Chapter 11

{I #h8ed writing Niall's part for this chapter:(}

NIALL'S P.O.V

Why was she so mad? So mad that she'd tell me to go away from her? She said she was over him. She loves me. Not him. right?

I hate him anyway. He broke my loves heart and cheated on her. He wasn't good enough for her; God, I'm not good enough for her. But i'd never cheat on her. Or break her heart. because I really love her. And I'd never be so stupid to kill myself, whatever reason. I'm glad he's dead. He deserves to be that way.

Dead. so he can't hurt my baby any more.

***

I lay down on my couch and ponder on if I should call her or not. Would she be mad if I called her? Would she apologize for caring? I don't know what to do. I type this:

Hey Macey.. I love you. I never want you to be hurting and I'm so sorry if I upset you. Please forgive me. I don't know what I'd do without you. xx<3, Niall.

But I delete it after I type it. I should probably leave her alone. She's really mad at me.

I stare at my roof and think of her smile, her laugh, how gorgeous she looks when her long brown sways about to her mid-back, how she raised her eyebrows when I stared at her... Maybe she just needs time. Hopefully.

MACEY'S P.O.V

I sit in my bed, crying. Lottie knocks at the door.

"Macey," she says.

"Uh huh?" I sniffle.

"You can go home." she smiles. "Gather your stuff and the doctor said you can leave."

"Okay... I'll go now. I'm ready." I walk out with everything I have. and I don't mean possessions.

***

I get to my flat. Why hasn't Niall texted me? he would text or call, right? It's his nature to check on me.

I check my twitter for the first time in ages.

The last tweet on my feed was Louis. A picture of me and him at the zoo.

@Louis_Tomlinson

Lovely day with the love of my life.<3 don't monkey with my heart!

@Maceyyy_Fuls replied:

I'll never break your heart! love you so much babe

I scroll on.

@Maceyyy_Fuls

Pretty crappy day:(

@Louis_Tomlinson replied:

I'll be over with Starbucks, movies, and my cuddle mood in 5 minutes. I love you.

@Maceyyy_Fuls replied: I love you

I load my feed. I can't look at old things any longer.

@TheRealLiamPayne:

@Maceyyy_Fuls You made @Louis_Tomlinson die. Hope you're happy you fat whore!

Liam. Liam from 7th grade. The reason I had the party without Abby. So I wouldn't hurt her because Sophia was with Liam.

"You fat whore," I repeat. "You made Louis die." Those words repeat in my mind. Again, the screen shows:

@TheRealLiamPayne:

@Maceyyy_Fuls you're ugly. you should be dead! not him!

I turn my phone off. I don't think I can take it anymore. I look to my desk: sticky notes. I take the sticky notes and put them wherever I see an imperfection. By the time I'm done, I can't see an inch of my skin. I rip off the notes and scream at my reflection: "You're worthless! You deserve to be dead! No one wants you hanging around!" I cry. I stare into my eyes. How does no one see my pain? it's only then I realize; they see it, they just don't care.

I reach for my blades but they aren't there. I don't have time to search. I go and get a jumbo safety pin from my arts & crafts kit. I open it, and so no one will see the effects, I run the pin across my leg, digging carefully. once very close to the tip top of my thigh, and one near the middle. The blood makes me smile.

"I'm insane," I think.

"I'm completely bonkers." I say aloud.

"I killed somebody, without seeing them be killed. I'm the reason." I say.

Liam's right. I deserve to be 6 feet underground. But I need to sleep.