insomnia

"Shit Harry!" Louis yells.

"I-"

"I don't even wanna hear it. You know every single time this is going well-" Louis shakes his had but is unable to finish his sentence.

"I ruin it?" Harry sounds hurt. But he's right. Harry is the one ruining it. Maybe not on purpose,, but still.

"Why wouldn't you take them?!" Harry is still panting as Louis asks, trying not to get completely mad.

"I hate them! I fucking hate how they make me feel!" Harry starts yelling back, but not in an aggressive way, Louis isn't scared. Harry's just letting out his feelings.

"Make you feel like what?" Louis is really trying to understand him.

"I feel so numb, like I can't even feel that I'm numb. I just don't feel!"

"That means that they are fucking working!" Louis starts yelling again. "Are you out of your mind? That's what the meds do, make you more stable."

"I feel like shit." Louis doesn't answer. He stares at the wall behind Harry. Why would he do this? He felt so much worse when he didn't have his medication. Louis' dick isn't even hard anymore, but atleast he doesn't regret the sex.

"Whatever. You need to take the meds. You were impossible earlier. Do you remember all the shit you did or do I have to listen 'em all for you?" Louis reminds trying to make Harry understand what this does to him. Harry avoids eye contact with him.

"I do take my meds for the psychosis." He mumbles.

"Can you just take them? What about if you take lower amount than you're supposed?" He tries to compromise.

"Fine." He nods. Louis sighs and gets out of the bed. "Where you going?"

"Getting some aspirin and gonna take a shower." He answers as putting underwear on. Harry gets up too and tries to follow Louis. "Can I just-" He almost yells. He takes a breath and continues. "Can I just take a minute to myself?" He says calmly. Harry nods and sits down.

Louis nods back and leaves the room. He is so fucking pissed off again. I mean,, it's not like he's perfect or anything but Harry is just sometimes very, very difficult. Once again he feels like he wants to call Liam. Rage how Harry annoys him. But no. He doesn't want to use him like that, like Liam said.

He takes out the aspirin from the kitchen cabinet and pours himself a glass of water. The beer in the fridge is tempting him. He takes the med and stays in the kitchen for a while. The feeling gives in and Louis takes the can, hoping that Harry won't find out.

He hangs out in the downstairs drinking the beer before getting up to bathroom number one since, well, it's the furthest one from Harry's bedroom. He closes the door behind him but doesn't lock it, just in case.

Getting in the shower after a night out feels great. One of the best feelings actually, if Louis wouldn't have this fucking headache. He turns on the shower and waits for the warm water before getting in. His eyes closed, he takes a minute to calm down and relax. He tries to think about something else than work or Harry but right now it feels impossible.

He's all caught up on his own thoughts as something behind Louis touches his back and he jumps, almost yells like a little girl. But turning around, he notices Harry.

"What are you-" He tries to ask but Harry hushes him and covers his mouth. Harry gets down on his knees and straight up takes Louis' cock into his mouth. Louis moans loudly as he didn't really expect that. He puts his hands onto the walls beside him, so he won't fall.

After coming, which didn't take long, Harry gets up and Louis tries to breathe normally.

"I'm sorry." Harry apologizes.

"That was your apology?"

"No. I had to make you happy before I apologize."

"You're one annoying fuck." Harry looks hurt and confused at the same time but doesn't say anything. "Now I can't play mad at you!" He continues. Harry smiles and kisses Louis on the mouth.

**

"So.." Louis questions. "Can I go?"

"One more thing." Craig says scrolling through his papers. Louis waits him to continue. "You're with,, Harry again?" Craig asks after finally lifting his head.

"Y-yeah?" Louis isn't quite sure is he going to regret answering honestly but he didn't have time to think about it. This really came out of the bush.

"Okay." He nods and smacks his lips together. "I just wanted to say that I support that." Louis' jaw drops. Did he hear him correctly? "Of course I won't ever like that you two will be in public together, but you know.. He makes you happy." He shrugs.

"Mmh." Louis isn't sure what's the catch. He waits to Craig to continue.

"Now that's all." Craig confirms and gets back to his papers. Shocked Louis walks out of the office and gets to his car. He immediately calls Liam and puts the phone on speaker as he starts driving.

"You have no fucking idea what just happened! I was just hanging around at work and-"

"Louis." He hears a woman's voice.

"Huh?" Louis pauses. "Maya?"

"Yeah.. Um Louis, don't freak out please. But I'm in the hospital right now, Liam is in a surgery." Louis presses the brake as fast as he can in the middle of the road. He feels like his heart just popped out.

"What? Wh-What happened, why?" He questions trying to catch his breath.

"He looked like he was having a heart attack, I called 911 and finally in the hospital they said he had something wrong with his kidney. He has been in that surgery room for couple of hours." Maya cries out. She sounds so hurt, she must be.

"Jesus Christ,, is he going to be okay?"

"I hope so Louis." Maya's voice is getting more teary.

"Okay, okay, I'm coming there right now, do you need anything? Something for Liam?"

"Get me hoodie? It's kind of cold."

"Yeah, of course. I'll be there in a sec."

Louis takes a breath before getting back to driving.

**

Louis spent the whole day and night at the hospital with Maya. Liam survived. He's still unable to stay awake or talk in the matter of fact but he's going to be okay. After Liam got out of the surgery, Maya didn't take even a minute to get away from him. Louis once in a while went to buy coffee or snacks from the wending machines but otherwise he pretty much stayed with them. Finally after midnight when Liam's heartbeat was back to normal, Maya made Louis go home.

At this point he realizes that he left his phone in the car. He's too fucking tired to go back home to Harry to have a fight. He's just- Not now.

Where the hell is he supposed to go? If he goes back to "his place," well,, he knows how's it going to end. His phone on the passenger seat blings.

Max Highfield

"Louis, please give me another chance. I know I gave you more than a second chance. Could you even text me back?"

No, no, no, no...

No this was the worst time. Louis keeps fighting the urge to call Max. He knows that Max did him wrong, but he also knows that Harry and him did Max wrong. It's a fair game, isn't it?

Louis keeps scrolling through his phone, deciding if he's gonna answer. Louis has over 25 missed calls from Harry and countless texts. They just make Louis feels worse so,,, he calls Max.

"Louis?"

"Hey." Louis answers nervously.

"Jesus, I-I didn't expect you to call me? Why are you awake?"

"I'm gonna be honest with you Max." Louis takes a breath. "I need a place to sleep, just for tonight. I don't mind talking to you, but I don't wanna sleep with you. Will that be okay?" Louis tries to sound confident, but the line goes silent. He almost speaks again until-

"Alright then. You're welcome whenever."

"Okay." Louis waits in the silent for a second before stopping the call.

The 45 minutes goes fast. Before he even noticed, he's in Max's yard. Confidentially he turns off the car and gets outside. Louis isn't sure if the door is open, or if he's even welcome by just walking in so he rings the doorbell. Max is wearing pajamas which looks kind of adorable. He's 6 feet tall and wearing a cute lil blue and white pajama. Louis smiles a little.

"Come in." Max says and opens the door for him.

"Nice outfit." Louis bullies and takes off his shoes.

"Hey c'mon! You know I don't like sleeping even half naked." Max defends himself. Louis can't stop smiling. He isn't even sure why, he hated that he had to come here and now he's enjoying his company? How come he suddenly forgot what Max did to him? Max isn't the type of rape someone, maybe Louis just made it all up.. "You want to go straight to sleep?" Max wakes Louis up from his thoughts.

"I could stay up a little. Do you have something to drink?"

"Sure, what do you want?" Max asks and points to the living room. Louis looks over and sees that Max already made the sofa so Louis can sleep in it.

"Beer?" He asks as walking to the sofa.

"Do you want it in a glass or?"

"The can is fine." Louis yells quick, hoping that Max didn't open the beer yet. He doesn't trust Max like that yet. Couple seconds later he hears Max walking behind him. He offers the drink and sits down beside him, leaving a space between them.

"So,, what you been up to?" Max asks.

**

Louis wakes up due the sunshine lighting him. He groans and gets up. For a second he don't remember where he is, but the beer cans on the floor reminds him.

He drank little bit too much again. He looks down on his body, he's only wearing underwear. Max is nowhere to be seen so Louis dresses up and fleets out of the house.

In his car, he tries to think back to the night. There is no image in his head. He just hopes that they didn't..

But now comes the worst part. Going home. Harry must be so angry. His phone has died so he can't even check has he texted him again. Thank God he they don't live far away from Max. Louis anyways probably has some alcohol still in his body, he doesn't wanna get pulled over.

The house is quiet when he enters. His heart is beating rapidly as he walks around. But he finds Harry quicky as he's sleeping on the kitchen table.

"Hey.. Harry.." Louis whispers and touches Harry's back. He flinches hard and looks around. When he spots Louis, without saying anything he stands up and pulls him into a hug.

"Jesus fucking Christ." Harry let's out and hugs him tighter. Louis prays to God that he doesn't smell like alcohol anymore. "Where the hell have you been?"

"I um,, I was with Liam. In the hospital."

"What?" Harry lets go. "What-"

"He had something wrong with his kidney, he got a transplant."

"Jesus, is he okay?"

"For now. He got out of the surgery after midnight but didn't really wake up. He's alive atleast." He explains. Maybe he doesn't have to say that he were with Max last night. Besides Harry's not mad at least yet, which quite surprised him, so better leave it that way.

"..I was so worried about you! Why didn't you call?"

"I forgot my phone in the car. I just- I didn't think about it then." Harry doesn't answer, he just stares at Louis, making him uncomfortable until he looks away. "I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it, I'm just glad you're okay." Harry assures and gives Louis one more hug. Louis hears how Harry sniffs his nose. "Are you hungry?"

"Yeah. I'm just gonna charge my phone, I'll come help you then." He says and gets out of the hug. Harry looks at Louis worried but nods and leaves to kitchen. Louis on the other hand goes to the living room and tries to get his phone to open up. He nervously cracks his knuckles and hopes he can text Max without Harry noticing.

Max Highfield

"Thank you for letting me crash there. But um, I did drink a few too many last night and I can't remember if we? You know?"

Louis puts his phone on mute before leaving to kitchen.

Harry wanted to go see Liam at the hospital so after they ate, Harry went to shower. In the meantime Louis sneaked to check his phone.

Max hasn't texted but he called. Louis stays quiet for a second and heard that the water upstairs is still running. He decided to take a risk and call him back. Max didn't answer on the first time but he picked on the second call.

"Hey, you called?"

"Yeah,, about yesterday..."

"I'm sorry, I have no idea what happened, I was pretty much blacked out."

"Don't worry about it. I didn't mind."

"So um.." Louis clears his throat. "Did we..?"

"Fuck?"

"Mmh." Louis nods even though Max can't see it.

"No." Louis lets out a sigh of relief. "But you did kiss me."

"What? Why, when?"

"Dude, I have no idea. You were the one saying you didn't want to sleep with me-"

"And I still haven't changed my mind!"

"But suddenly you're kissing me and shit."

"What did you do?"

"Stopped for a second, asked do you really want this. You freezed and I thought now it might be a good time to go to sleep."

"Oh.. So, we just made out?" Louis asks and hears steps behind him. His heart jumps out as he turns around to see Harry walking down the stairs with only towel on his waist.

"Yeah for a like a minute. But Louis nothing else happened, I promise you that." Louis hears from the phone.

"Yeah, thanks. I got to go." Louis stops the call and puts his phone down. Harry isn't saying anything, he just walked past the living room to his wardrobe. Louis swallows and follows him.

"Do you think Liam needs some clothes?" Harry asks casually.

"We could bring him something."

"Maya must be hungry, should we stop by at some take away restaurant?" Louis is confused, didn't he hear what Louis said on the phone?

"Y-yeah, sure."

"What is appropriate thing to wear? Can I just go in jeans, this shirt and some jacket?" Harry keeps asking.

"Sure, he doesn't mind." Louis says, still looking at Harry confused.

"Okay." Harry says and takes out the clothes. "I'll go change." He gives Louis a kiss on the cheek before walking past him. Louis is left there standing, staring at the wall at the end of the room.

Didn't he hear him or didn't he care? He isn't quite sure which one would be worse, Harry getting mad at Louis or giving him the silent treatment. Anyhow, Louis gets out of his thoughts and gets his stuff before leaving.

**

Even though Liam's heartbeat was back to normal, they didn't get him to wake up, they aren't sure if it's all the meds they gave him or is he in coma. But they gave him a feeding tube just in case.

Positive side, Liam's eyes react to light and his body react to touch, that's what the doctor said. But Maya is very hysterical. He isn't eating or drinking enough, he hasn't left Liam's bed even to go to the loo, before Harry made her go. Maya was gone for 3 minutes and it was the most painful time for Louis. He didn't know what to say, he didn't know if Harry knew or not, he didn't know if Harry was angry.

On the way home, Louis was driving nervously. They aren't speaking anything, the only thing they hear is the radio and couple passing cars.

"Did you drink? Last night?" Harry finally opens his mouth. Louis takes a look at Harry, who's staring straight ahead, and looks back at the road.

"I did." He admits, even though it might have been better to lie at this point.

"That's why you didn't come home for the night?" Harry continues questioning him. He turns his head to Louis and he just feels more nervous.

"Yeah." Louis grabs the wheel tighter and really tries to breath normally.

"You could've told me that."

"I didn't want to fight.. You're always mad when I drink."

"I'm not! Just when you get overboard." He protests but calmly. "Which is often..." He mumbles.

"I know."

"But you know what?"

"Mmh?" Louis takes a look at Harry again since he isn't sure what his mood is.

"I feel like drinking tonight." Harry states as they get to their yard.

"Yeah?" Louis questions as turning off the car. They step outside before Harry continues.

"I just, haven't got drunk in a long time."

"Mmh?" Louis doesn't get this. But once they're inside, Harry goes straight to the fridge. He comes back with Louis' beers and his champagne. "I-"

"C'mon. It'll be fun since we'll both be drunk." Harry says and offers the six-pack to him. Louis wants to please Harry, so he fakes a smile and takes the beers.

Harry was right. The drinking was fun when they were both drunk. At least so far, Harry has gotten more quiet. But it's always like this when he's drunk, at some point he starts crying or opening up. Guess it's time for that now.

"Mmm, I'm all out of beer." Louis states. He tries to stand up from the couch but Harry pulls him back to sit.

"I-" Harry gets out. "I wanted to ignore it. I didn't want to get my heart broken again. But-"

"What are you talking about?"

"Who did you speak with today?" Louis feels like he can't breathe. "When I was taking a shower, you spoke with someone on the phone. Who was it?" Louis can't get a word out. He's left with his mouth open, staring at Harry.

"Do you really want to know?" He finally asks. He fucked up again. He feels it. He cheated again. His eyes are watery again and Harry knows Louis ruined it.

"Yeah."

"Max." He gets out. Harry stares at Louis. He doesn't say a word, he doesn't blink, doesn't make a sound. Tears just falls out of his eyes. He looks so hurt and so disappointed at the same time. "I'm so sorry baby." Louis apologizes and starts crying too. Harry doesn't answer to him. "Please Harry, say something!" He begs.

"Did you fuck him?"

"No! God no." Louis wipes away his tears. "Please Harry, I wouldn't do anything to hurt you on purpose. You have to know that!" Harry still doesn't answer. He stares at Louis coldly, probably a hundred things going through his head.

"Okay." Harry finally answers.

"Okay? Okay what?" Louis is trying not to lose his mind.

"I need some sleep."Harry states and swallows.

"No Harry. We need to speak this thing throughly."

"What do you want me to do?" Harry is pressing his fists together.

"You're mad, aren't you?"

"Yeah, no shit sherlock." Harry's starting to get really mad, atleast showing it.

"So? Rage at me, argue, fight, throw shit at the walls."

"That's not going to help."

"It IS going to help. It's not healthy if we just leave the subject."

"So what? I stay mad at you until,, I don't even know, or we break up? What do you want?"

"What do you want?" Louis asks quietly, hoping for the first option.

"I don't know Louis. What did you do with him?"

"I-I can't remember.."

"You were that drunk?"

"Yes, please check my messages!" Louis realizes and searches his phone. He opens the conversation between him and Max to Harry. He looks at the phone and back at Louis.

"So?" Harry shrugs. "What about the phone call?"

"He said,, that we made out for like a minute. I just, I can't remember it."

"Maybe you shouldn't have gone there in the first place..."

"I know. Believe me, I know, I regret it so, so much. You have no idea. Please Harry, please believe me." Louis cries out.

"I don't know what to say."

"I love you Harry."

"I wish I wouldn't have spoken about this." He says and gets up. He walks to the stairs and almost trips. Louis is left alone in the living room. He can't believe he did that. Why would he kiss him?

But,, what if he didn't? What if Max lied to make him come back for him?

He takes out his phone to call Max since he really can't write texts correctly when drunk.

"Hey Louis."

"There is no fucking way that I kissed you. No fucking way."

"But-"

"No way. Unless you kissed me first."

"Louis, where is this coming from?"

"Admit it, admit that you lied."

"Why do you care so much?"

"Because- Because I do. I wouldn't kiss you after what you did to me!"

"I apologized for that."

"An apology won't fix a sexual assault."

"That's what you think it was? A rape?"

"It was a rape! I told you no a million times, and I was blackout drunk."

"...I kissed you first." Max admits after being quiet for a minute.

"I knew it, I fucking knew it. Jesus Christ, what happened then?"

"You just, you froze. I asked if you were okay, you didn't answer and I just,, left you there."

"Why would you lie about that!?" Louis yells. "You are-"

"I miss you Louis."

"I fucking hate you. I hate you so fucking much. Never contact me again." He yells at the phone and stops the call. He starts crying his eyes out, snot and tears falling down his face. His head is buried in his hands. He's a fucking asshole. He is so fucking idiot, he hates himself. He doesn't deserve to live.

But a hand behind him touches his shoulder. Harry's crying but his red face is smiling at Louis.

**

"Goooood morning birthday boy." Harry wishes as walking to their bedroom. Louis starts smiling before even opening his eyes. "I got you a present." He finally opens his eyes, finding Harry naked infront of him,, a bowtie on his dick.

"Harry what the hell?" He laughs.

"Do you like it?" Harry smiles and stares down, admiring what he did.

"Well, it's definitely something. Come in the bed with me." Harry smirks and gets on top of Louis. He pulls out the blanket but Louis stops him. "No, no, I didn't meant that,, we have to go over our plans."

"Noo! I have to give you my present!"

"Later." Louis can't stop smiling. Harry gets to the bed comfortably and takes Louis into his arms. "So, today my family, I'm not sure who all is coming but Ernest and Doris with Mark, maybe Phoebe and Daisy, Lottie has his boyfriend and their family thing."

"And they're here, when..?" Harry asks and kisses Louis on his cheek.

"After two. But we'll eat, watch some Christmas show or movie, hangout. They'll leave to the rent house in the evening so we'll have some alone time-"

"Mmh?" Harry smiles and starts kissing Louis' neck.

"And tomorrow your parents and Gemma-" He moans accidentally when Harry has his hand down on Louis' pants. "Harry!" Louis takes the hand off him. "I'm trying to iterate our plans here!"

"They're not here for another 2 hours.." Harry whispers and keeps teasing Louis.

"Two hours?" Louis panics. "No, no, no, is it that much already?" He pushes Harry off him and gets up.

"We a have a loads of time-" Harry tries to calm him but it's no use.

"Shit, why did you let me sleep this late?"

"I slept pretty much as long as you did."

"Oh?" Louis questions and takes a look at Harry as looking for a clean towel.

"Yeah, like seven hours." Louis finds himself smiling.

Harry has taken his meds, he's somewhat in a better shape than he was before. He got the diagnosis too. Louis couldn't release his album this year and got some shit from Craig because of it but it's going to be out soon. Harry and Louis got over the thing with Max, Harry trusted him. Max is out of their lives and is not coming back.

Most importantly, Liam is all good. The transplant worked and he's out of the hospital. He got to take it easy though, he got all of his concerts and interviews cancelled for couple of months. Louis and Harry promised to visit him before new year.

Louis hasn't still admitted that he has a drinking problem to Harry,, but deep down he knows. He just,, it makes him feel better, so he doesn't want to stop it. But when around Harry he tries to keep it in control.

It's not like his life is suddenly all perfect, all though with Harry it sometimes feels like it is. They have sometimes mutual fights, but they let each other to calm down before apologizing. Usually it goes like this; Louis goes take a shower, Harry sneaks in to give him a blowjob and then they apologize to each other. It's a good way,,, I guess.

And the media and public life still bothers Louis. He doesn't really want to stop music but it's not like he enjoys it like he did before. Besides he has a contract. He has talked about moving to a smaller state or even back to the The United Kingdom, but Harry says it's not going to be a good idea, and that Craig would never accept it. Louis understands it but still keeps dreaming.

"I'm going to take a shower." Louis says, trying not to smile but he's too happy. Harry nods from the bed and Louis leaves. This time, he actually locks the door behind him cause he really doesn't want to be late. He gets naked and turns on the shower. He thought that if they would've woken up earlier they could've decorated the house but I guess they don't have time now.

Harry on the outside tries to open the door and Louis laughs.

"Hey! Not fair." He shouts from the other side of the door. "Open it." He tries the knob again.

"I don't wanna be late." Louis answers.

"I can make you come pretty quickly."

"How quickly?"

"30 seconds." Harry says confidentially.

"Fuck off, don't overestimate yourself." Louis scoffs and gets back to washing himself. It's quiet for a while so Harry probably gave up. Louis and Harry have always these super scented shampoos that Harry buys. It's annoying, he has to go to work smelling like chocolate and roses or grapefruit or something. Today he had a tough decision. Gingerbread or blueberry. Just as he's taking the brown gingerbread shampoo, he hears the bathroom's door opening. Harry got the lock open from the outside.

"Harry!" Louis yells. Harry says nothing, just smirks and closes the door behind him.

"Well, well, well.. I heard someone have been naughty." Harry says imitating Santa Claus.

"Harry-"

"Who's Harry? Hm?" Harry asks raising his eyebrows and walking towards the shower. Louis.. Well he doesn't really know how he feels about the Santa thing, but Harry's just- wow. It- I mean he just broke into his bathroom,, to put up a Santa show?

"No one." Louis decided to go with it.

"I heard that you-" Harry gets closer and points to Louis with his finger. "-Have been naughty."

"How? How have I been naughty?" Louis asks making Harry panic since he didn't plan this through.

"Well, it's your birthday isn't it? You should've let people give their gifts to you, instead of going to shower. Alone." Harry explains. He's good at improvising. Louis takes a step back smiling and shaking his head.

"But Santa, I wanna get clean before my gifts."

"...That's reasonable. But I still have to punish you." Harry's all out of words and Louis knows that there's no way around this. Harry gets closer as Louis' back hits the cold wall.

"What's my punishment then?" Louis asks looking up and down Harry's body, raising one eyebrow. He has gained weight and it makes Louis happy. It doesn't matter how much he gains weight, as long as he isn't that thin like he was before.

"Get on your knees." Harry states and Louis gets down and rolls his eyes while smiling. Harry takes his hand and grabs Louis' hair. He does it again, harder, meaning it's time to do the work. Louis sighs, but he doesn't mean it like "God, I don't wanna do this," more like "I need to get ready before my family comes."

He firmly takes Harry's cock and wraps his fingers around it. Harry on the other hand closes his eyes and puts his other arm on the wall beside him so he won't fall. After jerking off a while, making sure that Harry's as hard as he can get, he finally puts his dick in his mouth. Harry gasps loudly and can't help but grab Louis' hair tighter. Louis does this thing with his tongue that Harry really, really likes and almost makes him come just by that.

"God, you're just.." He can't finish his sentence since he's so out of breath. He had his head turned up, when Louis quickly checked him out. "You're too unreal." He finally gets out, though he's still out of breath. Louis does the tongue thing again and jerks him off. "Swallow." Harry says, not asking, stating.

"It-"

"Swallow." He says again. He can't control it anymore and lets it all out. Louis finds it hot when Harry acts like that, all bossy, so being a good boy, he swallows the load. Harry takes a couple breaths while smiling and helps Louis to stand up. He bites his bottom lip and Louis can't resist kissing him. Harry smiles, trying to control it to kiss him back. He wraps his arms behind Louis' back, pulling him closer. Louis just can't resist himself anymore. Maybe he can decorate the house with the kids, or just forget it, he wants Harry too much right now.

"I want you inside me." Louis whispers after pulling away from the kiss. Harry just breaths heavily and stares at Louis biting his bottom lip. "Please..?" He asks carefully.

Apparently Harry can't resist anymore either since he takes Louis' hand and drags him out of the shower. The water was still running, and they both were all wet, but Harry just pushes Louis on the bed. Louis gets on his back, hands behind his head. Harry stares at him, mouth open admiring him. It makes Louis smile and blush. He doesn't get how Harry finds him that attractive. Harry finally gets out of his head and gets on the bed too. All the sheets are wet but Harry doesn't seem to mind. He starts kissing Louis' body starting from his thighs, moving up. Louis wants Harry to hurry. He doesn't want to wait. He's too impatient. He just wants to feel Harry inside him, he wants Harry to touch him, him to touch Harry. He makes his way up finally, to Louis' mouth. He bites gently on his lip, making him frustrated. Harry notices it and apparently decided to stop bullying him.

"From the back?" Harry asks. Louis nods and waits to Harry to get up so he can move. Harry gives him one last kiss, and another, and another, and another, until Louis starts smiling and lets out a small laugh. Then Harry gets out of the way so Louis can turn around. He turns around gets on his knees, trying to spread his legs as open as he can. Harry is so into it that he doesn't even bother to get the lube, so he tries to be careful by entering him slowly. Harry's cock thrusts on Louis' bum, not going in yet. It makes Louis so frustrated and he starts pushing his ass backwards towards Harry's hips. He spits on Louis' hole and decides to stop bullying by entering inside. Louis bites his bottom lip hard and grabs the sheets. He keeps his breath in, he hates moaning. But Harry behind him starts thrusting harder so he can't help it. He cries out, partly from pain, partly from enjoying it so much.

Louis hasn't been this happy in a long time, he just, he could stay here forever. Harry grabs Louis' ass harder, making Louis whine. Harry loves bullying Louis by making him make weird noises. Usually Louis is a lot more annoyed but now he doesn't even think about it. He pants loudly. And- well it has been a while and Harry hasn't come yet. He's finally taking his-

Just when he was about to say. He jinxed it. Harry moans as he takes a couple of thrusts harder and comes inside him. Louis is so frustrated that he just pulls Harry away and gets out of the bed.

"What's wrong?" Harry asks breathing loudly. Louis scoffs and walks to bathroom. He turns off the shower and takes two towels. Then he gets back and throws one towel at Harry, and the other one he puts over his head. He starts digging their closet, trying to find some more classy clothes. "Hey! I asked a question."

"You haven't taken your meds." He says as putting on boxers. He takes another pair and once again throws them at Harry. "I just don't understand what's so hard? Take them for the sake of your mental health." Louis complaints and pulls his black jeans on. He finds some good black t-shirt and throws it on. The fit isn't really "holiday" type of so he finds a flannel shirt to put over it.

"We have talked about this." Harry sighs and stands up. "Please don't let this ruin our day, your day." He begs and wraps his arms around Louis from behind. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before answering Harry.

"Can you take the meds now? And let me see it?" He says calmly.

"You don't trust me?" Harry questions and Louis tangles himself out of his hands. He turns around to look at Harry in the eyes, who looks like he's about to cry.

"Right now, no." He doesn't want to lie. "Atleast not about this." Harry nods regretfully.

"Okay." He almost whispers. "It's reasonable. But let me just put on clothes." He starts digging the closet too. After a while he finds some clean jeans and a red long sleeved shirt that Louis bought him many Christmas' ago. Louis tries to not smile because he's still mad Harry, but,, it's pretty cute that he kept it all these years. He coughs it away, and raises his eyebrows as 'you ready?' Harry nods. Louis walks out of the room, Harry behind him. As Louis gets to the stairs, he's- shocked?

The whole downstairs is full of Christmas decorations, even a Christmas tree. There's lights, fake gingerbreads, red and green ribbons, angels, elfs,, everything. At this point Louis can't hide the smile, it all looks so good. Christmas is really his favorite holiday.

"..You slept less than seven hours, did you?" Louis states asking, but not mad. He can't be mad after this. Harry just- amazes him. Everytime more and more.

"Almost five." He shrugs and kisses Louis on his cheek. "Merry Christmas baby."

Louis hates to make this about him but,, he doesn't fucking deserve Harry. He just- Harry does all this for him and all he does is nag about meds and all things in general. Louis feels so bad, so bad that his stomach starts hurting. Harry deserves so, so much more. Louis can't give that to Harry. He isn't enough, never will be. Louis doesn't want to break up with him, Harry would hate him forever and Louis couldn't handle that.

He can't stay here anymore.

Louis- he wants to give up. He hasn't been this self-destructive ever. But right now, giving up sounds so much better than letting Harry suffer with him. Louis makes it much harder for him. God knows where he would be if it wasn't for Louis. He would have an actual life, he could actually go outside. Now he needs to be trapped inside. He doesn't wanna leave Louis alone because Louis always fucks things up by drinking. He can't keep it in control. And the drinking isn't the only problem. Couple tears fall out of the corner of his eye.

"I love you so much Harry." He finally gets out and shakes his head, as this all feels unreal.

"Aww, baby don't cry." Harry smiles and takes Louis into a hug.

"I don't-" He's about to say but stops himself. Harry doesn't need to hear his whining after all he does for Louis. "I don't wanna lose you." He changed his sentence.

"Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere." Harry assured. But that didn't make Louis feel better. It made him feel worse. Harry wouldn't leave. He was going to suffer. "I love you too, so much."

**