5. What Can Happen

"Mommy, I'm sorry! I-I didn't-" I stammer.

"Do you realize what could have happened tonight?! You could have gotten raped! Killed!"

"I know that! I was so careful, Mom! I had my keys out, I tried to run to the store across the street, I-"

"You can't protect yourself from 5 men who have only one intention, Ellie! You can't be naive. Not in this city." She never doubts my strength. I may not be big but I can handle myself. She put me in self-defense for god's sake.

"Mom, you drill it into my head everyday! I know what can happen but I know what precautions to take! I'm a smart kid! I just wanted to have fun! Just once! I'm jailed up here every night, alone, the thought in the back of my head that someone could break in!"

"Look, El, I'm tired, and I've had a long day. We can talk about this in the morning."

"No, I want to talk about it now!"

"Well I need to get some shut-eye in case I have to get up for a case tonight. Go to bed."

"Fine! Whatever."

"What did you just say to me?" Her cop scare tactics don't work on me.

"What you heard."

I slam my door and lock it. I even kick it for good measure.

"That door's coming off tomorrow!" I can hear through the wood.

"Oh, when will you be home to do that?!"

I throw my bag on the ground. When I see the shoes and dress peeking out, I take them out. I push all my clothes that are actually on hangers in my closet to the side, and hang up my dress. My little act of defiance. I put the shoes on the floor in the middle of the room.

My body refuses to put me to sleep if I'm in jeans, so I strip those and climb under the covers. I plug my phone in and wait for it to turn on. When it does, I go to sleep.

~*~*~*~*~*~

The next day, Ashley refuses to text me back. I don't know why, but she's not answering.

I text Jordyn, "hey have u heard from Ash today?"

She replies immediately: "no. She won't answer me. Wanna head over there?"

"Sure".

I grab my keys, my phone, and my purse. It's cold but I don't really care to get a jacket.

On my way out, I call my mom's cell. More, my mom's voicemail.

"Hey I'm heading out. If you plan on yelling at me, I'll be at Ashley's."

I lock the door and head out of the apartment.

I meet Jordyn half way, like usual.

"She didn't like...leave with a guy, did she?" I ask.

"No." Jordyn answers. "How was your boy?"

"Fine," I reply with a smile. "I think my mom knows about him though."

"Why?"

"Cuz she actually came home at the right time last night and she nearly reported me missing. They went through the my phone records."

"Did she ground you?"

"I think it was implied, but I don't give a damn. Apparently my bedroom door is coming off the hinges though." I roll my eyes.

We turn onto Ashley's street. Her house is farther down though.

"When's she gonna do that?"

"She'll probably call one of her non-cop friends to do it. She doesn't know how to do anything. Nor does she have the time. She said it in the heat of us both being pissed."

"Oh. Well. Whatever. Hang up a sheet."

I laugh.

"All the lights in her house are off."

I look up from the ground. She's right.

"Huh. Let's go check it out."

We bounce up the stairs.

"Top secret information. House key is always under here.

I dig in the dirt of a potted plant. To find no key.

"She always hides a key in here," I state, confused.

"She said she didn't have her key when we were walking home," Jordyn reminds me.

"She does that all the time. She always puts it back."

I knock on the door. Within three knocks, it opens by itself. As if it wasn't shut to begin with.

"Ashley...?" I say slowly, scared, and quietly.

No answer.

I step on something that causes me to look down. The edge of the spare key.

"Why's the key on the floor?" I hear Jordyn ask.

"Go check her room."

"Why?"

"Just do what I say. Please."

She gives me a look and heads up the stairs.

Quickly, I take out my phone and call Ashley's mom, Paige.

She answers rather quickly.

"Hello?""Hi, Paige, it's Ellie.""Oh, hi! How are you, sweetie?" she asks."Good. I was just wondering if you heard from Ashley today?""No, I figured she was with you two after that party you attended."

I almost reply with "You knew?!" but then I remember its Paige. She's the cool mom. She lets Ashley do whatever.

"Oh yeah. We were up late. She's probably sleeping."

Thank god Ashley likes to sleep in until noon.

"Okay, well, just tell me to call her later, okay?"

I hear Jordyn come downstairs.

"I will. Thank you. Bye."

I hang up, feeling grave.

I can see Jordyn feels the same.

"She's not up there. But her phone is."

"Did you touch it?

"No. Do you want me to grab it?"

"No!" I shout. Then, quietly, I say, "Don't touch anything."

"Why?"

"Just come with me."

~*~*~*~*~*~

"What are we doing at SVU?" Jordyn asks in a nervous tone. "Why didn't you just call 911?"

"Just be quiet."

I let her follow me through the "Special Victims Unit" doors. Mom's desk is right in front. I hold a stare with her for like two seconds before turning to the next desk I see: Nick's.

He's confused. Just like the rest of them. "What are you...doing here, Shortstuff?"

"Ashley is missing." I didn't really know how to start telling him this, but I guess it's good to start there.

He becomes alert. So does Munch, who the only other person who heard me. Jordyn's behind me.

"What do you mean, missing?"

"She wasn't answering her phone. I went over there with Jordyn and her spare house key was on the floor, the door wasn't locked or closed all the way and her phone is still there," I speed talk.

"O-Okay, Shorty. You two sit here."

Now I have everyone's attention.

"Do you have a picture of her?" someone asks.

"You all know what she looks like!"

"For the other cops, Hun." Hun. It must be Munch who's talking. They've all got their own pet names for me.

"Does on a smartphone count?"

Amanda rolls her eyes but I quickly text out a picture of Ashley to the squad.

"Where does she live?"

"214 Porter Road. It's like...right there." I say, pointing in the direction of her house."

"Alright, you two head over there," Cragen, who must've come out of his office at some point. Nick and Amanda leave quickly.

"Why can't I go?" Mom asks, as if she doesn't know.

"You have connection to the victim, Liv. You know that."

She rolls her eyes. Don't worry, I don't wanna be in the same room either, Mom.

"Can I get you two anything?" Cragen asks us.

"No," we say simultaneously.

I look over at Jordyn, who's a scary pale white.

"Actually, Cragen, can you get her some water?"

"Of course. Is she okay?"

"Yeah." Jordyn has always had anxiety attacks. I'm good at calming her down. I take her hand and squeeze momentarily. "I'll call your mom. Pick you up," I tell her.

She shakes her head no. Cragen comes with the water. "Thanks. Drink."

She does. Her color doesn't really return to her face, but she doesn't have that pass-out look in her eyes.

"I can drive you, Jordyn. I'm not on the case. El, come with."

"No," I say coldly. "I'll call her mom. Make sure she gets home in one piece. I'll call you later, Jordyn."

She nods with the water clutched in her hand. They leave.

"Thank god," I mumble under my breath.

"What's going on with you two?" Munch asks.

"Nothing," I say, just as annoyed.

"She's been in a bad mood since she came in for work this morning." I glare at Fin for his comment.

"She's just looking out for you, Hun."

"I know. But she's only told me these things a million times. I get why she's overprotective. I know what she sees. And I know what happened. But if she's gonna yell at me afterwords, whatever."

"You'll both come around. Don't block her out, okay, Ella?"

"Ell-ee!"

"Ell-uh!"

I smile. Fin will never let that go. Well, nobody lets go of my nicknames. With, Amanda it's always baby-something. Babygirl or Babydoll, typically the latter. Munch calls me Hun. Apparently Fin likes Ella more than Ellie, so he calls me that. Or Bud, but he calls everyone that. Nick calls me Shorty or Shortstuff, since I never grew until like 6th grade. And Cragen calls me Lil, which is supposed to be L.L. For Little Liv. Apparently I look like my mom, but I don't see it. But "El" is universal. A nickname for a nickname.

I sit at her desk anyways, in her big comfy chair. But I don't feel comfortable. Thoughts are whirling in my head, now that the excitement's died down.

I run my fingers through my hair, trying not to let my emotions get the best of me. My best friend is out there somewhere. And I can't help her.

I stand up slowly when I feel heat behind my eyes.

"Where you going, Bud?"

"Bathroom," I squeak.