Two

When Maddie woke up from her nap, the house's whole dynamic had been changed, though she didn't know it. Granted, she had slept straight through the night and to the next morning after her exhausting experience on her first day at the hideout. While she was asleep, Joker had ordered Frost to transform the bedroom next to Joker's into a little girl's dream come true. It looked like a pink, glittery unicorn threw up everywhere. It made J dizzy and nauseous whenever he was in there for too long. He had also decked out her closet with a variety of cute dresses, comfy pajamas, and even protective gear in a box at the back of the closet.

He figured spoiling the girl now would lead to more loyalty and less whining later. Little did he know that that is not how little girls' minds worked. The more you give, the more they expect, not the opposite. Joker had a lot to learn about the ideology of four year old girls, but there was plenty of time for him to learn.

While Maddie had been peacefully dreaming, Joker had been yelling death threats to his goons, using the perverted one he shot earlier as an example. But there was far more in store for the unfortunate pedophile. There was no way that the Joker was going to let one of his goons get away with touching his toy with only a gunshot wound to show for it. The man's punishment was far from over. The bullet was only the first instrument used in the offender's demise. J loved to draw it out though—he enjoyed psychological torture just as much as the physical kind. The suspense made them weaker, it scared them, drove them nuts with the wondering of what would be done to their beaten bodies next. He got high off their pain—and his own, but that was a different story.

So when Maddie yawned and sat up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes, Joker's men were trembling from the sheer power that she was unknowingly wielding. She was unaware that she had at her disposal the ability to kill any one of the men, and all it would take was one little complaint to her daddy. It wasn't a power that she necessarily wanted, but it was hers nonetheless.

Madeline found herself waking up alone in the same room she'd fallen asleep in. She hadn't really taken the time to study it, given the situation, but now, as she had nothing better to do, she observed her surroundings. There was sunlight trickling though the green and purple curtains. The bed she was laying on was noticeably large, with maroon covers. Nothing in the room really matched, she noticed, from the bright green walls to the red and black HAHAHAs that were scattered across them. But what did the Joker care for matching? He didn't really spend much time in his room anyway.

He was almost always to be found in his office, and he rarely slept, so the bedroom was purely for show as well as other... activities. Maddie happened to notice a large stain in the center of the bed. Her innocent little mind didn't even try and comprehend what it may be, other than checking herself to make sure she hadn't wet the bed. How embarrassing would that be, she wondered. Peeing the bed on my first night here.

Just as she began to get up and try and find Joker, though she didn't even know his name, the door creaked open to reveal her adopted father (though of course J wasn't going to go through all the legalities to properly adopt the girl). He smiled darkly when he saw her, overcome by his thoughts of total and utter chaos consuming the city. He was so distracted that he didn't even notice that Maddie had jumped off the bed until she was hugging his legs. J immediately shook her off, not a fan of physical contact unless it was absolutely necessary.

"No touching, doll. Now let's get busy. I want to teach you how to defend yourself so you can beat up anyone who tries to hurt you," Joker hummed.

"But, Daddy, I haven't had breakfast yet," Maddie whined. Though her father had been a good-for-nothing bum, he had managed to make sure she at least ate once or twice a day. Joker groaned internally as he remembered that he would have to feed his new toy.

"Fine. I suppose I do have to make sure my new doll gets fed," he growled.

He promptly exited the room, leaving Maddie to hurry after him on her much shorter legs. J hustled down the stairs and made a beeline for the kitchen with Madeline running a few feet behind. He rummaged angrily through the empty cabinets, quickly realizing that there was next to nothing in the kitchen. Maddie sat herself down on a stool by the island as she waited to be served. Just as Joker was about ready to shoot someone out of anger, he found a single box of pancake mix in the pantry. He slammed the box down on the counter in front of Maddie, smiling at her triumphantly.

"There. Pancakes. Eat up," J ordered happily. Maddie only giggled, thinking he was joking, because he obviously wouldn't have her eat a box of pancake mix, or so she thought.

"But Daddy, you have to make the pancakes first!" She laughed.

Joker's smile dropped in favor of a grimace as he realized that he had no idea how to cook pancakes. I thought the box would be good enough! He muttered incoherent things to himself under his breath as he turned and searched for a griddle and milk. As the criminal searched his understocked kitchen he wondered how the hell his goons had been feeding him and themselves if there was no food in the house. He'd have to send Frosty to the store or something later. I can't deal with this shit every time the girl wants to eat something.

Joker somehow managed to locate a gallon of milk, a bowl, and a large griddle. He set them down on the counter and read through the instructions on the pancake box. With no further hesitation, he began to create the pancakes. He dumped the mix into the bowl and poured what he thought to be two cups of milk into it. J found a spoon in the drawer and began to recklessly stir the bowl's contents together, flinging drops of pancake batter across the kitchen.

When he figured everything was mixed sufficiently, he turned on the griddle and miraculously located a spatula to flip the pancakes with. Joker poured one pancake that took up the entire center of the griddle. He allowed the monster pancake to cook before he tried to flip it, only to discover that it was near impossible due to its sheer size and the spatula's lack thereof. J instead resorted to picking up the pancake by two edges and quickly turning it over to allow the other side to cook, which only created more mess for one of his goons to clean up later. Meanwhile, Maddie had been watching in awe as Joker conquered the hulking pancake. She had never seen any food that big in her short life.

Joker took the spatula and maneuvered the pancake off of the griddle and onto the counter in front of Madeline. He was far too lazy to go searching for a plate, especially since the pancake may not even fit on said plate. I'm not gonna do everything for her—I'm not her father.Wait... yes I am! I must be crazier than I thought. Joker giggled to himself at the confusion. Maddie wisely chose to ignore his outburst in favor of ogling the humongous pancake in front of her. She began tearing off pieces of the meal and eating them as J took the materials he'd used and tossed them in the sink. He waited impatiently as Madeline ate, wanting to get his plan rolling as soon as possible.

He began to zone out, imagining what the future may hold for him and his little pet project. He saw cars and buildings on fire, random civilians gunning each other down in the streets out of desperation, the bodies of government officials hanging from trees, and the shrieks of people dying and crying throughout the city. A large smirk slowly formed on his face as he thought of the results of his plan. And all it would take is training one little girl. So simple.

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It turns out that it wasn't simple. At all.

You see, for all of Joker's planning and expertise, he could not for the life of him get the girl to pay attention and stay on topic. It didn't take long for him to become royally pissed off at her inability to listen to him and do the things he asked of her. But how could he expect any different? Maddie was a four year old girl after all—they have attention spans shorter than goldfish!

"Mad, put that down."

"Stop running around!"

"Stay the fuck still!" Joker progressively ordered. By the end, however, he was screaming in exasperation.

Madeline immediately plopped down onto her bottom, giggling up a storm like it was all some joke. J ran a ring-adorned hand through his hair and exhaled loudly as he fought to control his temper before he did something he'd regret. Actually, he probably wouldn't regret it, it would just be a setback that would upset him for a while. Either way, Joker was being miraculously patient for the time, but it was painfully clear to the goons guarding the door that it wouldn't last much longer. This fact made the pair of them nervous, as given Maddie's new status, J would be more likely to take his aggression out on them rather than her, at least while she was considered useful to him.

"Now," Joker sighed loudly, "Get over here and listen to me. I'm going to teach you something, I want you to fucking pay attention for once."

Though Joker's voice was deceptively calm, his words were loaded and uncensored. What did he care if Madeline was exposed to cussing and violence this early on in life? This was Gotham, and besides, she was going to see it sooner or later. Why not now?

Mad rose to her feet at his words and approached him cautiously. At this point, she was used to men quick to temper and was wary of the punishment she would receive if she didn't obey or got too close. A very many things got her in trouble with her old daddy before he 'died'. Whatever that means, thought Maddie. And what about 'fuck'? I keep hearing that word. What does it mean?

"Now," J said through gritted teeth, "Take this, and hold it like I do."

He handed Maddie a pink handgun and pulled his own purple one from the inside of his jacket. Mad paid close attention to how he gripped the gun with two hands and held the firearm away from his body. She turned to her own weapon and attempted to mimic his hold, though there were imperfections in it. Joker looked at the girl and was pleasantly surprised by her seeming prodigy. At last, something goes right, he thought giddily.

He put his gun back and crouched behind Maddie, moving to adjust her stance and form. He had her widen her feet more and hold the gun further from her body. J straightened her posture and stood back, satisfied with the final product. See? Not so hard after all.

"Good. Very good, princess. Now this," he said, clicking off the safety, "means that it's ready to fire. Face the far wall and pull the trigger, babydoll."

Maddie listened, thankfully, and shot the gun, making a bullet hole in the drywall. Unfortunately, she was unprepared for the kickback, and was hit in the face with the butt of the weapon. She fell back onto her rump, the gun dropping from her hand, silently shocked by what just happened. But it didn't last. Realizing that she was hurt, she began wailing pitifully, her tears wetting the concrete below her.

Joker's happy grin left just as quick as it had come, his progress halted again. He face-palmed at the recent development and asked all the voices listening why he was cursed with such misfortune. Nothing ever fucking goes to plan. He forced a sympathetic smile on his face and pulled the girl to her feet.

"Come on, sweetheart, you're not hurt. Get up, you'll be fine," he soothed, if one could call it that. He was fed up with the girl's antics and wanted her to toughen up already.  How did a girl so wimpy survive on the streets of Gotham for so long? He wondered. J shook his head when the girl continued to cry. That's it. I'm done.

"Hey, hey! Enough!" He pulled Maddie's tear stricken face close to his. "Now you're a big girl, right?" At this Madeline nodded. "Then act like it! One little accident shouldn't send you into tears. Never cry like that again unless something is really wrong with you, got it?"

Maddie nodded again, rapidly, and put what she thought was a tough look on her face. Joker could see, however, that her nose was beginning to bleed slightly and was already pink and swelling. He took what he'd managed to get out of her and decided to fix her up before she freaked out at the sight of her blood.

"Good, now let's go get you cleaned up," J sighed, guiding the girl out of the basement and back up to the kitchen.

While Joker was training Madeline, Frosty had played the miracle worker again and had the kitchen cleaned and fully stocked, including ice packs in the freezer. Thank fuck for that, Joker internally sighed. Maddie sat down on the same stool from earlier that morning as J grabbed an ice pack and a rag. He wetted the rag under the kitchen faucet and stalked back over to Madeline, grabbing hold of her face with no consideration for her young, tender flesh. She winced at the slight pain but didn't cry out, not wanting to see that look of disappointment on her daddy's face again. She just wanted to make him proud of her.

Joker lightly dabbed at her nose with the wet rag, having seen her earlier wince. Having tended to his own wounds many times previously, (because he would never in a million years trust anyone else with the task) J was quite familiar with the process. He cleaned the injury efficiently, ensuring that no infection would take root. That's just what I need, another delay, he muttered internally.

The bleeding had since stopped, so Joker gingerly pressed the ice pack to the girl's likely broken nose. She audibly inhaled and her lower lip trembled threateningly, but Maddie seemed to have developed a modicum of control over herself, and not a single tear was shed. J smiled happily at that, glad he'd finally got through to her for once and she actually listened. He grabbed one of her little hands and placed it on the ice pack beside his. He then removed his own hand and gestured for Madeline to continue holding the ice in place.

She did, giggling slightly at the cold feeling on her little fingers. Joker shook his head and tried not to smile. At least the girl isn't serious. I can't stand it when people are so serious. They need to loosen up and have a laugh. Smile a little maybe. He turned away for a moment and tried to figure out a new plan of action. The girl would need to rest before he tried to train her again, and he'd probably have to regain a part of her trust for shouting at her. Little girls have such delicate feelings. He figured that he'd also need to figure out a way to educate her. I won't be able to handle her stupid shit much longer, and she's going to need some skills. Maybe I can have her learn a bunch of languages...

The idea had merit, and so Joker's next plan of action was to get the girl set up in her room and find some kind of tutor or something to teach her. I wonder if ol' Eddy would be up to the task? He does love to assert his intelligence over 'inferiors'. Ooh... I think I could work with that. A little flattery and that crazy egomaniac is fucking Play-Doh in your hands. For all of his 'intelligence', the moron sure doesn't recognize manipulation when he hears it.

For the time being, J resolved to show his toy to her room. The action would solve a number of problems and get her out of his hair long enough for him to get some scheming done. For someone who 'isn't a schemer', he sure had an obsession with planning out everything down to a T.

"Come on, now doll. Keep that on your mug and follow me. I've got a little present for ya," J purred.

Maddie smiled happily and hopped off the bar stool to skip after Joker. She had clearly forgotten her earlier distress and was glad to do whatever he asked of her. And obviously the young girl was distracted from her injury by the idea of a present. She'd never received a present before, in her past situation, but sometimes she'd hear passing people laugh excitedly when the word was mentioned, so it must be something good. The pair climbed up the staircase and Joker led Madeline to the room next to his.

"Are you ready, baby?" J asked, silver grill glinting as he smiled widely.

Maddie nodded eagerly in response, so he swung open the door to reveal any little girl's paradise. The walls were painted a vibrant pink with glitter paint splattered in fantastical designs. There were dozens of toys littering the floor, and a plethora of stuffed animals lying on the bed. The bed was another princess's dream. The pink, sparkly bed had a true pink princess canopy, with a portrait of all the Disney princesses on the bedspread. Across from the bed, atop a dresser, was a pink flatscreen TV with a Blu-Ray player hooked up below. And finally, a sparkling chandelier dangled in the center of the room, casting a kaleidoscope of light around the room. Madeline dropped the ice pack.

Needless to say, she was awed by the sight in front of her. She couldn't believe that all of it was for her. Going from her meager background to what seemed like a dream come true all in a couple of days was inconceivable to the young girl. J watched on proudly as Maddie slowly explored the room. He began to laugh—surprisingly not in an evil way—when he noticed her facial expression. She turned to look at him, incredulous, and then grinned so wide he was sure her face would split. She dashed over to him and squeezed his legs in gratitude.

"Thank you so much, Daddy!" Maddie shouted.

Shockingly, J didn't immediately become uncomfortable with her affection, tolerating it for a few moments before he shook her off again.

"Alright alright doll, what have I told ya? Quit hanging on me already," he ordered gruffly.

Madeline slowly backed away, smile still in place. Nothing he did or said could dispel the giddiness she felt in that moment.

"Ooh, one more thing doll face. We can't keep you in that one horrendous outfit," Joker declared, cringing when he looked at his baggy clothes hanging from the girl.

He pointed to a door in the corner of the room that had gone unnoticed by Maddie initially. She looked to it and back again, and when he nodded in encouragement, she cautiously walked over to it. After reaching up on tiptoes in order to grab the doorknob, Maddie opened the door in one swift movement, revealing a walk in closet filled with every color and design of little girl's clothes imaginable.

She scrambled inside and rapidly began touching all the fabrics and examining all her new clothes. Madeline suddenly stopped at one, her jaw dropping in wonder before she turned to Joker with a pleading look.

"Can I please wear this, Daddy?" She implored.

J approached quickly, wanting to see what she was on about so he could go about his business. It was a lavender colored dress, imbedded with crystals and glitter. Sighing, the Clown Prince of Crime pulled the dress off of its hanger and handed it to his ward. She giggled happily, shoved him out of the closet, and slammed the door so that she could change. And I thought I was rude, Joker marveled. He quickly realized that this was the perfect opportunity for a quick escape and endeavored to leave as soon as possible.

"Mad? I'm going to go do some work. You hang out here and do... whatever it is that you do, and don't bother me. If you need something, Frosty is outside your door," J ordered. He hurriedly left the room, itching to finally get some scheming done after getting sidetracked by his new pet project. After he got Maddie trained, her exhibition would need to be perfect.

Can't have all that hard work go to waste, Joker thought with a grin. After all he had done and would have to continue to do in order to make his plan a reality, the end result would have to be spectacularly chaotic.-------------------------------------------A/NI thought I'd clear up the timeline a bit. This takes place before Harley and the events of the latest DC reboots. This could be considered pretty early in both J's and the B-Man's careers. So anyways, that's that and if you liked this chapter and think you'll enjoy this story (trust me you will), vote and comment to let me know! And as always, feel free to send any fan art, banners, or covers (I absolutely love getting that stuff!).Gingy