10. Skipping Out

I stay quiet, for who knows what reason. My mind just tells me to sit still, eyes closed, breathing slow and steady.

I hear her start to cry some more. Then her blankets are shuffling and she's next to my bed.

"Momma, wake up," she begs, touching my arm.

Now I 'wake up', and sit up to see her crying. I jump into action to help her.

I pull the blankets up so she can crawl in my bed. She scoots close to me right away.

"What's the matter, El?"

"I...he..." She shakes her head.

"Tell me, My Love."

She leans towards me. I hug her. "Y-You tried to get Ashley back using me but...it...it didn't work!" she cries. "He got me!"

"Ellie. We would never allow you to be our bait. We're figuring something else out. Don't worry about the SVU. You're technically a victim. Don't try to have my worries."

She nods against my chest. But her little hands hold me tight, signaling me she's still scared as can be.

~*~*~*~*~*~

I tell Ellie to shower and I take that as my chance to call Cragen.

He answers. "Manhattan Special Victims Unit. This is-"

"Cragen, it's Olivia," I interrupt.

"Oh, Liv, what's up?"

"I don't know what to do about Ellie. I don't want her in the SVU anymore. She's having bad nightmares. She's getting really clingy to me. I can't stay home but I feel like being at SVU is troubling her more than it's worth," I explain.

"Do you feel she's safe alone at the hotel?"

"Yeah, but I know she won't want me to leave. I called you while she was showering so I couldn't back out of work. She'll go to the nurse's office during school, pretend she's sick, and ask for one of you to come get her. Until and maybe after we catch this guy, she won't-"

"How bad are her nightmares, Liv?" he interrupts.

"I guess bad. She'll come wake me up and crawl in bed with me. It takes her a while to calm down."

"If she does pull the illness move, we'll have Huang evaluate her."

I don't want that! "She doesn't need a shrink! She's not crazy, she's..."

"I'm not saying she's crazy," Cragen tells me calmly. "But maybe she needs to see someone just to talk. Maybe she doesn't trust-"

"If she doesn't trust Amanda, she won't trust Huang."

"Maybe she will. Let her go to school. The cop is still there. He'll take her. We'll see what happens."

"Okay," I answer.

*Ellie's POV*

I only ever feel safe when I'm with my mom now. I have another bad dream, and I wake up with tears on my face, but...it wasn't worth waking my mom up over. I just wanted her to hold me.

I shower and get ready for school, dreadfully. It's been nearly 48 hours since Ashley's disappearance.

When I walk into school, I immediately find Jordyn. Her face begs to ask, "did they find her?" even though she knows the answer. We would've called if we found her. I shake my head.

It's just before lunch when Claire Ashton walks up to us. Miss Popular is what what she's known as around here. She's alright, but I'm not one to talk to her.

"Hey, guys! How goes it?" she asks very happily and casually. Neither me nor Jordyn are in the mood for it.

"Fine," we reply at the same time.

"Oh, I was interrupting. Sorry. I just wanted to give my condolences."

"What?" I give her a look.

"You two were friends with Ashley Larsson, right?" she asks, a confused look in her eyes.

"Yeah. But she isn't dead!" I exclaim. "Where'd you get an idea like that?"

"Well, the Amber Alerts and all that. Usually after a couple days, people give up hope. And Karen Vasquez told me, so...I didn't really believe her but her and all her friends insisted it was true."

"Well it's not!" I say louder than intended.

"I'm so sorry," she says. But her face makes me think it's all a big joke.

What she says next confirms it.

"Maybe...Logan Beckman did it!" she says as if she just had an epiphany.

"Logan didn't do anything."

Jordyn stands up behind me. She doesn't like talking to people she's not comfortable with, so this surprises me.

"Just leave us alone."

"Fine, fine. Just trying to help you guys out."

She turns around, and I stick my flexed-footed leg out so she trips and falls.

I turn around and lock my knees, which helps cut off circulation. It'll make me look pale. I start collecting my things while laughs sound throughout the room.

"What are you doing?" Jordyn asks me in a whisper.

"Going home," I reply.

Claire is still on the floor.

"I'm so getting you back for this, Benson! You ruined my manicure!"

Just before I exit, I retort with, "good! Now your nails match your face!"

I hear "oohhh!'s" as I head towards the nurse.

I open the door and see Nurse Taylor. She knows me mainly because whenever Jordyn comes down here, I'm the one who takes her.

"Ellie, what's wrong? You're really pale!"

The knee-locking thing works every time.

"I don't feel well," I say, making my voice weaker. I put my stuff down and hold my stomach.

"Have you eaten?"

"I've felt sick since I woke up. I had breakfast and came here and I felt worse."

"Headache? You could be dehydrated."

"I've been drinking water all day." I stumble a little on purpose so I look even worse.

"Sit down, Ellie. I'll call your mom."

"She's at work," I tell her.

"And if she still doesn't answer?"

"Call Amanda Rollins," I say.

*Olivia's POV*

We are finally getting somewhere with this case. Munch and Fin found a secret underground room at the warehouse full of kiddy porn. And a laptop with more pictures, including pictures of Ashley, on it. They're investigating a couple victims now. Me and Amaro are trying to find connections from victim to victim. Rollins is scrolling through the laptop, trying to find whatever she can.

I hear my desk phone ring, but I just miss the call when I go to answer it. Rollin's phone rings right after.

"Rollins," she answers. She looks at me. "I'll be there right away," she says, getting up. She puts the phone back.

"What?"

"Ellie's sick and her mother is unavailable."

"She's not sick," I say. "Cragen, call Huang."

"He's already here."

*Amanda's POV*

I don't let Olivia come with me to pick up Ellie, because I know she won't talk if her mom's there. Olivia and Ellie are very close, very open with each other. But now, because of everything going on, they're trying to protect each other. Anytime something either of them think something huge comes up, its told to me first.

I drive to Ellie's school and go to the main office.

"Hello, how may I help you?" one of the secretaries ask me.

"Hi, I'm here to pick up Eliana Benson. She's sick."

"And you are?"

"Amanda Rollins. I'm one of her emergency contacts."

She nods and hands me a sign-out clipboard. I start filling out the boxes - student name, my name, time, etc. - as the secretary calls the school nurse.

"Alright, she'll be down here in a minute."

"Thank you," I say as I hand the clipboard back.

I take a seat and wait for Ellie to walk through the office door. When she does, she looks extremely pale and her eyes are sunken in. I'm almost scared she actually is sick, but that's when I see her legs are close enough to be stuck together and her knees are locked.

I stand up and pretend I actually am concerned from her. "Babydoll," I say, taking her bag and wrapping my arm around her when she comes towards me.

Once we're out of the building, I hand her bag back to her.

"I'll give you props for the pale-face effect," I say.

"Thanks." Her voice is so drained.

She throws the bag in the back seat and gets in the passenger.

"Why isn't my mom here?" she asks.

"Cuz I wanted to talk. Alone. Without her putting her two cents in."

"About?" She leans towards the window and pulls her feet up on the seat.

"What's going on with you. Your mom is really worried about you," I tell her.

"I know."

"Look, I know you don't like that she tells us what's going on, but I know you'd rather it be me talking to you than her."

"Mhm," she replies.

"I know about the nightmares and the clingyness and all that. I just wanna know what's going on in your head."

She doesn't respond for a good two full two minutes. "It's...a lot." she says. I expect her to say more, but she doesn't, so I have to talk.

"I know it is," I reply.

"This girl came up to give me fake condolences today. She pretended she thought Ashley died! I tripped that bitch so whatever, but-"

"Hey!" I interrupt. "Don't say that!"

"Well she is! She blamed Logan for her being missing too! It's not fair! They think it's a joke! Nobody gets it! I'm alone all the goddamn time! I may or may not be going crazy! My grades are gonna suffer so my mom will kill me! I may never see my best friend again which means Jordyn will distance herself from me so I'll lose her too. I-"

I slow to a stop at a red light. To my right, Ellie is sitting nearly sideways, trying not to show that's she's about to cry. I interrupt her. "Hey, Babygirl, it's gonna be alright. You gotta hold on for a little bit more, okay?"

She nods and keeps her face away from me.

*Ellie's POV*

I get to SVU with Amanda at my side. I know I have to believe my nightmare will be over soon, but I just can't see it yet.

Moments after getting to the precinct, Dr.Huang wants to talk.

He brings me upstairs

"So, Ellie, I haven't seen you in a while," he says cheerily.

"I don't need a psych evaluation," I say, aggravated.

"We're just talking," he says, trying to be casual. "Just want to see how you're doing."

"Which is a psych evaluation. My mom's worried, I get that. She can be worried if the case goes cold or Ashley turns up dead, but as of right now, I'm fine!"

And with that, I get up and walk down the stairs.