One Last Kiss, pt. 3

The lack of knowledge about the attacks made everyone anxious and solemn. Several students received letters from family to assure them that they were okay, others remained oblivious.

The overflow from the common room moved to the boys’ dormitories where girls were not magically barred from entering.

Harry lay in bed, journaling, tuning in and out of conversations around him. Raven and Remus sat across from Lily and Severus, on the respective boys’ beds. The four of them talked before drifting into separate discussions.

Lily and Severus lay side-by-side, pillows stacked to cushion their backs. At first they didn’t touch, but when the Marauders left (sans Remus), they became more comfortable. The room was now quieter, darker, and their voices were audible.

“When you to told me about Hogwarts, and even in first year, I didn’t expect the wizarding world would be like this.” Lily rested her head on Severus’ shoulder and drew her legs up.

Severus swallowed and, after a moment of uncertainty, put an arm around her, resting his hand on her shoulder.

Lily gazed toward the back of the room, past Remus and Raven, out the window at the falling rain. “I thought the Muggle world was bad. All the wars and the suffering…and not only that, but it’s so ordinary. Boring. But the wizarding world is not much better. It has all these problems, and it hardly ever changes.”

Severus was too shaken by their sudden intimacy to sound incredulous. “You’re saying it’s better in the Muggle world?”

“I think they’re even, if the wizarding world isn’t slightly better—they’re different and the same.” Lily traced circles on his stomach, collecting her thoughts. Severus shuddered, making her grin. “Oh, I forgot. You’re ticklish, aren’t you?”

“No.” Severus couldn’t look at her.

Lily raised an eyebrow, then sat up and jabbed his sides. Severus flinched, almost laughing as he put up his hands to block future attacks.

“I’m done, sorry,” Lily said, and once he was convinced they repositioned themselves. She breathed deeply and nestled her head into his chest. “All this fighting makes sense, in the end. Magic is worth fighting for. But our side has an advantage: love.”

Severus’ face burned.

Lily sighed. “You’ve overcome so much. I don’t know if there’s anyone who could do the same.”

Dumbledore did, Harry thought, pausing in his writing.

“It doesn’t matter if the wizarding world changes for the better, as long as the people do.” Lily’s voice was fading with weariness.

“Lily?”

“Mm?” She had her arm wrapped around his torso.

“You’re the kindest person I know.”

“You’re kind too, Sev. Even if it took a while for me to realize…” Lily mumbled the last few words and then fell silent, drifting asleep.

Severus noticed Harry watching, then they both looked away. Harry hoped Severus wasn’t jumping ahead, misinterpreting his relationship with Lily. Despite Harry’s off-and-on, spotty relationship with Lily, he had been hugged by her over these four years more than he had by anyone else, ever—combined.

Remus and Raven were now the only ones speaking—something about Remus’ childhood.

The Marauders opened the dormitory door, the ghosts of smiles lighting their faces. Sirius and Peter froze, spotting Severus and Lily. James kept telling his joke, oblivious.

As Severus nudged Lily to wake her, James noticed them. “What the fuck?” In his shock, he couldn’t think of a better question.

Lily lifted her head and yawned.

“Get away from her, Snivellus, you twat!” James pulled out his wand. 

Lily realized what was happening and climbed out of bed. “Potter, for God’s sake, calm down.” She stood before him, glaring.

Raven kissed Remus goodnight, then joined her.

Lily crossed her arms. “People died today and you just continue bullying people you believe to be lesser than you into doing what you want. Remind you of anyone?”

James blinked, then realized she was referring to Voldemort. “I’m nothing like—why would you—”

Lily and Raven went to the door. Before leaving, Lily added, “There’s nothing going on between us, so you have no reason to harass him. Good night, everyone.”

The door closed.

James rounded on Severus. “Snivellus, you pale-faced, weak—”

Harry put his journal aside. “Oh, sod off, James.”

James turned. “Oh, hello, Jacob, can I talk to you?”

Sirius and Peter exchanged a look.

Harry glanced at Severus, then followed James onto the landing.

“Muffliato,” Harry said, casting the spell around them.

James squeezed his eyes and the bridge of his nose, then paced as much as the small area would allow. “We were supposed to be together. Lily and I.”

“You might still be able to be together—”

“No, Harry, you know she made her choice. Fuck it, I’m just gonna say it: did you want them to be together? Is that why this happened?”

“No, not exactly—”

“Don’t fucking lie to me, don’t fucking try to bullshit this. You manipulated everyone. You made me believe she’d like me, led me make the wrong choices, and you told Severus to make the right choices.”

“I didn’t make you do anything. You made your own choices, it wasn’t me.”

“I know you must’ve had some idea of what was going to happen. Think about this: if Lily and I don’t end up together, then how are you born? How do you go back in time and make that change in the first place?”

“I don’t understand how it works any more than you do.”

“THEN WHY ARE YOU FUCKING EVERYTHING UP?” James shook with rage.

“IT’S NOT LIKE IT WASN’T FUCKED UP BEFORE!”

James sneered. “Like father like son, right? Both so angry. And here I thought I didn’t know you.” He paused in mock thought. “What if I stole your Time-Turner and reversed everything? Or told Sirius and Peter?”

Harry took a step back. “You wouldn’t.”

“Why the hell not? Unless, you want to be unborn—”

“I DON’T CARE! I don’t care what happens to me because there will always be another person to defeat Voldemort, or another version of myself. Severus saved my skin more times than I can count, and I gave him nothing in return, until now. And you seem to forget that the reason I came here is greater than that. I wanted to know you and Lily, I wanted to be at Hogwarts again. You don’t realize; there’s no going back.”

James studied Harry, then dropped his voice to a whisper. “You expect me to do nothing as you ruin my chances with Lily?”

Harry sighed. “I expect you to be a decent human being. Lily didn’t date you until seventh year in my time, so just wait until then. Leave her alone and try to be less of a dick, or else there really is no hope.” He went back into the room. James, scowling, followed.

On the front page of the Daily Prophet on the first day back to school, there was a picture of the Atrium, damaged by the attacks, in the Ministry Headquarters.

Lily flipped through the Prophet to get to the continuation. “It says the whole thing was a distraction. Loads of information was stolen. The Ministry hasn’t figured out what else.”

Harry read from over her shoulder, shocked that Ministry would allow this to be printed. It made them seem weak, vulnerable, and Voldemort seem powerful, as someone to be feared. This war was completely different from the one he experienced.

That evening, in the common room, Raven pulled Harry aside on his way to the dorms.

“What’s going on with Lily and Severus?”

Harry regarded her. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, don’t you think she’s acting pretty cozy all of a sudden? They weren’t friends for a year and now? She must’ve known he’d forgive her easily.”

Harry was taken aback. “Did something happen between you and her?”

“No. We’re fine. Although I can tell she’s still a bit awkward around me, since we were close. It was hard for me, too, and it’ll be hard to forgive her. I feel like she’s not even trying.” Raven leaned against the wall behind them.

“Well, maybe because she knows Severus will accept her and forgive her, but she’s afraid of your rejection.”

Raven nodded, then paused. “So…do you think they’ll be together now? And don’t play dumb, you thought about it, too. They were—they were cuddling yesterday, as if they’d been friends this entire time, not just for two weeks.”

“Why do you care?”

“I dunno.” Raven blinked, as if seeing through a fog. “I dunno.”

Severus came up to them, expression hard. “Hello.”

“Er, hi.” Harry glanced at Raven, who pressed her lips together.

“I suppose we can talk now that we’re all here.”

“About what?”

“If you’re going to stay or not.”

Harry raised an eyebrow. “But you wanted me to leave, didn’t you?”

Severus flushed. “That was before…well, things are different now.”

“So you think I should stay?”

Raven rested a hand on Harry’s shoulder. “Of course you should stay. Isn’t that what you wanted to do? Stay through seventh year?”

Severus sneered slightly. “By the end of the year he never knows.”

Harry crossed his arms. “It’s a bit early to be having this discussion, seeing as it’s April.”

“So you don’t know yet.”

Harry wanted to stay. Rather, he didn’t want to go back. He was terrified that he would return to a time in which a close friend was now dead, or on the extreme end, where the world as he knew it was altered beyond recognition. He was terrified of the unknown because he hadn’t planned everything out and had no idea how everything would work out in the end. 

“I didn’t say that. I want to stay. And I’m not going to say ‘one more year’ again, because I’m only fooling myself. It makes sense to see this through.”

Raven beamed. Severus’ reaction was harder to read; he merely nodded.

Over the rest of the year, the Marauders reestablished themselves as the school’s pranksters, or bullies, depending on who was asked. Over the weeks, the Hospital Wing developed regulars, as well as the occasional mix-ins. The students might have been half-transfigured into vegetables, or grown whiskers, or had become incontinent. Severus was a victim once, and then, after Harry got revenge, never again. James knew Lily’s dislike for him was deepening, but James didn’t care. It was obvious to Harry that James was depressed. His mood was often unpredictable, he was irritable, and when he wasn’t with his friends, he slept. Maybe he’d always been that way, but Harry hadn’t been able to tell before.

The Ravenclaws won the House Cup, despite the Gryffindors winning the Quidditch tournament. Dumbledore gave a warning and a wish for everyone to be safe over the summer. And before anyone properly realized, the school year was over, and they were on the train home.

Countryside clicked past. A partly cloudy sky alternately shaded and brightened the compartment as they got closer, hour by hour, to King’s Cross. Lily taught Severus a Muggle clapping game as Harry wrote in his journal.

Goals for next year:

—Become closer to everyone, esp. James & Lily

Severus had needed guidance to leave the Dark Arts, and now it was James who needed guidance. The two boys were equally stubborn, so if Harry could get through to one, he could get through to the other. And he didn’t want to improve Severus’ life only to ruin James.’ As far as becoming closer to Lily, Harry knew he had spent too much time away from her that past year.

—Try not to get Severus’ way

Harry studied what he’d wrote, then crossed it out and wrote on a new line:

—Try to give Severus space

He’d been too much like a mother (albeit adoptive); too critical of his choices, and less like an actual friend. He had constantly steered Severus in a different direction since convincing him to choose the Gryffindor house—perhaps even earlier.

A prefect told them they were twenty minutes away from the station. The four (Harry, Raven, Severus, and Lily) packed up their things.

King’s Cross bustled with people. The atmosphere was more rushed, emotional, as a large portion of students had families that were directly affected by the attacks. Harry hardly had time to say his goodbyes before James, Remus, Peter, and Lily were pulled away by their families. Harry wondered if Lily’s family knew about the attacks, or that she and James had been seeing each other.

Sirius, Raven, and Severus did not receive nearly as warm of a greeting. Harry waved goodbye to Severus; they would see each other the following weekend, so there was no need for a more dramatic separation.

Harry surveyed the station once more, then pushed his things around the corner, fit them into his purse, and Disapparated.