one lie, leads to another

[...]

The next day—though it was already the next day when Phuwin sneaked back into his best friend's room—Phuwin woke up with a little headache but no real guilt capturing his throat.

He knew he wouldn't regret any of what happened last night—or early morning—and it felt really good actually.

His eyelids fluttered, as he sat up on the bed, stretching himself, before holding up Dew's eyes on him, a phone on his hand. He looked like he was judging him for some reason, and a small yawn escaped his mouth before his best friend dared tell him what was bothering him.

— It's already noon, you know?

— Oh?

— You slept late again, didn't you?

Phuwin guiltily smiled and Dew rolled his eyes, not less amused, before getting up from the bed.

He put on a t-shirt, rearranged his hair, while Phuwin just sat there looking at him with curious eyes. Dew seemed a bit bothered, though not exactly much, but something was definitely going on.

When their eyes met, Dew stopped his movements and sighed, knowing Phuwin was already getting concerned.

— It's my parents, they say they're coming here in a few minutes and the meal better be ready.

— I thought they were in New York for their business.

Dew rolled his eyes, kind of upset at his parents' lack of consideration to tell him they were back in Thailand. He could've been more prepared otherwise, mentally especially.

— I thought so too, he sighed. Get dressed, I need to inform Nar- Pond.

Phuwin frowned.

— You're still mad at him? he dared ask, testing the water also.

— Yes. And I don't want to talk about it, I'll wait downstairs okay? My dad wants to eat a fucking ratatouille. Do I look like a fucking rat-chef to him?

Phuwin laughed against his will at the expression on his best friend's face while trauma-dumping about his favorite Disney. Without really waiting for something else, Dew walked out of the room, leaving him still hazed with sleep, sticky with sweat.

He needed to take a shower.

Half an hour later, he was ready and dressed, walking downstairs into the kitchen with fresh clothes. Phuwin felt refreshed, though he started to anticipate the arrival of Dew's parents, his anxiety rising.

He knew how they were, at least from what Dew told him an insane amount of time. And it wasn't exactly to glorify them. At some point, Phuwin could only picture them as unsatisfied fifty year old multimillionaires who believed that if there were homeless people out there it was only because they hadn't worked enough all their life. Which, first, wasn't true, and second, was making Phuwin slightly uncomfortable.

It was already promising to meet them when he was aware they were having this type of privileged mentality. But Phuwin could only wish it would pass quickly and without any class disdain if possible. Of course, he would have never disrespected his best friend's parents, but still, he would like to avoid any uncomfortable discussions.

— Need help?

Dew shot him a glare as Phuwin noticed the already well cutted vegetables, a laugh escaped his lips as he raised his arms in the air, innocently looking.

— Okay, okay, I'll just sit on the counter and give you mental support.

— Yeah, you better.

But as Phuwin was about to do exactly what he said, Dew stopped him with one hand, the other stirring something in the pot.

— Wait, actually, can you go back in my room and grab your bottle of wine? I need another type of mental support right now, my parents won't take long anymore.

Phuwin chuckled then nodded, immediately obeying as he also felt like drinking some alcohol to ease himself. He walked back to the stairs, his mind oddly cleared, and his steps feathery.

But it was only when he stepped on the second-floor, that his whole body halted, running straight into Pond who was coming out of his room, hair drenched with water probably from a shower, and a t-shirt in hand he was about to put on.

He met Phuwin's gaze and his movements stopped too.

— Oh? Phuwin?

The latter gulped as his eyes couldn't help but follow a drop of water on Pond's abs. He looked absolutely attractive, even more each day passing by, it was unfair.

Pond smirked as he realized.

— You were missing me?

Smug, teasing, even arrogant, but this time it didn't really annoy Phuwin who just snapped back into reality a little, his eyes lifting up.

— In your dream, he sorted out with a slightly shaken voice that betrayed him, their pride back on track. I was just about to grab the wine.

— Hum... Really...?

Pond took a step forward, and Phuwin a step back, suddenly panicking at the sudden proximity. It wasn't a good idea to act like this as anyone could see or run into them, whether it was Dew or a maid, or even their parents.

But when Phuwin felt the wall behind his back, Pond leaning just enough to take his waist in hand, gripping it, Phuwin's entire being was shivering hard.

— What are you... Don't do this like that, it's not the ri-

— Don't do what? replied Pond innocently as the fire in his eyes grew dangerous, almost predatory.

— Everyone can see! yelled-whispered Phuwin, eyes wide at the unmistakable proximity, but he couldn't even get himself to push Pond off him.

The latter grinned even more.

— Just a morning kiss, na? Wouldn't hurt anyone, right?

And Phuwin knew he'd give in as how deeply he felt Pond's hand on his waist, pulling him in, driving him crazy, making his entire skin shiver deliciously. He was so gone. So done. And so weak. Should at least make it quick.

So he closed his eyes, letting Pond lean in, brushing his lips, falling even more than just down to the floor.

— Wait, Phu, actually the wine i- What the fuck?!

Both Pond and Phuwin jolted, separating themselves from each other in a very unflattering way, their heartbeat rising for very different reasons, they were caught. Caught in the act. Caught doing what they weren't supposed to do. Caught being assholes.

And just as fast, the guilt was back.

Ready to tear their throat apart.

— Wait Dew- I can... I can explain, it's-

— Am I disturbing you guys or something? he sneered, smiling vilely, or hurted. No because alright, keep going, act as if I don't matter at all. Holy fuck! sneered Dew once again. I'm so fucking disappointed!

He immediately turned his back, walking straight the stairs as the expression on his face flattered for something way more hurt and indeed disappointed. Phuwin felt his heart drop in his stomach as he immediately shoved Pond to the side and ran toward his best friend, the panic surging with the same guilt that threatened to snap at any given opportunity, as if it waited for this moment especially.

— Wait Dew!

— Get the fuck away from me, Phuwin. I feel so betrayed right now. I do NOT want to see you! he screamed, as Phuwin stepped into the living room, stopping him by grabbing his arm.

Dew shoved him without caring about being too violent or not. And Phuwin almost fell backward, his own heart churning in his stomach. But he didn't let go, and Dew sighed loudly, feeling his anger changing into pure pain.

It hurt. It really hurt.

— I'm sorry, Dew, please listen to me... Please.

Hearing Phuwin beg was new, Dew sneered, humourless, though he stopped debating for a second.

— I told you I was having a crush on you, and I get it, you don't feel the same, it's okay, I could tell even if you wouldn't admit it. But seriously Phuwin... After everything I said, after literally asking you in the eye if something was going on between him and you... You do this?

His laugh was so sarcastic Phuwin felt his heart hurting as if sharp spikes were stabbing his chest deep within. He never saw his best friend so hurt since probably his ex serious boyfriend, to say. And the pure disappointment in his eyes didn't help his breathing from steadying.

— I'm sorry, I didn't plan on...

— On what? Dew interrupted with anger and impatience, his eyes threatening to spill over all his tears, though he didn't want to break down right now, not in front of him, not in front of them. You didn't plan on kissing him? On breaking my heart? On playing with me? On what exactly? On-

— On falling for him! finally yelled Phuwin as his eyes closed upon sensing his own disgust. I didn't plan on falling for him! It wasn't part of any plan, it wasn't part of what I wanted, for me, or for you, but it happened! It happened and I swear I wish it never happened like this but... his voice lowered a little, giving up, surrendering, redeeming himself from all his sins. But it happened and... And I don't control this, Dew. And I'm sorry if I led you on, if I couldn't tell you the truth, if I lied to you, it wasn't how I wanted it to happen. It wasn't how I wanted you to know I swear... I swear I wanted to tell you about this but it's fucking hard, you know? I'm sorry, I'm really sorry.

Phuwin didn't even realize but his eyes spilled out tears before Dew, as he broke down on the floor, his voice shattering just like his heart. He felt like he fucked up again, all over again, just like this time when he could no longer pretend to love someone he only cared about. It overwhelmed him, and he knew, he knew he had no right to cry, not like this, not in front of the only person who should've been crying, who had all the reasons to get mad, to be hurt, to feel his heart shattering.

But he couldn't help the tears, and he couldn't help the pleas.

He really didn't want to lose Dew. He really couldn't. Dew mattered too much. No matter what happened. No matter what he did. Dew mattered. Dew was his best friend. Dew was important to him.

— I'm sorry please... I really am... I... I can't lose you. Please...

He was struggling with his own tears, with his own guilt, with his own feelings, and everything was spilling out. Raw and real. For a long second, Dew stopped himself from doing anything, whether it was to cry or to yell, or even to run away, and just looked. Really looked.

— Since when? he snapped, though his voice seemed less cold.

Phuwin lifted his face up, meeting Dew's torn eyes, heartbreak, betrayal, disbelief, and pity all together, reflecting inside a whirlwind of conflicted feelings.

Because Phuwin seemed so vulnerable, so honest, it was hard to just step on him, no matter how angry he was at him.

— The night we went to that club... he admitted with shame.

A very vile sneer escaped Dew's mouth at the realization.

— So when you guys flirted by message... he continued more to himself than to anyone else, before shaking his head in what seemed like even more disappointment. So when I asked you to be honest with me, it was all bullshit. I must have looked like a fool since all this time seriously... Thank you for lying I guess? I really thought you were better than this. How stupid of me.

— I'm so sorr-

— Stop apologizing, it doesn't matter anymore.

— It does! pleaded Phuwin. I didn't mean to hurt you, please believe me... It was just so hard to tell you how I felt when you already confessed... I...

Dew sighed, a very long sigh. He was giving up too. Even mad, even hurt, even betrayed.

— Stop crying, Phuwin. You shouldn't be the one crying....

It wasn't to guilt-trap him even more, but Dew didn't exactly like seeing his best friend, or whatever they were right now, like this. So vulnerable, so down, so torn. It didn't seem like Phuwin, he had never been looking so shattered since they met.

— I can't help it, I know I shouldn't but I... I'm scared to lose you, I don't want to lose yo- I can't. I can't lose you. I swear there's only you who I ever consider as my best friend so please... Please don't leave me.

— Phuwin, he sighed with sadness.

Phuwin hiccuped into another sob, though he tried to stop himself and get up, weakly.

Dew took a step back, but his heart was already surrendering, or giving up, or both at once.

— I... he started, his stomach churning at seeing Phuwin so vulnerable, Dew really wasn't used to this vision.

— Please...

— I'll need time to think about... about all of this first, okay?

Dew didn't even know why he sounded like he wanted to reassure him but he couldn't help him and continued, his anger shattering at the vision in front of him.

If he thought seeing Phuwin begging for forgiveness would have satisfied him, well it was the total opposite that was happening. His stomach was churning relentlessly.

— I'll need some time in case... In case... Are you even in love with him? dared ask Dew with a tiny voice.

Phuwin had enough to lie.

— Maybe...

— Okay... Wow, it hurts.

He laughed, but never did it reach his eyes, and Dew took another step back, feeling his eyes filled with tears he refused to shed right now.

— Just give me time and... And not in front of me please.

Phuwin wanted to add something but Dew turned his back almost immediately as the bell rang and resonated in the entire living room.

Without turning back, as he was about to take the door, Dew still added with a lower and gentle voice, that betrayed the care he still felt toward his friend, like surrendering completely even if his chest weighed with heartbreak.

— Go wash your face, my parents can't see you like this, they're too insensitive to not ask what happened. And...

Phuwin waited quietly, knowing he probably should respect his friend's boundaries.

— And even though I'm really mad right now, just know that I... I don't hate you.

And Phuwin could only hope it'd stay that way so he could do everything in his will to get his trust and friendship back.

Because he'd have done anything.

Anything except denying what he was starting to feel toward Pond.