Chapter 45

“What do you mean you haven’t been completely honest with me?” I said worriedly. My heart was racing at the thought of what her answer might be. This was really the worst time to have this conversation and I suddenly regretted confronting her about all this now. This withdraw symptoms had me feeling so anxious and irritable that I had no doubt that any of the scenarios I was picturing in my head would shatter me.

“Elena, I need you to try to stay calm, okay?” Jess said gently. Her fingers started rubbing circles on the back of my hand in an attempt to be comforting. It was hardly working.

“Just tell me whatever it is that you’ve been keeping from me,” I said, struggling to keep my voice steady.

“Okay, look,” she started quietly. “A few weeks ago I started receiving these really weird letters in the mail. They were just really threatening at first and I had no idea what it was about. So I just kept them hidden away for a while. But then the texts started coming…”

“Texts? How did someone get your number?” I asked worriedly. I didn’t know where Jess was going with all this but she was scaring me. I didn’t understand how she could keep something like this from me.

“I don’t know. That’s when I called my management about it,” she said. “They got the police involved so I wasn’t overly worried for a while but then the texts started up again a few days ago. They mentioned you.”

“Me?”

“They started mentioning you and that’s when I put two and two together.”

Jess trailed off from there, like she was afraid to go on. Her gaze dropped to our hands for a few minutes and I sat there, just waiting for her to continue speaking.

“It’s Tamra. She’s been let out of jail,” she said hesitantly. That fucking name never failed to send a tightening to my chest. I don’t know what I was expecting Jess to tell me but it wasn’t this. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, Elena. I just didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Oh, you didn’t want to hurt me?” I laughed humorlessly. “So instead of telling me that we’re being threatened by the woman who raped me you make up some bullshit excuse and try leaving me here? Makes sense because that didn’t hurt me at all,” I said sarcastically, letting go of her hand then. I was pissed and I thought I had good reason to be upset with her.

“Elena, I was just trying to protect you. I didn’t think things would escalate the way they have.”

“And what did the texts and letters say?” I asked, crossing my arms as I did.

“A lot of death threats. Mostly toward me,” she sighed.

“For fuck’s sake what happened to us being honest with each other and not keeping things from one another? Because if I’m not mistaken, keeping secrets is what fucked everything up in the first place,” I raged, getting up from the bed to pace the floor.

“I don’t know what you want me to say. I know I fucked up and I know I was wrong to not tell you. What more do you want from me?” she said, sounding nearly on the brink of tears. I, however, was way too fired up to listen.

“I can’t believe you could be such a hypocrite, Jessie!” The words came out of my mouth before I could stop them. I saw Jess’s jaw visibly clench as she registered what I had just said.

“I don’t ever want to hear you call me ‘Jessie’ again. Fuck you, I’m going for a walk,” she said in a low voice. I couldn’t do anything but stare as I watched her stand up and leave the room. I didn’t even bother going after her. Instead, I sat back down on the bed with my head in my hands trying to get a handle on everything I was just told. Jess and I were finally perfect again and this bitch has to come back and fuck it all up. It was like I’d never be able to escape her. It was impossible.

I ended up just laying back in bed. The dizziness was coming back now that I wasn’t worked up from that argument and I just needed it all to stop for a while. I think I managed to doze off for at least a little while before I heard a knock at the bedroom door and then the sound of the door clicking open. Expecting it to be Jess, I turned around immediately but was instead met by Caleb who walked over and sat on the edge of the bed.

“You all right, sis?” he asked. “I haven’t seen you all day and Jess didn’t look too happy when I saw her earlier.”

“No. We had an argument and I’m feel like shit in general,” I mumbled.

“You wanna talk about it?”

I stared up at him then. It just occurred to me that nobody knows what happened to me while I’ve been living in London. Caleb was the first person here that I would trust with anything so with minimal reluctance, I started telling him the entire story from the day I arrived in London to now.

******

“I’m sorry you had to go through all that shit,” Caleb said sometime later. By now I was sat up in bed with Caleb crying my eyes out over everything which is not what I intended.

“I know this sounds crazy but finding her was worth all the shit I had to deal with,” I said through the tears. “I love her so much and I can’t believe I was such a bitch to her earlier for doing the same thing I did a few months ago. I’m so fucking stupid.”

“I’m sure she’ll forgive you. I know she loves you too.”

“She didn’t even react that badly when I told her the whole story of why I kept things from her. She never even got mad at me afterward and I just treated her like she’d committed some crime. I don’t deserve her,” I went on.

“She knows you didn’t mean it. You’re just both a little upset and you need space. It’s completely normal. I actually think you’ve rubbed off on her a bit. I’m surprised you let her take Scout out,” he said.

“She was just riding him around in the little ring,” I shrugged. “She had fun anyway and despite the dog I thought it went well.”

“Right but I meant today,” he said. I looked up at him then in confusion. I didn’t have a clue what he was talking about. I haven’t even been out of the room today.

“What do you mean today? I haven’t done anything today.” Caleb furrowed his eyebrows at that. I don’t think we were on the same page at all here.

“You do know that Jess came down to the barn and asked to ride Scout earlier right?”

“Excuse me? No!” I jumped up and quickly began looking for my shoes. “What the hell, Caleb? Why did you let her go alone?”

“She just said she was going to the back field and she’d come straight back. I didn’t think it was a big deal,” he defended.

“She’s a fucking beginner Caleb!” I yelled as I got my things together. I grabbed my phone just in case and ran down the stairs, Caleb right behind me. When I opened the front door I discovered it was dark. No, it wasn’t night time. There was a fucking storm brewing. Of course there was. Caleb offered to drive us to the back field but I refused. I knew she wouldn’t be there. I knew exactly where she would have gone and that’s what filled me with even more panic. I had him drive me to the barn instead.

“I’m taking Flash to go find her,” I explained as I took Flash out of his stall. “I want you to stay here just in case I need to call you or anything happens, okay?”

“Are you sure that’s safe? I mean Flash—“

“Please just shut up and do it,” I said desperately as I threw the saddle on Flash’s back. He wasn’t his normal jittery self today as it seems he sensed the serious atmosphere. Caleb didn’t argue the matter as he helped me on.

“Please just be careful, Lena,” I heard him call as I rode out of the barn. I yelled back but I doubt that he could hear me over the wind blowing. I pushed Flash as quickly as possible across that back field. If it wasn’t for the serious situation it almost would have felt like I was back in time, running horses through dangerous courses to win my parents money. My instincts took over as I reached the indentation in the woods and maneuvered Flash through the winding trail. The rain was coming down now in unforgiving torrents. I could barely see a few feet in front of me but both Flash and I knew exactly where we were going.

The first time I felt Flash’s hooves slip from under him was when we reached the incline. I managed to hold his head up and help him stay on his feet and he pushed on as soon as he regained his footing. We climbed the muddy incline as fast as we could safely and when we reached the top I was met by something shocking. Flash came to a dead stop as soon as he saw the ledge that had crumbled away in front of us. My heart was in my throat now as I started screaming Jess’s name, hoping to hear her call back. There was nothing but the howling wind and the sounds of the rushing river below us, made more powerful by the heavy rain.

Carefully, I urged flash to jump over the missing ledge and quickly rode him down the other side of the incline which I knew would lead is right down to the river. He slid almost the whole way of course but this is what he was trained to do. I knew he could handle it. Once we reached the bottom I dismounted, slinging Flash’s reins over a stray tree branch so that he’d stay put. That’s when I started screaming Jess’s name again. The roar of the river was so loud here I doubt that I would have been heard. I started looking around when I noticed something standing in the middle of the shallowest part of the river. The part with all the sharp rocks.

To my horror, as I got closer I realized it was Scout standing in the river with his head down. I tried to keep from panicking as I made my way into the river, ever mindful of the current. The rain made Scout only seem like a silhouette before but now that I was closer I could make out details. There was blood everywhere. It was running down his face and sides and I was hoping more than anything that the rain was making it seem worse than it was. I finally reached him and it was then that I saw the human shape draped over a rock right near where his head was down.

“Jess?!” I screamed in panic. I reached her and carefully turned her over to see even more blood than Scout had. She was unconscious and completely pale. I pressed the side of my face to her chest carefully to find that she was thankfully still breathing but barely.

“Fuck,” I cursed under my breath as I struggled to get my phone out. My first call was to 911 which resulted in the operator telling me they would send a helicopter to my location. Caleb was my second call to let him know what was going on and that he needed to come get the horses but that conversation was brief. I couldn’t move Jess at all because of the risk of broken bones, which I was fully expecting. I’d busied myself with speaking to her even though I knew she couldn’t hear me. Despite the somewhat warm air, the river was absolutely freezing. Jess’s lips were already starting to get a bluish tinge to them and I prayed for the helicopter to get here soon. In the meantime I tried to stay as close to her as possible.

It felt like an eternity before I heard the sounds of the helicopter coming increasingly closer to us. You would think I’d be on the verge of a complete mental breakdown but I felt strangely calm. Which I was glad for. I needed to be stable to help Jess. Most of all I just needed to believe that she was going to be okay.

Please be okay.