Albus Dumbledore, pt. 1

The Hogwarts Express gleamed scarlet on September 1st, 1975. Harry walked down the train’s aisle, looking into the compartments. He found Lily and Severus sitting in a compartment in the middle of the train, and when Harry slid the door open, they were laughing. Or, rather, Severus was at least smiling.

“Oh, Jacob, hi!” Lily stood and hugged him. 

“Y’know, I did see you a week ago.” 

Lily let go, embarrassed. “Yeah, still.” 

Over the summer, Harry saw Severus and Lily three times a week. He watched their relationship change, sort of like a flip book—each time he saw them, they were an adjusted image on an entirely new page. Even though Severus and Lily were still just friends, Harry felt out of place when he was around the two. He knew they’d tell him they wanted him around, but he had to try hard to convince himself to stay, because he felt they’d be happier without him there. 

“We should probably head over to the prefect’s carriage,” Harry said to Lily. 

Along with their school letters, Harry and Lily received prefect badges. The owl delivering the news went to Lily’s house, but it couldn’t find Harry’s home. It had circled overhead Severus, Lily, and Harry for an hour before Lily happened to say “Jacob,” which confirmed Harry’s identity. None of the three had given the bird much thought until it swooped down and dropped the letter in front of Harry.

This was a definite change—Harry knew that Remus had been prefect in his timeline, and now Harry had been chosen instead. Oddly enough, this struck a chord in Harry. Dumbledore had chosen Ron and Hermione instead of him in his fifth year, so it was almost like Dumbledore was compensating for his decision.

“Let’s wait until Raven gets here,” Lily replied. 

A few minutes later, Raven arrived. They helped her put her things on the shelf over their heads.

“It’s been so long,” she said, then hugged each of them. 

“Hello, Raven.” Remus had appeared in the doorway.

“Remus.” Raven wrapped her arms around him, and they stood like that for a moment before she kissed him. 

Remus had reached his adult height, like many of the other fifth year students. His hair, grazing the nape of his neck where Raven held him, was as long as Severus’. 

Lily and Severus had looked away, both different shades of pink. 

“Long time no see,” Raven said when they parted. 

Remus glanced at the others, noticing their awkwardness. He cleared his throat. “I wish I could stay, but James would want me to be with them.” Remus kissed Raven again. “I’ll see you round, okay?”

Harry was surprised at the tone in Remus’ voice. It was clear that Remus didn’t feel any sort of obligation or annoyance at being with Raven; it was genuine desire. Maybe it surprised Harry because of Tonks. 

“How were your summers?” Raven asked, sitting next to Lily. 

Lily glanced at Severus, smiling a little. “Good, yours?” 

Raven looked between the two, as though waiting for them to explain the story behind the look they exchanged. The two didn’t get the hint, so Raven replied, “My summer was fine. I got out more, since my parents were away most days.” 

Harry checked his watch. “We should probably get to the prefect’s carriage.”

“Oh, okay.” Lily got up. 

“Oh, so you two are prefects? Congratulations!” 

“Thank you!” Lily gathered her things. “See you when we get to the school,” she said, and they left the compartment. 

The prefects’ compartment was filled with vaguely self-righteous, conceited chatter. The only group to be polarized from the others were the Slytherins, who stayed in the corner, backs straight, clearly aware of the divide between themselves and the others. They pretended as though it didn’t bother them, but Harry saw through their pride with an amount of empathy that caught himself off-guard.

As the war progressed, Harry had noticed, the fractures in the school system deepened. He hoped the houses wouldn’t fall back into their old fighting habits. 

The professors loaded the fifth years with homework right away. Fortunately, the O.W.L.s weren’t much of a threat to the Quidditch team, since James and Harry both didn’t need to study much and because they were the only fifth years on the team. Still, it was enough to limit the antics of the Marauders and the Slytherins.

It made sense, then, that the chill of December came as a relief to the students, who were anxious to be off school. 

Lily invited Raven, Severus, and Harry to her house for the holidays; of course they accepted. Lily had bargained with her parents to let her bring her friends over rather than staying at Hogwarts. 

Severus, who hadn’t been concerned about gifts the previous year, set to work at making things for the others. Harry felt happier than ever at this time of the year; wholeheartedly appreciating the towering fir trees Hagrid brought from the Forbidden Forest and the new holiday dishes at supper. He even appreciated Peeves’ out-of-tune, rude renditions of Christmas songs.

Time was pulled out from beneath them, and soon, Lily, Severus, Raven, and Harry were pulling into King’s Cross. 

Mr. Evans was waiting for them as they got off the train. The four piled their on a cart and rolled it over. Lily ran and hugged her father before anyone spoke. 

Harry noticed Severus was now taller than Mr. Evans, though this was due in part from Severus’ improved posture.

“Evening, everyone.” Mr. Evans shook their hands, eyes almost narrowed when he made eye contact with the boys. “Your mother had to stay behind to get the dog from the vet,” Mr. Evans explained to Lily as they left the station and headed toward the parking lot. 

“You have a dog?” Severus asked. He seemed offended that she hadn’t told him. 

“They got him while I was away, but I got to name him. So I chose Harry.” 

Severus and Harry glanced at each other. Raven also looked at Harry, but she hadn’t been in James’ tent when James’d asked what Lily wanted to name her kids.

Mr. Evans warmed up to the boys on the car ride, as if in sync to the car’s heating. He had, as it turned out, an endless reservoir of questions about life at Hogwarts.

Harry had the sense—perhaps due to aging three years since the last time they’d gone to Lily’s—that Mr. Evans was more wary of him. This also seemed to be the case with Severus, but it was still hard to tell. 

The Evans had hung a Christmas wreath on their front door. As the group stepped inside, they were overpowered by the scent of sugar cookies. 

“Lily!” Mrs. Evans took of her oven mitts and hugged her daughter. She then pulled away and looked over the group. “You all have grown so much!” She hugged each of them in turn. “Though, you’re still twigs,” she told the boys. “And Severus, you’re already taller than Grandpa Ross, who was the tallest person on my side of the family. Not really a hard title to have, though. But Jacob, you fit right in as an Evans. Is your family all short, too? Oh, don’t worry, dear, you’ll get a growth spurt soon, I bet. Oh! Hang on—the second batch is nearly done.” 

She peered into the oven. “They need a few more minutes. Oh, hello, girls.” Petunia and another girl her age had just ran down the stairs, laughing.

“Hello,” the other girl said. Petunia had frozen, staring at Harry. He looked away. 

“This is Rebecca,” Lily said. “This is Raven, Severus, and Jacob.” Lily gestured to them.

“Oh, you’re Jacob!” Rebecca turned to Petunia, who turned red and pulled her back up the stairs. 

After her mother turned away to put on some tea, Lily whispered, “Don’t mind them. They’ll be up in their room mostly. Just don’t try to tick her off. She could blackmail me.” 

“Why’s that?” Raven asked. 

“I let Severus stay over a few summers ago when he ran away from home.”

“Oh. But surely they’d understand, wouldn’t they?” 

Lily hesitated, then explained, voice even quieter, “Well, we were sharing the bed, I don’t think they’d understand that.” 

Raven blinked. “Oh.” She glanced at Severus, whose cheeks were pink. He was all too aware that Raven knew how he felt about Lily. 

Mrs. Evans turned off the water, adjusted the stove, then approached them. “Let me show you where you’re staying.”

It was the same as second year; boys in the basement, girls upstairs. 

“Be in bed by eleven—but you’ll be so tired, I don’t see that as a problem. And Lily, may I speak with you?”

“Sure.”

Mrs. Evans spoke two rooms over, but it was loud enough for the others to get a gist of the conversation. “I don’t want any messing around…catch you with…they won’t be allowed over again…clear?”

They pretended not to have heard when Lily returned in a huff. “What does she think we’ll be doing? We’re fifteen, for God’s sake. And neither of you are pigs like James.” 

Severus, though still taken aback by Mrs. Evans’ concern, smirked. 

The oven timer rang. 

“That’ll be the cookies!” Mrs. Evans ran into the kitchen. 

“It’s okay, I have it,” Lily said, opening the oven. 

“Are you sure?” 

“I’m sure.” Lily pushed past her mother with the batch of cookies. 

“Well, call if you need anything.” Mrs. Evans untied her apron, hung it up, and left, with an uncomfortable silence in her wake. Lily had seemed to get along with her family when they last stayed over. 

The four set up Christmas decorations around the house while they waited for the chocolate pecan cookies to cool.

“The cookies are from an American recipe,” Lily said, pouring hot chocolate into Christmas mugs. “Here you are…” She handed them their plates and they sat down at the dining table.

Severus ate five cookies, more than any of the others, as though he’d suffered from the same starvation as he used to experience over the summer. 

“Sev, you’ve got some chocolate on your face,” Lily said after setting their dishes in the sink. Severus tried to study his reflection in the tiny mirror on the fridge. 

“Hang on. I got it.” Lily wetted a paper towel with hot water and wiped his face. 

Harry glanced at them from the edge of the kitchen, flashing back to when they ate ice cream in Diagon Alley several years ago. 

Mr. Evans walked in. “Hey, what—!” Then he realized that they weren’t doing anything. “Oh, apologies, I thought—” 

“What did you think, Dad?” Lily brushed by him and threw away the paper towel. “What is it with you two? I only see you once or twice during the school year and you watch over me like a hawk! I love you, of course I do, but I’m fifteen and I don’t need you babying me.” 

Mr. Evans put up his hands in surrender. “Alright Lily, I understand. I’ll talk with your mother.” Still, he eyed Severus before leaving.

Lily sighed and turned to the others. “Severus—and Jacob—they’ll get more used to this in a couple days. It’s just that, after James, they’re suspicious of me and boys, especially because I think they worked it out that it ended badly. They wouldn’t have let you over if they didn’t already know you. But don’t worry about it; let’s just get settled.” 

Severus and Harry unpacked their things downstairs. 

After a few minutes, Severus stopped what he was doing and said, “Her parents don’t like me.” 

“Sure they do.” 

“James, stop—” Severus caught himself. “I mean Harry…You don’t have to lie.” He continued to stow his clothes in the dresser.

“Do you understand why they…well, you know.” 

“Lily tried to explain, but…” Severus kept his head down, as though bracing himself. 

“They think you’re replacing James. At least, they think you two fancy each other.”

Severus turned toward Harry. “What? I—how could they…” A bigger question hit him. “Why do they think she fancies me?” 

“Look, I wouldn’t get your hopes up—” 

“I know,” Severus interrupted through his teeth. “You don’t have to tell me she really doesn’t.” 

“…Lily’s generally a, well, overtly kind and perhaps flirtatious person.” 

“Why don’t they hate you, then?” 

“Maybe Lily doesn’t act the same way around—” 

“Sure, that’s part of it, but maybe it’s because you’re better looking. And less…odd.” 

Harry furrowed his brow. “Better looking? But I look like James. Oh, you mean my disguise.”

“Both. If James looked like I do, she wouldn’t have been with him.” 

“Severus, you’re going to be miserable if you keep thinking like that.” 

“But you don’t deny—”

“She wouldn’t like James for his looks, just like she wouldn’t dislike you for yours.” 

“So you’re saying she doesn’t care that I’m ugly.” 

Harry bristled. “How the hell should I know?” 

They both fell silent for a time. 

Then Harry said, “Just be respectful to her parents and they’ll warm up to you. Don’t think about it so much.” 

The conversation was dropped. Lily called from the top of the stairs, “Are you two decent?”

“You’re saying we should we change into our pajamas, then?” 

“Yeah, then come upstairs to my bedroom. Oh, and there’s tea if you want it.” 

The two boys changed, facing away from each other. They went to the kitchen upstairs and had the tea that was set out for them. Then Severus and Harry went up another flight to Lily’s bedroom. 

Before opening the door, they heard, “…it makes sense, I mean, you fancy Severus, don’t you?” 

Raven had asked this, her voice just loud enough to make out. 

“What makes you think that?” 

Harry, sensing an opportunity for Severus to be upset, signaled him to go into the room. Severus ignored him. Lily, after a pause, continued, “No, I don’t, not at all.” 

“It’s okay, you can tell me.” 

“I don’t! I’d tell you if I did, I promise.” Then she was quiet. Harry was about to knock on the door when Lily continued. “He’s like a brother to me…no, not even that…he’s just a good friend, and I honestly can’t imagine being together. At all. I mean, he’s not really the sort of person you’d imagine—” 

Harry knocked on the door. “Come in,” Lily said. 

Severus’ face burned red, but otherwise there was no sign that he’d overheard. 

The two girls sat on Lily’s bed, Raven in a white top and fleece pants, Lily in pajama shorts and a button-up top. They had already finished their tea and set the cups down on her dresser. 

“So what do you want to do?” Lily asked. The memory of playing Truth or Dare hung between them, but it seemed out of place to suggest. 

Severus took a sip of tea. “We could just talk.” 

“Sure.” Lily uncrossed her legs and leaned back, stifling a yawn. She rested her head on Raven’s shoulder. “What should we talk about?” 

Severus’ eyes moved from Lily’s legs to her eyes, and he shrugged. 

“How about…the delicious cookies you made tonight,” Harry suggested. 

Lily laughed. “I’m glad you liked them. But we would’ve had twice as many if you all hadn’t eaten so much dough.” 

“I’m innocent,” Raven said, holding up her hands. 

“You’re right, it was all Jacob.” They exchanged a smile, then something caught Harry’s eye.

“When’s that picture from?” He pointed at the frame on her dresser. The landscape in the picture was familiar, somehow. 

Lily lifted her head to look. “Oh, my mum must’ve put that there while I was away. Well, we used to go on family trips. That’s from the Forest of Dean. I was eight.” 

“Why don’t you go on trips anymore?” Raven asked. 

“Things are different now. Isn’t it like that with your families?” 

Raven nodded. “Yeah. My parents let me alone for the most part. And with the War and all, they have less time.”

Severus’ eyes narrowed slightly. “Whose side are they on?” 

They all looked at her. 

Raven cleared her throat. “They’re more conflicted than they let on. But…You-Know-Who’s side is more appealing to them. We never really talk about it, as a family, I mean. And with you all, I didn’t—I didn’t bring it up before because I’m ashamed of them. And I know they care about me, but only the version of myself that could’ve been in Slytherin. They don’t look at all of me. I don’t know how to explain it—maybe you can relate—but they ignore who I am when they’re mad; they just look at the choices I’ve made that they don’t like, and when they’re nice to me, they ignore my choices. They pretend that nothing has changed about me since first year, when I stopped studying the Dark Arts.” 

The others processed this. 

Finally, Lily said, “I think I understand. In the reverse sense, at least. My parents often complain that they can’t tell anyone I’m a witch. Hogwarts, and magic, that’s all they care to know about my life when they write.” She paused and pulled a piece of lint off of her shorts. “And you saw how they treated you all. My life has become their source of entertainment. Well, something they can focus on to distract themselves from work, and whatever else.” Lily fidgeted under everyone’s gaze. “What about you, Jacob?”

“Er…” He recalled how it used to be with the Dursleys. “They—my parents—don’t like magic. They’re afraid of it. They make it clear that I’m not wanted.” Harry noticed Lily’s expression of concern. “But, yeah, in the end, they cared—I mean, they care about me. I suppose, it’s like not appreciating something that’s constantly around you, to point that the person’s a bother, but when there’s a chance for them to be gone, you realize how important they are.” Harry rarely talked about his family with Lily. It felt more real than usual, this time. 

“Now you’d be wanting me to say something, right?” Severus’ tone was blunt, his eyes locked on the rug. “You’ve already heard all of it.” Severus sipped his tea, signaling the end of the discussion.

The other three fell silent. Harry knew that he needn’t feel bad for inventing problems, especially when he knew the most about Severus’ home life. The two girls, however, seemed to realize their family issues were more trivial than Severus’. 

Lily lit up. “Hang on. I thought of something we could do! It’s a Muggle game that my sister played at one of her friends’ birthday parties. It’s called Spin the Bottle.” 

Harry flashed back to the summer before his fifth year in the original timeline. Dudley was having a belated birthday party; belated because the family (minus Harry) had taken a trip to France for the initial celebration. Vernon and Petunia agreed to leave Dudley alone in the house until midnight after he whined about privacy. Harry stayed upstairs in his room until he realized Vernon had told him to take the trash out. He snuck downstairs, making as little noise as possible, though Dudley and his friends were being loud enough to cover his tracks. The group had moved furniture and sat on the carpet, a bottle spinning between them. The most memorable, albeit frightening, image that arose was of Dudley slobbering on a girl who would later be his girlfriend (for a week). 

“No, I don’t think there’s enough people,” Harry said, shuddering. 

“Oh. Yeah, that’s true. It was just a thought.” 

“How do you play?” Severus asked. 

Before Lily could respond, Harry cut in, “Doesn’t matter. But we don’t need to play a game, talking’s fine.” 

Severus raised an eyebrow at Harry, suspicious, but they moved on.

Lily now seemed intent on avoiding serious subjects. “Oo, okay, so if you had to date anyone at school, who would it be?” She looked at Harry. 

“I dunno.” Harry frowned. “Violetta.”

Lily blinked. “Isn’t she a little too old for you? And besides, she’s doesn’t go to Hogwarts anymore.” 

“Fine. Florence, then.” 

Lily remained skeptical, but didn’t push the subject.

“What about you, Lily?” Raven asked, trying to sound teasing. There was an audible forcefulness in her voice. 

Lily glanced at Severus. “God, I dunno. Er, there’s this Ravenclaw in Potions—”

“Who?” Severus scowled, more frustrated than upset.

“Jonathan Myrad.” Jonathan was different from James and Severus; soft-spoken, generally kind, and not particularly clever.

“What do you see in him?” 

“It’s not that I like him, but I had to choose someone. And, well, he’s handsome.” 

Raven, watching her expression, nodded. “He is.” 

Severus scoffed. “So you only like him for his looks?” 

“I already said I don’t like him. It’s just that if I had to choose, and I don’t like anyone, then…” 

“But that’s what matters to you.” 

Lily drew herself up. “No, it’s not. Leave it alone, will you? It was a silly question. Meaningless, really. And besides, you can only pretend looks don’t matter, because it has to, at least a little. Don’t act like you’re an exception.” 

Harry knew Severus wanted to continue arguing, but Severus had realized, perhaps, as he stared at Lily, that she was right. His gaze was sharp with a counterargument just out of his grasp.

Severus’ intensity made Lily blush, and she averted her eyes. “I’m going to get water from the tap. Anybody want something?” 

The three shook their heads. 

When Lily’s footsteps had faded, Raven spoke up. “It doesn’t matter to her anymore, you know.” 

Severus snorted. “Alright.” 

“It’s true. I can tell.” 

“Oh, can you?” Severus studied his hands, distancing himself.

“I can tell that she—” Raven stopped herself. Severus, hopeful, met her gaze. “She wouldn’t befriend someone she only notices for looks, so obviously it doesn’t matter. She talks to you, though—”

“So you’re saying I’m—” 

“Which means you’ll always mean more to her. And look, I don’t know why you still believe you’re not good-looking—you’ve got beautiful eyes, you know, and that’s not all you have going in your favor—” She fidgeted, but kept looking at him, and continued, “And there’s not much to compete against at our school, take Lockhart, for example—” 

“Thanks,” Severus said, stopping Raven mid-sentence. 

Raven blushed and nodded. He gave her a small smile to tell her he meant it. 

Lily came in, shutting the door behind her. “Sorry, I had to let Harry go outside.” 

Harry? Oh, right, the dog. 

Severus fumbled with an apology. “Look, earlier, I didn’t mean to—” 

“It’s okay.” Lily sat down. “You know, I just admired Jonathan from afar, I know there’s more to him than what I said. But, when I was with James, I don’t think he saw much beyond what…he could just look at.” 

It was clear she’d been thinking of what to say, but Harry didn’t believe what she’d said was true; it was just her way to understand their relationship. He knew there was more to it than that. 

“How about you, Severus? Anyone in the school, who would you pick?” Lily asked.

Severus raised his head and studied her. Lily’s brow furrowed almost imperceptibly, as though realizing that he might choose her. Then he replied, “Professor McGonagall, most likely.”

Raven, still tense, smirked. “You’re not serious, I hope?” 

Severus hid a grin as the others laughed. 

“I didn’t know we could choose professors,” Harry complained. “In that case, Grubbly-Plank, definitely.” 

Lily nodded in agreement. “Right, Violetta is too old, but Grubbly-Plank is fair game.” 

Severus was relieved that the topic of who he fancied was dropped.