eight

You groan as you tear apart the living room, looking absolutely everywhere as you all rushedly search for the damn purse. Phil stands at the opposite side of the room checking the kitchen area as Stu checks closets, Alan in the bedrooms.

"Shit!" you yell, standing up and tugging at your hair when you notice the entire area is cleared and still no purse. You quickly get down on your stomach, checking underneath the couches. Stu walks into the room starting to check around the blankets on the floor.

"Guys, I'm telling you, I looked for it this morning before we left. It's not anywhere," Alan says, walking back into the room.

"Fuck," Phil sighs, knocking something over before leaning against the counter. "Stu, how much you got in the bank?"

"About ten grand, maybe more. I was gonna use it for the wedding," Stu says as you slowly stand up off the ground.

"Well you're already married, so you're good there," Phil says, stepping down into the lounge. "Besides, enough of Melissa. She's the worst."

"Yeah, Doug told me she had sex with a pilot, or something like that," Alan says, holding up the knocked over couch. You accidentally laugh, hiding your face with your hand.

"It was a bartender on a cruise. What is wrong with you people-Ew, Alan! Did you just eat sofa pizza?" Stu asks as you all look over and see Alan eating a random slice of pizza.

"Yes," he answers.

"I don't know how he hasn't caught anything," you say.

"What are we gonna do? We are so fucked," Phil says quietly.

"Hey guys?" Alan says.

"Did you find it?" Stu asks, sitting up from his previous laid-back position on the couch.

"Nope. But check this out," he says, holding up his Blackjack book.

-

You gently knock on Phil's door, pushing your hair out of your face as you wait.

"Come in," he calls out. You open the door, gently shutting it behind you before seeing him inside the bathroom, standing shirtless in front of the mirror. He glances over at you in the reflection, his eyes wandering down your body before meeting your eyes again.

"Hey, everything okay?" he asks, turning to face you.

"Yeah, I was just wondering if you had an extra face cloth or something? Mine are all missing," you say, stepping to stand in the doorway.

"Yeah, of course," he says, finding one of the folded ones on the counter and handing it to you.

"Thanks," you say, about to turn away when Phil stops you.

"You can do it here, if you'd like," he smiles. You chuckle, moving over to his sink and wetting the cloth before wiping the blood off your forehead, trying to make yourself look as presentable as you can.

"Not very often I see you in a dress," he smirks, fixing his hair to look presentable as well.

"Anything for the people I love, I guess. My inner conscience must've known when I packed it," you chuckle, Phil smiling down at you. Once you wipe all the dry blood off your head, you move to your knuckles, looking at the stained pink-red white cloth. You glance up at Phil, seeing him wince slightly as he touches his neck.

"Here, maybe some of this blood will come off," you say, putting down your cloth before grabbing a new one. Phil turns and leans his back against the counter as you wet the cloth, moving in front of him before gently dabbing it along his neck. You can't help but let your eyes wander up as you gently wipe the blood off the scratch, it successfully becoming less noticeable as you wipe it.

"What?" you smile, watching his blue eyes burn into yours. He moves one of his hands to the low of your back before gently pulling you forwards, connecting your lips. You try to contain yourself as best you can as you softly kiss back, your heart doing fucking backflips inside of your chest. But, you pull away before things can get too heated.

"Get dressed Phil. You said twenty minutes. It's been twenty-five," you smile, letting your hand slide down his chest before stepping away, Phil smirking at you as you toss the cloth on the counter. You turn to walk out of the room, the blood taste still on the tip of your tongue as you walk away from the best moment that may have ever happened in your life.

-

"Okay, so (y/n), your role is to play the girlfriend of Alan," Phil explains as you drive to the casino, Phil driving as you sit in-between him and Alan in the front, Stu and Jade sitting in the backseat.

"What? Why Alan?" you whine.

"Because Stu's already got a wife. And, you two will be great distractions with your dresses--and, and boobs," Phil chuckles.

"Oh, so it's okay for Phil to talk about your boobs," Alan mutters under his breath, you and Phil glancing over at him.

"Phil's not a creepy pervert like you," you say.

"Seriously, between the other men around the table and the dealer, you ladies could affect the concentration," Phil says.

"It's easy. Just try to perk your chest out more, think about the way you move your body when you do little things, and always remember to smile," Jade says from the backseat.

"Thanks, Jade.." you trail off, Phil looking down and chuckling at you.

-

You, Phil and Alan stand on the escalator down towards the basement of the casino, both of them looking sort of intimidating while looking straight ahead. You link arms with Alan like Phil had told you to, trying to look as much 'in love' as you can. Phil stands behind you, his role in this being the sort of body guard for Alan because the book had mentioned that can look more professional and intimidating, along with having attractive women with you.

We find a table, standing there and watching until the game is over, Alan laying down ten thousand dollars before sitting in the seat, the game getting started. You stand behind him and throw your arm over his shoulder like Phil usually does to you, Phil standing behind and sipping on the drink he had gotten a little while ago.

"Change only, ten thousand," the man says, sliding over ten thousand dollars worth in chips to Alan. Oh, you swear to god, he better not fuck this up.

"Hey, uh, these seats taken?" Stu asks, walking up to the table with Jade connected to his side.

"No, feel free," the dealer says, Jade and Stu sitting down. Phil taps Alan's shoulder for assurance, holding the red drink stir stick/straw in his mouth.

"Alright. Let's play some blackjack!" Stu smiles.

-

Jade quickly flips over in her chair when the pit boss and a couple guards start walking over, quickly tripping in front of them and falling on the floor. You silently let out a relieved breath at the purpose distraction since you guys had a feeling they were catching on to you. Stu quickly bends down to her side, along with the other men.

"Oh my god," he says.

"Are you okay?" The pit boss asks. You glance over at Phil, both of you exchanging a look before glancing back down at the situation.

"I'm such a klutz! I get so nervous when I gamble, I'm so silly!" she giggles.

"It happens," he mumbles, about to stand up again before Stu stops him.

"Whoa, hold on a beat, okay? Let's just take it easy, this is my wife," Stu says, trying to make the man stay down.

"All right, I think it's time to go," Phil says quickly.

"Thank you sir," Alan says, collecting his chips. You all smile, waving and saying bye before leaving and quickly getting out of the building and back towards the car.

"We did it!" Phil cheers, clapping your hand.

"Good job, Alan. I didn't know you had it in you," you chuckle.

-

"And 100, 200, 300, 400. Well, with all this, that's 82,400 dollars!" Stu smiles, all of you cheering.

"Oh, goddamnit, I don't fucking believe it!" Phil laughs.

"Alan! You're the man!" Phil yells, Alan smiling from next to you.

"You are too, Phil," he says.

"We should come back next week, take the whole city down," Phil jokes.

"Oh, I'm free next week," Alan says, making the situation slightly awkward as he always does.

"Or, we could just focus on getting Doug back, right now," Stu says.

"I think I agree with Stu," you chuckle, glancing out your window to see the crack of dawn.

"Uh, you know what? Next week's no good for me, the Jonas Brothers are in town. But, any week after that is totally fine," Alan says, Stu staring back at him with a confused look on his face.

"I think it's safe to say that our luck has officially turned around, guys. We are back, baby. We are fucking back!" Phil smiles, hitting the steering wheel.

"We're back! Classic," Stu smiles, turning and shaking Alan's chest. Alan laughs, pushing his hand away.

"We are back! We are back! We are getting Doug back!" Stu sings.

"That's right," Phil chuckles.

"You're gonna jinx us, Stu," you laugh.

"And we're the four best friends that anybody could have," Alan starts singing, making the situation weird yet again.

"And we're the four best friends that anybody could have. And we're the four best friends that anybody could have. And we'll never ever ever ever ever leave each other," he finishes, the three of you awkwardly glancing at each other.

-

"There he is," you say, noticing the black car parked in the distance. Phil pulls up towards it until he parks directly across.

"Now what?" Phil asks.

"Give him the signal," Alan says.

"What signal?" Phil asks.

"Flash your lights. Let him know it's on," he says.

"What's on?" Phil asks.

"The deal."

"Well, of course it's on. We just drove 30 miles into the desert, he knows it's on," Phil says, pointing to the black van.

"Phil-just do something," Stu says nervously.

"Fine," Phil says, flashing the lights.

"See?" Alan says as the men all get out of the car.

"All right, let's go," Phil says, opening his door and getting out. You crawl out after him, following Phil until the three of you are standing out in the blistering heat-filled desert. You uncomfortably pull the tight black dress down your legs, watching the men slowly walk closer. You glance over when you hear Alan grunting, seeing him fall from the window face first. The little guy immediately laughs, pointing at Alan.

"Funny fat guy fall on face!" he laughs, the two other guys chuckling behind him.

"You okay?" Stu asks, walking over to Alan who has now stood up and is dusting off his shoulder.

"All right. We got the money. Eighty grand, cash," Phil says.

"Throw it over! Then I give you Doug," he says.

"Um, I'm sorry. First of all, good morning. And we didn't catch your name last night," Stu says.

"Mr. Chow. Leslie Chow," he says.

"Mr. Chow, it is a pleasure. My name is Stu, and we would very much appreciate an opportunity to see Doug before we give you the money, just to verify he's okay-if that's cool," Stu says. Leslie takes off his sunglasses, closing them on his chest.

"Of course, Stu. That is cool," he says before clapping his hands, yelling something in a different language. The two guard guys open the back door, pulling Doug out as he struggles against the bag over his head.

"Oh, thank god," Stu says.

"Okay," Alan smiles.

"See? He fine. Now give me my money, or I shoot him, and I shoot all you motherfuckers, and then we take it. Your choice, bitches," Leslie says. You look at Doug closely, glancing down at the white shirt with blue stripes, which he wasn't wearing last night. You look down at his pants and they look more grey than the ones he wore last night, but you just blame it on the dirt and sun. But, you take a closer look, wandering down to the brown shoes when Doug had been wearing black ones last night. And you know that one of Doug's least favourite things are brown leather shoes, so he never buys them. And now that you're suspicious, he does seem taller than your brother.

"Give him the money, Stu," Phil says.

"Okay," Stu says.

"Wait!" you yell just as Stu throws the bag, the guys all looking at you.

"What?" Phil asks confusedly.

"That's not Doug!" you say, both of them looking over at the guy.

"How isn't it?" Stu asks.

"It's all there," the guard says.

"Let him go," Leslie says, sending 'Doug' over.

"All right, take it easy, take it easy," Phil says as they bring him over, glancing at you again. You sigh, running a hand through your hair as you await the moment where you all find out it isn't Doug under there.

"Ta-da," Leslie says as they pull the bag off, sure enough, a black man who isn't Doug being revealed. Stu yells, backing up slightly.

"Is this some kind of joke? Who the hell is this?" Phil asks.

"That is not Doug!" Stu says.

"This wasn't the fucking deal," you say.

"What are you talking about, Willis? That him!" Leslie says.

"No, I'm sorry Mr. Chow. That's not our friend-he, that's-" Stu stutters, the random guy mumbling something through the duct tape over his mouth.

"The Doug we're looking for is white," Alan says. You sigh, nodding your head. The guard pulls the tape off his mouth, the guy turning to look at Mr. Chow.

"I told you you had the wrong guy, little boy," he says, turning back to Alan.

"Damn, Alan, what the fuck you got me into?" he asks.

"You know Alan?" you ask. Of course he does.

"Wait-you know him?" Phil repeats.

"Yeah, this is the guy who sold me the bad drugs, how you doing?" Alan asks. You groan, rubbing your eyes with your hands.

"I didn't sell you no fucking bad drugs."

"Wait. He sold you the Ruphylin?" Stu asks.

"Ruphylin? I sold you that ru-What?" he asks.

"Who gives a shit? Where is Doug?" Phil yells.

"I am Doug," the man says.

"Your name's Doug?" Alan asks.

"Yes, I'm Doug."

"His name's Doug too, ha! Classic mix up," Alan laughs as Mr. Chow yawns.

"You're such a fucking moron!" you yell.

"Come on," Chow says, him and his guards heading back to the car.

"Hey, Chow! You gave us the wrong Doug!" Phil says.

"Not my problem," he says.

"It's about to be your fucking problem!" you say.

"No, fuck that shit! Now, you give us the eighty grand back and take him with you!" Phil says.

"No-come on man, I'll be your Doug," he says.

"Are you out of your mind?" you ask.

"Oh, yeah, okay. I take him back. Uhh, right after you suck on these little Chinese nuts!" he says.

"Does he even have nuts?" you whisper.

"Aw, that's nasty," Doug says.

"Mmm, how's that sound? Pssh," he says after grabbing it, pretending to jack off and making a squirting sound after.

"So long, gay boys!" he says, turning to get in the back seat.

"Wait a second!" Phil says as the car starts.

"He's a nasty little mother fucker," Doug says.

"What a little fucking shit!" you groan.

"Hey, did you ever get any ecstasy?" Alan asks.

"No, I ain't got no fucking ecstasy!" he says.

"Alan, who gives a fuck!" you yell.

"Goddamnit!" Phil yells as they drive away.

"Gosh darn it!" Alan repeats.

"Shit!" he says, kicking the dirt.

"Shoot!" Alan says, copying Phil.

-

You stand next to Phil as he dials the number on his phone, sighing before holding it to his ear. He coughs into his hand as he waits for Tracy to answer as you anxiously stand next to him, resting your fist against your mouth.

"Tracy, it's Phil," Phil says.

"Yeah, listen. Uhh, we fucked up," he admits, glancing over at you before looking back out at the field.

"Listen, Trace, I'm really sorry. I-"

"Phil!" Stu yells, quickly running up behind Phil and knocking him to the ground, cutting him off from his sentence.

"Stu!" you yell, quickly kneeling next to Phil

"Tracy, it's Stu!" Stu yells, picking up the phone and putting it to his ear. You glance back down at Phil, watching him cough from all the dust in his face and most likely his injuries after Stu had just pushed him on the ground.

"Uh, nothing. Don't listen to Phil, he's completely out of his mind. He's probably still drunk from last night," Stu chuckles, Phil slowly rolling on his back.

"He is.. paying the bill, we just had a delicious brunch," Stu says.

"C'mon," you mumble to Phil, grabbing his hand and helping him sit up.

"And-uh, we're in a big hurry to get back so we gotta get going. Okay, we'll see you soon! Stu says quickly, hanging up the phone.

"What the fuck man?" Phil asks, pushing Stu away as he leans over him.

"I know where Doug is!" Stu says, both of you freezing.

-

"I don't know, man. It just hit me. You remember when we saw Doug's mattress impaled on that statue?" Stu asks, Phil sitting next to him in the passenger seat.

"Yeah, it's because we threw it out the window," Phil says.

"No, impossible. You can't open windows in Vegas hotels," Stu says.

"Well, then how did it get- oh my god!" Phil says, realization hitting him as Stu laughs.

"We fucking put it there," you say, sitting in the middle back seat with a large smile on your face.

"Whoa, wait, what's going on?" Alan asks from next to you, the other Doug on your right side.

"Doug was trying to signal someone," Stu explains.

"Holy shit!" Phil says excitedly.

"He's okay! We're gonna get him back," Phil says, smiling back at you. "Wait-how did you figure that out?"

"Doug made me realize it," Stu says.

"Doug?" Phil asks confusedly.

"Uh, not our Doug. Black Doug," Stu says, pointing at Doug.

"Hey, hey, easy with that shit. C'mon," Doug says.

"Sorry," Stu mumbles.

"Okay-can someone tell me where white Doug is?" Alan asks.

"He's on the roof, Alan," Phil says, clearly getting annoyed.

"Yes, he's on the roof! We must've taken him up there on his mattress as a prank so he'd wake up on the roof!" Stu says.

"It's like that time in summer camp! Remember we moved his sleeping bag out in the jetty on the lake?" Phil smirks.

"Which was hilarious," Stu chuckles.

"Yeah, it was all fun and games before my parents assumed it was just me and I nearly got grounded for a month before Doug convinced them it wasn't," you say.

"Oh, shit! I remember that," Phil chuckles.

"Yeah, thanks for leaving me hanging, by the way, guys," you say.

"It's not so funny now, though, because we forgot where we put him," Stu says awkwardly.

"You guys are fucking retarted, you know that?" Doug asks.

"Nah, I think the two guys who are responsible for giving us roofies are the retarted ones here," you say, a large smirk on Phil's face.

"Holy shit. You think he's still up there?" Phil asks, looking around at you guys.

"I hope so. Poor Doug, though, if he's been stuck on a hot fucking roof for over 24 hours," you say.

"There's only one way to find out," Stu says.

-

"Doug!" Phil yells before you even have the door open, swinging it open as you all run out onto the roof.

"Doug, you up here, buddy?" Stu asks, all of you immediately spreading to find him.

"It's us, Doug! We're sorry!" you say, peeking behind different fans and generators to try and find him.

"Where you at, Doug?" Phil asks.

"Hey, guys! He's over here!" Stu yells, all of you looking over to see him leaned against a large ledge thing, staring down at his legs.

"Doug!" you yell, running after Stu who is already crouched next to him.

"He's okay!" Stu yells as you quickly run to kneel next to him, gently pushing his hair out of his eyes.

"Oh my god, Doug. We're so sorry," you say, tears immediately welling up in your eyes.

"Oh, God. We gotta go, buddy. Come on," Stu says, grabbing his hands and helping him stand up.

"We have been looking everywhere for you," Stu says.

"Are you okay? You're so burnt," you mumble nervously, looking at his bright red, dry, skin and white lips. Alan runs up to you three, Phil slowly walking over with a large smile on his face.

"What the fuck is going on?" Doug asks as you and Phil grab his arms, helping him walk.

"We can explain everything but right now, we gotta go!" Stu says, checking his watch.

"It's your big day, bro," you say.

"Hey, bud. Are you okay?" Phil asks, leaning down slightly.

"No. Not okay," Doug says, looking around him.

"You look good. You got some colour, I'm jealous," Phil says.

"I'm getting married today," he says, looking back over at you.

"Yes, you are, Doug. That's why you need to focus and do everything that we say because frankly," Phil pauses, checking his watch, "you're wasting a little bit of time right now."

"You fucking asshole!" Doug yells, diving for Phil and knocking him down. But, Doug quickly rolls off of him, wincing when he touches the ground.

"Oh, my skin burns! My skin burns!" he whimpers. You quickly crouch in-between them, making sure they stay apart.

"Doug! It's no one's fault but Alan's," you say.

"What?" Doug mutters as Alan kneels next to him.

"It's okay, it's not your fault, Doug," Alan says, leaning over him and placing his hand on his cheek.

"Don't touch me! Shut up!" he says, slapping Alan's hand away. "All of you, shut up."

"Just get me home," he pants.