*𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟟𝟘

-나는 그들의 것, 그들의 내 꺼야-

"so areum, what are you thinking about studying after high school?" changkyun, the man i had been speaking to for the last few minutes asked me.

he was a nice man. he was devilishly handsome and he had a charm to him. so far the conversation had been about how happy we were for sana and tzuyu. i may not know them very much, but i'm glad they decided to spend the rest of their lives with each other.

changkyun on the other hand, said he has known them for centuries, he said they are meant for each other, he said they always seem to drift towards each other and they seem miserable when they're apart.

my face was still puffy from all the unnecessary crying from before and my nose was still sniffling. crying won't help the situation.

"um, i honestly don't know," i chuckled a little, "when i was younger i danced ballet and i thought i would be a professional ballet dancer, but i lost interest in it, and now i don't really know," i scratched the back of my head and grabbed my forgotten scarf again, placing it around my self.

"you could always go into art," mingyu said from beside me. he had his hand around my slim waist and he was drinking red liquid from the glass in his hands. it wasn't wine, that's for sure.

i might not be around for it.

i might not be around to go to college.

"you any good at it?" changkyun drew my thoughts away with his question.

i was going to answer his question, but mingyu interrupted me before any words could come out of my mouth.

"she painted a phenomenal painting of me. it was a stunning portrait, i even hung it in the mansion," he bragged about my skill to the older man in front of us.

his words were true. mingyu insisted on putting the painting up in the library at the house. he wouldn't take no for an answer.

"she could definitely go into a career of art," he smiled brightly at me.

i chuckled awkwardly at his compliments.

it is quite rare to get such high compliments from anyone, i wasn't sure how to react.

"but, i don't know if i want to build a career on art," i explained. i looked down at the glass of water in front of me, like it was the most interesting thing in the world. "maybe finance or maybe i'll be a dentist or something," i sighed.

"i have no clue really," i smiled of my uncertainty and looked back at the people on the dance floor. they seemed to be having the time of their lives together.

i felt like i was giving him false hope for the future. they don't know what could trigger my transformation to selene; they probably think it would be something that kai could say, or something i ingest. i might not have a future with them and i felt like i was promising something i can't possibly ensure.

i couldn't take it.

"um, i have to go to the bathroom, excuse me," i shyly stood up from my seat and excused myself, bowing to changkyun before i left. "be back quickly," mingyu called out from afar.

🌷

blaargh~

that was the sound of my insides turning out.

i crouched down at the toilet's level and threw up without thinking.

i had become nauseous because of my nerves.

people react differently when they're nervous. some get sweaty, others get fidgety. most of the time for me, i get fidgety. but in rare occasions, i throw up.

that's when i know i'm reaching the limit to what i can take.

all that lying, all those lies, i told mingyu, hurt. it felt like i was hurting him and all of the others with the false hope of a future.

blaargh~

again.

another wave of vomit.

"my life's messed up," i chuckled bitterly as i sat down on the dirty tile of the public bathroom.

"you're not pregnant, are you?" a sudden voice rang out.

pregnant?

no way in the world.

i chuckled at the thought of having another human in my body.

"no," i laughed, a little pained from throwing up and being miserable. i gradually stood up from the bathroom tile and opened the door, flushing the toilet on the way out.

"i thought this was the ladies bathroom," i walked to the sink to wash my hands.

"after existing for so many years, you stop caring about where you should be," he chuckled at my words.

"so are you?" he asked again.

i looked down at my soapy hands that were soaking under the running water, a little lost in thought.

"no, don't worry," i mumbled.

i'll probably never lose my virginity at this point, i sulked.

"you sure? you're married to very lustful men," he said casually.

i did a double-take at his words. what is he talking about married? i mean- i know they're horny, but what do you mean married?!

his words sent butterflies up my stomach. he thinks i'm married to them.

i looked down at the ring on my ring finger. that's what everyone probably thinks.

the idea of being married to them made me nervous. not a bad anxious nervous, but a good kind of nervous. a kind of nervous you get when you're expecting a package and you're excited about finally opening it. a kind of nervous you get when the person you love makes you blush.

that kind of nervous.

i felt the heat rise in my cheeks.

"e-excuse me?" i closed the water faucet as i looked at him, "in december, at the big party kai held. they said you were married to them," he looked confused at my reaction

"oh... oh! yeah, sorry," i chuckled nervously.

i had forgotten they said that. for everyone to keep from attacking me, they had to make them believe that i belonged to them.

again, i felt the butterflies rise in me.

from the corner of my eyes i could see him raising his eyes at me.

"no, i'm sure i'm not pregnant," i chuckled, nervous if he would believe me or not.

i wonder what it would be like though, having a baby in me, having new life in me. i'm sure it would feel wonderful.

ever since i was little, i had this image of what my life would be like in the future, well, what i wished for it to be. i would be married by twenty and maybe have my first child at twenty-two. clearly, life didn't end up that way.

i've always romanticized the idea of being pregnant and the idea of being married to someone i trusted.

i now know that's probably not going to be an option for me.

i might never get the chance to bear a child...

or be a mom...

he hummed and looked at me again.

"then why were you throwing up?" he raised his eyebrows again at me.

because i'm lying to them.

i'm lying to all of them.

"i probably just ate something bad," i dismissed his question as gracefully as i could with a polite smile on my face.

"mm, that makes more sense," he hummed, "now that i think about it, a vampire can't get a human pregnant," he chuckled at his previous words.

"they can't?" i muttered and he nodded.

at least i know i won't need condoms.

"w-why are you here?" i tried to change to subject. i fixed the scarf around me again, wrapping it around myself, like a comfort blanket.

"i wanted to talk to you. privately," his voice was more serious now, deeper even. he stopped leaning against the wall and walked a little closer to me.

his aura was completely different from before. before it was more relaxed, he was even laughing. now, he was intimidating and serious.

i felt myself become more afraid with every step he took, i felt my heart start beating quicker and my palms already getting sweaty.

"did they force you into this marriage?" he sounded genuinely concerned but still serious.

his words took me by surprise. how could anybody think that?

the men that took care of me when i was abandoned by my family when i was unwanted by my grandmother and father. the men that loved and cared for me. the men i love with my whole heart.

i chuckled a little when i realized what he asked, i looked away for a moment, covering my smiling lips.

"no, they didn't," i managed to say through my laughter.

i suppose he doesn't know my entire story.

he looked confused and taken aback by my laughter. he was probably expecting a different reaction, one where i confessed that they abused me and forced me into a marriage i didn't want. one where i was married to thirteen men and they shared me between themselves. he was expecting to see me break down and cry and tell him everything. that's what anyone would expect.

laughter isn't.

"look, i've known them for years and it's hard to believe that they really married themselves to an eighteen-year-old girl," he furrowed his brows, "no matter how beautiful she is," he was still serious when he spoke, not believing my words.

it was a bit of a backhanded compliment, but i understood what he meant.

it's hard to believe i suppose.

a simple eighteen-year-old would convince thirteen hundred-year-old vampires to marry her. it sounds completely impossible. even to me, and i'm the one living it in some way.

"don't stress too much about it," i chuckled, my laughter finally dying down, "they didn't compel me or anything. they were the ones that made me wear vervain," my hands instinctively reached for the necklace mingyu made me wear, the same one wonwoo gifted to me.

"they didn't force me into anything," i smiled reassuringly at him.

i needed that. it really cheered up my mood.

i walked past him and slowly made my way to mingyu's side. i completely left changkyun behind, flabbergasted at my reaction.

before i actually exited the bathroom, i heard him chuckle

"hey, what took you so long?" mingyu asked me when i sat down next to him.

"nothing, don't worry," i chuckled, still thinking about what he asked me.

i looked around at the scenery in front of me. there were people dancing under the colorful lights, they looked like they were having the time of their lives and jihyo was dancing with one of the brides, sana. they looked so happy. so beautiful.

i would also be on the dance floor if i actually had rhythm and if i was in a better mood.

if kai hadn't given me a death sentence.

i looked towards the bar and i could see soonyoung back facing towards us.

i hope he's okay.

"princess," mingyu called for my attention, "why don't we go somewhere after here?" he asked me. he had his pretty puppy smile on his face.

so oblivious to what my future holds.

"where?"

"i know a place," he smiled, "soonyoung can come as well. don't worry, i won't leave him behind," he chuckled.

i turned my head to look in soonyoung's direction, see if he's still there, that he hasn't gone away.

"yeah," i smiled, "i'd like that," i turned again and looked at his face, my hand absentmindedly going up to it and tracing his cheeks bones, down to his jawline. tracing every part of it. to his chin, my fingers running over his lips, his soft lips.

i stared at all the little details of his face, memorizing them. trying to never forget them.

i leaned in closer and softly kissed his lips once, and when i looked up to stare at his lustful eyes, i realized what i was doing.

"i- uh- tha- s-sorry! i didn't mean to do that," i scrambled to find the right words to say. but before i could lean away from him he captured my lips again.

his hand moved to my waist and the other to the back of my neck, holding me there. he teased me with his tongue, licking my lower lip asking for permission.

it was a passionate and desperate kiss like he wanted to call me his, no matter what. it sent butterflies to my stomach. i kiss him back, just as passionately, not entirely sure where this was going.

i placed my hands on his shoulders where his neck began.

and for once i felt his skin be warm.

it wasn't cold, or freezing to the touch.

it was warm, like an alive and breathing person. like he was human.

i don't know if it was the spur of the moment or maybe he was actually warm, but it felt so real.

but our small make-out session was cut short when we heard someone clearing their throat at the same table as us.

i pulled away as fast as i could and looked the other way, slightly covering my face with the scarf i had with me, trying to cover the blush that was blooming on my face.

how'd i get caught up in that, i'm usually so aware of people when i'm in public.

"ahem," shownu, fixed his collar, untying it a little. it looked like it was suffocating him. i looked at the others sitting with us at the table, they were looking around like it wasn't happening; like they were trying to find anything else to focus on .

"sorry," i mumbled as i took the glass in front of me and drank from it, embarrassed by the whole situation.

"i think i should go talk to soonyoung, or something," i whispered the second part, trying to get out of the situation.

when i turned to look at mingyu, he looked conflicted, or better said, unsure of what to do. when i looked down i realized why. mingyu looked so stiff with the whole situation.

i mumbled a 'sorry' to him before i left to the bar where soonyoung was.

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