𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟟𝟙

-나는 그들의 것, 그들의 내 꺼야-

maybe i shouldn't have kissed him

but that's hard to do when he's so captivating

when all of them are

i slowly walked towards soonyoung, keeping the scarf close to my face to hide my blushing cheeks

it's become hard for me to resist them. after they revealed their feelings and now that i understand my own

i love them

people will think i'm a slut. they're going to call me selfish and a whore

but i'm starting to care less of what people think of me

people have called me worse things

eunjung and seulgi are great examples of how people, humans, treat me. i'm sure not all of them are like that, but personally, people suck

they ostracize you, they treat you like a freak because you're the slightest bit different than them

in my case, it was because i didn't have parents or regular home life. because i don't have a blood family; but, i once read a book that said, 'the blood of the covenant is stronger than the water of the womb'. it fits perfectly to how my life is. my mother might have wanted me but my father and grandmother didn't

they were also too selfish and too greedy for money to care about me

they wanted kai's money, and that's all that mattered to them

but i'm at least grateful that my mother did want me. she wanted to see me grow up and have my own life, but she wasn't strong enough to fight for me

i don't hate them for trying to give me away for money

kai said they were desperate. that they were extremely poor

i just hope it was a difficult decision for them to make

that my life actually meant something to them before they decided to sell me to kai

"soonyoung" i whispered as i neared him

he didn't acknowledge my presence near him

so i took it as an opportunity to tease him a little

he's been teasing me since i was sixteen

i guess that's when he started seeing me differently. when he started seeing me as a woman. he started acting different and he teased me and he always found something to smirk about. i would always find his wandering hand near my shoulder or my own hand

i didn't realize why until he said he loved me

he was always like that because he loved me and i never knew until he said it. i was so dense i didn't realize it

but before i even reached where soonyoung was, my attention was drawn to a familiar man

the first person, besides the men that raised me, to be someone i cherished

"kook?" i whispered

my initial intentions of teasing soonyoung going out the window when jungkook turned around

he was at the table right beside me. he was talking to his older brothers (a/n not blood-related), a simple civilized conversation. but when i called his name, or rather the nickname i call him, he turned around

that small smile on his face that i adored, dropping when he realized it was me who called his name

"areum..." he looked away from me, his lips thinning out into a line

"can we... can we talk?" i hesitated before i spoke

he probably doesn't even want to look at me right now. but, i need to make things right with him. he deserves an explanation from me, and i have to apologize for what i did

a sigh escaping from his lips

"fine" he abruptly got up, towering over me and my small figure

this version of him is intimidating... i've seen it before but years ago

i trembled at the thought of the past

it was when i was in middle school, a boy kept following me around and if jungkook hadn't been there, i don't even want to imagine what would have happened to me. he got angry because of the boy. he was in high school and my superior, he didn't stop bothering me even though kook was there. so jungkook ended up screaming at the boy. it was the first time i was afraid of jungkook

sure he was protecting me, but he looked so scary as he did it

when jungkook stood up and started walking towards someplace more private, i looked behind him. i looked at his brothers to see their reaction. i thought i would see them with their heads turned towards us, but i was surprised when no one looked

no one except the man called yoongi. our eyes met for a second before i looked away from him in shame. shame for the trouble i caused kook. ashamed that i broke his trust

i was expecting to see anger in his eyes, but there was none. his eyes were only concerned, not a hint of anger or wrath in them

"you coming?" he said over my shoulder

"oh yes" i muttered out, flinching slightly at jungkook's words, taken out of my thoughts

as i walked, the only things i heard were the clicking of my heels as they touched the ground and the loud thumping of my heart in my chest

i no longer heard the noise the people made, i didn't hear their voices or the loud music. it felt like i was underwater and i could only hear my nervousness

when we reached an area more secluded we came to a stop

the music was no longer audible from where we were

"what is it?" his words were cold as he spoke, his eyes glued to the ground. he didn't even want to look at me

"i..." i started, "i want- i need to apologize" sighing, i stepped a little closer to him, hoping to make him meet my eyes

but he did no such thing

"i broke a promise i made to you, and you got in trouble because of it" i tried to make my voice sound as sincere and apologetic as i could because that's what i felt. along with the guilt of letting him down

"do you know what would have happened if mingyu didn't stop seungcheol?" he snapped at me

"i would have been ostracized, or worse killed!" he shouted

the anger he felt finally showed itself

"i-i know-" "no. you don't" he spat 

"you don't know anything!" he finally looked at my eyes, his were full of anger and his eyebrows were furrowed, further showing how much anger he felt

"you don't know how betrayed i felt! you promised you would keep it between us. if mingyu hadn't been there i would be dead, areum. dead!"

"you don't realize how powerful they are and how much influence they have over people. if anyone gets on their bad side, they're treated as outsiders, like someone that doesn't belong. if mingyu hadn't held seungcheol back i probably wouldn't be here!" he spoke bitterly

"i also fought for you!" i argued, "when i realized what i had done, i begged them not to hurt you! i begged and cried for you" my eyes welled up with tears. "i know i betrayed your trust. i know i hurt you and caused you trouble. but i tried! i begged them to show you mercy" i cried at him

"that doesn't change the past" he growled, "that doesn't change the fact that you broke a promise. you might not have realized it when you were younger how serious it actually was, but it was extremely serious. when i took you to that bar, i basically put my life on the line with them. they trusted me with you and i put you in danger"

"but you were protecting me from that eunjung bitch!" i screamed at him

i usually never curse, or at least try to. growing up, joshua always told me that i should talk properly and with respect to others, no matter age or superiority of the person. he said i shouldn't curse and only use formal speech

and that's how i grew up

this is one of the few times i've ever cursed and jungkook knows that

his facial expression stunned

"you shouldn't get in trouble for sticking out for me! you were just trying to make me feel better!" tears poured from my eyes as i spoke

"i know they don't see it like that. they know that you were protecting me, but they still see that you put me in danger when you brought me there" i sighed and looked down and away from him. "i was probably in more danger there. i remember the cut i got on my hand. i remember how it bled and how the other men there reacted to it. it didn't make sense until i found out what you were" i wiped away the tears as they fell

"i just want to make it up to you because i hurt you" i sniffled, my hands turning into fists and my knuckles turning white with how much force i was putting into them

i should have never told vernon

"i'm sorry"

i mumbled and walked away before i even let him answer

i apologized and tried my best for forgiveness. i can't do anything more for him. there's only a certain amount of times you can beg someone for forgiveness and that's all i've been trying to do for the last few weeks. i've called him an endless amount of times and he never answers and if he did he wouldn't even give me the chance to speak. he would give me some lame excuse as to why he can't talk and then just hang up

i wiped away the tears to the best of my ability, trying to appear like i haven't been crying

i've grown sick and tired of crying. i'm done crying! crying won't solve anything, i'm like a bratty child that cries at the smallest inconvenience

i don't want to spend these few years i have with them crying. i want to live to the fullest. i want to live the best life i have, no matter what little time i have left!

adrenaline took over my actions as i stomped away from jungkook

i walked up to where soonyoung was at the bar. the bartender had just placed a shot in front of him, but before he had the chance of even taking it in his hands i took it from him. gulping it down on one go

the hot and bitter liquid going down my throat creating heat all over my body

i coughed as it hit the back of my throat

"a-areum!" he did a double-take. he himself was drunk and pink-cheeked, but he was still sober enough to realize what i did

"what the hell?!"

i kept coughing at the unfamiliar liquid and its bitter taste

"sorry" i coughed

"why did you just do that?" his voice was still rather loud, it completely overpowered the music that was still playing behind us

the adrenaline i previously felt from the heated argument with jungkook disappeared as quickly as it appeared in me

"i was having an a-adrenaline rush- i didn't even realize what i-i was doing. sorry" my eyes widened as i looked at the small empty glass in front of me

i looked up at his face and his eyes were just as wide as mine

"i'm sorry" i muttered

"sit down and drink water" he ordered me, his expression changing in an instant to a serious one. his drunk-ish behavior gone in an instant

"o-okay" i stuttered

"i probably shouldn't have done that" i muttered underneath my breath

he signaled for the bartender, asking him for water, a hint of disbelief in his expression

i can't believe i just did that

for once my face wasn't hot from blushing at their flirty jokes or their teasing, my face was hot from the alcoholic drink

it created an unfamiliar feeling inside of me. i could feel the heat in my chest from the liquid

"i'm never doing that again" i whispered, barely audible

🌷

after the bartender arrived with the water, soonyoung forced me to drink it

and then he ordered another tall glass of water and forced me to drink again

"are you trying to flush it out of my system?" i chuckled softly

"yes" he grumbled, now angry at my actions

"sorry" i said again

"don't you dare ever do that again" he narrowed his eyes at me as he spoke

"o-okay" i nodded

-mingyu's pov-

she walked away and left me in this state...

that felt cruel

i placed my hands over my face and let out a frustrated groan

can't blame her though

i should do something about it

-soonyoung's pov-

you moron

you're underage!

i scowled as i watched her drink the glass of water i ordered for her

what's worse is that seungcheol will probably want to kill me when mingyu tells him what happened. shownu had distracted me in a conversation and i hadn't watched what was happening or where she was

i should've been more careful

still

i can't stay mad at her for long, she's still areum

the girl i love

doesn't change the fact that she took my drink when she's underage

you're too young to drink moron

i let out a sigh as my mind went wild, still not truly comprehending what she did and dreading what's going to happen when we get home

"what did kai say to you?" i muttered out as i recalled the events

"what?" she placed her glass down and put the scarf around her closet to her, covering herself as if it suddenly started snowing

"when mingyu and i were arguing, you looked spooked" i said, "you were scared. so tell me what did he say to you?" i repeated the question again

she looked at my eyes. i could tell he told her something because there was fear in her eyes

for her, her eyes really are the window to her soul. i could always tell what she was feeling just by looking at them. even when she was young

even when the others left. i could tell what she was feeling. i could tell how sad she was. but i didn't do anything about it because i was too afraid to confront her about it. scared i would see tears fall from her eyes again

but after she hurt herself, i tried to be as upfront with her as i could

"n-nothing. he didn't say anything" she muttered. her cheeks were pink from the shot she stole from me. "he's just scary to me" she muttered again, her grip on her scarf tightening

i could tell she was hiding something

but before i got the chance to ask again, i was interrupted

"we should get going" mingyu crept up behind us and placed his hands on her shoulders

"it's almost twelve" he said, a soft smile on his face as he looked down at her and she looked up at him

"yeah, we should go" i responded as i looked at the watch in my hand

when we stood up and started walking, i could feel kai staring from his table. staring intently at her

"nayeon noona" mingyu called out to her

nayeon, who was talking to jeongyeon, turned her head to the younger boy. she made eye contact with me and areum, who was holding my hand tightly

"we need to get going" he smiled kindly at her, "oh of course. i hope you guys had a good time" she smiled back

"it was wonderful" i smiled at her

we bid our goodbyes and we walked away, and still, i could feel jongin staring at us

mingyu could also sense it as he constantly kept turning over his shoulder, looking in his direction

areum's reaction to my question worried me

she completely froze up. she seemed afraid like something jongin said scared her

what did he say to her that made her react like that?

-areum's pov-

we walked towards the car soonyoung and i came in and i watched as mingyu opened and closed the door for me, "i'll leave in my car" he said to me. but before he said goodbye he whispered something to soonyoung. unfortunately, i couldn't hear them through the glass

they're wonderful men, and i love them so much. i can't live without them. i can't imagine living without them. i can't even imagine not existing by their side

i can't lose them this way. i can't lose them at all

soonyoung nodded his head and walked to the driver's seat, getting in and starting the engine without glancing at me

"i won't tell mingyu what you did. it's going to stay between you and me, okay?" he said as he placed his hands on the wheel and gripped it, still staring out at the road. he was serious and his voice was stern as he talked

"okay"

i placed my hand on one of my cheeks, they were still warm from the drink

a/n i'm trying to write longer chapters because i'm not able to post as often and school just started and i'm already super stressed about it lol

-like and comment--word count : 2895-