~𝟳~

It had started happening more frequently that I woke myself up with my nightmares; my usual crying replaced with ear-piercing screams, but other than that, it was going relatively well. I was able to hide my feelings when I was around the boys, not that I had much of a choice. I could pick up that they were unsure about the sudden change in my demeanour, but I was sure they would be too afraid to ask questions again. After a while, it seemed to me they adjusted. All but one. Lee Know kept giving me suspicious glances, but I just brushed it off. My emotions were finally tame enough to push down, and I wasn't losing that progress again.

"Chan Hyung, does Ava seem strange to you lately?" I heard him ask one morning, probably not knowing I could hear him.

"She seems fine to me," Chan answered.

"Don't you remember how out of it she was just a week ago? Or am I the only one who hasn't fallen for her mask?"

"Hey, hey, hey. Don't make me look like I don't care. I have noticed, but unlike you, I know she can handle it. She is the only one who can put a stop to this, so just give her time, and when she needs it, we'll be there."

"I know that. I'm just afraid that when the time comes, she'll break so much that we can't help her put herself back together again"

As I listened to the conversation, Chan's words really stuck with me. And then I heard what Lee Know said, and I realized; were they really that concerned for my mental health? Were they really going to help me if, or when, I broke?

"You guys do realize I can hear you, right?" I asked, trying to lighten the mood.

They both looked at me with shock written all over their features, but they composed themselves.

"Of course, we know. That was the point. We're just concerned for-"

"With all due respect, I can handle myself. I've been doing it ever since he-"

I stopped myself. Just as I was about to continue, the alarm sounded out through the house, luckily not as loud as the previous time. We all rushed to the end of the hallway, cramming ourselves through the door and into the operations room. We all took our places, and I made sure not to stand near Chan or Lee Know.

"Glad to see you could all make it. I have another mission for you. As you all know, there are multiple gangs we are after, but I am guessing you all know who the most notorious is. We have recently gotten information on where they are stashing their products. So, I want you all to go out, and round up as many of the gang as possible. This time I am allowing you to use guns when threatened but use it wisely. Come back safe."

At that the screen went black again.

"Okay, let's go," I said, making Felix, who was next to me, grab my arm.

"Are you sure you're ready? I'm sure you can sit out if-"

"I'm fine, I promise. Let's just get going."

The boys tried to stop me, but I just pushed through them. I was going to show them that I could handle it. I slid down the pole, got dressed and grabbed my service weapon, putting it in its holster. I felt a tap on my shoulder and found Changbin behind me.

"I just wanted to tell you that I want you to keep a level head out there. No matter what happens."

I smiled at him, feeling my heart swell. Either he trusted me enough to leave me be, or he knew he couldn't stop me. Then I heard Chan signal that we could head out.

...

Blood rushed through my veins as I watched. And waited. Hyunjin was canvasing the building from afar so we could get an idea of how many people we were dealing with. So, we waited. My body was hyper-aware of the other presences around me. Every muscle was tense as we waited for the all-clear. Hyunjin adjusted slightly and sighed.

"There is good news and bad news. The good news is there are only ten guys. The bad news is their boss isn't with them."

Sighs echoed out in the quiet space. We debated whether we should alert the commander, or just complete the mission.

"Why not do both?" I suggested, regretting it when I saw the confused glances thrown my way.

"Actually, that does sound like a plan. One or two of us can stay here and give feedback, while the others can continue doing what we were supposed to do."

"Then who is going to stay-"

"Ava."

I looked at Chan and Lee Know, both of which wouldn't make eye-contact after they said my name simultaneously. I glared at them.

"Do I have any say in this?"

"Not much if the team leader and second in command both want you to stay, but I'm sure that the next mission you can-"

"No. I want to prove myself to you all, but how can I do that when the chances I get, you take away. Please just... just let me do this. Please."

I gave them my best "I can do this" look. My gaze connected with every one of the boys, lingering the longest on Lee Know. If I could just get him to see reason, then maybe he could convince Chan.

"Please," I repeated. The boys all turned to Chan, anxiously awaiting his answer. He sighed.

"Okay fine, you can come. But only if you promise to stay at my side every step of the way. I want to keep an eye on you."

I rolled my eyes and nodded my head reluctantly. We all got up, except for Hyunjin and Jeongin, having decided to stay behind and get through to the commander. We moved down the outcropping we were stationed on and moved to the building. I heard a rifle fire and a bullet flew past my head, impaling itself in the enemy that had snuck up on me and Chan. I jumped, my arm knocking into his.

"Sorry," I whispered, looking down at the body.

"Come on."

We got inside and started rounding up the perpetrators. Bullets flew everywhere. I managed to shoot one person who was about to attack Han. He spun around and shot me a smile before running off again. All of a sudden, the gun fire quieted down. We all crept into corners, making sure we got all the accomplices. I crept to an open door, Chan right behind me. I peeked inside. No one was there. I sneaked past the threshold, wanting to be sure. As soon as I was past the door frame, it slammed shut, locking me in. I moved away from the door and into a dark corner. My eyes fell on someone standing in the opposite corner and my heart sank. He couldn't see me, the shadows falling over me too dark to show my face. But I could see him, clear as glass. It was him. I trained my weapon on his chest.

"Oh, now come on. Don't be stupid, little girl. If you kill me, there's no way for you to get out."

His voice sent shivers down my spine, making my hands tremble. I squeezed them tighter around my gun, my knuckles turning white. He came closer. I wanted to shoot him, to run, to do anything. But I just stood there, frozen.

"Drop the gun, little girl. It's the only way this will end well for you."

He was right in front of me. I could see his eyes trying to identify me. I was still hidden from his gaze, thankfully. I started trembling harder at his close proximity. He used that to knock the gun from my hands. Just as he did so, I heard glass breaking, and suddenly he was on the floor. Lee Know was pinning him down. I grabbed my gun. I heard the door open and felt myself being pulled out of the room. My body and brain stopped responding after that. Until I became aware of the helicopter taking off with me in it. I shook my head to clear my thoughts. That's when I saw the deep gash on Lee Know's arm. It must have happened when he jumped through the window, I thought to myself. I got up, got the first aid kit, and got on my knees in front of him. I gently took his arm, but he pulled away. I looked up at him.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm patching up your arm. It's the least I can do, seeing as you saved me."

"That's not necessary. It's just a little cut. I can just-"

"Just shut up and let me do this. Please."

Then I took his arm again, this time not allowing him to pull away. I took the disinfectant and warned him it would sting. As I applied it, he hissed under his breath. Then I gently wrapped it up, packed up the first aid kit, and took my seat again. I kept my gaze down, falling back into the same trance I was in before.

...

The rest of the day, I kept slipping in and out of the trance I was in. I didn't really know what was going on at the time, but I later realized I was in shock. I only really snapped out of it when Chan came to me after interrogating the prisoners.

"One of the prisoners wants to speak to you," he said, not looking very fazed. He seemed more interested in studying my face, probably searching for signs of what happened on the mission. I had decided not to tell anyone anything. The information they had was the only information they needed to have.

"Did he say why?" I asked after a while.

"Just that he wanted to see the face of the girl he had trapped. But if you don't want to, there is nothing forcing you."

I nodded and tried to walk past him, but he stopped me. I looked up at him, his eyes still scanning over my face.

"Was there anything else?" I asked.

"What happened today? You have been acting strange all day. Did something happen on the mission?"

"No. Nothing happened. I am fine."

"Okay, now I know you aren't. Did you perhaps know the guy who asked for you? Because when I removed you from the room, you couldn't take your eyes off of his face."

"Yes, I knew him," I answered. But not in ways you want to know, I added in my head. And without even wanting to, my body shivered at the thought.