Chapter 12

James

"Alright, I struck out with the girls -"

"Again?" Sirius asks, giving me a cheeky grin.

"Shut up," I huff as I sink onto the couch next to Regulus. Sirius and Remus are on the couch opposite, obviously trying to not be obvious in how closely they're sitting together. "They want to spend the last day in the lake, so no takers for a hike. What about you guys?"

Sirius looks to Remus, who is practically falling asleep against the hand he has propped on the arm of the couch. "Moons? I assume you're not up for physical exertion?"

Remus shakes his head. "No. I was up until two working on that stupid article, and I want to be awake for dinner tonight. So, I need a nap." He yawns. "You go, though, Pads."

"No, it's ok. I'll stay. I need to call Doris about the house anyway." He turns to look at Regulus. "Reggie? Fancy a stroll with James? He really shouldn't be in the woods by himself."

"Hey! I'd be fine."

"Physically, maybe. But mentally, you'd go nuts without human interaction for more than an hour."

I huff and turn to Regulus, hoping he'll back me up. But he's just smirking at his book. "It's not a bad thing, James. You're a social person. Nothing to be ashamed of."

"Right. Well. I'm going to go on a hike by myself, just to prove that I will come back perfectly sane and invigorated."

I'm just yanking my backpack from under the bus when Regulus appears next to me, water bottle in hand and one of Sirius' baseball hats over his curls. "Want some company on your solo hike?"

Sighing, I nod. "Yes, please."

We set off in the Jeep toward the couple of hiking trails we haven't tried to the north. We decide on Pyramid Lake and start the walk in silence. Sirius and Regulus are right. I thrive around people. But this is nice, too. I'm not alone, but I don't need to chatter the whole time. Listening to the birds and insects and breeze through the trees is calming.

Regulus stays a few steps behind me, and we just walk. He comments on things every once in a while - a pretty bird, a fallen log covered in moss. And it's only once we get to the end of the trail and stop at the edge of the lake that he turns to me fully.

"We didn't bring food, did we?"

I snort and shrug my backpack off. "Like I would let you starve. I know how you get when you're hungry."

He scowls and then catches himself, and I laugh. "Oh, eff off, Potter. Like you're any better."

"I don't turn into a little gremlin if I don't eat at designated times throughout the day," I say, handing him a sandwich and a bag of carrot sticks that I packed this morning for whoever decided to join my hike.

"Oh, you know my feeding schedule, do you?" he asks and sinks onto a log near the water.

I sit on a rock facing him. "Yes, actually. Breakfast as soon as you get up. Like as soon as. Even if it's just a snack, you must eat as soon as you wake up or there will be hell to pay. Then there's a morning snack. More or less optional, but don't think I haven't seen you wandering back to the campsite around ten for a granola bar. Lunch is noon on the dot, not earlier or later. Afternoon snack is more flexible. Depends on how big lunch is or if you know what we're having for dinner and want to save room. I get that one. I want to eat as many burgers as possible." I pause to dig out the granola bar that has slid under my first aid kit. "Now, midnight snacks I'm not as sure on, because I sleep like the dead. But I wouldn't be surprised if you snuck a handful of fish crackers at one am when you can't sleep."

I finally locate the granola bar and look up to find Regulus staring at me, just a bit slack jawed. "What?"

He shakes his head. "Nothing. I just..." He clears his throat and moves his gaze to the lake. "Just didn't realize you were so obsessed with me, is all."

He's teasing, but I blush anyway. "Oh, don't go getting a big head. I know Sirius' and Remus' eating habits, too."

Regulus scoffs. "Sirius is always eating. And Remus never eats. That's not hard."

I open my mouth to contradict him, but he's not wrong. "Mm. Fair. Do you know my eating habits?"

He looks me up and down. "I honestly don't pay that much attention to you." I'm almost genuinely hurt. Until I see the little smirk in the corner of his mouth.

"Sure. Alright."

We eat in relative silence and watch a little family of ducks on the water. Just as I'm finishing off my granola bar, I look over Regulus' head and see dark clouds looming in the distance. I frown. "Um, those don't look good."

Regulus follows my gaze and cringes. "Ew. No, they don't. Start heading back?"

I nod. "Yeah. Good idea."

Our pace back toward the Jeep is faster, but halfway back, the drops start falling. It's soft at first, and I think maybe we've lucked out and gotten just the edge of the storm. But then it starts downpouring. Regulus is in front of me when it picks up, and his shoulders scrunch to his ears.

"Reg!"

He turns to look at me. It's a terrible mistake. We're on a slight incline, and I watch in horror as he slips as if in slow motion. At first, he windmills his arms, and it looks like he might be able to stay upright. Until his foot catches a root, and he pitches forward awkwardly. He catches himself with his hands, just barely avoiding faceplanting into the mud.

"Reg!" I slide down the incline, and he's just getting his knees under him when I crouch at his side. "Reg? You ok?" I ask over the pounding of the rain.

"No," Regulus whimpers as his hands slide in the muddy gravel.

"Alright. It's alright. Let me help." I get my hands under his arms and haul him to his feet. "There we go. Hey." He looks up at me, eyes welling with tears. "It's ok. Come on."

As soon as he takes his first step, he nearly collapses again. "Ow. Ow, ow, ow," he chokes. "Ankle. Ankle hurts."

Thankfully, my hands are still hooked around his ribcage, and I manage to keep him on his feet. "Ok. It's alright. I've got you."

Slowly, we hobble a few feet to a relatively dry patch under a group of trees. It's definitely not comfortable, but it's out of most of the rain and there's a log.

Once we're settled on it, I duck down to get Regulus' attention. "Where does it hurt?"

"Ankle. Knees. Hands," he sniffles. He's really crying now, tears mixing with the rain running down his face from his soaked curls. And he hovers his shaking hands over his lap, mud dripping from his fingers onto the ground between his feet.

"Alright. Take a deep breath for me, yeah?" I say as I attempt to wipe the mud off my hands and then dig the first aid kit out of my backpack. He sucks in a shaky breath through his nose and lets it out. "Good. Another."

He manages to slow down his breathing with only the occasional hiccup by the time I lay out gauze and pull out my extra water bottle. "I feel like an idiot."

"You're not an idiot, Reg. It's slippery as hell." I straddle the log. "Let me see your hands first."

He holds them out, and I pour a little bit of water over them to wash away the mud. A couple of shallow scratches stand out against his pale skin. Carefully, I run an alcohol pad over them, apologizing softly when Regulus hisses.

I repeat the process on his knees and try to lighten the mood. "Didn't realize I was so distracting, Reg."

"Shut up," he grumbles, laughing lightly.

"Which ankle hurts?"

He stretches out his left leg slowly, and I kneel to slide his shoe off and feel around the joint. My first aid certification is long expired, but I'm pretty sure I could tell if the bones were obviously broken. So, I grab an ace bandage and wrap it as best I can with cold, wet fingers.

"Pretty sure it's just sprained. We'll have Mary look at it once we get back to the camp site." My wrap job is shoddy at best, but it'll do for now.

"Ok."

Still kneeling in front of him, I lean forward to catch his eyes. "You ok?"

He nods shallowly. "Just...shaken, I guess. Cold. Achy."

I slide back onto the log and press myself to his side. "Well, do you want to wait out the rain or try to get back to Jeep now?"

"We can wait. I don't wanna fall again. It'll be easier once the storm calms down." I pretend to ignore the way he leans into my shoulder, still cradling his stinging hands in his lap.

"Ok. We can wait here, then." We sit in silence for a few moments. And then I ask the question I've been thinking about since Sirius announced that Regulus was going to be staying with us long term. "So...you really postponed your last year of school?"

Regulus hums. "Yep. Called my guidance counselor yesterday. He wasn't...pleased. But I think he understands. It's not like I'm the first person to take a gap year."

"How are you feeling about it?"

"Good," he sighs, tucking even closer. "Still...I don't know."

I nudge him. "What?"

"You're going to tell me I'm being dumb, so never mind," he says.

"Reg, I would never..."

He tilts his head up to look at me, a challenge in his eyes. "I still feel like I'm inconveniencing you guys by staying in the bus."

I have to clench my jaw to refrain from indeed calling him dumb, and Regulus laughs. "Shut up. You're not dumb. The idea is dumb."

"And I had the idea. Therefore -"

I press a hand over his mouth. "No. You're not dumb. But I will remind you that we want you here. Sirius. Remus. Me. We like having you here, and we're going to continue to like having you here. For as long as you want. Ok?" He nods, and I move my hand. "Good."

He searches my face for a moment before smiling. "You look like your dad." I blink at him in surprise. "But you have you mom's mannerisms. I think she gave me this exact look at least five times when I stayed with them."

Right. I forget that sometimes. It feels like it was forever ago, but it's really only been about two months. Mom wouldn't stop gushing about how lovely of a boy he was and how worried she was about him. I send her an update every time she asks, and I can feel the relief in her texts when I tell him he's good.

"She's excited to see you again, you know," I tell him. "I know it's not for a few months, but she won't stop talking about it."

"That's..." He finally turns his face away from me, and I watch a few droplets of water run down his temple. "That's nice of her."

"She's excited to see Remus, too. They've only met him once, so him agreeing to come to Boston in October is a big deal for her."

Regulus rests his head against my shoulder. "Tell me about them."

"What do you want to know?"

"Everything."

I start at the beginning. "Well, you know that my grandpa's rich. But he got rich later. New money, I guess your lot calls him. So...he was never invited to society events or anything, but he didn't really care. Dad grew up rich, but he's about as down to earth as you can get when you're living in a multi million dollar house." I huff a laugh. "And Grandpa did what my parents are doing to me. He wanted my dad to make his own money. So, Dad went to school, became an architect, eventually started his own firm. Mom is English, an heiress, although she hates when I say it like that. Old money, too. So, it was a bit of a scandal when she and Dad got engaged. Her parents weren't too happy with her choice."

"How did they meet?"

"At school. Harvard." I frown. "Surprised it didn't come up when you were staying at the house."

He shrugs. "I kinda kept to myself. And I was only there for a day."

"Well, you'll have to bond over it when we're there in a few months."

I keep talking, telling stories about my parents' first date and how my dad proposed. Regulus listens quietly as the rain slowly dies down. When it's just a drizzle, I pause.

"We should probably get back to the car before it picks up again. But before we do..." I flip open my first aid kit again and pull out some thin gauze and medical tape. "I'm going to cover these scrapes until we can get them cleaned and bandaged properly."

It only takes a minute to stick a piece of gauze to each hand and knee. Regulus sits quietly the whole time, eyes tired and resigned. I worry how Sirius will react when he sees him like this. Once the gauze is in place, I stand and try to ignore my wet shirt clinging to my back.

Regulus pushes himself to his feet, too, holding his left foot out in front of him and wincing when it bounces against the ground. "I don't know if I -"

"I'll carry you," I offer immediately.

He looks like he wants to protest, but he glances down the trail and sighs. "Ok. Thanks."

"Anytime, Reg."

***

Sirius

I'm just about to wonder out loud where James and Regulus are when the bus door clicks open.

I grin at Remus where he's sitting on the other side of the couch, my feet propped in his lap. "There you are! We thought you'd been washed away..." The words die in my throat when James comes into view up the stairs.

Regulus is draped on his back, muddy, bandaged hands hooked over his shoulders. James has his hands under Regulus' knees, also covered in mostly muddy gauze and medical tape. Regulus winces as his foot, wrapped in an ace bandage, bounces against James' thigh.

Remus sits forward. "Oh my God. What happened?"

I jump up and help Regulus slide off of James' back, heart thundering in my ears. "Are you alright?"

Regulus looks at me with puffy, bloodshot eyes and nods. "I'm fine. Just slipped and fell. James thinks I sprained my ankle."

I look to James, who gives me a reassuring smile as he tries to catch his breath. "I'm pretty sure it's not broken. But we should have Mary look at it to be sure."

"Can I shower first?" Regulus asks, picking at a bit of mud drying slowly on his forearm. "I'm disgusting." The giggle he lets out is half amused, half miserable.

"Of course. Come on." I take his elbow and help him hop toward the bathroom, sending a panicked look at Remus over my shoulder. With pointedly raised eyebrows, he takes in an exaggerated breath and lets it out. I copy and try to keep the steady breathing as I settle Regulus on the lid of the toilet.

But the action sends a weird pang through my chest. It takes me a minute to figure out why it feels so familiar. And then it hits me. Regulus, falling from a tree branch and scraping up his hands and knees and crying. Regulus, sitting on the toilet in our upstairs bathroom as I frantically tried to wash the blood away so Mother wouldn't scold us - or worse - for playing in the trees again. Regulus, barely seven, looking at me with big, watery gray eyes as I dabbed at the oozing cuts.

The nightmares that that image produced were twisted and terrifying. Up to that point, I'd been able to keep Mom from turning her wrath on Regulus, taking whatever punishment she deemed fit in his place and shooing him off to his room. But my mind conjured up horrible scenarios of patching Regulus up, of dabbing at blood spilled by our own mother. Over time, that particular nightmare faded, replaced by actual memories. Mom never struck Regulus hard enough to bleed, but I tended to plenty of bruises and stinging slaps.

My brain knows that we're not in Grimmauld Place. We're in the bus, our home, the home that James and I built with our own two hands and that Regulus has felt so safe in. But my body...

Regulus nudges me with his foot, and I look up at him. "I'm ok, Sirius."

"I know."

"No, look at me." He stares sternly into my eyes. "I'm ok. Sore. A bit shaken up. But I'm ok."

I take a deep breath and nod. "I know. Sorry."

"Don't apologize. I know what you're thinking." And I know he knows. I hate that he knows.

Instead of answering, I help him peel muddy gauze from his hands and knees and unwarp the ace bandage from his foot. And then I'm at a loss.

"How do you..."

He snorts. "I can shower on my own, Sirius. I've been doing it for years now."

I huff a laugh. "I know that. But your foot..."

"I'll be fine." He looks at our shower, a tiny space with a generic white shower pan built into the floor. There's the smallest of lips to get over, but he's nothing if not stubborn. "I'm just going to rinse off anyway. Mostly need all the mud gone."

"Right. Yell if you need help. I'll grab you a towel and some clean clothes."

But as soon as I leave the bathroom and meet James' knowing eyes, my stomach revolts. I heave over the kitchen sink, hoping the shower water is loud enough to cover the sound. I don't want Regulus to worry. And then I run, slapping down the bus stairs and onto the wet gravel of the camp site barefoot. With no shoes and absolutely no desire to get lost in the woods, I don't go far, squatting at the edge of our site and squeezing my head between my hands in a vain attempt to keep myself together.

A hand lands softly on my shoulder, and Remus is there, pulling me up and into his arms. "I've got you. It's ok."

"I -"

"I know, baby. Let go."

And I'm gone, sobbing into his t-shirt and pressing as close as I can to his neck. He squeezes me hard, an arm around my waist and a hand pressing into my hair. I cry so hard it hurts, throat throbbing and eyes burning, until finally, I heave in a full breath and relax against Remus' chest.

"I'm sorry," I hiccup.

Remus hums. "No apologies, Pads."

I pull my head up enough to meet his gaze. "You called me baby."

He blushes slightly. "Yeah, that kinda...slipped out."

"I like it," I say, tucking my head back into his neck.

"You ok?" he asks after a moment. I nod, but he clicks his tongue. "Sirius."

"I'm...tired. I didn't..." I huff.

I've talked to James about this before. He had a front row seat to my relationship with my parents for years. And then he had a front row seat to the aftermath. I refused to sleep in my own room when I moved in with the Potters, opting to share with James, and I don't know how many nights he held me tight after nightmares. And Remus knows some, enough to know how big of a deal it was that Regulus left, why I was so emotional about it all. But for some reason, the words get stuck in my throat. I have to swallow a few times before I can continue.

"I didn't realize how much that would get to me. It was so sudden and unexpected. I mean...by now I know the things that will trigger a flashback or a nightmare. But I didn't think seeing Regulus like that would..."

He hums again, rocking back and forth slightly. "That makes sense. It's a new trigger. Regulus has only been out here a couple of months. And you've only been out of that house for a few years. You're going to find new things that get to you. I'm sorry it took you by such surprise."

"I'm glad you were here, though."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

When we finally make our way back into the bus, Regulus is hopping precariously to the couch as James looks on worriedly. Regulus stops before sitting on the couch and frowns at me.

"I'm fine," I huff.

He shakes his head and rolls his eyes, beckoning me closer until he can slide his arms around my waist. It takes me by surprise, but I return the hug gladly and fiercely. We haven't really hugged since the airport. And before that...I don't know when we stopped hugging, but he got to the age where hugging his older brother was uncool. Did we hug when I left?

I know the answer to that. Regulus' cold eyes watching me as I packed a bag will forever be burned into my memories. We're writing over those memories now, I hope.

And hugging Regulus tight helps. It helps a lot.