f i f t y - t w o

When Niall released his debut album in October of 2017 I was so beyond proud of him. As his wife it was a feeling I'd never had before. I knew how hard he'd worked on his album and how long he'd spent writing and recording his songs that it was amazing seeing it finally being released to the whole world. He'd sang me every song on the album to have permission from me that they were as amazing as they could he and not one of them needed improving.

My favourite on the album was obviously This Town but I loved all of the songs so freaking much. I decided On My Own was also one of my favourites because it was such a care free song about living life to the fullest. It wasn't exactly accurate because he sang the words Everybody's got somebody, I just wanna be alone, Well I don't need no one which was clearly a lie because he said on numerous occasions that he needed me in his life but I knew often with his songs he didn't always write from a personal point of view. A lot of the time he just thought up scenarios in his head and wrote songs based on imaginary ideas.

"Do you think it's a boy or girl?" I asked as we lay in bed one night in late October and stared up at the ceiling of our bedroom. Niall's hands were rested on my belly like they always seemed to do now my belly had actually started showing but he could've well been fast asleep.

"I'm not sure. It's too early to get a scan yet," he said in a sleepy voice.

"I don't want a scan," I said quickly. We weren't looking at each other but I knew he was smiling.

"You don't?"

"No I want it to be a surprise, just like you do," I smiled.

He laughed, "Really?"

I pushed myself up on the bed so I could look at him, "Really."

He smiled even wider and started walking his fingers up my belly towards my face. I giggled when he got to my neck because it tickled a bit and he just smiled more. Boy did I love his smile. I prayed our baby would have his smile and his eyes and his sense of humour and to be honest, his everything. The idea of a mini Niall, whether it was a boy or girl, made me so incredibly happy it was mad.

"I love you," I whispered as he traced my collar bone because I was only wearing a sports bra. I always either wore a sports bra to bed or one of Niall's t-shirts. It was never anything else. All the pyjamas I'd been given as birthday and Christmas presents over years were just kept in the bottom draw and had never been worn.

He looked up at me and a strand of hair fell across his face. I brushed it to the side and gazed at the man who I'd face all the challenges of life with. The man who never went one morning without a good morning princess, I love you or a night without a good night beautiful, I love you. The man who made me any food I asked for when I was sick. The man who would kiss me 100 times before going into a petrol station to buy 1 thing. The man who was my everything and always will be.

"Lily?"

"Hm?" I asked, realising I'd somehow managed to completely zone out while staring at Niall.

"I said do you want anything to eat," Niall said, "I was gonna go get a snack.

I looked over at the bedside table clock and my eyes went wide. It was 4:12 in the morning. How? I guess we'd been watching Brooklyn 99 for so long I'd sort of forgotten it was the night time. Neither of us really watched brooklyn 99, I had when it first came out but that was about 5 years previously. It was just an easy show to put on when neither of us had much energy but we didn't want to sleep.

"Niall is quarter past 4," I said and grabbed the TV remote from under my arm. I paused whatever episode was playing to stop the now annoying sound of the TV that was getting on my nerves.

"Ok?" he said.

"Isn't that bad for your acid reflux," I pointed out.

He frowned, "But I'm hungry."

I laughed, "It's your choice. Eat and feel ill or don't eat and don't feel ill."

"Pregnancy is changing you," he said and climbed out of the bed leaving me with nothing to lie on.

I scowled, "I'd like to see you try to grow a human inside of you."

"I would not," he said before walking out our room. I heard footsteps go down the stairs and lay back in our huge bed.

He was right, pregnancy was changing me. I had awful morning sickness and not just in the mornings. Sometimes I could feel sick all day and I never knew when I was actually going to vomit. I farted a lot too which was quite embarrassing if we ever had guests over. Niall would make fun of my farts and he would even sometimes rate the smell out of 10 which I found horrible and gross but he found it hilarious. Even at 24 years old he was still a child at heart.

I felt tired all the time aswell but a lot of the time I didn't want to sleep. I would complain and complain about how tired I was throughout all day and often late into the night but I never ended up going to sleep until at least midnight.

I was however always hungry. If I didn't have even just a single biscuit every half an hour I'd get super moody. Niall had put food all over the house, just small things like random packets of crisps, but it made it so much easier to control my increased appetite.

The final thing that changed was my mood. One minute I could be laughing and the next I could be crying then the next I could be yelling. I knew mood swings were one of the key effects of pregnancy but I never thought they'd be so intense and so often. The majority of my mood swings were sudden changes from happy to sad with the occasional bit of anger in there but that was only if I was already in a bad mood that day. I think my mood swings were Niall's least favourite thing that happened because there was always a chance I would yell at him. I didn't want to it just kind of happened without me realising it.

"I got muffins, apple slices, bread rolls or a Mars bar," Niall said as he re entered the room with his hands full of food, "I didn't know what you'd want."

I laughed, "Really? All this food? We'll be going to sleep in a minute."

Niall climbed back onto the bed and I sat up. He held out the food and I took the pot of apple slices I'd spent so long cutting earlier that day.

"Thank you," I said.

"You are very much welcome," he said and popped a bit of muffin in his mouth, "I do love a good bit of food at 4 am."

I laughed again and swallowed my apple slice, "So do I."

We ate our food and ended up falling asleep very soon after that. Niall didn't have anything planned for the next day and the only productive thing I ever did was have a shower once in a while so we slept in late the next morning. Pregnancy was a roller coaster but spending it with Niall made it that little bit more easier.