Chapter 44

I was suddenly awakened from a light sleep by a chilly breeze blowing across the field. I hadn’t even realized that I’d dozed off until just now. Jess was still next to me, her body curled up around mine and tucked within the hold of my arms. Her deep and steady breathing against my neck told me that she was currently in a deep sleep. I’d missed this more than I ever realized. Jess’s bare skin against mine. Somehow the blanket had ended up folding over on top of us so that we were almost cocooned inside it. Today has made me realize so much. I’d realized that so much of my fear was all in my head, as fear normally is. But most of all I’d been reminded once again of how in love I was with Jess. I always say how it’s impossible that I could love her any more than I have but she proves me wrong so often. How this beautiful girl fell in love with me like she did was just mind blowing to me. The fact that I’d taken that love for granted these last few months and yet she still loved me like she did was a miracle in itself. I didn’t deserve someone as good as her but I wasn’t about to let her go now.

I was about to close my eyes and attempt to drift off again but I suddenly realized where we were and how late it probably was by now. I didn’t want to right this second but I knew we’d have to head back. Especially since I’d said we wouldn’t be out late.

“Jess,” I whispered quietly. I had to repeat her name a few times before she started to stir. Her eyelids flickered for a few seconds before they finally opened. “It’s late. We need to head back now.” My words only resulted in a groan from her.

“Do we really need to right now?” she asked groggily.

“Yeah we really do. It’s really late,” I chuckled. I started to move away from Jess to find my clothes but she suddenly clung to me tighter, preventing any more movement from me.

“Just hold me for a few more minutes please,” she said softly. How could I refuse that? I tightened my hold around her again and kissed her forehead. She rested her head on my shoulder, her fingers lightly tracing over my collar bone as we laid there in silence for a while longer. I contented myself with watching her face, lit up by the bright moonlight which sent a white glow down on us, making everything look almost devoid of color. Jess was so beautiful and I don’t think I’d ever get tired of telling her that. She never failed to take my breath away.

The wind had started to pick up by now causing the air to become a bit chilly. At that point it was time to give in and head back to the house.

Jess and I managed to get dressed and gather everything up within a few minutes. I took her hand and led her back to the truck, noting how clumsy she was right this second. Someone was still half asleep it seems.

I opened the passenger door of the truck and helped Jess in before walking over to the driver’s side. As I started up the engine Jess had scooted her way over so that she was leaned against my side as I drove. I think it’s safe to say she was right back to sleep before I even got to the road. It didn’t surprise me a bit to be honest. I could imagine how worn out she was after the day we had.

When I finally pulled up to the house I had to shake Jess awake once again. I kept my arm wrapped tightly around her waist as we walked up to the house, which was thankfully left unlocked. We made our way up to my room as quietly as possible and once inside I’m fairly sure we were both asleep immediately as our heads hit our pillows.

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It felt like I hadn’t been asleep for more than a few minutes when I woke up again, although it was obviously daylight by now. However, it wasn’t by any usual means that I was awakened. There was no alarm, no one at the door, and even Jess was still asleep beside me. No, what woke me up was the feeling of being violently sick.

I jumped out of bed as quickly as possible and ran to the bathroom, just making it before I threw up the contents of my stomach into the toilet. I felt like absolute shit.  I had this headache from hell and I was beyond dizzy. I could hardly tell which way was up as I sat down on the bathroom floor, unsure of what to do next.

“You all right?” I heard Jess’s sleepy voice behind me. I turned slightly to see her standing in the bathroom doorway, still rubbing her eyes.

“I don’t know. I feel really sick,” I said as I laid down on the bathroom floor. The cold tile was slightly soothing and I stayed in that position, trying to ignore the room spinning around me.

“Hmm, I’ll be right back,” I heard Jess say as she left the bathroom. She was only gone for a few minutes before I heard her footsteps approaching the threshold again. By now I’d covered my face with my hands and curled up into a ball on the floor as I tried to fight off the nausea.

“I think I know what’s got you sick,” I heard Jess say.

“Do you really?” I mumbled.

“I think you might be pregnant. We didn’t use protection after all,” she said, sounding quite serious. I looked up at her, glaring slightly.

“Why do you have to be such a bitch?” I groaned, feeling another wave of intense nausea pass over me. Once again, I found myself leaning over the toilet feeling absolutely miserable. I heard Jess laughing slightly behind me which didn’t make sense in the slightest. I didn’t find my misery funny at all.

“No, but seriously I think I know why you’re sick,” she said again.

“Then please, for the love of god, enlighten me,” I said, starting to feel a bit agitated. Behind me, I heard a rattling noise and turned to see Jess holding my bottle of antidepressants.

“I’m pretty sure you forgot to take these yesterday morning. They weren’t lying when they said those withdrawal symptoms were killer, eh?” she said as she examined the side of the bottle. I’m glad she could act so nonchalant about all this when I felt like I was dying. Not.

“Just give me the damn pills. Holy shit this is the worst thing ever,” I groaned.

I managed to take the two pills after Jess helped me sit up. The room still felt like it was spinning so the only thing I could really do was sit on the floor and lean against Jess. She didn’t seem to mind it though as she rubbed my back comfortingly. I just wanted to go back to bed to be honest.

Evidently I ended up falling asleep on that bathroom floor because the next thing I knew I was waking up in bed. I don’t even remember Jess taking me to bed or anything. This was so fucked up. The fact that I even forgot to take my medication was stupid in itself but the withdraw symptoms were something I hoped to never experience again. I still felt like shit but at least I felt better than before.

I then noticed that Jess was nowhere to be seen, yet I could hear her speaking in a hushed tone from somewhere once again. I assumed she was on the phone in the bathroom. I sighed heavily and slung my arm over my eyes while I waited for her to come back in the room. We really needed to talk about whatever it is that she had going on.

It felt like forever until I finally heard the door open. Jess came out quietly, thinking that I was still asleep but quickly noticed that I was now awake and staring at her. I’ll be honest. Jess has never really been good at hiding her emotions. Her face can be read like an open book and right now she was looking guilty as hell which just concerned me all the more.

“All right, what’s going on?” I demanded as I sat up in bed. She stopped at the foot of the bed and stared at her phone for a second, contemplating on what to say.

“That was my manager. He wants me back in the next few days,” Jess said.

“Oh.” Well that wasn’t so bad I guess. To be honest I didn’t really mind going back so soon. “Okay, well that’s fine. We can book a flight today and see when we can go,” I suggested.

“Erm, well that’s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about,” she started. “Had you considered if you wanted to stay here? Like with your family?”

“Excuse me?” I said incredulously. I actually couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of her mouth right now.

“It’s just, I know you and your mum were resolving things. And I know you’ve missed everything here I just—“

“Shut the fuck up,” I lashed out. She was lying to me again. I knew she was. There was something going on and evidently it’s a huge fucking deal if she has to lie to me about it like this. Especially to suggest that I stay here.

“I just want you to think about your options,” Jess said calmly. Too calm.

“My options? As far as my ‘options’ go, the only thing I ever considered was going back home with you. What the hell, Jess? What happened to all that stuff we talked about last night? I thought we were going to have a future together,” I said, struggling to keep my voice down but failing miserably. “Do you not want me anymore? Huh? Because if that’s all it is then just say it.”

I waited for her response then. I didn’t want her to say it. I wanted her to tell me this was all just a misunderstanding and that she still loved me. That she still needed me and wanted me. I didn’t want her to leave me here. I couldn’t handle that.

“Of course I want you, Elena,” Jess sighed. “I love you so much, believe me. I just don’t want to make you choose between me and your family.”

I shook my head at this. I knew she loved me, of course, I’d be stupid not to believe her when she said that. Her excuse for bringing all this up, however, was complete bullshit and we both knew it.

“Tell me the truth. Tell me why you’ve actually brought all this up because I know it isn’t just because you don’t want me to choose between you and my parents. You and I both know that I’m perfectly capable of visiting here so stop feeding me that bullshit.”

Jess fell quiet then. I knew she was conflicted on whether she should tell me the truth or not. I just couldn’t understand what could be so bad that she had to lie to me. The desolate look in her eyes just filled me with even more dread at what she had to say. She sat down on the bed in front of me so that we were only a few inches away from each other. My hand automatically reached out for hers in an attempt to encourage her to speak. She stared down at our joined hands for only a second before she finally looked back up at me.

“Look, Elena. I haven’t been completely honest with you.”

A/N  This was supposed to be a nice filler but it appears my finger slipped.... Whoops