Chapter 104

Peeta

"And everything we used to know crashed into the great unknown. One step closer, we're going to be alright." -Eric Arjes

"Where the hell is she?" Katniss asks. It's been two hours of looking... And still nothing. We've got every attendant searching each little spot on the train. We've personally examined every single inch of the train. There's no sign of Willow. None at all.

The next morning, the train is only an hour from District 12. Nobody's seen Willow. Nobody. She just...disappeared without a trace.

Katniss is practically catatonic. She's shut down totally. She won't eat. She won't sleep. She won't stop searching. She's combed through every train car at least 10 times. Last night, we talked through everything that we could remember happening before she disappeared.

I was scared she'd blame me for Willow disappearing. I left her there, but the attendant promised to not let her out of her sight. I explained it to Katniss over and over, crying, begging her not to blame me. And she didn't. But she's blaming herself now, because if she hadn't wandered off and fallen asleep in the closet, I would never have had to leave Willow.

I've explained to her over and over that it's not her fault, but it's not like Katniss to understand it.

I called Haymitch a few minutes ago to tell him what happened. He sounded somber, but immediately requested to speak to Katniss. She sits with the phone held to her ear, hearing him, but not listening to him.

"Have you eaten?" I heard Haymitch's voice asking her at first.Her reply, of course 'no,' was barely even a whisper.Now I can't hear what Haymitch says, but Katniss sits silently, stiffened up like she's made of stone. Her eyes stare unfocused into the distance.

"Everything's going to be fine, Peeta," Haymitch says after I take the phone from Katniss. "She's fine, I bet. We've got people all over the town square ready to look for her." "Why would you be looking in 12?" I ask him.

"Peeta..." He starts, as if he doesn't know how to break something to me."What? What is it?" I ask, my voice rising."Haven't you thought about it? Peeta, a 5-year-old can't just disappear from a train like that. She must have been... You know? And who could it be?" He says.

"No. No," I say, realizing what he's talking about."The Gold Hinge,"  Haymitch says anyway.

I get up and walk to the next car so Katniss won't hear me. The last thing I need is for her to know that a group of resistance has her daughter.

"You really think it's them?" I ask him."Peeta, I know it's them," Haymitch says."How? How do you know? How do you know that The Gold Hinge has Willow?" I ask skeptically."Because, Peeta," he says. "They said it themselves."

--

Katniss

"How? How do you know? How do you know that The Gold Hinge has Willow?" I hear Peeta say.

I have my ear pressed up to the door connecting this train car to the next.

The Gold Hinge has Willow? The question...the words themselves are enough to crumple me to the floor. I feel tears sting my eyes and my whole body starts shaking. This cannot be happening.

Peeta stops talking, so I assume he hung up.The door opens from Peeta's side.He looks down and sees me sitting on the floor, knees drawn up close to my body.

"Oh, Katniss," he says. "You heard me, didn't you?" A noise comes out of my mouth, something like a whimper."Listen, Katniss. We'll be home soon and we can find her. Everyone in town is looking for her," Peeta says.

"What if she's already dead?" I ask quietly. I know that saying that severed whatever strength Peeta had left in him. He sits down next to me on the floor and we sit in each other's embrace until the train comes to a stop.

Peeta stands up immediately, but I can't leave the train. "Katniss, we've got to go. We have to get off the train," Peeta says."No, no. What if she's still here? What if we just haven't found her yet?" I say numbly.

"Sweetheart, you've checked every car 10 times. She's not here," Peeta explains, crouching down."She could still be here," I repeat."She's not, Katniss," Peeta repeats."She could be!" I yell, my emotions exploding.

I stand up quickly and hurry off to look again. At least, I try. Peeta's hand clamps down around my arm."She's not here, Katniss!" He says."What if she is? I'm not leaving here until I'm sure!" I fight back, trying to wriggle free."We're leaving," Peeta says."We're staying!" I yell.

Peeta sweeps me up off of my feet and has to carry me off of the train, kicking and screaming, in order to get me out of there. "No! Just let me check again!" I scream as he carries me.

Peeta's silent.

--

Once at home, we both sit quietly. The house hasn't been this somber for years. It's unnerving. Everything feels cold and sharp with harder edges and cooler colors.

"It's colder without her here," I say, my voice breaking a little bit. I miss her so much. So, so much."I know. It's not the same," Peeta says."We're going to find her," He adds on. "I know we will."

"If it's the Gold Hinge, we both know it's me that they want," I say."Stop, Katniss. That's not an option," he says."I'm just saying..."

It's going to be what they want. It's going to be me for her. If Peeta and I want our daughter back, I have to give myself up. I know exactly how it'll work out. It's not a question that I'd do it in a heartbeat. I would take anything for my daughter. Anything.

"It's not happening!" Peeta says."We both know that's what they want, Peeta! They don't want our money or anything. They want me. It's their goal, okay? To kill me. That's what they want, and they're going to want a trade with us. Me for her," I tell him.He's silent. How does he choose which one of us to keep?

He doesn't, that's how. I'll be doing the deciding this time around. It'll be me who chooses what to do.

"I'm not letting you go again. I'm not going to do it," Peeta says, touching my arm."Peeta, we don't have a choice!" I say, moving my arm away."I know we don't have a choice! I know that!" He replies. "I just can't lose you, Katniss. This can't be it for us. You have a baby in there. If you die, so does he!"

"But if I don't go, Willow dies. She's 5 years old, Peeta! She's only 5. I'm almost 29. I can take it. I can at least fight back!" I say."Not while you're pregnant, you can't!" He replies."So what do we do then? Wait another 3 months for the baby and then go get her? I don't think so!" I say.

"We do it together," Peeta decides."What?" I ask."We find her together. Trade both of us for Willow. She can grow up with Annie and Finn if something goes wrong," Peeta says."Peeta, no. I'm not letting you die for me, even if we both die," I reply."Well, I'm not letting you die at all!" Peeta says.

"Listen, this is getting us nowhere, okay? Nowhere," I sigh."We should go help people look," Peeta says quietly.I nod, my stomach beginning to hurt already.

We spend the entire day searching, on into the night. Sometimes just the two of us, sometimes with a group of people, sometimes all alone. Peeta wasn't too fond of me being alone searching at night, but with me alone we could cover more ground.

I was sent out to the parts of the woods where I used to hunt with Gale because I know them best. On my way out there, I check the old empty stump where I used to keep my bow and arrows.

It nearly takes my breath away to see them there. All of the time and tragedy has yet to disturb them. They look untouched by the 10 years that wreaked such havoc on me.I pull them out, so I have some protection if I should ever need it. Then I continue walking, slip under the old fence that used to be the border of District 12, and keep searching. It opens up into a space clear of trees. Looking out, you can see only forest. I decide to take a short break and rest here, as my fatigue is incredible after such a long day of being on my feet. Plus, the sunsets from this spot are beautiful.

I sit at the same spot Gale and I used to sit. It feels empty here without Gale. Sometimes I miss having my old best friend around, but it's alright. I unsheathe an arrow and hold my bow in my hands.

I examine them carefully as I try to catch my breath. The wood of my bow looks a bit aged and smoothed down where my hand always held it. I decide that I owe my entire life to this bow. We were so poor, without this bow I used to hunt with, I would have starved to death. My entire family would have.

I draw my attention, now, to the sunset. The exact color that Peeta always talked about loving so much lights up the horizon. Soon, the oranges and pinks and lilac purple will switch to dark blue and gray and the blackness of the night sky. It will be my daughter's second night of being held captive. All I can think about is her. The thought of them hurting her... It consumes me. It's all that I can think about.

We have to get her back. I'm not going to rest until we do.

As I sit, I hear something snap in the woods behind me. I stand up and draw my arrow so quickly, I think I could have whiplash. My heart beats so fast, I feel like it could beat right out of my chest. I can almost hear it in my ears and feel it in my throat. Is it the Gold Hinge?

The sun hangs lower and lower in the sky, and I figure that if I don't start walking home now, I'll have to walk through the forest in the dark. I don't know if I'm afraid of that or not, but I know Peeta will reach his wits end if I'm not home soon after it gets dark.

I take a deep breath and start walking towards the woods, throwing one last glance back at the sunset. It's turned a deeper lilac and the orange has lost it's pastel-like quality. There's nothing left to see here anymore.As I walk through the woods, my body is on high alert. Whatever it was that snapped the twig is either hiding or left. I pray that it left, because dealing with whatever it is in the dark will be much more costly.

Eventually, I make it home. It got totally dark a minute or two before I got out of the woods. It's alright, though. At that point in the woods, if I shouted or was in trouble, someone nearby would hear. I trudge up to the door of the house 10 minutes after the sun goes down.

As soon as I open the door, I hear Peeta sigh with relief."You had me worried," Peeta says."Sorry," I say quietly."No, no, I'm just glad you're safe," Peeta says.

"You okay?" He asks a few moments later."Yeah, I'm good," I tell him. I take my jacket off and hang it where it's supposed to go. My eyes fall on Willow's purple coat that hangs near it. Stop thinking about it, Katniss.

"Did you, uh... Did you see anything?" Peeta asks. I hear the tinge of hopefulness in his voice, but I can't give him anything to be hopeful about."No," I say, exhaling as the word exits my mouth.Peeta closes his eyes.

"What if we don't ever find her? What if no one finds her?" Peeta asks.

Just as he does, the phone rings. The caller ID says that it's Haymitch."It's Haymitch," I say, hurrying over to pick it up.

"Is there any news? Did you find anything? Did anyone find anything?" I ask frantically.He's quiet on the other end."Haymitch, did anyone find anything?" I ask again, getting frustrated.

"No," he finally says. "There's nothing. No trace of her. I'm sorry." "Well, we can't stop looking! We have to keep looking!" I tell him."Katniss, we've checked everywhere," Haymitch says."Well then check again!" I yell. "I'm not leaving her to die! She could still be out there!"

When Haymitch doesn't answer, I hang up the phone. "Nothing, right?" Peeta asks."Nothing," I reply sadly.

"I'm going to take a shower," I tell him, which really means that I'm going to go cry in private. "Yeah, I'm going to go upstairs too. I'll be up in a minute," Peeta says.

I head upstairs and walk into the room. I don't look at Willow's door to her room. I try not to even think about it.

When I walk into the room, I notice the strange scent of... Of roses. "What the hell?" I whisper under my breath.I flick a light on, and low and behold, there it is, right on the windowsill. Next to it lies a note.

I walk carefully over to it, check inside the bathroom, then proceed to open it. The paper is think and pure white, just like the rose.My hands shake as I open it.

In neat, professional cursive, it reads:Mrs. Mellark,It is in your best interest to find your daughter sooner, rather than later. We will be waiting there for your surrender. We will be generous enough to offer you a trade. Your life... For your precious daughter's. When you find us... Do be alone. It will make the trade much easier for us. The Capitol lives on. Be... Careful.Yours,Iuventius Claudius Brooks

***Hey! So, I don't think a lot of you noticed, but I PUT OUT A NEW BOOK! All that's there is the prologue, but I'm working on the very first chapter of Mended. If you like this book, please go check my other one out. I don't think you'll regret it. Please, share and recommend that one (and this one) so we can get that one up and running like we did with this one! :) thanks, and enjoy!

-aly***