Chapter 9

After last night with Camila I drove home and almost got into an accident three times. I was still in a daze that I couldn't focus on the road.

I've come to realize that her kisses are like drugs and I'm already addicted.

Maybe driving after I just made out with the girl of my dreams isn't the best idea. I'm not sure where that leaves Camila and I, but I do know that wherever it is, I'm curious and eager to get there.

I quickly get dressed and run downstairs. "Hi mami. Bye mami." I give my mom a quick kiss on the cheek and run out the door.

I overslept today and I can't be late for school. I speed in my Ferrari until I pull up to the school with three minutes to spare. I decide to text Camila.

Me - Hey are you at school yet?

C - I've been here for a half an hour already silly.

Crap I forgot she told me that she gets to school early all the time. I hope she doesn't think that I don't pay attention to her because I definitely do. I want to ask her about yesterday but I'm not sure how to word it without sounding too desperate.

Me - So about yesterday..

C - What about it?

Me - It was cool

"It was cool?" Really Lauren? Grow a pair of balls. Well not literally because then Camila wouldn't like you.

Me - What I mean is we should do it again sometime.

I hold my breath and wait for her response.

C - My house at 8?

I release my breath and do a short happy dance.

Me - Sounds like a date. ;)

C - Yes it does. Nice dancing by the way. ";)"

I look up and see Camila sitting under a tree next to where I parked looking at me. My cheeks automatically fluster and I find myself at a loss of words.

C - Don't worry I think that was cute. You should dance for me more often.

I look back up and see Camila with a smirk on her face and I get the feeling she doesn't mean dancing the way I just did. Luckily the bell rings before she replied again and I quickly get out my car and speed walk to my first period.

About 10 minutes into my class I felt my phone in my pants pocket. I pull it out and see a text from Normani.

N - Where were you this morning?

I decide to ignore the text for now and just talk to her when I have gym.

A few minutes later my phone vibrates again.

C - Meet me in the bathroom in 5 minutes.

My eyes go wide and I begin coughing. She wants me to meet her in the bathroom? For what?

I raise my hand. "May I be excused to the restroom?" I ask my teacher who just nods and continues teaching the lesson.

As soon as I walk into the restroom my body is pushed up and pinned against a wall and I feel lips on mine. It only takes me a second to react before I pull the younger girl closer to me and slip my tongue into her mouth.

I immediately feel the warmth of her tongue as our tongues fight for dominance. I push Camila toward the sink and lift her up, sitting her down on top of it.

I suck gently on Camila's bottom lip until I hear a slight moan escape her lips. If we weren't in school, I probably would have jumped her bones right then and there. Well probably not because I am a virgin and wouldn't know what to do.

Camila's hand slips under my shirt as she rubs her fingers across my stomach. I feel my abs tighten under her touch.

After a few minutes a breathless Camila breaks the kiss. "W... we... should pr... probab..bblyy.. get b..back" she stutters as she catches her breath and there is something about that stutter that I find absolutely adorable.

I kiss her once more and then walk out the bathroom and into class feeling more confident than I've ever felt in my life.

After class I go to gym where I'm greeted by a nagging mother Mani.

"Why were you late? and why wasn't your car at your house last night?" she questions with a stern look on her face.

"I was just... out." I carefully reply not wanting to say too much.

"With who?"

"Someone.."

"Lauren Michelle Jauregui Morgado I swear if you were out with Brad I don't know which of you I will kill first.." Normani looks worried but angry.

"Do you really think I'd go back with him? I promised you I wouldn't and I never break promises do I?" I smile and wrap an arm around the other girl.

"I guess not. Who were you with?" she asks again and I pretend to zip my lips earning a groan of frustration from the darker girl.

We do our daily run and time passes by extremely slowly during lunch. I count down the minutes until it's finally time for chemistry and I can see her again.

"Hey" I smile big when I see the tan girl that just had me pinned against a wall in the school restroom a few hours ago.

"Hi beautiful" she replies and sits beside me. I don't think she realizes how the small things that she do make me feel so incredibly happy.

I look at her shirt and she's wearing the same one she wore the first day of school. Now that she's closer I can see that her hoodie says "Sheeran".

"Who's that?" I question and point to her shirt. Her mouth drops slightly and I can't help but giggle.

"Lauren Jauregui you better be kidding me.." she stares at me and I laugh. "I'm fucking with you it's that dude from Harry Potter right?"

Camila slaps my arm and it's really hard for such a small girl. "Ouch! What was that for?" I question and rub my arm.

"Learn the difference between Ed Sheeran and Rupert Grint before what happens yesterday never happens again." she threatens and I pick my phone up and Google Ed Sheeran.

"I'm learning right now!" I exaggerate

She laughs hysterically and I watch her with a huge smile on my face. I love when she laughs especially if I'm the reason.

"You really want last night to happen again?" she questions and I nod. "Definitely."

The rest of class was spent flirting with my Cuban crush and getting weird looks from Mrs. H. She kept smiling whenever she saw Camila and I interacting and it was actually really strange.

I spent the remainder of my day missing Camila's presence. I can't wait until 8. That's the only thing on my mind. At eight I get Camila to myself.

At least today I have cheer practice to keep me distracted for awhile as Camila is doing her volunteer work.

I head to the gymnasium where practice is being held and drop my bags. I head to the locker room to change into leggings and a sports bra for practice.

As I'm walking out I feel an arm grabbing mine gently but firmly.

I turn to face the girl. "Lauren can we talk for a minute before practice?" Dinah asks me and I just nod. I feel my heart skip a beat. I know she's Camila's best friend so I'm curious what she wants to talk about.

"Look, I won't lie I used to hate you, a lot. Recently I've started to grow a little fond of you. I think you're a good person Lauren so please stop whatever it is you're doing with Camila." she asks and I'm kind of stunned.

"What I'm doing with Camila? You mean being a friend to her?" I ask and it comes off a little angry but I'm not meaning for it to I just get defensive.

"Lauren she's fragile." Dinah continues and I am not understanding what she's insinuating. "So? I'm not doing anything to hurt her I'm just trying to be her friend and she can handle herself." I fire back.

"She doesn't see it that way and to be honest neither do I. And don't speak about her handling herself when you don't know anything about her." Dinah replied a lot more angry.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? I don't see Camila complaining about our friendship. You might be jealous but leave me the fuck out of it." I yell.

"Lauren do not raise your voice at me I'm not one of these little kids around here that you can just bully and get away with it. You think you're so big and bad because your mommy and daddy can buy you nice things and because you can go around punching lockers? Newsflash, not everyone in this school is afraid or intimidated by you. I really thought you were different but clearly I was wrong. Camila doesn't see you as just a friend and you lead her on to believe that she means something important towards you. Also, I have nothing to be jealous over believe me I'm just looking out for Camila and I swear if you hurt her I will hurt you." She fires back.

I want to be angry but deep down I admire the way she protects Camila and I can't be mad at her. I would do the same thing for Normani.

What I am mad about however is that if Dinah see's that there is something going on between Camila and I, who else see's it?

I can't have Dinah thinking I'm gay or going around telling others I'm gay.

"Screw you. You don't know shit about me or my friendship with Camila. I don't need your blessing to be friends with someone. I do what I want when I want with who I want. I was only her friend because I pitied her anyway." I push past the taller girl, grab my bags and rush out the gym and into my car.

I ignored the stares, I ignored the sound of Normani calling after me, I ignored the text messages and the phone calls, I ignored it all.

I was supposed to go to Camila's house that night.

I didn't.

Instead I chose to blast rock music while I worked out ferociously in my dad's weight room until I couldn't feel my body.

In a way, my body felt the same way I did... numb but in so much pain.

I don't want anyone thinking I'm gay and changing the way they see me. I like Camila a lot but I'm not gay. I was just a little curious but that's over now.

I like guys. I'm attracted to guys.

The thing that hurt the most was that I didn't believe a word I said. By the time I'm done I see that I have 6 messages and three missed calls.

C - Lauren? Where are you it's already 9:30. - Sent 9:30 p.m C - Did I do something wrong? - Sent 9:57 p.m

C - Lauren? Can you at least let me know you're safe? - Sent 11:03 p.m

N - Lauren why did you just walk out of practice like that? - Sent 11:15 p.m

N - What's gotten into you? I called you 3 times you can at least send me a message letting me know you didn't get in an accident or something. - Sent 11:29 p.m

C - Thanks for showing me how much I mean to you Lauren. You sure know how to make a girl feel very special. - Sent 12:34 a.m

My heart breaks at Camila's last message because she is special. She is so very special to me but I can't reply. I can't go back to her.

I decide to take a cold shower and just cry myself to sleep. I don't cry often but at least I know I'm human and not some evil cold hearted robot like I sometimes feel I am.

Honestly, I hate the way I am. I lash out at those who don't deserve it and I treat people badly more so than good.

I know that I do it but I can't fix it. I can't fix me.

I'm broken beyond repair and I don't deserve the people I have in my life. I don't deserve the best friend who is always there for me even if I don't deserve it. I don't deserve the cute girl who gives me chance after chance no matter how much I hurt her. I don't deserve anyone or anything.

I find myself wishing that Brad had hurt me. Maybe then I can hate him instead of myself. Maybe then I'd have an excuse to be the way I am. Maybe then I'll finally feel like I've gotten what I deserve.

I close my eyes and cry into my pillow hoping that it muffles my sobs so that I don't wake everyone else up.

I just feel so worthless sometimes. I yelled at Dinah, I'm ignoring the only person that's always been here for me, I'm hurting the girl that won't even hurt a fly.

Sometimes it all gets a little too much and all I want is for someone to hold me close and tell me it's going to be alright.

I hate these moods that I get in where I feel so self destructive and insecure. It's pathetic. I'm pathetic.

After throwing myself a pity party, I finally feel my eyes shutting and silence around me.

In the morning I just throw on sweats and a crop top. I throw my hair up in a messy bun and only put on a little makeup. I don't feel like trying to impress anyone today I just want to get the day over with as quickly as possible.

As soon as I step outside and head to my car I spot Normani leaning against it. "Look Mani I'm sorry.. I wasn't feeling well last night and didn't want to trouble you so I just left. I went to sleep as soon as I got home and didn't see your messages I'm sorry." I lie but I don't want the older girl to worry about me.

I feel the chocolate eyes on mine burning a hole through my head but after a few moments she backed off.

"Okay well we have a new routine so you'll have to learn it.. Also I was going to tell you yesterday but someone left early but... Sean asked me out!" she squeals and I gasp.

"Mani I'm so happy for you!" and it was true. I am. It's rare for Normani to ever have feelings for a guy because the one time she did he screwed her over. He took her virginity and broke up with her right after. Like directly after. She didn't even have enough time to put her clothes back on.

He got what was coming to him though because a few of Normani's cousins got to him and ended up showing him that the Hamilton family wasn't one to play with.

Normani is one of the best people I've ever met and she deserves all the happiness in the world and if Dinah's cousin makes her happy I would always support it.

The whole drive to school, I think about everything. Mostly about what Dinah said. "Camila is fragile"

The words keep repeating in the back of my mind. What does she mean by that?

Camila doesn't seem like a fragile person. She's not that shy, I'm pretty sure I cry more than she does and I've never once seen her let a bully get to her.

I already knew today was going to be a bad day but what I didn't know was just how bad of a day it will be.