DECISIONS

ZHAN POV

I sat on the edge of the fountain in thegarden, watching the water cascade from the tri-level beautifully carved marble. It gave off an air of peace and tranquility, a state I was far from being. I slowly peeled off red tulip petals into the water, watching them flow down.

I didn't know how to feel with what Yibojust told me, all this time he was alive all along. I didn't know weather to be happy and grateful that he's alive and safe, or angry that he took himself away from me.

I'd told him that my safety means nothing if I didn't get to be with him. But it wasn't just my safety in the equation; it was Zhen Xin and Fan Xing's too. I shuddered at the thought of those psychopaths coming after my kids. I understood to an extent why Yibo felt the need to do this; I would willingly risk my safety but not my children's.

I dipped my hand into the water sighing,Peng and Jun are gone now but we will never truly be safe. Not while he is still an agent, there would always be people who would see him as a potential threat. It might have been easier to do thiswhen a family wasn't in the picture. Now he has me and our children whom make him vulnerable, and because of that we would be easy targets. I can't live without him, but I can't live in fear of losing him or my kids. What was I going to do now, give him an ultimatum? Make him choose? I never wanted that. I continued topeel until only two petals remained

"He loves you." I looked up to see Yibo afew feet away from me; I didn't hear him approaching. I realized what I was doing and understood his statement.

"I wasn't..." I stopped when he shook hishead,

"You look angry." He said and turned my gaze back to the water

"Do I?" I said; was that how I looked from the outside? Because on the inside I was feeling more than one emotion, he paused.

"When you say you waited, where were you?" I asked, when my life fell apart Ithought.

"The agency disputed me staying in thecountry so I went to Ireland. I had a disguise, a new identity..."

"A new life?" I interrupted, looking at himand his eyes tightened

"I never had a life outside of you and ourkids. There wasn't a second that went by that I didn't think of you." He said fervently, I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"Is it safe to come closer?" he asked, anintended joke but humor was nowhere in his eyes or voice.

I shrugged standing up

"I might kill you." I said,

"I'll take my chances." He said walking towards me.

He stopped in front of me, he stroked mycheek with sad eyes; I held his wrist

"Mari told me. I can't tell you how sorry I 'am for everything you went through" he said quietly.

My gaze shifted, I heard the conversation he had with Mari. She was not that far off from the truth but what I experienced was tenfold what she and everyone else fathomed. I removed his hand gently

"I can't do this anymore Yibo...I can't keeplosing you and getting you back, only to lose you over again..."

I said watching him exhale in a rush.

"There's only so much I can take." I added sadly.

I watched him kneel in front of me keepinghis arms around my waist, he leaned his forehead against my abdomen.

"I know what you're going to say. Don't." He quietly beseeched,

"What am I going to say?" I whispered,stroking his black hair and puzzled by his reaction.

It hit me then and my eyes widened; he thought I was leaving him. He was on hisknees begging me to stay.

"God no my love, get up please." I said,he did reluctantly and I hugged him. He caught me in his arms in a bear hug

"Has Ireland driven you crazy?" I asked nuzzling my cheek against his.

How could he think I would ever leave him? Needing him as much as I do?

"Probably." He said and I felt him inhale my hair

"I can't lose you my dear..."

"Shh, you're not losing me. Ever." I said. Icupped his face in my hands and kissed him

"You're the love of my life and the father of my children, I can't leave you." I whispered against him.

After a while I let go and he put me down

"Can't or won't?" he asked playing with my ring.

"Both..." I said quickly then paused

"But?" He said my unspoken thought; he knew me all too well.

"Please tell me." He said stroking my cheek

"I'll do anything." He added and Islightly smiled

"I know" I said. I took a deep breath

"We're safe, for now. But as long as you're still an agent danger will always lurk. I need you here with me Yibo, Zhen Xin and Fan Xing need you too. I really don't want to put you in this position..."

"It's done." He said quickly and I pausedshocked

"What?" I asked

"I told Liu that after I clean up this mess,I'm done for good." He said.

"Just like that, didn't he protest?" I askedand he chuckled

"He did, but he understands my reasons." He said

"There's nothing more important than being with you and my kids." He added softly, embracing me again.

"I love you, thank you." I whispered; hechuckled

"If my memory serves me well, I remembersaying there's nothing I wouldn't do for you." He said, kissing my brow. I smiled

"I recall you saying that." I added.

He paused

"I'm so sorry" he said and I sighed

"You really need to stop that." I said then Igrinned

"Besides you have the rest of your life to make it up to me. And if my memory serves me right you're very good in that aspect." I added and he smiled.

He planted sweet kisses all over my face and I giggled in pure delight.

"I'll try my hardest to my Dearest Zhan." He said.

Just then Zhen Xin came running into the garden, he stopped looked back and forth between Yibo and me. Then his wideeyes fixed on Yibo, I was guessing Fan Xing told him and by the look on his face he didn't believe him.

"Dad?" he asked, a strange emotion playedacross Yibo's features then he half smiled

"Hey buddy." He said taking a step forward.

He spread his arms and Zhen Xin came into them.

Yibo picked him up embracing Zhen Xin as he silently cried; I stood there watching the heartfelt moment. Wondering where on earth we found the strength to attempt to life without Yibo in it.

Zhen Xin looked over his shoulder at me; Iunderstood the unspoken question in his eyes 'Is it really him?'

I nodded, swallowing back my own emotions.

The slight smile he had made my heart ache.

"You've been taking care of your Mom for me?" Yibo asked when he put him down and wiped his tears, Zhen Xin nodded and I smiled.

"That's my boy." He replied rubbing Zhen Xin's hair

"I missed you Dad." He said and Yibogathered him into his arms again

"I missed you too buddy."Our family and friends as well as the rest of the world was shocked at Yibo's resurrection. Only a few of our friends and family could know the whole truth. To the public its known to be a case of mistaken identity, and the unit responsible for investigation of the accident publically 'apologized' to the family.

The CIA thought out their plan very well, they knew how to cover their tracks, and they made sure no one questioned toointensely.

Yibo apparently returned months after thenews of his death and he was spending all this time at his island recovering from the accident, with the secret knowledge of the family. That was the story given to the press and it seemed to slow down some speculations and media scrutiny.

A couple of weeks later everything went alittle back to normal, both Yibo and I went back to work.

Despite the commotion surrounding us, in the confines of the estate its like nothing ever happened. Its like he never left, like there was never any heartbreak and grief. Like it was all just a bad dream.