CHOICES

YIBO POV

"I love you". He murmured then he closedhis eyes and fell back asleep; I kissed his forehead

"I love you too, so much." I whispered gently running my hand across hisflushed cheek. I pulled the coverlet over his stunning bare body, breathing in his lovely scent.

He was a beautiful angel who doesn't deserve the misery he's faced. I felt a sharp pang of guilt; what amount of pain did I cause him? What did he go throughin my absence?

When I watched him come down the stairssmiling last night I was glad to see that he still had one of those on his face. But in the balcony I saw all the pain andsuffering he'd been in, he was still in. I held him until he cried himself to sleep and even then I still didn't fully graspjust how much he'd endured. Until I found him crying on the floor, I flinched at the memory.

I have seen Zhan happy, I've seen him angry, sad and vulnerable but in that moment he looked...broken. Like he didn't even want to live to see the next minute, and I was the reason.

When he asked me to make love to him Ihesitated. He looked so fragile, as if one abrupt contact would crush him into a million shiny pieces. But seeing him plead like that pulled at my heartstrings and I understood how he felt too.

Being away from him wasn't exactly a walk in the park for me either. Sometimes I felt like my flesh was tearing and that just the feel of his soft skin would restore me.

Sometimes it felt as though my brain was burning and that just the sight of him would put out the blazing fire. But at leased I knew he was alive and safe, an extent of comfort he didn't have. So I laid him on his back and gave him what we both needed.

Now I was here and I didn't know where tobegin fixing the mess I've created. If I could fix it,

"I'm sorry."

I whispered to his sleeping form.

Careful not to wake him, I got up and wentinto the bathroom and took a long shower. After getting dressed glanced at the untouched tray I brought for Zhan, I didn't want to leave him again in case he wakes up.

A knock came on the door and I got up off the chair, I opened the door to find a wide-eyed Mari staring at me. I quickly covered her mouth before she could scream and closed the door behind me. I motioned for not to scream because Zhan wassleeping.

She nodded still wide-eyed and I dropped my hand and led her back downstairs.

"Yibo?" she asked incredulously when we got to the lounge, I immediately hugged her

"Yes, its me Mari." I said, she cupped my face in her hands

"Oh my God." She chocked out, hugging me again.

"But how?"

"It's a long story." I said sitting down onthe sofa

"Not exactly a pleasant one. Why were you knocking on our door?" I asked; Mari never did that before.

"I was checking on Zhan, he's normally outof there by 7am." She said and I raised my eyebrows at her

"Zhan always sleeps in on the weekends."

She shifted her gaze

"Things change." She said quietly. I didn't miss the double meaning in her words, I took a deep breath

"How were they?" I asked.

She shot me a 'are you sure you want to know' look

"Please." I added and she sighed and sat down too.

"Fan Xing missed you." She said

"But Zhen Xin took it the hardest, he didn't talk much for some time. But his mooddepended on what everyone else around him were feeling most of the time." She added.

"And Zhan?" I asked, she paused eyeing me reluctantly

"Tell me, and don't hold anything back." I added, she better not be doing it for my benefit.

"After he found out about the crash hedidn't eat or sleep, I think he was waiting for you to come around." She said sadly.

I listened silently while my insides hurtwith every breath I took.

"After the news of your death he wasdistraught, like he couldn't believe everything that was happening around him. Most of his focus was on the kids apart from that he was living in his own world. Not quite showing normal signs of grieving but that could've been due to denial." She said then she shook her head sadly.

She looked like she was fighting backtears

"Its only after the funeral did he snap outof it... he cried and screamed, throwing everything he could touch. When I finally stopped him he couldn't stop saying 'he's gone'."

She said dropping her gaze.

I closed my eyes running my hands through my hair

"Things got better though, right?" I asked, I clearly remember the smile she had last night.

"Depends on what your definition of betteris." She said,

"It seemed that way, he pulled himself together, too quickly, too perfectly. I had no doubt that he only did so for your kids' sake." She said her eyes miles away.

"They were his sole purpose, I think theywere the reason he even bothered with life...with living." She said and I flinched.

I would follow you anywhere, even if its six-feet under. I remembered his words. Was Mari saying if it wasn't for Zhen Xin and Fan Xing he would've taken his own life? I took a sharp breath.

"Things did get better in the sense that Inever saw him cry since, but he rarely ever smiled or laughed. To the rest of the world he would seem okay, but the ones who really knew him could see the anguish in his eyes." She said,

"So profound and constant, it broke my heart." She added, her voice breaking.

My face fell into my hands. It hurts so badYibo. Zhan was a very strong man; it's only the loss of a loved one that can tear him apart. I knew that,

"No." I said standing up

"There has to be another way." I added desperately, Liu's eyes narrowed withconcern

"There isn't and you know that." He said then he took a deep breath.

"Its you they're after, if they think you're out of the picture they'll leave them alone." He added.

I put my hands on the table shaking my head, thinking about all the pain this willcause.

"Do you have any idea what this will do tohim? To my whole family?" I said with a strained voice and he nodded stiffly.

"But you have to make a choice Yibo." Hesaid,

"This is for their safety.""Yibo?" I looked up at Mari

"Its your turn to talk now. What on God's green earth happened?" she asked

"That's what I'd like to know." Zhan saidwalking towards us. He wore a dark blue shirt match with his pants.

He looked so different from the broken Zhan I found on the floor, not just by appearance but his demeanor as well. I wondered if this was the 'pulled together' Zhan Mari was just talking about, expressionless and deathly gorgeous.

He sat on the single couch across from me, crossing his long legs, my gaze lifted to his and we just stared at each other for a moment. Our earlier passion lingering between us like a catchy melody,

"I can see this hasn't changed." Mari said;with tease in her voice but neither of us laughed nor did we look away from each other. Zhan also didn't blush, something he always did whenever someone made a suggestive comment about us.

Mari knew that and she was hoping to lighten the mood.

"Tell us the truth." Zhan said solemnly

"From very the beginning."

My gaze shifted to my hands and I nodded

"Remember the day you asked me of Hong's whereabouts?" I asked and he nodded after a pause.

"He didn't leave, he was hospitalized." I said blankly and he gasped.

"But how, what happened to him?" heasked,

"He was attacked and he was outnumbered, he was able to defeat them but sustained serious injuries." I saidgrimly

"Nothing fatal, he's fine now."

He shook his head slightly

"Why though? Who attacked him? What did they want?" he asked and I paused

"The attackers were sent by He Peng, we later learned he was working with Jun too." I said watching his eyes grow wide.

"They wanted me, its me they were after."

He whispered knowingly, it wasn't a question but I nodded

"Oh my God Yibo, I was with Fan Xing."

He added in distraught.

I remembered actually feeling raw fear that day; I never did before no matter the situation. I came dangerously close to losing them both. It was then that I decided to go along with Liu's plan, nothing was more important than their safety.

"Jun escaped prison again?" Mari askedincredulously, Zhan's expression was still horror-stricken.

"No, but he was planning to. He was working with someone in the agency, that's why he was able to escape thefirst time." I said.

I Remembered wanting to kill the bastard with my bare hands when he refused to confess more information.

"He is the one who told us Peng and Jun'splan." I added still watching Zhan.

His gaze snapped back to me

"What was their plan?"

"They wanted me dead." I said and heflinched.

"They knew that if they captured you that I'd do what they wanted, be where they wanted me." I added.

"They were never going to stop. They weregoing to keep playing the cat and mouse game with you and the kids." I said shaking my head in disgust

"Giving them what they wanted was the only way I could lure them away from you."

"When their first plan didn't work theycooked up another." I said

"Their spy told us they had planted abomb in my jet, they were trying their luck but if that didn't work they had plan B..."

"New York." Zhan said blankly and Inodded.

"Nothing was done about the bomb?" Mariasked her tone worried

I shook my head

"We didn't want to tip them off that we knew of their plans, so we went along with it."

"Where were you when it crashed?" Zhan asked rubbing his forehead

"I was never in the jet, the CIA got a stuntdouble to pose as me so there was no doubt I was in when it went off. Everyone got out before the explosion..."

"So there would be evidence that it didindeed crash." He finished for me.

"What happened afterwards?" Mari asked

"We laid low, ensuring that everyone believed the story and that no one questioned too intensely. Peng and Junhad to believe that everything went according to plan, the crash, even their spy was useful in reassuring them." I said.

"And you?" Zhan asked.

"I waited before going after them, theelement of surprise worked to my advantage. I made sure those twobastards never taint the air again." I said with quiet ire.

I made sure they knew it was me who signed their death warrant; I refusedto let them go to prison. It was too easy a punishment for all the destruction they've caused in our lives.

"They're dead?" Zhan asked his eyes wide; I nodded.

"I didn't trust them not to come after you or the kids again too, even if they thought I was dead." I said.

There was a long pause, as Zhan processed the information, a flurry ofemotions played across his eyes. Anger, pain, confusion, fear...

"Why weren't we told? Why wasn't I told of this plan? Surely..." he trailed off then henodded sadly to himself.

"The grief had to look real." He whispered, and Mari rubbed at her forehead in exasperation.

"The evidence, the spy, and me. I wasreassurance too." Zhan added quietly to himself then he dropped his gaze.

For a moment I saw the broken Zhan from the morning.

"I need some air." He said his voice wiped clean of emotion then he stood up and went out the back without sparing me another glance.

I stood up too

"Don't. Sit down Yibo." Mari said in a stern and slightly angry tone.

"Leave him be for now, this is all too much to take in." she reasoned, knowing she was right I sat back down.

"He's angry with me." I said

"I 'am angry with you for him." she said then she sighed standing up

"You did everything with them in mind but..."

she stopped and I raised my eyebrow at her.

She turned

"Just give him some time." She added then she went up the stairs.

My face dropped back into my hands, what was she about to say?

But this time I went too far? But this time Ipushed Zhan beyond his own limits?

Somehow I always knew that one day my dark and dangerous world would send him running from me. Was today that dreadful day that he decides this is too much to handle? That he doesn't need this in his life?

That he doesn't need all the pain and sacrifices that comes with being with me?I know he loves me, but they say love alone isn't always enough sometimes.

What would I do if he did decide to run? Ifhe decided he deserved better. I knew he did, but it would kill me to lose him.

We have a bond stronger than love and marriage now, he once said. He would never leave Zhen Xin and Fan Xing behind, would he run with them? Take my heart and my children with him. Surely that was a fitting punishment.

I groaned as my mind continued to torment me, I stood up unable to take anymore.