my writing but you guys make me feel like I'm doing a decent job and words can't express how much that means to me. Thank you. I love you.