depression

"Harreehhhh." Louis whispers into Harry's ear. He groans as an answer. "Get uuuupppp." He whispers again. Harry pulls his blanket over his head and turns his back to Louis. "I can give you head if you get up." He tries. Nothing comes out of Harry's mouth. He doesn't even move. Louis gets to the other side of Harry and pulls the blanket over him too.

"What's going on in that beautiful head of yours?"

"Tired."

"You have been sleeping for like ten hours!" He says but not sounding mad or aggressive. "C'mon if you get up we can still do something before El gets here." Harry finally opens his eyes.

"When?"

"Not sure. Something around 5 or 6 pm." He says and Harry closes his eyes again. Louis sighs. "Do you want me to drive you home?"

"I'm too tired to get up."

"Harry you can't stay here when Eleanor gets back, you know that right?" He assures, or more like questions. He isn't sure if Harry's aware of the situation.

"Five pm."

"If you're going to just sleep, I can drive you home." Louis gives up.

"Okay." He whispers that Louis can barely hear it.

"Okay?" He assures. Harry nods. Louis didn't mind. He had a great couple of days with him. He had fun, he's glad that they're talking again. And of course Harry is tired, he has barely slept at all. Louis proceeded to get up, and find Harry's clothes from the floor. He came back to the bed and gave the clothes to Harry under covers. Harry just started moving under the blankets. Why didn't he just stand up? Moments later he finally got up and threw the blanket off of him.

"Ready?" Louis asks.

"Phone." Harry says looking at him. Louis turns his head around trying to find it. He tries to think where he last saw it, yesterday night maybe.

"Oh it's probably in the kitchen." Louis realized. Harry gets up slowly and starts walking out of the room, Louis following him. He found the phone from the counter as Louis grabbed his car keys. The drive home Harry slept. He didn't say anything. Louis doesn't even bother to try to start a conversation.

Finally they arrive at Harry's house.

"Sorry." Harry speaks up, staring down at his lap. Louis just moves his head to look at him.

"What, why?" He shakes his head. Harry looks so vulnerable.

"I'm tired." Harry says, still staring down at his lap. Louis smiles at him.

"It's okay Harry. Go to sleep." Harry gives Louis a kiss on the cheek and leaves the car to plod back in to his house.

**

Before Eleanor came home, Louis cleaned up the place and called Liam again.

"Hey mate! How's it going?"

"Let me think. You and Harry got back together?"

"What?? No!? Of course not."

"Harry started following you on insta..."

"Well... I don't actually quite get why he did that. I was as shocked as you are." Louis lies, he's pretty sure that Liam believed him.

"Oh?"

"But,, yeah.. We're not back together." He mumbles.

"Have you seen him?"

"Nope." Louis lies again.

"Well that's just weird. So what you think is behind it?"

"I have no idea." Louis shrugs. He knows how much Craig will rage at him at work, maybe Liam knows how to help. "Just thought,,,,, when the rumours about you and Zayn got out, how did you stop them?"

"The management after you?" Louis doesn't answer, he's sure that Liam knows. "I-I guess they never went away entirely. But it helped when the band broke up, I started dating, Zayn started dating. Louis, just please, don't get your heart broken again."

**

Eleanor came home later than expected. Louis had it all planned out. He first asked Lottie's advice how to cover the hickeys, she was really good at it. (Probably had practice, Louis doesn't want to think about it.) And then he clothed one of his turtleneck shirts on, just in case. Not suspicious at all,,, hopefully. He's still fucking mad at Harry for making them, did he do them on purpose? He knows that Louis is still with Eleanor so.. It sounds crazy that Harry would be jealous. He's the one who broke up, he has a guy over all of the time.

When Louis finally heard the front door opening, he walked over to greet her. They hugged and Louis noticed that Eleanor smells like cigarettes. She doesn't smoke.

"Hey, how was the weekend here?" El asks and puts down her bag on the floor.

"Great, great. Nothing interesting really." Louis says as he walks with El to their bedroom. He's quite nervous to talk to her. "What about in London?"

"Great, lot of loves from the fam." Louis smiles but Eleanor looks unwell. She's very worried and tries to not look at Louis.

"You alright?" Louis finally asks as they were too quiet for too long.

"We need to talk."

Louis' heart skips a beat. He swallows out of nervousness and nods. Shit. He knows it's about Harry, he just knows. Eleanor sighs and sits down on the bed, Louis doing the same.

"This is hard for me to bring up..."

"It's alright, take your time." Louis reassures.

"I think, I'm not really um. God how do I say this?"

Louis waits, barely breathing. 

"I don't really enjoy sex, you know. I think I might be asexual."

"What?"

"Asexual. Someone who doesn't get pleasure from sex."

"Oh..?" Louis is more confused that anxious now. "What does that mean? Do you still wanna be with me?"

"Yes! Yes, of course. I thought you wouldn't want that."

"I mean, well. We barely have sex now." Louis shrugs. "I don't think that's a reason to leave you." This is not what he expected. Eleanor sighs, probably out of relieve and gives Louis a smile. "That's the reason you were crying the other night?" Louis asks as he realizes.

"Yeah,, kind of." She nods. "But I've thought about this. I know you can't just not have sex. So I could give you permission to fuck other people." She says nervous. "Sometimes." She adds.

"Oh..?" Louis is unsure about this. Wouldn't it be cheating?

"Yeah. I would like to know who it is beforehand."

"Yeah of course. I'm still kind of progressing this."

"It's a lot to take in. We can talk about it tomorrow more. I'm pretty tired anyways."

"Me too." Louis says and pulls Eleanor in for kiss.

"There is something else too."

Louis' heart skips a beat again. Fuck no. It can't be about Harry.

"You and Harry... What's the deal?" There it is.

"Nothing really, just hanging out." He shrugs, trying not to sound suspicious.

"Okay.. But you get why I'm asking? My boyfriend hanging out with his ex-boyfriend?" She raises her eyebrows.

That sentence made shivers go down on Louis' body. It sounded so wrong. "My boyfriend." It should be my ex-boyfriend. It should've not ever been a boyfriend. Friend. She is a friend to Louis. How come he hasn't realized this yet? Louis is gay. Not bi, not queer, not pan. He's gay.

"Right."

"So what did you two do?" She asks and Louis can't answer. He's simply unable. He opens his mouth to say something but all that goes through his head is Harry and his dick and his moans and his back full of Louis' scratches and his hair and his legs and Louis' head between them, Harry's tongue all over his body. Everything they did together last weekend was better than anything he's done with Eleanor. Louis tries to lie but he can't come up with anything. He can't say they went somewhere cause the pap's would have noticed, he truly can't say they stayed the whole weekend here. So he just stays there with his mouth open.

"Louis?"

**

Louis wakes up from the couch with a terrible headache. Last night got pretty messy, so he stayed on the sofa. They didn't really argue, Eleanor just told Louis to go to bed after he was left speechless.

First he searches his phone to text Harry. He has to make sure he's okay.

Harry Styles

"Hey hazz, all good?"

Next step is bedroom where reportedly Eleanor sleeps. He sneaks in and tries to look out if she's still sleeping. Louis still can't really believe what El told him yesterday.

"Louis?" She asks groggy.

"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you up."

"No it's fine." She says and gets up. "You wanna talk about yesterday?"

"I mean-" Louis, don't fucking freeze. You fucking know how to talk. "Sure. I'm sorry Eleanor."

"Sorry for what?" She asks sassy. Louis knows she's trying to get him to say that he cheated.

"I don't think I'm into girls." He blurts out. Eleanor looks shocked and scared at the same time. "I just, last night made me realize it. I never really liked the sex with you either. I was relieved always once it was over. That never happened with guys." Louis wants to be honest. Maybe this way it won't be a shit show. And Eleanor always appreciate being straightforward.

"Jesus Christ Louis."

"Worst timing, I know."

"To be honest, our relationship wasn't never the best, we were set up."

"Yeah." Louis sighs. "We were better as friends."

"But you did cheat on me, didn't you?"

Louis stays quiet. He can't say it out loud. It feels horrible, he wasn't the type of guy who cheats. The thing with Harry was depressing enough. He wouldn't never cheat on Harry. Never. Why won't Harry understand it was a mistake, an accident. Everyday the burden of that weights on his shoulders. He has to text Harry, he need to talk to him.

**

Couple days go by without a text or a call from Harry. Louis understands. He didn't want anything to do with Louis. A fuck. That's what Louis was to him.

Louis is trying to eat at the studio something pasta-thingy which is weirdly green. Disgusting but he's hungry. His phone rings.

"Tommo, is Harry with you?" Liam sounds worried.

"Nah, not anymore. Why?"

"He disappeared again. He missed his interview with Capital fm."

"Jesus christ. I would go visit him but I'm at work."

"Yeah and- Wait a sec, he was with you? When?"

"Last weekend. I don't even know why he wanted to stay with me." He murmurs.

"Can you just check on him when you get off work?"

"Yeah, yeah sure. Not sure he wants to see me though."

Louis stops the call and gets back to trying to figure out if the pasta is consumable. He sticks his fork in it and he swears he saw something move in there. Laura, his assistant walks in.

"Are you sure this is edible?" He asks.

"Yeah but it tastes horrible."

"Right." Louis throws it in the trash can beside him.

"Craig's looking for you."

"Why?" Laura shrugs. Louis sighs and starts to wobble to his office.

"Good luck with him." She calls out. Louis tries to slack before getting in. He takes a couple deep breaths before opening the door.

"You wanted to see me..?"

"Yes, sit down." Louis does as said. "We need to hurry up with the album. It has to be out this year."

"Alright. I can do that." Louis promises. He's actually pretty confident about it. He's in a good pace already.

"Yeah?"

"Yep."

"Great. That's all."

Louis sighs out of relief and gets up.

"We're done for the day." Craig adds. Louis nodds. Finally some good fucking news. He gets out as fast as he can so no one won't hold him back. Before starting the car he texts Harry one last time, incase he answers.

"Please answer me, I'm worried. A lot."

Louis leaves his car couple blocks away from Harry's house and runs up the rest of the way. He can't risk someone seeing his car infront of Harry's house again. Louis presses the doorbell couple of times without an answer. He starts ringing the bell repeatedly, making sure if he's sleeping, he will hear it. He waits. Fucking hell Harry. Louis goes around the house trying to find a open window. The only one is the second floor window. He's not going to climb there. He goes the around house again. The doorbell again. Nothing.

So, the window.

Louis starts to climb along the gutter, and reaches to a small roof under the window. He almost collapses but keeps his balance. Now that's how you do it the Tommo way. He's very proud of himself. Next he gets inside and he's in some bedroom? Doesn't look like Harry, so Louis assumes it's a guest bedroom.

"Harryy?" He calls out. No answer. He goes through all of the doors upstairs, why the fuck Harry needs 4 bathrooms? The second last door is Harry's bedroom. On his bed, under the covers there is a small hill. Louis walks over.

"Harry?"

"Mmh." He hears under the blanket.

"Are you okay?"

No answer. Louis gets on the bed and pulls the blanket so he can see Harry's face. His eyes are swollen, hair all messed up, smells like he hasn't had a shower in couple of days and he's still wearing the clothes he had when he left Louis' house.

"I'm really worried. You didn't answer my texts." Louis says gently.

"Mmh." Harry murmurs again, not even opening his eyes.

"Are you okay, did something happen?"

"No. Tired."

"I know you're tired Haz, but you can't just miss your interviews."

No answer.

"Do you want me to stay with you? I'll help you get ready and make some food?" Harry nods.

"Can you lay with me for a while..?" He asks whispering. Louis smiles and gets under the blanket with Harry. They are facing each other and Harry pulls the blanket over their heads. Louis gets flashbacks. Harry probably too.

"Do you wanna talk?" Louis asks. He can feel Harry's warm breath on his face. Harry shakes his head.

"You talk."

"Oh. About?"

"Anything."

Louis thinks for a while. Harry is clearly vulnerable, he has to keep the conversation light. Definitely not good time to talk about El.

"I have to finish the album this year, but I'm feeling pretty good about it. I think I'm gonna make it. I even got an idea for a new song."

"Can you play something for me?"

Louis gets his phone out of his back pocket and searches for Defenceless audio from his gallery.

"I come runnin' to you like a moth into a flame.You tell me, "Take it easy," but it's easier to say.Wish I didn't need so much of you,I hate to say, but I do.We're sleepin' on our problems like we'll solve them in our dreams.We wake up early morning and they're still under the sheets.I'm lost in my head, I'm spinnin' again,tryna find what to say to you."

"It's about me?" Harry asks confidently. Louis smiles.

"Yeah. This one too." He says and searches for the next song.

"I always said that I'd mess up eventually.I told you that, so what did you expect from me?It shouldn't come as no surprise anymore.I know you said that you'd give me another chance,but you and I knew the truth of it in advance,that mentally, you were already out the door.Never thought that giving up would be so hard,but God, I'm missing you and your addictive heart."

Harry finally smiles. The song keeps playing in the background.

"It's a good song Lou, you're very talented."

"I'm glad you like it." Louis smiles too.

"I took some time 'cause I've ran out of energy,of playing someone I heard I'm supposed to be.But honestly, I don't have to choose anymore.And it's been ages, different stages,come so far from Princess Park.I'll always need ya,in front of me, in front of me."

"Infront of me? Like we used to lay in bootcamp?" Harry opens his eyes. It's dark but Louis can see it.

"Yeah. Just like this."

Harry and Louis got up couple moments later. Louis helped Harry to get in the shower, literally. Helped him get up, walked him to the bathroom, took his clothes off, placed him down to sit under the shower and turned it on. He left Harry there in hopes he cleans himself up. Louis on the other hand goes to change Harry's sheets and to find him some new clean clothes. Then he got back in to the bathroom, to find Harry still sitting, laying his head on the wall beside him.

"Harry, you need to wash yourself." He says and puts the clothes down. Harry just murmurs something obscure. Louis sighs. "You want help?" Harry nods.

Louis undresses himself and gets in the shower, taking some body soap and shampoo before sitting down behind Harry. He first starts washing Harry's back, carefully. He doesn't want to make him uncomfortable, he must be feeling horrible already. Then Louis gets to Harry's armpits and arms. Harry still doesn't say anything. He just quietly sits there with his eyes closed. Louis gets to the other side to wash Harry's shoulders, chest and stomach. He thinks for a while before he gets to his legs cause he doesn't really wanna wash his junk. It's not a problem usually but seeing Harry like this it's just.. It doesn't feel right.

"You missed something." Harry whispers. Louis rolls his eyes.

"You can wash it yourself." Harry opens his eyes and he looks so sad. So vulnerable. Louis gives up and gets to cleaning him. Harry closes his eyes but doesn't seem to enjoy it the way he usually would. He doesn't look uncomfortable but he doesn't really look comfortable either.

After the shower time Harry gets dressed, this time on his own and they get downstairs. Harry sits down in the kitchen island counter and buries his head in his hands. Louis tries to find something even partly edible but doesn't seem to success.

"You want to order something?" Louis asks. Harry shrugs. "Pizza? Burgers?"

"Burgers, please." He barely gets out.

Louis gets out his phone and orders some cheese burgers from Uber eats. He sits down opposite of Harry, trying to think what to say.

"Harry, you know this isn't normal right?"

"Mmh." Is all Louis gets as an answer. Louis sighs.

"I think you need to go see someone. You're clearly depressed Harry."

"Mmh?"

"Like a doctor. Please promise me you'll go."

"Mm-mh." Louis took that as a yes. "When I'm not tired."

"Okay." Louis whispers, trying to hold himself together.

Harry's interview with Capital fm got rescheduled for the next week, and otherwise he's pretty free for the rest of the week. He has to go to the studio for couple of times but that's all. Harry didn't really cheer up after that but Louis got him to talk a little. But normal everyday things, he didn't want Harry to get overwhelmed. After Harry assured Louis that he will be fine, Louis left. But he promised to answer Louis' calls and texts, and he let Louis drive him to work when he needed to go, to make sure he really goes. He even gave Louis his spare key, just in case.

Back at home Louis was unbelievable tired and exhausted. Mentally and physically. It was tiring to take care of Harry as well see him like that. Eleanor was at home too. She hasn't still moved out. They're still deciding who gets to keep what, where Eleanor moves and how they do it without no one noticing. Louis is too tired to talk to her so he just gets to the guest bedroom, he sleeps there nowadays. Doesn't take long for Eleanor to get there.

"Hey." She says softly. "Where you were all day?"

"Harry's."

"Oh." Louis can hear the disappointment in her voice. He rolls his eyes. "So you two are a thing again?"

"Jesus christ Eleanor! No we're not a fucking thing. I helped him cause he was depressed, barely go out of bed! Not everything is about fucking." He shouts. Eleanor looks scared, really scared.

"Okay.. I'm sorry." She says and gets out.

Maybe Louis was a little rough. He's just too tired. He'll apologize tomorrow. Now he just lays down on the bed and falls asleep.

**

It took long to Harry answer Louis text, but atleast he did answer. Louis made sure he have eaten and taken showers, that he's hydrated.

Harry Styles

"Louis, I'm fine. If you want to, you can stay here for the night."

Louis got excited. First of all he got to get away from his house, there's a little tense atmosphere. But he would love to see Harry too. To take care of him and to see him. Louis is still at work, he'll get off in the evening. Right now he has Craig all over his back.

"Hurry up Louis."

"We don't have all of the day."

"Make sure it sounds good, not just to you."

"A mouse would write this faster than you."

"Are you even listening?"

Always criticizing. Louis tries to change perspective. He's almost always thinking about Harry when writing songs, he needs to think about something else. He has written a song about his mother, what about his sisters..? Nope. Eleanor..? That could work. He wants to make it good between them before she moves out.

**

"Harreeehh." Louis calls out when he gets inside.

"Louiiihhhh." Harry answers him. He sounds like he's feeling better. Louis walks to the living room where Harry lays on the sofa. Louis gives him a kiss on the forehead and sits beside him.

"How you feeling?"

"Better. Especially now that you're here." Louis blushes.

"So? Do you have anything planned? Wanna stay here and drink, watch some movie or go out or..?"

"I feel like I need to stop drinking." Harry thinks as Louis eyes widened.

"Really? That's amazing."

"And I don't really feel like going out yet, is it okay if we just stay here?"

"Of course!" Louis gets happy. He can't believe this really. Harry must have come to his senses. "Watch a movie, play something?"

"Scrabble. It was my favorite as a kid." Harry says and stands up to get the game from his shelf.

...

After five rounds of Louis losing, he gives up.

"Unfair! You must have had a lot of practice, I barely write my own name correctly." He complains.

"You're just a bad loser." Harry smiles and puts the game down. "Movie time." He says and opens netflix. Louis smiles and cuddles up to Harry. "A star is born!"

"Ehhhhhh boringg."

"It's not!" Harry protests.

"Fine." Louis groans. Harry excitingly starts the movie and lifts his arm so Louis can get under it and lay on his side. Louis takes advantage of the situation and places his leg over Harry's. For his surprise, Harry looks down at him uncomfortable.

"I don't want to.. You know." He says.

"Oh, it's okay." He says confused. Harry changes his mind so fast. "Mind if I still cuddle you?"

"Mmh." Harry shakes his head and pulls him in closer.

**

Louis promised to go back to Harry's as soon as he got off from work. He left to work early so he could get back early too. Harry was still sleeping when he sneaked out. Louis texted Harry a couple of times during the day but didn't get a response yet. It's fine, he's fine, he repeats to himself. He must be sleeping, or hasn't checked his phone. Craig let him leave earlier today too, probably liked the song he's writing, and Louis hasn't been much of a "trouble" for a while. Once again, Louis leaves his car couple blocks away, runs up to the house. He doesn't want to use the spare key, it's for emergencies, so he rings the doorbell. It takes a while before Harry opens the door,, wearing only his boxers.

"Louis..? You're early."

"Yeah, Craig was in a good mood. Rare." He smiles but Harry doesn't let him in.

"Right,, I just kind of thought that-" Someone gets closer to Harry from behind, and wraps their arms around Harry's waist."-You'd be here later.."

Jesus christ, it happened again. This is the reason he didn't want to fuck him yesterday. That guy behind Harry kisses his shoulders and back and Harry doesn't even look embarrassed or sorry.

"You're unbelievable." Louis says irritated and turns around to leave. This time Harry doesn't run up to him, Louis just hears the door closing. Fuck Harry and his stupid fucking games. Louis is so done with him. He angry-drives around the town before getting home. Then he angry-drinks and angry-pass outs on the couch.

"Louis?" Eleanor wakes him up couple hours later. "Why are you sleeping here?"

"Mhm passed out." He explains holding his head when he gets up. El looks worried.

"I'm moving out tomorrow."

"Oh? Already?"

"Yeah. I'll come visit though. I have to." She jokes around. They won't still break up in public. Louis tries to collect his thoughts together.

"Oh,, you have to listen to this before you go." He says and gets the old guitar from the corner of the room. El sits down on the sofa as Louis climbs up to sit on the armrest. He makes sure the guitar's strings are on point before he starts playing.

"Life gets hard and it gets messed up.When you give so much, but it's not enough.When the high's too high, and the low's too low.When you love someone and they let you go.Don't you let it-"

Louis messes up. He's nervous. He takes a deep breath and gets back to playing.

"Don't you let it kill you,even when it hurts like hell.Whatever tears you apart,don't let it break your heart.Time takes time to heal it,You can't do it by yourself.Whatever tears you apart,don't let it break your heart."

Eleanor doesn't say anything when Louis stops. She just stares at him, confused.

"It's not a song yet, I just tried to make something up. I hope you know that I'm sorry."

"It's about me?" She asks.

"Ye-yeah. Like an apology for you." Louis shrugs. Now she starts smiling.

"Thank you. Your fans are gonna love it."

**

A week passed by, no word from Harry. Louis is too stubborn to text him first, he shouldn't even be the one breaking. Harry should apologize to him. But he hasn't texted, so Louis has spent the week all alone going to work and back to his house. Louis knows he should move on, continue on his own life. It was fun while it lasted, but guess everything comes to an end.

Step one of trying to get over someone; Get drunk.

Step two, obviously; Hook up with someone.

He can do those in one night, easily. He texts his old mate, Tommy. He said he's up to some clubbing. Louis wears one of his black Adidas sweatshirts and jeans, casual.

Tommy and him decided to meet up in the bar, they kind of live faraway from each other. He's waiting for Tommy outside, Louis convinced that they have to go to a gay bar.

"What up, mate!" Tommy greets him.

"Nothing, nothing." Louis laughs as they hug. Louis leads him inside. It's a private party but Louis knew the owner so he got in.

"Can you explain the 'have to go to gay bar, need to get laid' thing? Thought you were with Eleanor?"

"Ahh, yeaahh that didn't work out. We're still together in 'public' but us pretty much over. But you remember Harry, right?"

"Nononono, not this Harry shit again!" Tommy complaints and orders some drinks.

"No but he texted me, we hooked up multiple times. One time he laid in bed for days straight, I went to help him and I literally had to wash him and help him walk cause he was in that bad shape. Then couple nights after that he invited me over to watch movie, and we actually watched the movie."

"Yeaahh..?" Tommy takes a sip and raises his eyebrows.

"Well, the next day I came back from work to his house, like he asked me to, he had another guy there and told me to go away."

"What the heck?"

"Yeah. We haven't talked since. I want him to apologize." Louis sighs but tries to keep the mood lifted. "So, need to get drunk and laid."

"I get it mate." He pats Louis on the shoulder. "Now gimme your phone before you drunk text him." Louis laughs and gives the phone to him. Not the first time he have texted and called him after a night out. Then he turns around to see if there's any decent looking guy over.

**

A loud snore behind Louis wakes him up. He looks around him. Definitely not his house. Then he looks down. No clothes. He got laid. He slowly and quietly gets up and picks up his clothes from the ground, and slides his boxers on. He takes a look to the guy sleeping. Not bad, he thinks to himself. He dresses the rest of the clothes downstairs. When he gets outside, he realizes. He has no idea where he is, or how he got there. His phone, thank God, is in his pocket. He calls Liam.

"Hey, whatchu doing right now?"

"Sleeping. I mean I was."

"Great. Can you come get me?"

"Where are you?"

"Well-" He takes a look around. "-I have no idea. I'll text you the address." Liam groans on the other side but apparently got up. Louis checks the map and sees that he's all the way in Torrance. It's probably going to be awhile until Liam gets there. He sits down on the sidewalk and checks his phone while waiting. Missed phone call from Tommy, and Harry? Louis goes to their messages. Jesus Christ, this is fucking embarrassing.

Harry Styles

"Heyyooo Harryihh"

"Louis? Are you alright?"

"Yesssh. Good. Brilliant really. Neverttt been better."

"Where are you?"

"You knoe why i'''m felling this gooood?"

"No, I do not."

"Because i'm soooo over you. So done withj your gmes. I'm moving om.,"

"Clearly. Can you just send me your address?"

"Nope. Causeim in a taxi. I'm moving, youcouldn't catfh meh. ."

"And you're going where?"

"Thi this pretty guys house. prettyprwtty guy."

"Can I just come get you? Let you sober up a little?"

"Ar you gonna kick me out chause you have a ghuy friendd comin over?"

"No."

"That wasn't a niccce thinf to do harrh."

"I know Louis. I'm sorry."

"It's okey. Not reslly. Your too late. I'm donr waitinf fpr you."

"Can you just forgive me for this one night?"

"Louis?"

"Please just answer me, so I know you're okay."

"Just something, anything. I'll leave you alone after that."

* 1 missed phone call from Harry Styles *

Louis stares at the messages with fear in his eyes. What the fuck is wrong with him? He runs his hands over his face and takes a moment to breathe.

"Sorry for bothering last night, I'm ok."

That's it. He isn't texting Harry anymore after that. No matter what. He makes that sure by blocking his number. Next he calls Tommy back.

"Ayoo where you went?"

"Um apparently to someone's house. The guy was pretty so.."

"Mission succeeded?"

"Yeah. When did you give my phone back?"

"Oh, you told me you had to call Liam or something. Never came back with it."

"Shit. I'm a sneaky motherfucker when drunk."

"Yeah? You texted Harry?"

"Unfortunately yes. If I showed them to you, I would have to start digging up my own grave. It's so embarrassing." Tommy laughs on the other side. "Oh Liam's here, I'm gonna go. Thanks for the night out though."

"Always mate."

Liam speeds to the side of the road and Louis gets inside, sighing.

"Long night?" Liam asks as he starts driving away.

"Yep."

**

Louis can't fall asleep. He keeps moving and rolling in bed, trying to think what he's gonna do with his life now. He has nothing. No Harry, no mum, no girlfriend, no new album, no motivation. What's the next chapter in his life? There's nothing he wants to do. I mean sure, write music, go to concerts, find someone to marry, live while he's young. But all that doesn't sound that interesting now. It actually sounds depressing, doing the same thing for the rest of his life. It's gonna be dull without Harry.

Louis tries to stop thinking about it so he goes through his phone. It's almost 3am. He has couple dm's from instagram, he decided to check them.

harrystyles

(Louie, I know you're mad at me)(Can you still please respond)(I need you)(I don't know what to do)(Just please come here)(I know I messed up)(It's getting bad again)(Can you just come over)(Please Louis)(They're here)(I'm scared)(I don't know how do I get them out)(I'm so so so sorry Louis)                       1.23am

Why does he keep doing this? Louis can't understand why he still does this. He shouldn't be here, helping Harry once again. His brain keeps telling him 'TURN AROUND, GO BACK HOME' all the way he's driving up there. Louis is too worried. He cares about Harry too much to be selfish. This time Louis doesn't care does someone see his car infront of Harry's. He leaves it to the sidewalk and jogs up to his door. First he rings the doorbell but is too impatient to wait for Harry to come open it so he just uses his spare key. Louis checks the living room which is empty, next kitchen. The sink is full of blood. Fuck. There are drops of blood going upstairs so Louis runs up there. The blood trail goes to one of the bathrooms.

"Harry?"

-a-n-I'm not very good with the time stamps, when and what happened in reality, and as this is based on their 'real life,' I just wanted to remind that this definitely not going by the real timeline. It's somewhere around 2019 right now but I will probably add things from the past / future. Also there's no covid-19 here. Sorry if it's confusing!