f i f t y - o n e

Niall and I left for our honeymoon the day after the wedding. Our plane left from Dublin to fly to Fuerteventura at 11 am so we arrived in Fuerteventura around 8 pm. I immediately started getting hot as soon as we got off the plane and it wasn't even the day, just sunset.

Our hotel room was beyond imaginable. We had our own personal pool outside along with a bed outside, a table, sun beds and a few normal chairs. There were also palm trees all around and it was literal heaven on earth.

"Can we sleep outside?" I asked Niall excitedly when we checked out the pool in our hotel area. Even if he said no I definitely was going to anyway.

"You know the answer is yes," he said, as excited as me. I clapped my hands together like a 2 year old and jumped onto the incredibly comfy bed. Niall climbed on next to me and put his arms around me. It was to hot to be touching him but I just couldn't not have at least a part of my body touching him when we were on the same bed together. Call it unhealthy but it's just what I was like. And he was the same.

The honeymoon lasted much longer than the average couples did and we arrived back home to London after 4 weeks in paradise. Niall was a beautiful tan colour that made him even more attractive than usual. I had been tan for the majority of the time we'd spent in Fuerteventura but in the final week my body had sort of just thrown the plans for tanning out the window and decided to burn which didn't make me too happy. You could still see a bit of my tan on areas of my body that weren't as red as a tomato but there weren't many areas. Only the back of my hands and inside of my thighs.

England seemed terribly cold when we arrived back in July even though it was summer. Fuerteventura had just been so hot it had almost become normal temperature for me and Niall.

What made me most sad about going back home after the honey moon though was that Niall just seemed to disappear for days and days. He would get up so early and come back so late that there were some days I didn't see him at all. He'd leave me a short note saying good morning but other than that his schedule was so packed he had barely any time for me. He was planning on releasing his debut album in October so he was spending almost every single day in the studio or shut up in his music room doing singer stuff that made me bored after a while. I supported him with it, 1000%, and if he ever needed any kind of help like if he needed someone to type down a lyric change I always tried to do the best I could to asist him on it. But he was so distant it made me sad.

And then, on 31st July, I found out something that changed our lives forever.

"Just take it. Even if it's just to prove you aren't," Liv said and shoved the small rectangular box across the kitchen counter towards me.

"No because I know I'm not pregnant," I said firmly and pushed the box back. I didn't know why she was doing this. So maybe I'd been feeling a bit sick lately and more tired than usual and so what if my period was a few days late. Well, a week. But the point was, I was not pregnant.

"Well then there's no harm in doing the test," Liv said and pushed the box back again. We'd been pushing the same box back and forth for at least 5 minutes now, neither of changing our minds.

"Hey babe!" Niall called from the hall and I jumped. He hadn't been out his music room all day and I'd forgotten he was actually home.

"Yeah!" I shouted.

"Can you come here a sec? I want a kiss," he yelled.

"She'll be there in a minute. She just went to the toilet," Liv shouted before I could reply and my eyes went wide. There was no escaping doing the bloody test now.

"Oh ok," Niall shouted and footsteps disappeared up the stairs. Wow he was so dumb sometimes.

"Off you go," Liv said and tried not to laugh at her little trick.

"I hate you," I huffed and picked up the cardboard box as I climbed off a stool and walked through the kitchen to the toilet.

I'd never taken a pregnancy test before but it wasn't that hard. You just peed and waited. But the waiting was torture. Like you were rotting away gradually and actually all time had stopped so in the end you would just be dead.

When the time was finally up I didn't waste time thinking about the worst possible scenarios I just turned the test over and looked at it. At first I thought I was hallucinating, like my eyes were making the 1 line into 2 but when I walked back into the kitchen and Liv looked at it I knew I wasn't hallucinating. Because Liv also saw 2 lines.

"Lily oh my god," Liv whispered, "You're actually pregnant."

I felt myself go heavy at her words and managed to sit down just in time because otherwise I would've most likely fainted.

"Lily?" Liv asked carefully, "You have to tell Niall."

"Don't you think I know that?" I snapped suddenly, "I will tell him but he's got a lot going on right now."

"Babes that really isn't going to matter. This is gonna change everything," Liv said and rested her hands on top of mine.

"I just don't understand. We're always so careful," I said and felt tears coming, "And how am I meant to tell him when he's so close to getting his album done. I mean he's barely got time for me right now anyways."

"Tell me what?" Niall said from the door way. I yanked my hands away from Liv's and shoved the pregnancy test into my pocket.

"Nothing," I said quickly, "I'm talking about Peter. How am I meant to tell him that... Sean likes him?"

"Hey you guys, emergency at Alex's house," Liv lied and stood up from her stool, "Gotta go."

I stared at her as she walked out of the room. Niall waited for the front door to close before walking over to me and sitting down next to me.

"What's up?" he asked softly.

"I told you, nothing," I lied again and wiped my cheeks harshly, "Shouldn't you be writing songs or some shit."

"Not if you're upset," he said and wiped a left over tear off my cheek like he always did, "You come first ok? Always."

I rested my cheek on his palm and sighed, "Liv... Liv noticed I was acting differently lately-"

"Oh so I wasn't imagining things," Niall joked but I just frowned.

"Niall,"I said sadly and pulled the pregnancy test out my pocket. He stared at it and pulled my hand towards him so he could see it more clearly.

I saw his face change into many different emotions. Sadness, confusion, happiness, scared, worried. They all came at once but I couldn't tell which one he was really feeling.

"I'm sorry," I said and more tears streamed down my cheeks. I was no where near ready to have a baby. I loved Niall and I knew I wanted to have kids one day but I was only 23. I always thought I'd wait until at least 25 until my first child.

"Hey," Niall said softly and pulled me into a warm hug, "Baby there's nothing to be sorry about. It's gonna be ok I promise."

"I just... what are we gonna do?" I sobbed.

He held the sides of my face and forced me to look him in the eyes, "We're gonna get through this. Whatever you decide you want to do, I will be right there beside you the whole way. Whether that's having the baby or getting an abortion it's up to you. And you can take your time deciding so you know it's what you definitely want. You got it?"

I nodded and leant into him again. God I loved him.

"So Liv knows then?" he asked softly.

"She won't tell anyone," I said confidently. Liv wouldn't do that. She wouldn't even tell Bambi, her dog, in fear that he might somehow tell the whole world.

"Ok good," he said relieved.

My heart dropped, "Are you really that disappointed?"

"No of course not," Niall rushed to fix his mistake, "It's just you know how my fans are, I love them and all but I just don't think it's a good idea to let the whole world know when we don't even know what we're gonna do yet."

"I wanna keep it," I said almost as a whisper, "I support any woman who chooses to have an abortion but... I can't have one Niall. I can't."

"Princess that's ok," he said calmly and hugged me again, "You're gonna be a great mum."

I laughed, "I mean I guess you'll be an alright dad."

He looked at me and kissed my nose. I smiled. So maybe this wasn't our ideal plan on starting a life together but that was ok. Things happen that you don't expect, sometimes good and sometimes bad. Ours was good, wonderful even. We were going to be parents.