6. Bathroom Talks

"You can't cry. You can't cry. You...Can't..."

My eyes shut as a last resort. It doesn't work.

My hands slam on the porcelain sink as I lower to the floor.

She's gone.I know it.Those three guys who ran away got her.I know it.

*Olivia's POV*

I hope Jordyn's okay. She was maybe even paler than she was when I first left with her.

I head back to headquarters, hoping to help in any way Cragen will let me. It's Ashley Larsson. She's been a second daughter to me since her and Ellie were 6.

I hope Ellie's okay too.

I push through the doors to headquarters and find Munch and Fin.

"I got an actual picture of Ashley."

That's when I notice Ellie's not in here.

"Where's El-"

I'm nearly hit with the door with Amaro and Rollins come through it.

"Where's...?" Rollins points as she asks.

"Bathroom. She's been in there for twenty minutes though," Fin explains.

"I'll go check on her," Rollins volunteers. "Amaro, you got this?"

"Yeah, go ahead."

*Amanda's POV*

I head to the bathroom, and the door is locked. This door locks?

I knock on the door gently.

"Babygirl, can I come in?"

I hear scurrying. And then her quiet, weak voice.

"Is Olivia with you?"

Olivia. She doesn't use her mom's name to speak of her unless it's to me. But she has to be really pissed off or hurt to do it. I'm not surprised. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if she cussed us all out today.

"No, I made sure of it."

She messes with the door and opens it just enough to survey the area in the hall. Probably didn't believe me.

She moves aside to let me squeeze in, then quickly closes and locks the door again. I can see her eyes are puffy and red and she's shaking. It breaks my heart. She's my daughter in every way except biologically. Which means I feel her pain.

"Aw, Babygirl. Come here."

She walks straight in to my hug. I rest my chin on her head. The first time I hugged her close like this I felt that same feeling I am now. She fits perfectly in my arms, like Olivia said she did when she had Ellie. That mother-daughter bond. But me and my Babydoll are just as close.

"We're gonna find her," I whisper, brushing her hair with my fingers. "Don't worry at all about that."

She's doing her shaky-cry. I squeeze her little body with my arms. "Match my breaths, Babe."

I slow my breathing. In and out. In and out. She does as I tell her. She stops shaking, but she won't let me go.

"She's my best friend," she says, her voice all airy and quiet.

"I know," I reply, softly.

She babbles, "But she's not like me. She doesn't know what to do when bad people come around. She doesn't know what to say. She doesn't think of keys as a weapon. She doesn't have basic self defense-"

"Baby, we know. We deal with all types of girls. Ones much more helpless than Ashley. All you can do is relax and let us work."

"I can't relax! That's impossible!" Her voice is all muffled but is so full of sadness a tear slips from my eye. But I've gotta keep it together for my Babydoll.

And if my Babydoll won't trust her mother, she has to trust me.

*Olivia's POV*

I hear Rollins come out of the bathroom. We all turn to see her. Ellie isn't at her side, though.

Quietly, she says, "She's gonna come back out here, but she'll go straight back if you're all looking at her or treating her different. I'll promise you that."

"Well, before that happens, Rollins, you and Amaro go see if there's anything new with CSU. Munch, you, Fin and Liv can answer Amber Alerts. From what we know, there's no prints. Just Ashley's. Is there anything I can ask El without her freaking out?" Cragen asks.

Me and Rollins look at each other. Looks like she knows my own daughter better than I do today.

"She's probably gonna cry either way. Is there any way I can stay with her and Fin can go out?"

"Her mother is right there," he says, as if it's obvious.

"She won't come to me, I promise," I say. They all give me confused looks.

"If anything, ask what she knows. Steer clear of Ashley and especially her name if possible. Ask about her attack," Rollins tells him.

"Don't refer to it as an attack, please," I request.

Rollins rolls her eyes and heads back to the hall. She calls out, "At least pretend your doing you jobs."

"Tell Rollins I'll be in the car." Amaro heads out.

Fin and Munch line up at the phones Amber Alerts are connected to. I stand by, but watch as Rollins comes out with my daughter. Instead of at mine, my fellow detective sits Ellie at her desk.

"Are you cold?" she asks quietly. Ellie shrugs. That means yes and Amanda knows that. She drapes her jacket around El's shoulders.

"Take your jacket. I'm not that cold," Ellie insists.

"Babydoll, it's fine. Stay here for me, okay?" Ellie nods to her words as Amanda does that mom thing when you cup her chin with one hand. I groan. Mainly at the nickname, but also at the fact my daughter won't even look at me.

"Rollins, you gotta go," Cragen warns.

"I'll be back soon," Amanda says to Ellie before practically running out.

Cragen is the first to be at her side. I have to look away to answer calls.

*Ellie's POV*

Being babied is something I've always hated. It's something I associate with pity. But today? It's all I want. Amanda has to leave, but Cragen is quick to sit with me.

He's quiet for the most part, but then starts asking questions. I refuse to look at him, however.

"Do you have any idea who could have done this?"

"Three men who surrounded me last night ran away rather quickly. I should have known three men wouldn't have been scared of that damn gun."

"Did you see which way they went?"

I shake my head. "I cowered against a wall and when I could get away I got in the car. But my guess is those three or maybe even four or five men who came after me."

I grip Amanda's jacket. I don't want to talk about this.

"They got two of the men already. Wasn't hard since the police showed up just after they ran." Cragen tries to get a better look at me. It makes me feel the urge to cry again. No. I won't cry. And if I do it's gonna be with Amanda.

"Hungry?" he asks me. I'm starving.

"No," I say.

*Amanda's POV*

"You're gonna have to let those two talk eventually," Amaro says as we drive.

"She refuses. And that's my-"

"Yes, I know. She's your Babydoll. Babybaby. Baby-whatever." He laughs. "I still prefer Shortstuff."

"Well that's you. And she is. And I can't make them talk. If I'm out for long enough she will go back to Liv. They're both stubborn as hell but not as much with each other. You saw Olivia too. Her face was a dead giveaway she wanted her daughter to run to her and not me."

We park and get out. I'm cold. But I gave Ellie my jacket for a reason.

We don't learn much - actually, we don't learn anything - from CSU. Just that Ashley's parents have prints around the house, which anyone could have guessed.

But my phone rings.

"Can you grab that?" I ask Amaro.

He answers it on speaker with a smirk.

"Hey, Babydoll, what's up?"

I give him a look. My nickname.

"Only Amanda can call me that!" I hear through the phone. Nick laughs.

"Sorry Shorty. What's up?"

"Ashley's parents are here."

*Olivia's POV*

I watch my daughter get attention from everyone except me. Because I know she doesn't want me. I keep answering calls. None of them help.

But I hear footsteps coming up through the entrance. It's Paige and Trent Larsson.

"Paige!" I hear Ellie exclaim. She runs up to her. Another non-biological parent for my daughter.

"Why didn't you tell us something was wrong before? We saw her Amber Alert on the news!"

"I'm sorry. I thought-"

I have to butt in.

"Paige, she's had a rough day. As have all of us. Come sit. We've got lots of manpower working this case."

I swear I hear Ellie's eyes roll at the sound of my voice.

Ellie stays away while I talk to Ashley's parents. But when I leave to answer more calls, she goes right by them.

Rollins and Amaro come back momentarily, then go to interrogate Jordyn, against Ellie's protests or requests to go with.

"Mrs.Larsson, is there anyone else you know for sure was with her last night?"

"Logan Beckman. The girls went to his party last night."

I look over at Ellie, who gets up and leaves the room again.

"Munch, go with Fin and ask him about last night. Liv, make sure your daughter isn't having a mental meltdown so she can help us."

"Unless you've got Rollins, she won't talk to me. She's way more stubborn than me. And what you get from Jordyn or Logan is probably the same as what El knows."

*Ellie's POV*

I'm terrible.So terrible.

I knew all these things and didn't tell them. We were at Logan's. I called Paige but I knew she couldn't help. I just went straight to SVU like I knew nothing.

They probably could have found her if I wouldn't have freaked out and just talked! Why did I freak out? I know all these people. I have since birth.

I pave the bathroom, walking to a wall, then bouncing off, back to the other wall.

Guilt and fear clutch my stomach.

Keep it together, El. Keep it together.