Chapter 105

Katniss

"Dreams fight with machines inside my head like adversaries. Come wrestle me free, clean from the war." -Fleurie

My hands tremble and I drop the note onto the ground. Who is this man who threatens my daughter's life? Who does he think he is? I know that this is a trap. Well, not so much of a trap as it is his own game. He wants to play the Games that President Snow did during his reign of brutality.

Yes, the game in which the player must choose between their own life, their own sanity, their own happiness... For someone else's. And if they get just the perfect player, like myself, it'll work. I'll make the sacrifice, and they'll get just what they wanted. They'll win.

I hide the note in my dresser where Peeta won't find it. Yes, this is the part where I have to go rogue. This is the part where I do exactly what I was told not to do. Peeta wants us both to go and fight the Gold Hinge, but... He'd be better off not knowing. He'd be better off in the dark about my whole plan.

Peeta thinks that we're in this together, and while that's true in the search for her, it's me that they want. They never said a thing about Peeta. They said they wanted me, and they wanted me alone. Willow needs someone there for her on the other side of this, and it's better off being Peeta. I'm so... Damaged. Willow needs someone better than that, and that's Peeta.

So, early in the morning 3 days later, when I can't sleep, I get up. The sun has just started to rise, creating a baby pink and lavender painting in the sky. I stand at the window for a while, looking out at the woods. She's out there. I know it. She's out there in the woods, and I have to find her.

I leave a quick note on my dresser so when Peeta wakes up, he'll know I'm alright.Peeta,I couldn't sleep any longer, so I went out to keep searching for Willow. You don't need to worry about me. I love you!-K

Although it sounds a bit morbid, I begin to think about what my last words are going to have been to Peeta. I'm going to do my best to keep myself and my daughter alive, plus my unborn baby, but what I'm doing comes at a risk.

I love you. Those will have been my last words to him. Is that what I want? I don't know. I decide that I should add more, maybe something with more significance.

Real. Always.

I add it onto the end of "I love you," sigh, then decide to give Peeta a tiny kiss on the cheek before I leave."I love you. Real. Always," I whisper quietly, repeating what I wrote on the note. He doesn't wake.

After I leave the room, I take a deep breath and leave my house quickly, deciding that it would be easiest to leave without looking back.

As I walk into the woods, the sun starts rising more. I place my hand on my stomach, thinking about the little boy growing inside of it. At 6 months pregnant, any fighting of the Gold Hinge will be difficult for me.

--

An hour or two later, I'm wandering through the woods when I hear a twig snap behind me.  I whip around, my braid swinging with my head.

There's nothing there. Only the trees and the little plants that rooted themselves there months and years ago. I sigh and continue on my search. I don't know what I'm looking for anymore. Willow's surely not going to be hiding out anywhere with these men. I'm not going to just stumble upon them they way I used to think I would. No, in fact, I have a feeling they're searching for me.

I have to tell myself over and over again that I am not afraid of these people, even though I am. I am terrified of them and what they could do to my family. They could rip us apart. If Willow was to die, it would break both Peeta and I. If I were to die, it would be a two-for-one deal. Take me, take the baby too. If I die, Rye will die. That would destroy Peeta. He will have lost half of his family right there.

I do know, though, that Peeta would get through it. He would bury his grief in his work and in being a father for Willow. I know he'd be okay in the end. He's strong... Much stronger than I am.

--

"I'm glad to see you followed our instructions," a man's voice says from behind me. I jump at the sound.I whip around to see a middle-aged man with dark brown hair, dressed in pure white. He resembles the rose that I found in my room with the note.

"Who the hell are you?" I ask, my heart starting to race in my chest. Where is my daughter?

"You don't know me?" He asks in mock pity.I'm silent, keeping my composure rock-solid."I'm the man who delivered your letter. I'm very happy you received it. My name, in case you've forgotten--""Iuventius Claudius Brooks," I interrupt.

He smiles slowly. "Very good, Katniss," He says. "What do you want from me?" I ask him coldly."Why, we want you, of course," Iuventius says. His Capitol accent is thick. "My goodness, I must have forgotten that you were expecting! Oh, how cute!"

"Shut up," I spit at him. "Where's my daughter?" "Oh, my dear Katniss, that sort of tone won't make this any easier for you," he says pitifully. Immediately, two men come from behind me and grab me.

"Get off of me!" I yell.Iuventius gets so close to me, I start to get even more uncomfortable. He presses a single finger to my lips."Sh, my dear," he says. I have to resist the temptation to clamp down on his finger with my teeth.

"What do you need me to do? I'll do anything," I say, having stopped trying to escape from the men who hold me back."I need you to die," he says. "It's quite simple. Think back to the note, my dear, it's you for her."

"Where is she? Where is Willow?" I ask."She's been treated quite well in our custody. You don't need to worry about her," Iuventius says."I want to see her. If I'm going to die, I need to see her first," I say.

He motions for the men around him to get Willow. They emerge from the surrounding trees.

I see Willow immediately. My eyes scan and scan, then lock on her. A shout erupts from my chest."Willow?!" I yell, trying to continue pulling away from the guards."Mommy!" She shouts, seeing me.

"Will, it's going to be okay! Mommy's here! You can't watch, okay? Close your eyes, Willow. Then when the men let you go, you run right home to Daddy as fast as you can, okay?" I yell to her, expecting my death to come within a matter of minutes.

"What's happening, Mommy?" She asks. She sounds scared, her voice wavering, but not a tear drops from her eyes. My strong little girl."Willow, Mommy loves you, okay? I love you to the ends of the Earth. Tell your daddy that I love him, too, when you get home. Okay? Can you do that, Willow?" I shout.

She nods."I love you, baby. Someday you'll understand why this had to happen," I say.

Iuventius steps in front of me again, blocking Willow from my line of vision. "That's enough," he says strictly."Shut up," I spit again.This time, my comment is met with a blow to the cheek.

"God," I say after the pain erupts from my cheek. "You guys need to loosen up. You have no business coming into my life!" "And you, my dear, had no business meddling with the President Snow's reign," Iuventius says.

"He killed innocent people. Do you people not realize that? He killed my friends, he killed children. 23 every year for 74 years. Plus the Quell. Do you know how much that is? That's 1,700 children!" I reply.Again, my cheek is met with another blow.

"You are nothing, Katniss. Nothing. You are simply expendable to us. We could have killed you 20 minutes ago, but why haven't we? Because we are merciful people. Really, we are," Iuventius says."Then kill me," I taunt him."Well, I guess at your request, we can do that," he says.

The guards push me to the ground, where I lie on my back. Two men hold me down. One man holds my wrists, keeping my arms spanning out and pressed into the dirt. The other holds my ankles. Once I see Iuventius pull out an old-fashioned dagger, I realize that I really could die at any moment. I'm screwed. At least, I'll definitely be if I can't think of something.

I take a deep breath and try to calm my mind. I know exactly where I am. About four feet away from me is the log where I keep my bow and arrows, because they caught me as I was going to grab it. If I can just get up and get to them, I'll have some sort of defense against them.

Iuventius kneels down next to me. "Careful," I tell him. "Wouldn't want to get your precious white pants dirty!" Infuriated by my comment, he puts the dagger against my throat."Do it," I tell him. "Look me in the eyes and do it."

"I will do it, but who says we can't have a bit of fun first?" He asks. He takes the dagger and moves over to focus on my arm. "Hm... What do you think I should write?" He asks. I'm confused at first, but it's not until I feel the dagger cut into my skin that I realize what he meant. I try to stifle my screams for Willow's sake, but a few tortured, animal-esque sounds escape my mouth.

I can't tell what he's writing into my skin, but I do know that he's branding me. His own personal touch. Tears begin to fall from my eyes from the pain. After another minute of cutting my skin, he stops. A laugh escapes his mouth.

"How was that, my dear?" He asks.I don't reply. "Personally, I found it incredibly fun. But we're not done yet!" He says, smiling maliciously. He drops the dagger into the dirt.

His now-empty hand wanders to my stomach. He places it gently there."Don't touch him," I say sharply. He begins to lightly move his hand around my baby bump. "I said don't touch him, you sick bastard!" I say louder, breathing heavily.

"Don't touch him? Aw, okay," Iuventius taunts.Slowly his hand moves down my body, lower than my stomach. "You're quite a pretty young woman," he says. He turns to his men. "I would hate to see such a beautiful face and body go to waste."

Shivers move down my body at the thought. I feel the eyes of all the men fall on me and my body. Iuventius starts to cut away at my shirt with the dagger, which is now covered in dirt and my own blood.

I see the lust in his eyes and for the first time, I start to fear the idea of being surrounded by only men. They could do whatever they wanted to me, especially since they've got me held down. Once my shirt is cut away, in half, right down the middle, Iuventius is taken aback."Look at all those ugly scars," he says, examining my torso and chest. "I guess we can ignore it, though. We don't need to look at that part of her chest."

"Fuck off!" I yell, trying to get free. Iuventius is taken aback by my choice of language. The men holding my arms and legs are, too. For a brief moment, their grip loosens. I take it as my opportunity to try an escape.

Luckily, I'm able to scramble up off of the ground. I just barely get ahold of my bow and arrows before someone grabs at my ankle. Iuventius.

I fall hard to the ground, still sitting up.Iuventius stands above me. I string my bow and aim it directly at his heart. He laughs.

"Silly little girl," he taunts."I'll do it," I tell him coldly.He begins laughing again. Anger and hatred boil inside of my heart for what they did to me and what they were going to do.

I let the arrow go. It flies right into his heart, and at close range, it's a fatal shot. The smile is wiped off his face and he tumbles back. I scramble to my feet and string another arrow. Men come at me on all sides. One-by-one, I take each an every one of them out. I never knew I was this skilled in combat. I never knew how well I could defend myself.

A sharp, white hot pain flashes in my shoulder blade.  Somebody's knife just went right into my shoulder. I whip around and shoot them with an arrow before they even have time to take it out. I don't have time to remove it. I just keep on shooting, until there's one man left.

He looks young and as if he was new, low in the ranks. Terror is plastered across his face, but anger is all I can feel. I don't even feel the knife that's still stuck in my shoulder blade. All I feel is anger.

I let the arrow fly. It flies into his chest and he falls to the ground. And then that's it. It's only Willow and I in this whole forest.

I run to her, ignoring the excruciating pain I'm starting to feel in my back."Mommy," she starts crying. She's so scared."Come on, baby, let's go home. As quick as we can, Willow. We have to run as fast as possible," I say.

She stays where she is. "Willow, we have to go now."Tears stream down her face.

In order to get out of here, I have to hoist her up and carry her. I run as fast as I can, carrying my 5-year-old daughter through the woods, 6 months pregnant. It would have been something to see. Except, I don't care about how I look. My shirt is soaked in blood, a combination of my own and the men's, and gaping open from being slashed by the dagger.

The run home feels like an eternity. The knife in my back proves to be one of the most painful feelings I've ever experienced. Still, I run, carrying a sobbing, terrified Willow back home.

Once I reach the house, I trudge up the stairs as fast as I can before throwing open the door. It smacks against the wall from being opened so forcefully. Peeta, who's  in the kitchen, jumps before seeing who it is.

"Oh my God," he says, dropping a plate of food. It shatters on the ground, but he hardly notices. He runs over to us. I set Willow down on the ground. She stands there, still crying, being hugged and kissed over and over by her father. Peeta's eyes fill with tears. I kneel on the ground in front of the doorway, watching the scene playing out before me.

Peeta doesn't notice the knife in my back. I reach my not-bloodied arm back, grasp onto the handle of the knife, and yank it out of me.

It clatters to the floor, only a few seconds before I do, too.