Chapter 25

The next day, Spencer was supposed to go back to work as though nothing had happened. She had to pretend Alice had not come to town or taken Bella off to Italy without her father knowing. That Edward wasn't planning on taking his life because of a girl he had left for dead half a year before. That Harry had not passed under her hands only two days before. And she had to pretend that she didn't know Carlisle was gone, that she wasn't the only one he had walked away from.

But pretending was something she had gotten used to. Putting on a mask was the first thing she had learned when she was younger. She had faked being happy for so long that truly feeling it became intoxicating. And once it had been taken from her, she collapsed.

Still, falling back into usual patterns of behavior was easy enough to do.

She had gotten up that morning and left her mother a plate of breakfast before heading to the hospital. There, she walked the halls with a kind smile on her face and her mouth muttering thank you to everyone who offered their condolences. It was much too easy to pretend she was fine.

"I heard you went by the Clearwater house," Spencer smiled as she noticed Eden walking into the locker room while she slipped on her white coat. "You didn't have to do that, but thank you. I wish I had stayed longer to have seen you."

"I thought it'd be good to pay my respects," he said. "It was a hard-hitting case."

"Well, thank you. Not many people would have done that."

"Yeah, of course," he smiled, hiding the redness that was creeping onto his face with the door of his locker. "I, uh, wasn't expecting you back today. I thought Davis gave you the rest of the week off."

"I'd go crazy if I had nothing to do," Spencer sighed. "Work will keep my head busy enough."

"Hm," was all Eden responded as he left his things in his locker and slipped on his own coat.

Spencer couldn't help as her eyes lingered over Eden's body. She stared at the way his navy scrubs clung to his figure, the seams of his sleeves stretching to their limits as his arms flexed before they were covered by the white coat. It was something she had only noticed she had been doing about a month before.

Somewhere along the way, she had begun staring, listening, remembering a little more. Spencer found herself noticing Eden a lot more than she had ever any man before, apart from one. Even as he seemingly held only disdain for her in the beginning, she couldn't help the way she'd gravitated toward him. Thankfully, she had a reason to follow him around, but she knew that somehow, she'd do it regardless.

"Spencer!" His voice broke her out of her trance, a teasing grin splayed on his face. "All good?"

"Oh, uh, yes," she stammered as she composed herself. "Morning rounds. Coming."

"Seriously, if you need to take time off, you can," he muttered softly, making the girl's heart hammer rapidly against her chest. "You shouldn't jump back in if you're not ready yet."

"I'm fine, seriously," Spencer smiled, trying her best to subside the warmth that was overtaking her face. "I just zoned out for a second. I promise I'm ready."

"Alright, then." Eden conceded. "But if you need to tap out at any point, please let me know. Don't keep it to yourself."

"Yeah, okay. Thanks, Dr. Mollins."

"Come on, Spencer," he grinned, "I think we're past formalities when we're off the clock."

"Alright, then. Thanks, Eden."

The Uley girl didn't understand when her mind had shifted. Though she did focus on work and gave her everything to her patients, she found herself seeking Eden out. Since the shift between them from two days before, she felt comfortable seeing the man in a whole new light.

She had found herself liking the way he laughed, the way he smiled, even the way he stood. And, she thought, maybe that was the reason she had pushed the thought of Carlisle to the deepest, darkest corners of her mind. When she was around him, she didn't spare a single thought about the vampire. Not even in the days after she had learned of the immortal's disappearance.

Her heart did ache, she couldn't lie. There was a constant tightening in her chest that she ignored every second of every day. But that was as far as it went. Maybe it meant she was healing. Maybe it was simply because she had not seen Carlisle. A part of her knew the answer. The part that she tried to silence so long ago with alcohol and distractions. The part she would continue to ignore until it was too much to bear.

But Spencer could do it. She could push down the overwhelming connection she had with Carlisle and allow herself to build something different with someone else. If Carlisle hadn't cared enough about her to stay, she wouldn't care enough to find him—at least, she knew she shouldn't. And the girl always loved the rational side of her brain. It had kept her safe for long enough.

It was that side that kept her moving forward. The part that allowed her to go on day by day as though nothing affected her. It allowed her to lie to Charlie when he called about his daughter, allowed her to fix the strain she'd created in her relationship with Paul, and allowed her to set her gaze on someone else. If Carlisle was allowed to turn his feelings off and not care about the consequences, then so could she.

And for the past couple of days that's what she did.

Spencer had regained some momentum in her life. After allowing herself to feel what had been bringing her down, she decided to shift gears. She focused on her work, her school, and her family. And when she wasn't focusing on that, she focused on Eden.

For those coming days, the pair that had seemed not to want anything to do with each other now could not seem to leave each other's side. After squashing any animosity that had lived between them, they had quickly realized how much they had in common. From their academic upbringings to the music they listened to while they relaxed. For the first time in more than half a year, the girl felt flutters building in her chest, and everything seemed to be settling in for her.

Yet, in all normal fashion, that didn't last long.

"Did you know?" Spencer heard through the phone four days after Bella had left with Alice. "Did you know they were coming back?"

"What are you talking about, Sam?"

"The Cullens," he seethed. "They're all back. Just moved into their house."

Spencer felt her hands begin to shake. She'd had a feeling when Bella had gone that this could have been an outcome. But—silly her, thinking rationally—she believed they'd keep truth in their word and never come back. "I-I didn't," she stammered nervously. "Are you sure? I mean, I know Alice came for a visit..."

"You didn't know, Spence?" Sam questioned softly this time, hearing the panic in his sister's voice. "I thought they'd at least give you a heads up about it."

"No, I... but... last I heard, Edward was on a suicide mission, and Bella and Alice went to save him," she said. "But she didn't say anything about them coming back."

"Damn, I'm sorry, Bean. I thought you knew," he sighed. "The older woman called and said they were moving back in last night."

The girl didn't know how to react. Clearly, she hadn't meant enough to any of them to be given notice about things that directly affected her. Maybe she hadn't put her life in enough danger because of him for them to care. Maybe they never cared at all. "Is, uh, is he..." she tried to ask but couldn't find the words. "Is he, you know..."

"I don't know, Bean," Sam responded quietly. "All she told me was that the family was back, so the treaty needed to stand. But that's as far as my knowledge goes."

"Well, uh, I was just on my way into the hospital. I guess I'll let you know if he's there."

"Are you sure you should be doing this, Spence?" her brother worried. "Why don't you take the day off?"

"I-I can't. It's better if I just go on as though nothing has changed."

"Spence, you don't have to always be strong," he reminded her. "You're allowed to step away if you need to."

"I know, Sam. But I already gave enough of myself for them," she stated. "It's about time I start to reclaim those parts back."

"Just... let me know if you need anything," Sam offered. "Treaty be damned, I'll be there in a moment's notice."

"Thanks, Sam. I appreciate it."

"Alright then, go kill it, doc."

With a semblance of confidence, Spencer walked into the hospital, but it wasn't long before her heart started rushing. If the Cullens were truly back, it could mean that at any given moment those golden eyes that had cemented themselves into her brain could be staring right back at her. Everything she had done to push him into the deepest, darkest corners of her mind could unravel with just one look.

Luckily, she made it all the way to the locker room without a glance of the man. Everything in the Forks hospital seemed the same as it had for the past six months. If the Cullens had come back, the doctor had not been by the building.

For a second, she thought when she opened the doors that he'd be standing there, slipping on his white coat and flashing her that damned smile. Instead, she found Eden already inside, getting ready for his shift. And if he could tell that something was awry with Spencer, he did not say.

Yet, everything he said sounded far away for the girl. She knew he was speaking because she could hazily see his mouth moving, but she couldn't quite process his words. To appear alright, she went through the motions—putting her bag away, slipping on her coat, draping the stethoscope around her neck. She had to appear fine because she was fine.

"Spencer," Eden's voice finally broke through her trance. "Are you okay? You don't look so good."

"Yeah," she croaked before clearing her throat. "I just didn't sleep well last night."

"Are you sure?" he pressed. "The offer still stands for you to take another day off. What happened..."

"No, I'm fine, Eden. I promise," she smiled. "I just wanna get through the day."

"Alright then. Let's go."

But before they could make their patient rounds, a nurse stopped Spencer in her tracks. "There's someone asking for your, Dr. Uley," he said. "They're waiting for you in Dr. Cullen's old office."

"Oh, um, did you happen to catch a name?"

"Sorry, no," the nurse answered. "But it's a lady with long brown hair and these like dark golden eyes. She said you know who she is."

And, of course, she did. "Thanks, Max," the girl smiled. "I'll be right over."

"Guess we'll start rounds without you," Eden said as the nurse took off. "You know what this is about?"

"Yeah. Unfortunately so."

There weren't many people in the world that could ever fit the description the nurse had given. In her lifetime, she'd only met two, and only one of them had long hair.

Spencer felt sort of ambushed as she walked the trail she knew far too well. The hospital was one of the only places where any of them could seek her out, and she'd have nowhere to go. It was the perfect place to force her into an unwanted conversation. And she had an idea what it was that the woman wanted to talk to her about.

Inside the office, Esme was staring out the window when Spencer walked in, a trembling in her limbs she could not stop. Unlike seeing Alice, there wasn't a surge of anger that rushed inside her. Maybe it was the dark circles forming under Esme's darkening eyes, or the worry lines that had seemed to cement themselves in the furrow of her worried eyebrows, but Spencer could only feel concern.

The woman's usual radiant beauty had dwindled, replaced by a darkening gloom that seemed to follow her like a dark cloud. It was one thing to ignore Alice's appeal to find the patriarch of the Cullen family, but it was another to have the one person who had been moving heaven and hell to find him plead with nothing but her eyes. She had yet to utter a word, and Spencer already knew.

"You look well," Esme spoke softly, frozen on the spot she stood. "Can't say the same for this room, huh?"

"It's been empty ever since," she said without a reciprocity of a laugh to the woman's attempt at a lighthearted joke. "The hospital hasn't really been able to fill the role."

"Oh, well, I'm sure they'll hire someone soon."

"I think we're past the amicable chit-chat, Esme," Spencer sighed. "Just tell me what you've come to say."

"I guess there's no point beating around the bush," the woman smiled sadly. "I'm guessing you already know that Carlisle is missing."

"She blurted out something about that but didn't really give me much more information on it. It wasn't like she wanted me to find out—at least not in the way I did. But it's not like you've all been very communicative these past few months."

Esme was hesitant with her next words, taken aback by the bite in Spencer's tone. She understood where her anger came from, and she had every right to feel that way. But the worry she felt for the man who had been her partner in life for so many years transcended the shame she felt for the way she and her family had treated the girl. "Alright, Spencer. I know there are many apologies that we owe you, and I know they will never be enough. But, from the bottom of my heart, you have to know how sorry I am for what's happened and the part I played in it," the woman started. "But I've come today to plead for your help in finding Carlisle."

"I'm sorry, Esme, but what makes you think that I'd have any idea how to find him?" Spencer said as she crossed her arms in front of her chest. Neither woman took a single step from their positions, leaving a cold distance between them—maybe out of anger, possibly just in self-preservation. "If a family of supernatural vampires can't find him, how would I? I don't even know how he disappeared."

"We had just settled in our house in Ithaca when he said he was going to meet an old friend of his, and we never saw him again," she said. "I don't want to burden you with how he was on that day, but he wasn't himself, Spencer. I have never seen him as defeated as he was then, and I am worried that he may have done something as dumb or worse than Edward. I have a very strong lead and someone who is quite certain that she can find him, but I know he won't come back to us. I know it's not my place to ask, and I understand if you want to turn me down, but I am begging you, even if it's just to hear my friend out, just come by the house to talk."

Spencer wanted to answer with a flat-out no or maybe say that she wasn't like Bella and she wouldn't drop everything in her life to save the man who had ripped her heart to shreds. But, at that very moment, she understood the Swan girl. She knew she had the power to show Carlisle the decency he had denied her, that she had the power to return a father to his family regardless of what he had done to her because at least some of them didn't deserve the pain of losing him.

Still, there was a voice inside her head that tempted her to make them all pay for the torment she had gone through after they left. Even if the way she reacted to heartbreak wasn't their fault, she couldn't help but blame them for the indelible pain they had planted in her heart.

Before she could say anything, Esme added to her plea, sadness clinging to her every feature. "Look, Spencer, I know this is a lot to ask, especially with how everything went down," she said. "But all I am asking you is to just talk to my friend. Before you make any decision, just talk to her. Please."

"I can't promise you that I will, Esme. I just... I need some time to think about this. It's a lot to just throw on someone."

"Of course! Yes. Take the time you need," the woman exclaimed. "Just please consider what I've said."

"I, uh, I'll try," Spencer said. "But right now, I need to get back to work. I'll call you once I've made my decision."

"Yes, of course," Esme muttered. "Again, I am so sorry."

"Yeah, thanks," she forced a smile. "I'll see you around, I guess."

Spencer turned before Esme could say another word. She was completely overwhelmed and could feel her anger and resentment bubbling inside her. Her eyes stung from tears she refused to let spill, and all she wanted was to break down.

Carlisle had not only broken her heart, but he had made some statements that she still carried with her. At one point, he had made her feel a happiness she'd never thought possible. He had sold her a life full of love and enchantment. Yet, in one conversation, he had shattered every illusion and dream she had created with him. He had shown her that someone could pretend to love you one minute and completely break your spirit the next.

But even knowing just how heartless Carlisle could be, she couldn't help the worry that snuck into her heart. If he truly was in trouble, if he was gambling with his life, she didn't think she'd be able to live with herself if she didn't at least help. Unlike him, she couldn't just turn off the love and care she'd had—still had—for the man. She especially couldn't allow the family to live with the pain of losing someone they considered a father figure. Spencer knew far too well the anguish that came from losing a father, and she didn't wish that torment on anyone—even her worst enemy.

"Hey, was everything okay?" Eden asked as they took their lunch break, a mask of concern clouding his face. "You seemed in your head when you came back for rounds."

"I mean, it's not not okay," she shrugged, her gaze stuck on the plate before her. "It was... an old friend, I guess."

"You're not sure if she was a friend?" he chuckled softly, trying his best to lift the girl's spirits.

"She was," she smiled sadly. "She just came to ask for my help with something, and I'm not sure if I want to do it."

"What did she ask for? If I may ask."

"It's a weird, long, and complicated issue," she sighed. "But long story short, she needs my help with my ex. He's been... different since the breakup, and he might be in some trouble, and she thinks I'm the only one that can help."

"Oh," Eden grimaced. "That is a long and complicated issue. I'm guessing there's a bit of bad blood there."

"Something like that," she chuckled dryly. "He did and said some things in the breakup that cut deep, essentially..."

"But you still care for him."

"Not just him. His family, too. They're basically lost without their father." Spencer noticed the realization in Eden's eyes. The rumor that she had been with the town's most acclaimed doctor had not died in people's mouths, and she knew it was only a matter of time before he heard it, too. "I'm guessing you've heard what people have said about me and our last head doctor."

"I won't lie, I heard some whispers about that," he confessed, "but I didn't want to jump to conclusions."

"Well, you're the first person other than my family to have it confirmed, but yes, Dr. Cullen and I were in a relationship before he left, and it was quite serious. Just not serious enough for him to ask me to go with him when he moved," she explained, trying her best to keep everything to a minimum detail. "We didn't end on good terms, and I am unbelievably mad at him. But I also don't want anything bad to happen to him. Am I crazy for that?"

"Of course not, Spencer," Eden stated. He placed a comforting hand over hers, stopping the picking she hadn't noticed she'd been doing. It was a touch she didn't know she needed. As he drew circles with his thumb over her knuckles, she could feel herself calming down. "He was a big part of your life regardless of how he chose to end things, and you care about what happens to him because you are a good person. How could you be crazy for that?"

"Would you do it? If someone that hurt you needed your help, would you?"

"I'd like to say I would," he said. "But I guess it's more of a question if I'd be okay with not helping them in the long run."

"Is it bad if I say I don't know?" the girl worried. "Part of me wants to think that I wouldn't care what happens to him, but there is a big part that knows that I would."

"Spence, whatever you choose has to be the right decision for you. Helping this guy can't be about him or his family. It has to be about how you will feel when you face him and if it is something you'll be able to do without putting yourself in harm's way."

Those words took her aback. She had been thinking of the Cullens and their feelings, she had been thinking of Carlisle and his betrayal, but she hadn't stopped to think of what would happen if she allowed herself to see him again. Spencer didn't want the family to hurt, but she didn't know if her wounds were closed enough for her to be selfless and save Carlisle from whatever danger he had placed himself into.

Whatever road she decided to take had to be the right one for her, no one else. No matter how much she cared for the Cullen family and didn't want them to lose Carlisle, her decision could not be at the detriment of her own heart. They had put her through enough, and she wasn't sure there was anything left to give to them.