One Last Kiss, pt. 2

The next morning, while the other Gryffindors were going down to breakfast, Harry, Raven, and Severus stayed behind to wait for Lily. When she came downstairs, body tired but eyes brighter than ever, Raven and Harry gave them some space.

Lily didn’t notice Severus at first, and when she did, she told him to wait a second and ran back upstairs.

Severus shifted on his feet and wiped his hands on his robes.

Lily returned with a potted flower. It was the Moon Lily Severus had given her before their first year of Hogwarts. “I still have this. And…” Lily pulled out a stone from her pocket, “…this, too.” The stone, so far, read “Severus Snape and Lily.” She set both things down on the table, then fidgeted, unable to look him in the eyes. After a moment of silence, she wrapped her arms around him.

Severus hardly hesitated to do the same. Tears ran from Lily’s eyes to his shoulder. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m sorry.” 

Severus gripped her tightly, not wanting to lose her again. “No, it’s my fault.”

Lily smiled, though he couldn’t see it. “I couldn’t have imagined you saying that until now.”

“I promise, I’ve changed.”

Lily let go and tucked a strand of his hair behind his ear. “I know. I would’ve believed it at the beginning of the year, but I didn’t know if it would last, I was hurt, and I didn’t want to risk going through that again.” She took his hands and studied him. “You probably think I’m pathetic. I was protecting myself when I should have been protecting you, too. You’re so incredibly strong, and Jacob and Raven are the best friends you could hope for.” She studied their entwined fingers.

“I shouldn’t have said what I said. I—I didn’t mean it then, and I don’t mean it now, not about anyone.” Severus bit his lip, eyes reddening, but still dry. When he opened his mouth to speak again, his breath shook. “I missed—I missed having you around.”

Lily smiled, and this time he could see. “Me too, Severus.”

At the sound of his name, he grinned—and it was the most genuine, happy smile Harry’d seen on Severus since before the “Mudblood” incident.

Lily remembered something else. “I’m sorry about what the Slytherins did to you.”

Severus froze, and Harry, off to the side, also didn’t know what to do. How could she have found out?

“Cassandra told me about what they did in between classes. It sounded awful, and so, I’m sorry for not being there.”

Severus and Harry relaxed; she didn’t know the worst of it. 

Lily hurried to add, “I don’t want you to think that I want to be friends again because I feel sorry for you, or anything. That’s sort of why I couldn’t…” She trailed off.

 “No, I know. Er, so, what’s gonna happen with James?”

Lily’s expression soured slightly. “I told him that I didn’t fancy him anymore, and that I wouldn’t be able to forgive him for what he did.”

Severus was alarmed. “What he did…?”

“No, no, I mean, he only tried.”

“Oh.” Severus scratched the back of his neck, gathering his thoughts, and Harry guessed that he was fighting the urge to ask if that meant she and James hadn’t done it at all.

“After that—as in, when he was still hanging upside down—I felt like I had to make him feel better.”

“Why?”

“Well, mostly because I don’t want him bothering me every day like he used to. So I told him the truth about all there was between us. That he’d only fallen in love with the idea of me. It wasn’t really me he loved, it was the whole, ‘love at first sight’ myth. He had gotten into a habit of chasing after someone he didn’t really know, assuming that we’d get along, get married, and live happily ever after, because I was the first person that made him feel like he did.”

Harry watched Severus’ expression. So much of what she’d described applied to Severus. 

“And I had fun, for a little while, because he’d gotten me to believe it. But the little things just kept stacking up until I only saw the routine, and I didn’t see him.”

Severus considered this. “How did he react?”

Lily smirked. “He wanted ‘one last kiss’. Hey, don’t look like that, I didn’t give him one. But I did feel bad, so I told him there were plenty of fish in the sea—that’s a Muggle expression—and that was that.”

“Is he going to keep bothering you?”

“I don’t know. I do know, however, that I’m starving. Let’s go get some breakfast.”

Just like that, it was the four of them again. Aluria, Florence, and Cheresse realized Lily wouldn’t spend much time with them anymore, and they would get over it, but for now they were annoyed and upset. Lily, on the contrary, though a bit uncomfortable at first, was more like herself. She needed friends like Harry, Raven, and Severus.

On the evening of the Saturday before Easter, although the new curfew for Hogsmeade was four o’ clock, some students were still out. Before every Hogsmeade weekend, at least one of Lily’s professors would invite her and a few others to lunch. That day, it was Lily, Aluria, and a Slytherin who were meeting with Professor Slughorn.

It was five in the evening and they still weren’t back.

Harry, Severus, and Raven tried to get as much homework done as possible before dinner. The professors, much to the disdain of the fourth years, had piled on work to help them prepare for the O.W.L.s that still seemed a long time away.

Some of the older students listened to music on the radio as they studied for the N.E.W.T.s. Before heading to dinner, one of them, was about to turn it off when another shouted for them to stop. The room quieted for long enough to hear, “…under attack by dark forces. Stay in your homes.” Panicked whispers coursed through the room, followed by shushing. “…This is the Ministry speaking. Various centers in the Muggle and wizarding world are under attack by dark forces. Stay in your homes…” Harry could no longer hear over the rising confusion.

“Lily’s still out in Hogsmeade,” Severus said to Harry, voice strained.

Professor McGonagall came into the common room. Everyone fell silent. “You are all to stay in the dorms until further instruction. Dinner will be served here in an hour.”

“Are we safe?” A second year piped up, wand in hand.

“Yes, of course. However, we have to keep everyone contained so we can ensure that. Thankfully everyone is back from Hogsmeade.”

Severus glanced at Harry, eyes anxious.

“Prefects, if you could manage the students. The Head Boy and Girl as well as the professors will be with me searching the school for any remaining students.”

As soon as she had finished speaking, McGonagall was bombarded with questions. She held up her hands. “You will know what you need to know when you need to know it. I will return after supper.” She swept back through the portrait hole.

Severus grabbed Harry’s arm. “We have to go find Lily.”

A prefect who was walking by stopped. “What’s that, Snape? No one leaves this room unless told otherwise.”

Severus scowled and reached into his pocket, the one that contained the invisibility cloak.

“No, Severus, it’s not worth it.”

“So she’s not worth it? She’s your own mother, and you don’t care about her safety?”

“She is safe. She can defend herself well enough. And she’s with Slughorn.”

“You don’t know that.”

“You don’t know that she’s in danger. Listen, last time I decided I’d rather be safe than sorry, someone I cared about died. And it turned out he was never in harm’s way.”

“Who?”

“Sirius.” Harry glanced at the Marauders, who were by the desks, solemn and nervous.

“Like that counts. He was an adult then, perfectly capable of handling things on his own. You shouldn’t have worried.”

Harry opened his mouth to retort when Severus continued, “How could you have even liked Sirius? He couldn’t have been that much different from now, except that now he doesn’t like you.”

“Sev!” Lily ran toward them and threw her arms around Severus, who stumbled back a little.

“You’re safe,” Severus said, either surprised or reassuring; Harry couldn’t tell. Severus gripped the back of her jacket, one hand in her hair.

After a few moments, Lily said, voice muffled, “I’m okay, really.” 

Severus let her go, muttering an apology, face red.

A sixth year student climbed onto a chair. “Attention, everyone. There’s a meeting in five minutes about the Order, open to all students in third year and older.”

“We already had one this month,” a fifth year said, confused.

“We’re having it again,” the student replied. “All first and second years, go up to the dorms.” He made way for a girl who stood before all of the desks, waiting for everyone to be seated.

Lily, Severus, Harry, and Raven chose a table; Severus next to Lily, Raven next to Harry.

“Hello everyone. I’m Holly Fenwick, I’m in seventh year, if you didn’t already know. I was chosen to speak about the Order of the Phoenix because my brother, Benjy, is a member, and I know enough to talk about it. Some of you have heard me speak before.” She smiled, then cleared her throat.

“I know there are some people here who are interested only because they feel obligated. On the other side, some may have had trauma that gave them no other choice—in their opinion. Let me tell you that the first, doing it because you think you have to, is not what they’re looking for. Those are the people that betray the Order.”

Harry glanced at Peter, whose arms were crossed, expression solemn. Lily had taken Severus’ hand—they both still looked shocked about the recent events.

“So anyone who has lost family, or friends, and wants to avenge them is gonna have to bury it. Let that be your motivation, not your motive, or you’ll become reckless. You’ll become obsessed to the point that you stand outside our ideals. What they stand for. And they stand for bringing down You-Know-Who and his followers together, not through personal missions. And there’s no power struggle, either. There are no leaders, unless you count Dumbledore, who founded the Order. They aren’t showy or violent, like You-Know-Who and his followers are, and they’re feared for the threat they pose to them, not for murder and destruction. The Order’s purpose is to unite witches and wizards who are connected by the same cause; to preserve peace. Your commitment, if you choose to accept it, will last for the entirety of the War. It could be over before you leave school, or it may continue to the end of your life. It will probably be to risky to start a family.”

Some students, couples in particular, exchanged looks. Severus and Lily stared straight ahead.

“You’ll have to make sacrifices, but it would be worth it. Who wants to live in a world where everything, everyone you love is in constant danger? Where you would be forced to think a certain way, without a proper government? Today is just one example of how You-Know-Who will make us live in fear.” Holly paused, considering something. “Professor McGonagall told me what happened, and I wasn’t supposed to say anything, but I will anyway. Death Eaters attacked Diagon Alley and the Ministry. At least a dozen people were killed.”

Harry stood up and asked, though suspecting the answer, “Did the people have anything in common?”

Holly hesitated, regarding Harry, whom she’d never spoken to before. “Yeah. Most of ‘em were Muggleborns.”

Silence. Severus and Lily still didn’t look at each other, but she squeezed his hand.

“Each of you has a choice. Gryffindor House, like every House in the school, has enormous strength and potential. After Hogwarts, you have the chance to be recruited. They’re looking for good people, kind people. Talented people. So think about what I’ve said, and pay attention to what’s going on in the world around you. If there’s anyone who’s certain they’re willing to join, we’re taking down names to contact you after you graduate. The ink is invisible until a certain word is said, and only members know what the word is.” She unrolled a piece of parchment and put an inkwell and quill on the table nearest to her.

Every student, as far as Harry could tell, signed their name. Harry had thought that the biggest change in the timeline had been at the beginning of the year when Severus left the Dark Arts, or when Lily had forgiven him. He realized it was in this simple act—instead of signing over to Voldemort, Severus was literally signing over to the Order. There was no death that made him turn sides, at least not beyond Harry’s memories. Instead of joining the good guys at twenty-one, he was joining at fifteen.

Afterwards, the students stayed, for the most part, at the tables, talking.

Lily’s features were drained, and she studied her hands. “What Holly said, about sacrifice for the greater good. I don’t think I ever considered that side of it.”

Harry brought his attention away from the Marauders and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “What do you mean?”

“How fighting You-Know-Who could be our whole life. No family, being in danger constantly…”

“Holly was just exaggerating so everyone knew what they were getting in to.”

Severus and Raven raised an eyebrow.

“I’m not so sure, Jacob,” Raven said.

Severus looked directly at Harry and said, “I know someone who had a kid even though they were in the middle of the War.”

Harry tried to signal for him to shut up. Lily didn’t notice and asked, “Who? Someone here with a brother or sister?”

Severus nodded.

“So it can be done.” Lily rested her chin on her hand. “I still want to live, you know? Don’t you all want that, too?”

Raven and Harry shrugged. Severus’ brow furrowed. “You want kids?”

Lily blushed. “I didn’t mean wanting kids, I meant living normally, at least somewhat.”

Professor McGonagall and the prefects entered the common room, chilling the atmosphere as everyone quieted in anticipation. A few students went up to the dorms to bring down the younger students.

McGonagall cleared her throat. “I do not have any further news regarding the attacks, but I do have to relay some new rules that were decided on for the entire student body. These are for your safety and will only apply to the holidays, unless the situation worsens. Firstly, no student staying at Hogwarts is allowed outside of the castle unless accompanied by a professor. Secondly, there are no trips to Hogsmeade this week. Thirdly, the new curfew is eight o’ clock.”

Frustrated murmurs ran through the students, but they realized it could be worse. Someone asked, “Can we send mail?”

McGonagall waited until the Gryffindors were quiet. “Yes, only because we can’t possibly ensure that no one does so. Though, any packages that arrive must be pre-screened by Professor Flitwick, Professor Candless, and I.”

This was followed by some groaning, but McGonagall left before there were any legitimate objections.