Chapter 43

Later on, we were back at the house with my mom and Caleb. I wasn’t sure how Jess felt but all I know is after everything we’ve done today I felt so at peace. I felt like I didn’t have a worry in the world and it was amazing to finally feel like that again. I’d told Jess to go shower and change into something comfortable since I had something else planned for us.

“So, Caleb,” I started once Jess was upstairs. “You should let me borrow your truck tonight.”

“Oh, should I?” he said with a smirk. “And why would I do something like that?”

“Because you love me and you’re supposed to do things for your younger adopted sister,” I said as I sat across from him at the kitchen table. Caleb sat back in his chair with a pondering look on his face. More to tease me than anything.

“All right, but it has to come back before morning,” he winked. Was he being serious right now. Did he actually make a suggestive comment with my mother in the room. Before I could do or say anything he threw his keys at me and left the house, leaving me with my mom and slightly red in the face.

“So,” Mom started, carrying a basket over to the table. “I just happened to ask Jessica what she likes to eat this morning while you were sleeping.” She sat the basket on the table in front of me and I looked inside to see that she had gone ahead and made a shit load of food for us.

“Oh, wow. Mom, you didn’t have to do that,” I said, genuinely shocked that she’d gone through the trouble. Honestly I just figured me and Jess could pick something up somewhere while we were out.

“Well, I wanted to,” she said, dismissing me with a wave. “Besides, I know that a simple apology doesn’t excuse what I’ve done. I’m going to do exactly as I told you and be supportive so you might as well let me do it.”

“Thanks, mom,” I smiled. I was becoming more and more convinced that my mom was truly sorry for how she’d been all these years. Of course it didn’t erase the things she did but I appreciated her effort more than she’d ever know.

Mom simply squeezed my shoulder and said she was going out to go see what dad was up to at the barn, leaving me alone in the kitchen. I decided to go see how much longer Jess would be since it was now going on five o’clock and I was in desperate need of the shower as well.

The house was quiet as I climbed the stairs, the slight creaking of the wood the only noticeable sound. As I walked down the hall toward me room though, I could suddenly hear Jess speaking in a hushed tone from the other side of the door. When I opened the door I saw her visibly jump at my appearance and quickly tell whoever was on the other end of the line that she had to go.

“You okay?” I asked, noticing her flushed appearance. She’d obviously just gotten out of the shower so it could have been from the hot water of course. There just seemed to be something, well, off about her expression.

“Yep, fine. I was just speaking to my mum,” she said. I knew she was lying obviously. We’d been together long enough that I could tell easily enough but I didn’t push it. If it was important enough for me to know then I suppose she’d tell me.

“Okay, well I’m just gonna go shower and then we’re going out,” I told her as I started stripping down on the way to the bathroom.

“Where are we going?”

“Well, that would ruin the surprise, wouldn’t it?” I said teasingly before entering the bathroom and shutting the door behind me. I laughed as I heard what sounded like a pillow hit the door as I shut it.

 

****

 

About an hour later, Jess and I were in Caleb’s truck heading down the dirt road toward our destination. We actually weren’t really going to be leaving the property tonight but I didn’t tell her that. There wasn’t much of anything said actually as Jess gripped my hand that wasn’t on the steering wheel.

“If I didn’t know any better I’d say my driving made you nervous,” I remarked at the steel-like grip she had on my hand.

“Do you honestly have to go so fast?” she said, never taking her eyes off the road for a second.

“I guess I don’t have to,” I smirked, slowing down slightly. It was more a habit really. Besides, I knew these roads better than anything. I heard Jess let out the breath she must have been holding as she loosened her grip on my hand slightly.

“Does the radio in here work?” Jess asked. I just shrugged and told her to try it. Of course when she turned it on it started playing some generic as hell George Strait CD that Caleb had been listening to last. I guess it was a good thing we were almost there. I know it’s blasphemous of me to say but I actually can’t stand country music half the time. Regardless, I still sang along to “Baby Blue” as it played through the speakers, Jess laughing at my knowledge of every single lyric as it played.

I finally spotted the turn off and drove off the road and onto the grass, Jess shooting me a disbelieving look as I did. I continued driving a few miles across the field until we were no longer in sight of the road or anything really. I quite literally brought us to the middle of nowhere but the view of the sunset was perfect from here. I was pleasantly surprised that it looked like the grass had been cut recently so I couldn’t have to worry so much about whatever wanders through the grass at night.

“We’re here,” I announced as I cut the engine off and reached behind Jess’s seat for the basket and blanket I brought with us.

“Erm, where exactly is ‘here’?” she asked.

“We actually haven’t left my parents’ property,” I said with a laugh. “This is just a field we don’t use for anything other than picnics or large family gatherings.” I got out of the truck and went over to the other side to open Jess’s door for her. “Coming?” I said, holding my hand out to her, the basket and blanket were both tucked securely under my other arm. She smiled and grabbed my hand before hopping out of the truck. Now the only thing left to do was find a reasonable flat spot.

 

****

 

We did eventually find a spot to spread the blanket over the grass and enjoy the food my mom had made. Jess loved it especially since it was all things that she liked specifically. I suppose we knew who the favorite was here.

We were currently sitting on the blanket together, the food already gone and put away. The sun was just starting to set across the horizon causing the sky to appear painted in shades of red and purple in some places. I saw on the blanket, reclined back slightly with my hands propping me up. Jess was sat in between my legs with her back leaned against me, her head tucked under my chin and her arms resting on top of my thighs. I sighed in content at how perfect everything was right now.

Once the sun had set completely leaving only a small amount of light to see by, I laid down completely. Jess moved so that she was next to me and cuddled up against my side.

“I was serious about us moving to the countryside, you know,” Jess said as she laid against me, her head resting on my chest. My arm was wrapped around her as I idly drew shapes on her upper arm with my fingertips.

“That’s quite a ways from the airport,” I pointed out.

“I know but it wouldn’t be that bad. Plus, think of the privacy. No more hiding indoors all the time…”

“Okay. But what if we buy a house together and months later you realize you hate living with me? What if one day I organize the closet wrong or mess up your kitchen?” I countered half-jokingly.

“I love you enough to overlook those things. Trust me.” I felt her smiling against my chest as she spoke. I didn’t say anything to that and instead moved my hand from her arm and ran my fingers through her hair, moving any stray strands away from her face. It was silent for a while, and I mean completely silent. The sun had gone down by now and there was only the occasional breeze rustling the grass around us. I laid there and stared up at the sky, watching the stars slowly make their appearance. I almost thought that Jess had fallen asleep until she spoke suddenly.

“Can I ask you something?” she said, sounding timid.

“You can ask me anything,” I reassured her. She reached over to hold my free hand and started to play with my fingers nervously as she voiced her question.

“Do you think you’d ever want kids?”

The question took me off-guard, I won’t lie. It took me a few seconds to gather my response but I honestly had already put some thought into it before and I knew what my answer would be.

“If it’s with you, I would love to have kids,” I told her. Jess turned in my grasp to look up at me, probably to make sure I was being serious. Of course I was indeed very serious.

“Really?” she said, a smile making its way across her face.

“Absolutely. Maybe not now obviously but I think you’d be an amazing mother,” I said honestly. I knew exactly how much Jess loved children. You could just see it when she interacted with them and in the way she’d talk about her niece and nephews. “How many do you want?” I asked out of curiosity.

“Hmm I was thinking we could adopt two and maybe have two of our own,” she said. Somehow I think she may have been putting a lot more thought into this lately than I have.

“Four? Okay, I was thinking more along the lines of one or two,” I laughed which resulted in a pout from Jess. “You know if our kids pick up that pout we’ll be done for,” I said as I gently kissed her lips. Jess turned around completely then so that she was now next to me propped up on her elbows.

“So how many boys and how many girls?” Jess asked. I looked upwards for a second as I pondered my answer.

“I don’t know. Maybe the oldest could be a boy and three younger girls?”

“So you do want four kids?” she smirked.

“That’s not what I said,” I insisted. Although that was indeed, exactly what I just said.

“If you say so,” she said smugly as she laid back down beside me. “I love you, you know.”

“I love you too,” I answered. I rolled over so that I was hovering above Jess and gently captured her lips in mine. Our lips moved in sync as I deepened the kiss while I felt Jess’s hands grip my waist. I moved so that I was straddling her and my forearms rested at either side of her head, my fingers getting entangled in her hair as our kiss continued, increasing in intensity as time wore on.

My hands eventually moved down toward her waist and grasped the hem of her shirt. I played with it for a few minutes before I ran my fingers up her sides in an attempt to work her top up higher. When I moved my lips to her jawline and attempted to work my way down, Jess suddenly stopped me.

“Elena, don’t,” she whispered, sounding slightly breathless.

“What?” I said, shocked that she’d stopped me all of a sudden. I moved back up so that I could see her face, and in the faint moonlight I could see tears falling down her cheeks, leaving glistening trails across her face. Propping myself up on one elbow, I used the thumb of my free hand to wipe her tears. “What’s wrong?” I asked gently.

“I don’t know I just—I’m scared,” she said quietly.

“What are you scared of?” I asked her, almost fearing her answer. Had I done something wrong?

“What if you have another flashback? What if something happens and all your progress would be for nothing? I can’t bear to see you like you were before,” Jess said brokenly.

It’s funny how you sometimes forget how the things you’re going through can affect the people you love. I may have developed the flashbacks and panic attacks but it seems watching me go through them had been affecting Jess a lot more than she let on. Or rather, a lot more than what I noticed. I’ve put Jess through so much these last few months and I hadn’t even had the will to show her how much I loved her.

“I’m sorry for putting you through all that,” I told her as I gently stroked the side of her face with the back of my hand in an attempt to comfort her. “But I promise, I feel fine now. And I know I’ve taken you for granted these past few months and I’m sorry for that too. I never thought about how everything might have been affecting you.”

“I don’t want you rushing into anything just for my sake, Elena.”

“I’m not, okay? I promise you I feel fine and I feel confident enough to put everything else behind me. I promise I won’t ever put you through something like that again,” I said sincerely. I raised my hand and held out my pinky, waiting for her to link hers with mine. I got a smile out of her just as I expected as she locked her pinky with mine.

 

I kissed the back of her hand before dropping our joined hands and pressing my lips to hers once again. I worked my way down toward her neck and as I felt her pulse quicken under my lips and her hands gripping my waist once again, I knew that from now on, we’d be okay.

 

A/N  Sometimes I like to use songs to foreshadow. Okay bye.